30. IV Poles Are Dangerous Weapons

Chapter 30

IV Poles Are Dangerous Weapons

G race

I didn't know how many hours had passed since this nightmare had first started. I'd been anxious in the ambulance, not sure what would happen and knowing that Sabre was nowhere near. Thunder had made the best of the situation, but it hadn't been the same. My heart only beat for one man, and we were missing him.

My initial anxiety had faded into relief as soon as I heard his voice. Nothing mattered anymore. It would all work out because Sabre was here. I should have stopped and asked why he was at the hospital, but I'd been too overwhelmed to think straight.

Now relief had morphed into anger. They had transferred me from the ER to one of the private rooms on the NICU floor. The only problem was they had done it in the middle of shift change. The original nurse had stopped by for a few minutes. She had said that once the new nurse finished preparing for her shift, she would come get me for a walk. It had been hours, and no one had shown up. I was so close to him and yet so far. As each hour passed, my anger grew until I was about ready to lose my shit.

"What is taking them so long? I was supposed to get out of this bed four hours ago." I tried not to take my anger out on Sabre, but I wanted to see my son for the first time.

"Is that just a gown, or did they put a robe on you downstairs?" Sabre asked me, pointing to where the hospital fabric peaked out from underneath the sheets. He had stayed with me the entire time, holding my hand and reassuring me he would take care of everything.

"You can wait a little longer to get me naked." How could he be thinking about sex?

He laughed. "You should see your face. That wasn't the plan, but I figured I'd help you stand. You need to walk anyway, and we can head down to the NICU window."

"Oh," I said, embarrassed. I felt out of control, and everything sounded wrong to my ears.

"Yeah, oh . If you don't have your back covered, I'll have to go get you something. I don't want anyone else to see what's mine."

I took a few deep breaths to settle my emotions. I didn't know if the breathing exercises helped, but I figured it was a good sign that my fighting instincts had calmed down for the moment.

"No, I have a hospital robe on. No free peeks today."

"Mama, I am sure the reality is much better than my imagination." He stood from the chair and leaned over me. He kissed my forehead and wiggled his eyebrows in my direction.

"Ugh, what am I going to do with you?"

"Fulfill all of my fantasies." He laughed and dropped his forehead so that it was the only part of him touching me. "Just promise me we'll grow old together on our porch swing. You're mine, mama, and if you're ready, let's go see our son."

The tears fell down my cheeks. It was all too much for me, and I wondered how I had been so lucky to find him.

He stepped around the bed to the other side. "This might be easier if I help you sit on the edge. When you're ready, we can get you on your feet. You okay with that?"

I shook my head, the tears still falling.

He collected my tears with his thumbs and sucked the moisture between his lips. "If you hurt, you need to tell me immediately. "

I shook my head again. He didn't need to know that I wouldn't say anything.

Sabre pushed the covers away from my legs. "How can I help you?"

"Hold my hands." I reached out for him, and he flipped my hands over and grabbed me at my wrists. Following his lead, I grabbed his wrists for more stability. When I was comfortable, I slid my right foot off the bed until my knee bent. Doing the same thing with my left, I slowly sat up on the edge of the bed. The pain ripped across my stomach, but I was determined to make it down the hall. I took a few minutes to adjust.

"You alright?" Sabre asked me, watching my face for any potential twinge of pain.

I held onto him as I scooted my butt towards the edge of the bed. When my feet hit the ground, I grabbed onto him to pull me up. It hurt like a bitch, and I had to bite my lip not to scream out in pain. Staring into his eyes, I knew I wasn't fooling anyone, but he let me hold on to him until I was sure I wouldn't topple over.

"How come you're not fighting me on this?" Even though the nurse had told me to walk, I wasn't sure we should do this unsupervised.

"I wanted to give the nurse plenty of time to take care of you, since it doesn't appear to be busy on this floor. We haven't seen her, so I texted Scrub to ask. He's still in the ER, but he texted the basics. You'll be okay to walk as long as we take it slowly." He unplugged the IV machine from the wall and held out his arm for me to hold. "Let's go, mama."

I took one step at a time. Shuffle right foot. Slide left foot. Rest. Start again. We'd made it to the door and had turned the corner into the hallway when I heard someone running towards us.

"She can't be out of bed. What are you doing up? You need to get back to bed!" a female voice yelled from down the hallway behind me.

I ignored her, and with Sabre's help, we kept going. I didn't care if it was her job, or if I was breaking some sort of protocol. Wreck was standing halfway down the hallway. When he'd heard the commotion, he'd stood straight up, and that was when I saw the glass window. The NICU unit. My baby was there.

"Ma'am, you can't be out of bed," the voiced continued to yell, as feet sounded on the floor.

I kept going. Nothing was going to stop me.

"Ma'am," the nurse said as she ran past us and stood in front of me, "you can't be out of bed."

"I'm supposed to be walking," I said to her. "No one has helped me in over four hours, so I am walking on my own." I took a step forward, but she didn't move. "I am sorry, but you can't stop me. Try it, and I'll run you over with my IV pole." I tried to soften the threat with a smile, but I wasn't sure it worked.

If she had a problem with it, she could just look the other way. I was done with letting people push me around.

"No one let you see your baby?" she asked, and I shook my head no. "You should have said that first. IV poles don't scare me." She looked at my arm wrapped around Sabre's and asked me if I was comfortable. I simply told her I was okay. I wasn't sure if she'd try to stop me again. "Liar, but I get it. Can you hold her here, and I'll grab a wheelchair? When she gets to the window, she's going to need to sit." The nurse was already running back down the hallway, not bothering to wait for an answer.

"Let's make a run for it before she comes back," he said to me. I rubbed my cheek against his arm, using his strength to keep me going.

We continued down the hall until we were in Wreck's vicinity. "That was impressive," he said to me.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Wreck smirked as he tapped the glass lightly to get Pretty's attention, and when Pretty looked up, he smiled and waved. Standing from his chair, he stretched and made his way to the nurse that was in the room. She had her back to the window. We watched as he spoke with her, gesturing at us .

The nurse turned and looked in our direction, smiling widely. She held up a finger to show that we should wait a minute. We watched as she took the folding chair he'd been sitting on and replaced it with a nicer chair that had a thick padding. She then said something to Pretty, and they both walked toward the exit door. She unlocked it and let him walk into the hallway first.

"You're looking good, Mommy. Let's introduce you to your baby boy," she said, tucking her arm under mine to support me as I shuffled through the door. "I'm sorry, Daddy. You'll have to wait here. The hospital has a one person per visit policy, and they don't let me make the rules," she added to Sabre, locking the outside door behind us. "Alright Mommy, we'll get you settled, and then you can stay as long as you're feeling up to it." She patted me on the hand.

"Thank you," I said to her.

"Did you walk all the way down here?" The nurse searched my face, but I didn't tell her the truth. I wasn't going back to bed without meeting my baby. "Oh, honey. I bet you drove the charge nurse nuts when she caught you. You have that guilty look on your face. It doesn't help that the charge nurse has radar when someone's up when they're not supposed to be." She happily chattered along as we made our way to the incubator. "If it was them, they'd want to meet their babies, too."

"Thank you," I said again. "I thought I was being unreasonable."

"Oh honey, don't worry about it." She guided me to sit in the chair in front of the incubator. "It's been a slow birth week. Right now, he's the only one in here, but he's so cute that I don't mind." She pulled out a pair of blue gloves from the box underneath the incubator. "Put these on, and you can touch him."

I didn't hesitate to put the gloves on, but I panicked at the thought of touching the baby. Placing my hands in my lap, I just stared at him. I didn't believe I deserved this happiness, and I didn't want to transfer my fears and doubts to my baby. He would only know love.

"He's doing really well, considering he's early. He's small, but with a little help, he'll grow. "

I stared at him, not really seeing anything in front of me.

"You alright, honey?" The nurse stood above me. I didn't raise my head to look at her. I didn't want her to know that I was afraid. The baby cooed. "He won't break if you touch him. In fact, he probably doesn't understand why you're hesitating. He just wants his mommy." She chuckled. "Although, his uncle swore to buy him a premie-sized dirt bike."

I scrunched my nose and finally looked up at her, not quite believing what she had said. "He didn't, did he?" I asked. "No, don't answer that. He did."

She laughed and patted my shoulder. "Every parent in here is afraid of the unknown. You're not alone, and your baby is right there when you're ready. Just don't keep him waiting long." She walked to the nurse's station at the back of the room. I was sure she could hear everything I was going to say, but she had given me enough space to pretend this was a private room.

"Hi," I whispered to him as I stuck my gloved hand through the opening in the incubator's side. Fear choked me, and I didn't know what to do or what to say. Walking my fingers towards him, I gently touched his. "I can't believe you're actually here. I've been waiting for you. Do you know who I am? Oh my god, that just sounds weird." I stroked his fingers, and he seemed to smile at me. "I am your mom. Grace. You and I have had such an adventure, and when you're older, I'll tell you all about it."

He cooed again, mesmerizing me, while I stroked his fingers. I racked my brain for something else to say. "Your daddy is right outside. One day, he'll probably tell you how we met, but just know this: he loves you just as much as I do." I tucked my finger underneath his little hand. He didn't have enough strength to grip it.

"Your daddy doesn't know that I've already named you. Would you like to know what your name is?" The baby made a noise, and I took that as an affirmative. "James Robert Hudson. James and Robert for the two men that protected your mommy in a time of…we'll call it uncertainty. I figured we'd shorten it to JR." The baby made another noise. "That's good, because it wasn't up for discussion." I chuckled, moving my hand to his stomach, lightly tickling it. "Hudson for your daddy. It's his last name. When you meet him, don't tell him. He doesn't know."

I sat there a few minutes more, just touching him, watching him move and coo with no baby cares in the world. "I think this is the part where I promise you the world and everything in it. It doesn't seem like enough. I promise that I'll always love you unconditionally. I'll support you in everything you decide to do in life. The sky's the limit, and I can't wait to see what you make of it. Just don't grow up too fast. I don't think I'll be able to take it. Promise me one thing, JR. No matter what, you'll always be your authentic self. That's important. I love you."

***

Sabre

I watched as the nurse guided Grace to sit in the padded chair. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I didn't like what I was seeing. Her face was blank, reminding me of the family picnic, when she'd purposely made me sweat over that blowjob. This time, though, she looked lost in her own world. Only one person could visit at a time, and I couldn't help her through the struggle. I told myself that if she reached out and touched the baby, everything would eventually be alright. Watching through the glass, I silently begged her to touch him.

"She okay?" Pretty asked me, frowning as he watched Grace through the glass.

"I am not sure," I responded. I didn't know what was going on in her head, and I didn't want to make a bullshit, generic claim that it was just hormones. Matt had dismissed Grace enough during their marriage. I wouldn't do that to her, but I was worried. It wasn't until she stuck her hand in the incubator that I breathed my first sigh of relief. If this continued, I'd make her talk to me and go from there.

Once she touched the baby, Pretty took it as the sign that everything was fine. He rambled about how cute the baby was, how small and how perfect.

"Wreck, when this is all over, we have to go shopping. Little man needs a bike," Pretty said, bouncing on his toes .

"They don't make bikes his size," Wreck replied.

"Bummer. I'll talk to Grease and see if he can make one." Pretty would not give up on this foolish idea.

"You do that," Wreck said.

I wasn't paying too much attention to them as I watched Grace. It wasn't until Pretty abruptly cut off mid-sentence about the paint scheme that I realized something was off. He nudged me with his elbow and pointed down the hallway. Matt and Gerry were heading our way.