Chapter 6

6

I have zero game.

I usually have game. But today? Nope, nada. It's like I've never seen a volleyball before.

Mostly, Carter and I just laugh and embarrass ourselves. We're playing a doubles game where we each have a partner up on our shoulders. It's completely ridiculous, but by the time we win—shockingly—I'm thirsty, sweat slicking my shoulders, and my jaw is aching from smiling.

And I'm getting a neck cramp from watching Rory.

I can't believe I said those words to him.

You're exactly as you should be. You're perfectly you .

Something flipped when I said them. Maybe I realized how much I've wanted to say them, or something similar. Not just since we've been here, but before, too.

But he's still avoiding looking at me, so I give him space. I head off to play volleyball with Carter.

And I'm totally not watching him out of the corner of my eye.

I don't see how he and Theo chat for a while, an easy conversation where they are both smiling. Or how they throw a football after that, Rory being a good sport and tossing a few wobbling passes between catching Theo's spirals. Or how, next, they head to the drink tents that line the boardwalk at the rear of the beach. And then how Rory reclines under an orange umbrella with his reader and drinks a huge, pink concoction in a rather phallic cup, the shade of the umbrella hiding his expression as he reads.

Is he reading about Oliver and Leo?

Leo seemed really into Oliver for that snippet I read, but it was difficult to tell if Oliver was feeling the same, and?—

"Dude." Carter smacks me on the chest. "Play again tomorrow?"

"Um, yeah." I fist bump Carter, his other hand palming a volleyball. "Of course."

His eyes narrow on me, like he's trying to sort out my answer. I'm trying to sort out my answer, too. I'm here to hang with all the guys, so why wouldn't I play?

My gaze slides over to Rory again.

My feet want to go over there, my flip-flops sinking into soft sand. What if we're just both too scared to jump?

Shit, stop staring. I swing my head back toward Carter, putting on an amiable smile.

Carter's not looking at me, though.

Not at fucking all.

His hazel eyes are fixed on our beach camp. On Rory and… Theo.

Actually, I don't think he's looking at Rory at all.

My forehead lines as I watch Carter. He's palming that volleyball hard, his banana shorts so tight that I swear he's gonna bust through them with one exaggerated move.

It's not the first time I've caught him looking at Theo. Although, a lot of people look at him. Theo's this muscled Adonis with the blue-est of blue eyes and a flop of brown hair that seems to feather around his face. A well-known football player for IFU —well, ex-football player now after his recent knee injury. Still, everyone around campus knows him.

But what I'm saying is that he's the definition of "typically" attractive—whatever the hell that actually means.

No offense to him, because I really love the guy, but it's the person next to him I can't stop staring at.

Just how Rory sits , cross-legged, his knees poking out from his swim trunks, his nose wrinkling as he says something. Ohh fuck, he just takes me. A raw heat sizzles up my spine, then across my chest and down to my stomach. I feel it everywhere.

I want to go over there, flop down next to him, under his umbrella, and talk to him. Laugh with him. Revel in his mind-boggling intelligence.

What do you doubt about yourself, Rory? How can you not see how fucking perfect you are to me?

I feel like I could?—

"I hope it's a good day." Carter torpedos right into the middle of my thoughts.

I pivot quickly, hot sand sticking to my heels, to see his eyes narrowed thoughtfully on Theo before he turns back to me.

"It will be," I say. What's going on with Carter and Theo? Anything? Am I overthinking?

Carter nods, his lips turning into a half-smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes, his jaw tight, his brows drawing together.

He never looks like that. He's always this big, happy bundle. Total golden retriever energy.

Then he blinks. "Oh, shit , dude. I'm sorry about the room."

"The room?"

"The, um, single bed?" He scrunches up his nose and then tosses the volleyball back toward the empty net. "When I made the reservation, there was a price increase, and what we had didn't cover the cost, so I had to cut corners. Anyway, they don't have any doubles left. Overbooked for spring break, ya know? I, uh… hope things are cool?"

"Yeah," I say. "I think we're working it out."

If I stop randomly jacking off and smothering Rory with my boner in our sleep, then we will be.

He clears his throat. "I hear that." He squints. "Do you…" He shakes his head.

"What?" I encourage him.

He takes a breath. "Well… do you ever think about how lucky we are that we all met freshman year? There could have been anyone in that study group, and somehow it was the four of us, and maybe it didn't even really make sense with all of us coming from such different places, but somehow it worked . And here we are now, and I can't imagine my life without you guys. I just… I love you, dude. And I love Rory. And I love…" He swallows, his gaze moving over toward our beach camp and then back. "I love Theo," he says quietly.

Wow. The way he said that about Theo.

I'm standing there, looking normal, kinda sweaty from volleyball, the sun warm on my hair and shoulders, but things are changing on the inside. Things are shifting and moving and fluctuating.

He means that . I palm his shoulder. "I love you too, Carter."

Friends can snuggle.

And friends can say they love each other too. Honestly, we should say it more often. Be grateful for the people in our lives. For the short time we get with them.

Two months and Rory's gone.

My hand falls. A lot of guys would probably laugh and shrug things off with a joke at that point. But not Carter, because that's just not the kind of guy he is. Instead, he grins, his eyes lighting.

"Thanks, dude! And I'm so glad we're all here," he says. "That we could all make it."

"Me too." I push back my curls, warm from the sun. And then something suddenly occurs to me. "Do you and Theo only have one bed too?"

"Uh, yeah."

"And how's that?"

"Uh…" He squints over toward Theo again. "It's a work in progress?"

I follow his gaze over toward our beach camp. Rory's sipping out of his straw, his lips pursed, his shoulders twisting toward Theo as they look at something on Theo's phone.

Rory looks happy right now. I know I can give that to him, but I'm glad someone else can, too.

Why do you doubt yourself, Rory ?

What if you could see yourself like I see you?

"Want to head back?" I ask. The thought of being next to Rory lights jitters in my stomach. Butterflies . I'm itching to be with him.

Carter slaps me on the shoulder. "Let's go. Days like this don't come around often."

He's right.