35. Breaking Out Of This Place

Chapter 35

Breaking Out Of This Place

S abre

I never wanted to see another fucking white wall in my life. If there was one in the clubhouse, that fucker was getting painted as soon as possible. I'd spent too many days staring at them, and it felt good knowing this might all be over soon.

Pretty and Wreck were the only brothers left on guard duty. Meredith had been released three weeks ago. Grizz was afraid she'd run back to her condo, so he'd made plans to keep her at the clubhouse until he could sort out their situation. When I asked how things were going, he brushed me off, insisting everything was fine. However, Count told me they were snipping at each other all the time. It probably meant I was walking into a shit storm.

Aunt E had just been released last week. Grace hadn't left the hospital in five weeks, and with a new baby, she couldn't possibly take care of everyone without running herself ragged. The baby needed to come first, but Grace would still try to be everything to everyone. Thankfully, Pebbles had offered to step in and help with Aunt E. We had found an empty bedroom on the main floor of the clubhouse to help with the transition. It wasn't ideal, but for now, it was alright. I'd probably end up moving her in with us and hiring a full-time nurse until she got back on her feet.

The four of us were waiting outside of the NICU window, eager for any scrap of news. We'd been told that the staff was processing the paperwork, but they'd gotten a later start than normal. Whether it was a lie or just incompetence, we'd already been here an hour past the expected time, and I was anxious.

When we walked onto the NICU floor, Wreck was still awake. He hadn't been to bed yet. When we were told they weren't ready, he fell asleep, sitting straight up in the guard duty chair. Grace sat next to him, bouncing her leg in time to the intercom music. I tried standing by the window and even sitting next to Grace, but I had too much energy to burn. We were too close to the end, and I could feel it deep in my bones. Pacing was the only way to clear my mind. As I made another lap, Pretty saw the opportunity to annoy me. He started pacing in the opposite direction, making a different silly face at me each time we crossed paths.

Finally, there was movement in the NICU room, and I immediately stopped pacing. Pretty had turned around, and when he saw me, he faced the window. I felt a small hand on my forearm and glanced down to see Grace standing between us, her other hand on my brother's arm. The three of us stood watching as a family, our eyes fixed on the nurse as she unplugged the cords from the incubator and removed the top cover.

"He knows he's coming home. Look how fast his feet are kicking," Grace said, squeezing my forearm.

"He wants to race. Do they start kids off in go-karts? I'll have to figure it out and go shopping." Pretty rubbed the stubble of his beard on his chin.

"No. You need to settle down and let him be a kid. If he wants to race, we'll handle it when the time comes," Wreck interjected from behind us. I turned to look over my shoulder at him, but his eyes remained closed.

"You're no fun," Pretty retorted, turning around and sticking his tongue out at Wreck.

"Careful. I was told not to do that unless I was planning on using it," Grace teased, her eyes twinkling.

Our eyes met, and I let my lips curl into a smirk. Back then, I was just looking for a hookup, but she bulldozed into my life and made me a family man.

"Is that why the shower in your room ran for over an hour this morning? I could hear the water running through the pipes, and it woke me. I couldn't get back to sleep because I was straining my ears to hear anything else. FYI, the walls in the hotel are thick, unlike the clubhouse." Pretty smirked, thinking he had her cornered.

"Blame your brother. He was in there first and woke me." She shrugged. "I had to make sure he wouldn't drown." She patted Pretty's arm sympathetically.

"Nah, he'll just beat my ass and call it brotherly love. Next time, can you at least wait until I have a bed buddy in the clubhouse before you get your freak on?" Pretty looked at Grace and winked.

Grace laughed softly. "I make no promises."

Our humor slowly died as the NICU door opened. "He's almost ready, but this is the part where you can spend time with him," the NICU nurse said, gesturing for us to follow her across the hall.

"Hey, Little Man. You're busting out of this place today," Pretty said, letting the baby try to grab his finger.

"It's about time." Grace tickled the bottom of his feet, and the baby made a happy cooing noise.

I followed them across the hall, but my feet felt glued to the doorway. This was the first time I was going to meet the baby, and I didn't feel worthy. I watched as Grace naturally picked him up and placed him on her shoulder, kissing his forehead and whispering softly. My brother stood behind her, making the baby coo and laugh. The baby was used to them, but he'd never met me.

When I'd told Grace that I would wait, it was purely because the NICU had a one-person rule. I hadn't wanted to take the visiting time away from her. I probably could have arranged a time to visit, but the longer the baby was in the NICU, the longer I could avoid the dread that had settled over me. What if he found out later on that I wasn't his biological father and blamed me for the end of his parents' marriage? What if he hated me for it?

"Prez, one foot in front of the other. Don't keep them waiting," Wreck said from his chair. His eyes were still closed.

I took a deep breath and walked into the room .

Grace looked up at me over the baby. "Come here and meet him," she called to me with a smile on her beautiful face.

Wreck's words echoed in my head as I approached. I would never keep them waiting for me again.

"He's been waiting for this just as long as you have," Grace said, softly.

I stood in front of them, looking down at the baby. I could pinpoint the exact features that had come from Grace and her family. His eyes were blue, which I'd read could change over time, but I imagined they would eventually be brown like Grace's. His nose had a little bubble at the end. If it eventually upturned, it would remind me of the women in Grace's family. They all had the same tilt at the end of their noses.

"If you curl your arm like you're carrying a football, you can hold him," Grace instructed.

Instinctively, I curled my arm and brought my other arm over to hold it in place. I remembered holding Pretty as a baby, but it had been so long, I didn't know if I was doing this right.

"A little closer together. He's still small but growing," Grace said, waiting for me to adjust. "He just wants his daddy, so there's no need to be nervous." She placed the baby in my arms and stepped back.

"Hi," I said, looking down at him. "Shit, that's lame."

Laughter filled the room. "Don't worry, I did the same thing. He's used to it by now." Grace kissed my cheek. "JR, this is your daddy," she said, directing the words towards the baby. "Sabre," she said, looking back up at me. "This is James Robert Hudson, your son."

I didn't respond fast enough, and Grace nervously rambled on.

"I think Thunder already knows, or at least he's suspicious," Grace began, her voice soft. "On the ambulance ride over here, I asked him what his real name was. I told him I needed a distraction, and I sold him on the idea that I was in so much pain, I'd never remember what he said. The only names off-limits were yours and Pretty's. Don't tell him I lied."

I shook my head, a smile forming. "I don't have a problem with that at all. "

Grace continued, smiling at me, "I've been trying to get JR used to his name, but I think he likes it. He responds to it, and eventually he'll grow into a good man like the people he's named after. God, I don't want to think about that." She leaned forward and kissed me. JR nestled between us. "I love you, and when this is all over, we'll look back at this as one big speed bump."

She turned to walk away from me, but I called to get her attention. "Grace." I said, when she'd turned back, "You did good, mama. He's beautiful." I looked back down at him. He wasn't wiggling, but his feet were kicking. "I don't know what to say."

"It's okay. I did the same thing. We'll be in the hallway if you need us." She kissed me again and then tickled JR's foot. "Take it easy on Daddy. He's a little overwhelmed right now, but he knows how much we love him." She turned and looped her arm through Pretty's, exiting the room and making sure the door was closed.

All the times I'd heard someone say I couldn't raise another man's baby echoed through my mind as I watched him.

"I don't know how to be your father, JR. I have no fucking clue, but I will tell you this: your mother is the most important person in my life, and I love her with every fiber of my being. I promise you I will treat her like the queen she is. You'll probably hate that when you become a teenager, but it's just how life is going to be." I bounced him in my arms.

"Now, for the man-to-man chat." I chuckled, shifting JR in my arms. "We'll probably have a few of these over the years, but this is what I want you to remember: you were my son from the moment I got my head out of my ass and claimed your mother. I will not hide the fact that we don't share blood from you. I hope that you'll know how much you mean to me, how much I love you, and that it will never be an issue. You'll always be my son. If you ask, I promise, I won't hold back, but at the end of the conversation, nothing will change between us."

I shifted my arms again to bring JR closer so that I could kiss his forehead. As I approached, I felt his little hand hit my cheek. I took it as a sign that he agreed. We were good.