Nate

After we watched Mermaids and gave each other a quiet hand job, I hope Jesse knows that we can do stuff at my house while my parents are there.

He doesn’t have to wait until we have the house to ourselves.

When he comes over the next afternoon after class, I take him straight upstairs and practise giving blow jobs on him.

I’m still not sure if he’s worried about coming in my mouth, or if he’s just saying that so I won’t realise how bad I am at it.

I come up and kiss him and he grasps my hair and presses his hips up against mine.

“Jesse,”

“Mm? Why did we stop kissing, come back.”

“Do you want to fuck me?”

He opens his eyes, “uh… do you want me to?”

I nod, then remember what he’s like with all the verbal confirmation stuff. “Yes.”

“Okay.”

Okay. My heart starts thumping.

I sit up and open the drawer beside my bed before dumping a brand new tube of lube and an unopened box of condoms on the bed between us.

“We don’t have to do it right now.”

“I want to, I’m ready.”

Jesse shuffles up the bed. I’m not even embarrassed about how into his body I am anymore. I want all of it.

“Let’s work up to it,” he says.

“What do you mean?”

“Come here, I’ll show you.”

I let him guide me into his lap and slide down so his cock is between us. It’s bigger than mine and I wonder if it’s going to hurt when he fucks me.

As we kiss, I grind on him, our cocks rubbing together. Jesse slides his hands up my thighs and over my ass. As he kisses my neck, I hear the pop of a tube and try to stay relaxed.

Jesse pulls away and looks at me as his fingers slide into my crack. My body gives an involuntary shudder at his touch and he asks me if this is okay.

“Mm, yes.”

As his finger breeches my entrance, Jesse slides his hand over my cock and oh.

“How does that feel?”

Jesse asks.

“Amazing.”

He smiles, “good.”

We kiss as Jesse slides his finger deeper inside me and starts moving it in and out. It feels a little weird and I’m worried I didn’t do a good enough job following all those instructions I read online about douching and making sure you’re clean. But I actually trust Jesse. Either way, I don’t think he’s going to make fun of me or make me feel bad.

I realise I’m moving on his fingers when he adds a second and I come down to meet the tips of fingers against a spot inside me that makes me yelp.

“Okay?”

“Mmm,”

I hope he doesn’t ask for verbal confirmation this time, because I don’t think I could talk if my life depended on it.

Hopefully my moans are answer enough as he lets me set the pace and watches as I move up and down on his fingers.

My cock slides against his stomach and chest and I’m so close to coming, but I don’t want this feeling to end.

I press my lips close to his ear, “I’m ready for you to fuck me now.”

He groans and tilts his head back. His cheeks are flushed but he shakes his head.

“Not yet. I wanna make you feel good first.”

“If it feels like this, I want you to.”

“Lie on your back,” he says.

I feel his fingers pull out and miss the feeling of him inside me already as I lay on my back and he climbs between my legs.

He kisses down my stomach before wrapping his lips around my cock. I want to tell him I’m so close already, if he doesn’t do it now, it’ll be too late. But then his fingers are there again, and I don’t want him to stop.

His mouth and fingers at the same time are too good. Jesse sucks me down into his throat, running his tongue along the length of my cock as his fingers press deep inside and rub against a spot that makes it feel like I’m going to melt and explode at the same time until I come, harder than I’ve ever come in my life. Harder than I thought it possible to come.

When Jesse lies next to me, I’m still trying to catch my breath and my whole body is tingling.

When he’s leaving, I ask if I can see him tomorrow.

“Me and Harrison have this outreach thing tomorrow in Jersey, but I can come over when we’re finished if you like.”

“Okay.”

He gives me a lingering kiss inside the door before leaving.

I call Katie, needing to talk to someone about everything that’s happened. She tells me to come over to her place and I instinctively grab my books and my laptop before heading over.

She’s obviously been studying all morning, maybe all night. The room is in darkness with only a lamp on the desk. Books open everywhere, stacks of papers in chaos.

Seeing the evidence of excessive studying from the outside makes me want to organise an intervention, then I remind myself it was only a few weeks ago when I was buried in coursework and reading, and I’m not completely past it yet.

She puts her shoes on and we go downstairs to grab a coffee before heading back up. It’s hell having to wait to tell her, but I can’t exactly talk about it here in front of all these people.

She clears a space on her bed and we sit down with our coffees and now the moment is here, I’m suddenly shy.

“He um… well, I asked him to fuck me.”

“And what did he say?”

“He said yes, but he wants to lead up to it.”

“And what did you say?”

“I might have been a little impatient.”

Katie smiles.

“He used his fingers.”

“How was it?”

“Amazing?”

“Was that a question?”

“No, not a question, it was amazing.”

“So is this still just sex?”

“What do you mean?”

“You guys hang out together all the time, he took you ice skating, you showed him your favourite movie…”

“he showed me his.”

“What is it?”

“Mermaids.”

“With Cher?”

“Yeah,”

“he has good taste. Cher’s awesome.”

Why do I blush at that?

“Are you dating him now, that’s what I’m asking.”

“You know how he said he’d never date a guy?”

Katie squirms, that’s the one thing about her perfect Jesse she doesn’t like. “Well, he told me last night that he thinks he might be gay.”

“Was this before or after he finger fucked you?”

“Don’t say it like that. And it was before.”

“Why? What’s wrong with saying finger fucked? We’ve all done it. I personally don’t see the appeal, but then maybe I’ve been putting the fingers in the wrong place.”

I snort.

“If he’s saying he’s gay, then he’ll have to date a guy, but do you think he’s ready, to be out about it I mean?”

“That’s the thing, I don’t know.”

Katie looks down at her coffee, “do you think you’re falling for him?”

“What? No.”

“Why not?”

I shrug. “He’s nice, really nice, and he’s hot, and I love the all the sex stuff and he’s really good at it…”

“But?”

“But we’re not compatible long-term.”

“Why not?”

“He’s a hockey player and I’m a nerd.”

“Oh god,”

Katie rolls her eyes, “this isn’t the third grade. I thought he wasn’t even playing hockey next year.”

“No, but, he’ll never…”

I stop myself, it sounds pretentious and elitist even in my own head.

“What? he’ll never be an academic?”

My face flushes, “I just always pictured myself with someone… like me.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It doesn’t matter anyway, it’s just lust. This is the first time I’ve ever had sex with someone, so of course I’m going to get carried away. We both know where we stand and I’m glad I did this with Jesse, because he’s made me feel at ease and now I’m more confident with this stuff.”

“You’re sure Jesse knows where he stands?”

“Yes. We were very clear what this was. He was going to… tutor me.”

“In sex.”

“Exactly.”

“Okay, well if you’re sure.”

“I am.”