18. You Are the Reason

Foxx gasped, his eyes snapping open. At first, all he saw was darkness, but then that changed, and he wished more than anything that it hadn't.

Starting to tremble, tears filled his eyes as he looked around the scripture-covered platform. The steam was too thick to see what lay beyond the edges, but not too thick to hide the horror that was in front of him. There were bodies everywhere…covered in burns.

Dead…they were all dead. Every vampire. So many that he had tried to save…were dead…

Why…? They had hours…they had so many hours left… Why so quickly?!

Crawling forward, he turned over the closest person, tears dripping down his cheeks as he stared into the face of a vampire who he knew wasn't more than thirty. There were burns etched into his skin wherever it was exposed. The trails were deep and violently red.

"I'm sorry," Foxx whimpered.

With a shaky hand, he reached out, intending to close the young man's eyes, when someone snagged his wrist. He stared at the dead man, as he was the very person who had grabbed him.

But that wasn't right… Dead men don't move…

"IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU!" the vampire screeched.

Foxx jerked from his hold. "I?—"

He cut off on a yelp, his eyes wide while his gaze flicked to the body and all around. But no matter how many times he looked away and back, the vampire he'd thought he turned over was in the exact same position he'd first found him in—face down. As if he'd never turned him over at all.

Heart racing, Foxx swallowed hard and slowly backed up, freezing when his hand brushed over fabric. He glanced back, his heart breaking at the small figure on the ground.

"No…" he sobbed. "No…" Turning around fully, he sobbed harder as he gently pulled the small child into his lap. "No… Melody, please…" he begged. But her hazel eyes remained empty and lifeless.

Pulling her against his chest, Foxx curled around her. Sobs wracked his body again and again as he screamed. "Please, y-you were supposed to live. W-why didn't you live?!"

His vision blurred by tears, Foxx screamed the words again and again, never expecting an answer. But he got one, in the form of a question.

"Why did you live, Foxx?" a voice whispered softly.

Why had he lived? Why him and not them?

"Foxx, why did you live?" the voice repeated. "Why did you live? Foxx. Foxx?—"

"FOXX!"

Foxx gasped as he jerked awake. He found himself peering into Harlow's light brown eyes. Brow pinched, the human was sitting there staring down at him, one of his big warm hands cradling Foxx's right cheek.

"It's okay, it was just a dream, Foxx." Harlow brushed away one of his tears with his calloused thumb.

Bottom lip wobbling, Foxx tried to hold back the other tears, but didn't manage. Instead, he reached up for Harlow just as the sob slammed into him.

The man, without hesitation, pulled him into his arms and onto his lap. Foxx buried his face against the man's chest, crying hard as he clung to him.

"Shh, I got you, Foxx. I got you." Harlow started to gently rock him while rubbing his back. "I got you."

It took a while, but eventually the fear, the doubt, and the pain that the dream had shoved inside of him faded enough for the tears to slow, and for the full body wracking sobs to turn into more of just a constant tremble that was barely noticeable.

Foxx took a shuddered breath, and helplessly stuttered between sniffles. "I-I'm s-so tired o-of this."

And he did feel helpless. He just wanted it to all stop.

"Foxx…do you…" Harlow hesitated before finally saying, "Want to tell me about it?"

Foxx blinked, sniffling again, before he slowly pulled back in order to see the man's face. He whimpered on finding the human's expression unreadable. "I can't t-tell if y-you are s-serious," Foxx cried, more tears falling.

* * *

"Shit…"Harlow cursed. Keeping one arm wrapped around Foxx's waist, he reached up and wiped the fresh new tears away. "Foxx, I know I'm emotionally stupid, okay. I…" He grimaced. "I wouldn't ask if I wasn't ready to listen."

Foxx's bottom lip wobbled, and he stuttered, "A-are y-you sure?"

"Yes."

"I was… I was back in that place…that platform"

He frowned. "The…underground monastery?"

"Y-yes, except it was different this time… Everyone…everyone was dead…" Foxx sobbed. "Except me!"

"Ah, shit, Foxx… Did that fucker Johansson get into your head?"

That fucking bastard. Another asshole that he should have killed years ago. Harlow really needed to stop being so fucking lenient!

"I…I didn't think he had…" Foxx looked away, more tears falling.

"Foxx, look me."

Taking a stuttering breath, though clearly reluctant, the vampire met his gaze.

"You being there did not get anyone killed."

"I—"

"Foxx!" he growled. "Say it. ‘Me being there did not get anyone killed'."

"I—"

‘Foxx," he warned.

The vampire sniffled before whispering, "M-me b-being there d-did not get anyone k-killed."

"Correct. You are not responsible for anyone dying there. The ones who died would have died no matter what. Don't for a second think that somehow it would have gone better if you had never fought back, or if you hadn't been there at all.

"You getting captured was the only reason anyone there made it out alive. You are the reason the rest were found as quickly as they were. And do you know why, Foxx?"

"Why?" Foxx asked softly.

"Because I was the one who found out where they were keeping you all. And I wouldn't have been involved in the case at all if it wasn't for you being taken. They'd have found them, but they would have been too late," Harlow said truthfully.

And it was the truth. He'd looked into the reports of the vampires who survived. Part of him wanted to know if there was anything else that had been done to Foxx that the vampire had hidden… Mostly, so he wouldn't accidentally step on a landmine as he tried to navigate Foxx's nightmares.

There hadn't been anything else. Just more of the same…but he had found out how close some of them had been to death. The Guild would have gotten the information eventually, but none of them would have pushed as hard as he had been. They'd have gotten the information too late to save most of them.

"I-is t-that true? Really?" Foxx whimpered. "M-me being there s-saved them?"

"It's the truth. And you know it's the truth, because I know, and you know, that you did something to keep them alive as long as you could, using those powers you pretend you are too young to have."

Foxx nodded, his bottom lip trembling as his face crumpled again. "It's true, i-it's true. I tried…I tried so hard."

Foxx burst into tears once again, but this time, Harlow thought that maybe Foxx didn't sound as devastatingly lost as before. His tears were more ones of relief and acceptance, even if they were still filled with pain.

Harlow wrapped his arms tightly around him, pressing Foxx's face back into his chest. "I know you did, Foxx. I know you did."