LIAM

I think I lay in bed for a good hour, staring up at the starry sky through the ceiling window. But I wasn't used to going to bed at 9 pm, so I just couldn't sleep. Eventually, around 10:30, I decided to get up, just to stretch my legs and release some pent-up energy. I quietly crept downstairs; Finn's house was already dark, and his bedroom door was closed. Carefully, I unlocked the back door and stepped into the yard.

The only light came from the solar lamps, casting a dim, moody glow, but I was determined to do what I had planned earlier in the day. I found a nice spot between the colorful grasses and lay down on the ground. The cool, smooth gravel under my back felt surprisingly comfortable. The grass swayed gently above me, and the sky was even more beautiful than it had been through the window.

I lay there for a long time, feeling something shift inside me. The serenity I so needed finally came. The thought of ending my life suddenly seemed completely absurd. The memory of standing at the edge of the cliff, with the cold rocks below, was now unpleasant—almost shockingly revolting. If it weren't for Finn, for his grip on my shoulders, I would have crashed into those rocks, leaving nothing but a disgusting pile of broken bones and bloody flesh.

I gritted my teeth, and my fingers dug into the cool gravel. Memories from the day flashed in my mind: Soren's face, and then Finn's. Skye had been right—there was a resemblance between them. Those same beautiful gray eyes I used to stare into—now belonged to a different face. But today, those eyes had looked at me with concern and tenderness. I hadn't seen that kind of look in so long—not since my grandfather had been in the care home, taken by Alzheimer's to the point where he didn't even recognize me. No one had shown me that kind of kindness in a long time. Certainly not Soren.

But I wasn't stupid. I knew Finn was just being polite and kind, moved by the sight of some sad little guy—just a simple human reaction. I shouldn't read more into it. But still, for some odd reason, a part of me shyly wanted to believe it was more than just brotherly help.

The silly me started to like the stranger I barely knew, having only seen him a couple of times from afar in the hallways of college! Now, my brain was playing tricks on me, stubbornly pushing Finn's face in front of my mind's eye. He saved me, so was there a ‘romantic savior' factor here, impacting me? I remembered how he held me after pulling me away from the cliff, almost clutching me in his arms. I recalled that fleeting—maybe even false— feeling of safety. In his arms, everything changed for me.

Was I really being stupid, confusing his basic decency with something more? And what would that even be—the ‘more'? After just a few hours, had I already started hoping for something romantic from him? I was truly the walking definition of a desperate person. One guy rejected me, and here I was clinging to the first guy with the same eye color! Pathetic?

And Finn… an established, older man—thirty-four, from what I understood—with a career and good looks. He was definitely a catch, and he'd certainly… caught my eye. Was I starting to drift a little too deeply into some dreamlike fantasy scenario?

Frustrated with myself, I sat up, feeling an urge to act.

Why the hell not? I had nothing to lose, right?

I'd wanted to end it all today, for fuck's sake!

So, I got up and went back into Finn's house, heading straight to his bedroom door. I stood there, hesitating, shooing away any remnants of my sanity. If anyone saw me lurking there, they'd probably think I was some kind of creep (I kinda was!). But strangely enough, I wasn't paralyzed by fear—half of me really wanted to go through with this.

Slowly, I pressed down on the door handle and walked into Finn's room. He was lying in bed, covered only by a blanket, since the days had been warm. I approached him cautiously, fully aware of how erratic my behavior could be perceived. I was a guest here, a mentally unstable, suicidal person, and I'd just invited myself into his private bedroom while he slept—or… not? As I stood over him, I noticed he wasn't asleep; his face slowly turned toward me.

"Liam? Is everything okay?" His voice, surprisingly, wasn't alarmed by my uninvited entry; it was soft, warm… and it gave me the courage to ask.

"Can I lie down next to you? I don't want to be alone."

Finn sat up slightly. "Of course, I understand completely. Come on in."

He lifted the blanket aside, and that's when I noticed he was only wearing boxers. His torso, illuminated by pale moonlight, was bare, and I was a little stunned by how well-built he was—muscular chest, defined abs. He must spend a lot of time at the gym. It reminded me of how Winter looked. Both of them were unusually muscular for betas. Was that Finn's type? If so, I was the complete opposite. Oh well, I had to work with what I had.

I hesitated before sliding into bed next to him.

"Would you like a hug? A friendly one, of course," Finn added.

I wanted it so badly but didn't want to seem too eager—that would be weird. Not only had I snuck in here unannounced, but I was about to jump into his embrace like some touch-starved freak. So, after a properly long silence, as if I were hesitating, I mumbled shyly, "Okay."

I scooted closer, resting my head in the crook of his arm. The fresh, clean scent from his shower gel surrounded me. His skin was warm, and my hand instinctively rested on his chest, my fingers feeling the firm muscle beneath. The sensation was intense, and I trembled slightly, taking a deep breath to control my body's reaction.

The last thing I wanted was for him to feel my hard-on pressing against his leg, so I subtly shifted my hips backward. That would've been rude. Inappropriate, really. But to my horror, it didn't help. Being so close to him kept my heart racing, my body heating up. I had no idea what was happening—it felt like a fever, my body betraying me.

With a shock, I felt my muscles disobeying my will—I gripped his arm tighter, pulling myself closer, completely forgetting about the whole not pressing my hard-on against his leg rule. My breathing grew shallow as I worried, he'd get mad. What was happening to me? Why was I reacting like this? It felt like mind-altering magic.

Then I heard his breathing quicken, too.

Finn's voice was rough, as if struggling. "Liam—"

I didn't know what he was going to say, but I knew what I did. I pressed my lips to his neck, leaving a soft, open-mouthed kiss. He flinched slightly.

"Liam, this isn't a good idea. I—I understand. I know how you feel—confusion, emotional chaos—but it's all too fresh."

I clenched my fists, pulling my face away from his neck. Yep, I'd embarrassed myself. Another rejection—story of my life. A wave of shame crashed over me.

"You don't want me either. No one wants me! I repulse everyone!" I allowed myself to be dramatic.

I tried to jerk back, to get out of his bed, but Finn's hands held me firmly. He placed one hand on the back of my head, gently pulling me close to his neck again.

"No, you're so wrong. It's the opposite. You can feel for yourself just how far I am from being repulsed, if you need proof of that."

His voice told me more than I expected—I understood what he meant. Acting without thinking too much (thinking clearly had become a forgotten skill for me), I reached down and… my hand found a hard mound under the blanket. I shuddered at the touch; I'd never touched anyone like that before. So, I quickly pulled my hand back.

Finn let out a breath. "We only met today, Liam, and you're in a vulnerable position. I couldn't go further—it would go against being a good host, your trust, and everything I believe in."

I squeezed my eyes shut, torn by conflicting emotions. I felt foolish for crossing a line, but his touch, his scent, was doing something to me I couldn't resist. I mumbled, "I know it was dumb. I shouldn't have done it. I just couldn't help it. Since you held me on that cliff, I've felt this overwhelming need to be in your arms again…"

Finn sighed softly and ruffled my hair.

"Liam, I feel it too. That's part of why I invited you to stay here. Holding you gives me an incredible feeling, and I'd be open to exploring it in the future, once you're calmer and have some distance from today. You need a few days to relax and clear your head from everything you've been through. Then we'll see what happens when the emotions and tension settle. Does that sound okay?"

I stayed quiet, my heart pounding. He was right, of course. What I did was desperate and impulsive. But his words gave me a tiny, sweet hint of hope—did he actually want to explore this later? Had he really said that? Could I have misunderstood it?

Was he just being cautious, tiptoeing around a suicidal kid, making sure I didn't feel rejected again? He'd invited me here, knowing I was clearly unstable, and now felt the need to say these soothing things, offering something he didn't truly want, just for my sake? And I had already shown quite a bit of ‘instability'—coming here, to his room, throwing myself at him, making a move on him!

Once more, I had to remind myself he was practically a stranger, and here I was priming myself for something with him…

A horrifying thought struck me: was I making him my rebound? He didn't deserve to be just a consolation toy after Soren broke my heart. I needed to respect him more, and… myself too.

I sighed quietly. Had I really learned nothing? I'd done this before—throwing myself at someone without being sure of their feelings. The same pattern, bound to end in disappointment.

But…

There was this stubborn thought, or maybe hope, that perhaps this time, I had a better chance of turning the tide. Something inside me was throwing a fit, biting and clawing, urging me to follow through on this impulse, this intuition drawing me toward him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "You're right. But can I still stay here? I promise I won't do anything else stupid."

"Of course. Let's try to get some sleep; we both need it."

His voice was soft, soothing. One of his hands gently brushed my hair, his fingers tracing my cheek in a way so tender it sent a shiver down my spine. I'd dreamed about somebody touching me like that for so long.

Yes, I was definitely touch-starved, touch-desperate; my self-diagnosis was spot on.

I forced myself to relax and fall asleep in his arms. In some ways, it was easy because I felt safe, but in other ways, it was hard because that strange fever, the heat he stirred in me, wouldn't go away. Still, I made myself drift off, and soon enough, darkness took over.

I had a dream, though.

In the dream, I was back on the cliff. A strong wind whipped around me, and my feet were slipping toward the edge. Then I saw Finn running in my direction through the bushes. He leaped and caught me in his embrace, pulling me away from the cliff, but we somehow moved above it, above the ground! Suddenly, we were both… flying! It was so liberating and felt just… right. His arms wrapped tightly around me, and he lifted my face, cradling it in his hands. His gray eyes locked onto mine.

"Liam, you're mine now. I won't let you go," his lips whispered, and then he leaned in, kissing my forehead and cheeks. It felt so good, so warm, that I let myself sink into the bliss, closing my eyes.

When I opened them again, it was morning.

I was still tightly entwined with Finn, who was asleep. We were lying on our sides, his arms wrapped around me, and his lips rested against the nape of my neck. But what was most noticeable was how our bodies were pressed together. He was hard, and I was hard. Heat surged through me again as I felt the size of him against me.

Without thinking, I instinctively pushed my hips back even more, brushing against his hardness. Finn stirred slightly and opened his eyes. He pulled away quickly, releasing me from his arms, his face full of embarrassment, as if he felt guilty about how we'd ended up tangled together that night.

"Oh, it's already 10 am. I rarely sleep this late on a Saturday," he muttered, clearing his throat, clearly not planning to comment on what had just happened. "Everything okay?" he asked in a soft, yet slightly strained voice.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

He slid out of bed on the other side, carefully keeping his crotch out of my view as he left the room and headed for the bathroom.

My mind was hazy for a moment, trying to make sense of what happened.

I sat on his bed for a while, figuring out how to explain last night. How could I justify my presence in his bedroom, when there really wasn't any good excuse, other than that I was just horny and desperate.

A miserable, messed-up kid, hopelessly in love with his middle school crush, now pulling some high-school rebound stunt on him. Did my actions look like that to Finn? He actually had a serious career and accomplishments, was stable, and had his life together. Didn't need my mess.

I finally left his room while he was still in the bathroom. I went upstairs and noticed Finn had left out a spare T-shirt and some shorts for me to change into. I waited until he finished his shower, then grabbed the clothes and a towel and went back downstairs.

Finn wasn't inside. I spotted him through the window, searching for something in his car.

Seizing the opportunity, I went into the bathroom and locked the door. It was a cozy space, tastefully decorated. As I stepped into the shower, I realized that I might need to release some tension.

Under the warm water, I tilted my head back and let my hand wander down to my stiff dick. I envisioned myself pressed against Finn, our bodies frotting together. Just the memory of us lying in bed, feeling his closeness, his embrace, and knowing he was hard for me, made me orgasm embarrassingly fast. I released onto the shower floor, letting out a raspy sigh.

For so long, my hand and dildos had been my only lovers, but could that finally change? The thought brought me out of the post-orgasmic frenzy and I finished my shower, determined to keep a clear head and act more responsibly, so as not to jeopardize my chance.

If only it were so simple!

Emerging from the shower, I felt some of the stress melt away. Dressed and refreshed (and hopeful!), I made my way to the living room.

Finn was in the kitchen, preparing breakfast.

He smiled at me calmly, as if nothing had happened—as if I hadn't slobbered all over his neck a few hours ago in the middle of the night.

Still, I had to bring it up. I didn't want some weird awkwardness hanging between us.

I shook myself out of shyness and blurted in one breath, "Sorry for what happened last night. I couldn't sleep, and I was feeling more and more desperate and down about how my life's been going. When I'm in a mood like that, I tend to do impulsive things."

Finn immediately turned toward me and took a few quick steps in my direction, his gray eyes locked on my face. Then, he slowly raised his hands and placed them on my shoulders, sending a pleasant shiver through my body. "You don't have to explain yourself, Liam. It's no big deal. If anything, I take it as a compliment. It's all good. What's most important to me is that you feel relaxed and welcome here."

One of his hands moved gently up to caress the side of my face, sending another shiver down my spine. I could barely breathe. Why did he affect me so much? I realized I was tilting my head slightly into his hand. Finn stared at my cheek, now pressed against his palm, and I saw him take a deep breath. Then he smiled again and slowly pulled his hand back, stepping away.

"So, what do you think? Hungry? I made a big breakfast. We need to get some meat back on those bones," he said with a wide smile, taking another step back and motioning to the table.

I nodded, trying to deal with the growing tightness in my pants. This chemistry between us was unreal. It reminded me of what Soren said about his chemistry with Skye. And for a brief moment, a wild thought crossed my mind, so unbelievable that I immediately pushed it away.

I sat down at the table, and Finn handed me a plate of delicious pancakes with fruit. I stared at them. I used to make breakfasts like this for Soren, and now someone made them for me. It was a nice change.

"On a diet like this, my ass will be back to its usual size in no time," I mumbled, half-aware of what I was saying. Yep, I said that out loud. I don't even know why, but I wanted to bring up a less serious topic—maybe even something a bit flirtatious.

Finn froze for a second, and a blush crept over his cheeks—a surprising sight for someone his age. It made me wonder if he had already checked out my ass, the only part of my body I was always proud of. I had lumbar lordosis, which meant my pelvis tilted forward, making my butt stick out. Even though I was pretty skinny right now, it was still the one part of my body that remained fairly… solid.

On one hand, Finn seemed shocked by what I'd said, but on the other, he looked like he wanted to say something. I could see him struggling with it. Finally, he blurted out, "Could it look even better? I don't think that's possible."

This time, I froze. Without a doubt, Finn had already been checking out my ass! I just got proof of it!

"Thanks. But yeah, two months ago, when I weighed twenty pounds more, it was even more… filled out."

It was crazy that we were even talking about my behind. Damn, I'd never even talked about my ass with Soren, who avoided looking at my body like it was a heinous crime.

"I'll make some extra toast. Got a great strawberry jam…" Finn mumbled, grabbing two slices of bread from the breadbox.

This time, it was my turn to blush. What a masterful way to hint that he'd like to see my ass in all its glory, filled out—maybe even a bit plump—without saying it directly.

He made the toast and brought it to me on a small plate, setting it down next to the pancake plate I'd already cleaned up, and smiled innocently.

"When you're done eating, I suggest we go to your apartment to grab your things. From what I see, my T-shirts are way too long on you…"

"Yeah, they hide my ass," I muttered with a smirk.

"I didn't say that," Finn murmured, taking the empty plates to put them in the dishwasher. The smirk still lingered at the corner of his lips.