Chapter 17

17

Rory

"You want me inside you?" I repeat.

His forehead lines "I mean, only if that's what you want. We haven't talked about bottoming or topping. And we should." He glances down at where our pants are around our thighs, our dicks exposed. "We probably should have talked about it before now."

"I guess I assumed…" I shake my head. "I shouldn't have assumed anything." My heart's pounding so hard that it's echoing in my temples. My dick juts out toward him, and for the first time in my entire life, it's okay .

It's okay that someone sees me. That he does. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed.

His eyes heat as they move back up to meet mine. "Docking was so incredible. Having you inside me like that? I think I'm obsessed. But is that ever something you'd want?"

My lips part. "I…"

Is it? When I move past the fear and the uncertainty, when I'm truly honest, when I look beyond all the assumptions about me, being smaller and thinner and nerdy and uncertain sometimes…

"Yes." Oh god, I do want it. "I want that, too."

He groans, leaning in to press his lips against my jaw. "I want you inside me. I want to feel every tremble, every twitch. The way you filled my foreskin with your cum was unbelievable . I want you to fill me."

I drag in a slow breath, the scent of the flowers lingering, the heat of his body too. Even here, he seems to bring the beach and ocean with him.

We both want this.

"Then get on the bed," I say.

Holy heck, I said that with so much confidence.

He leans back, his brows rising. "Holy fuck, Rory. The way you said that was hot ."

I scrape my teeth over my bottom lip, then watch with rapt attention as he turns and walks to the bed, pushing his pants off as he goes, all tanned skin and thick muscles. God, he's so attractive. He lies on his back and watches me as I tug off my jeans and thermals, folding them carefully and then setting them aside.

I scrunch my toes in my wool socks. "My toes are cold."

He laughs, his stomach moving. "Then leave them on. They're sexy."

"You think so?"

"Yes." He nods, his smile fading. His eyes are all over me, eating me up. He sucks in an uneven breath when I push back my hair, my wrist twisting somewhat awkwardly, like even that turns him on.

I crawl up on the end of the bed, and I bend to kiss along his shins, his hair tickling my lips as I move up to his knee, scooting over the top of him, to his thighs. The tip of my dick rubs along his leg, and he groans, opening his thighs wider.

He doesn't hurry me. I move at my own pace, kissing and licking up his muscular legs.

When I settle on my knees between his thighs, he props a hand behind his head to look at me. His elbow is bent, his bicep flexing. His abs harden with the position too, and I let out a shaky breath.

He wants me to fuck him. This amazing man wants me.

Oh god. This is real.

"Have you…." I breathe out, trying to get a fix on the words I want to say. "Have you bottomed before?"

"Yes." He hesitates. "I don't know how much you want to know."

I frown. "I think we should be honest."

"Alright." He nods. "Once. It was okay. He pretty much just went for it. He didn't spend much time getting me ready, and it wasn't comfortable. But he was pretty big, and I always thought if I met a smaller guy, I'd enjoy it more."

"Like…" I lick my lips nervously. "My little dick."

His pupils flare. "Exactly like your perfect little dick."

Oh god, I harden even more. My dick is aching, pointing out toward him.

His eyes don't leave me as I crouch to kiss the inside of his thigh.

"Have you ever?" he asks quietly.

I shake my head against the inside of his thigh, only taking my lips off him long enough to answer. "You'll be my first."

My only .

I can't imagine doing this with anyone else. I can't imagine feeling comfortable enough, or cared for enough, or understood enough. I need comfort. Maybe that's why I read Leo and Oliver's story again and again. I need security. I need to know that I won't be left.

I grip onto his thighs and push them up, scooting down until his smell and taste surround me. I've given him head before, so this isn't entirely new yet. I softly suck on first one ball, and then the other. I know from how he responded before that he likes this.

"That feels so fucking good." His shoulders arch back. "I love how you touch me."

I move lower, my socked toes sliding against the sheet. His thighs are spread before me, his balls tight and dick hard. But my full focus goes to his hole, tight and small, I scoot myself down so that I can reach him.

Oh god, I'm doing this with him. We're actually doing this and…

I flick my tongue over him.

He shudders, reaching for his cock but not stroking. "Yes, that's it."

At his reassurance, I press my tongue more firmly against him, testing how it feels for both of us, how he tastes. His thighs rise higher in response, so I push my tongue deeper.

"Fuck," he groans. "So good."

I keep licking, diving my tongue in deeper. With every time, he groans louder. I keep licking until he's trembling, and then I pull back. I need to prep him with something thicker than my tongue. I have lube in my bedside table drawer, but…

"I don't have condoms," I say. "I, uh… didn't really think that I'd ever need them?"

His eyes settle on me. "Rory?—"

"Do you have one?" I don't want to get into all of my insecurities right now. I just want to enjoy this with him.

He nods, his brows drawing together. "My underwear drawer."

I use the bathroom that connects our rooms to get to his so I don't have to risk the hallway. I discover an unopened box in the front corner of his underwear drawer and also some lube, which I grab because I assume it's a brand he likes.

I catch sight of myself in the mirror on the way back through. My slight frame, my red hair, freckles over my nose and across my shoulders and chest. There's even more of them than usual from all the sun in Clua.

I'm wearing nothing but light gray wool socks and holding a tube of lube and a condom box that I hope isn't for Magnum XXL or anything like that.

I look happy. My skin is flushed, my gray eyes are bright.

For a second, I see what D must see, and it surprises me. I look… good .

D's rises onto one elbow when I step back into the room. I climb back on the bed, my knees settling between his spread thighs.

"Can I prep you?" I ask nervously, really hoping he'll say yes.

He smiles. "Yes, please ."

Eagerness bolts through me. I bite on my bottom lip then pop the lube and warm it on my fingers.

He widens his legs, and both of us hold our breaths as I press a finger lightly against his hole. I don't breach, just touch him there.

He falls back against the pillow, letting out a sigh. "That feels so good already."

"Ready for more?"

He nods, and I push in, just halfway up my nail, and he arches back, letting out a groan that fills the room. I swear the flowers almost tremble.

"Holy fuck, Rory." He picks up his head to look at me. "I think I might be really into this. Like intensely."

"Good," I whisper. "I hope you like it." I push in deeper, to my first knuckle.

I thought he'd be tenser, but he takes me so easily. I have no idea if this is how it usually goes. In books, characters usually have to force themselves to relax, but he seems so relaxed already.

"Give me more," he says.

I add a second finger, and then I crook them around experimentally, moving around to find?—

"Holy fuck ." His mouth drops open, his thighs widening even more. " That . Right there . Fucking fuck ."

I can feel his prostate. I massage lightly, paying close attention to his reactions, to his breathing, to the way that his eyes haze, until he looks down at me.

He swallows thickly. "I want your dick."

I'm shaking as I reach for the box of condoms and tear open the side, then slide one out.

"I've never even worn a condom before," I admit. We were told to practice in health class, but I never did.

My hands are shaking so hard that I struggle to tear the package open.

D sits up, his fingers brushing my wrist. "Let me."

He takes the package from me and tears it open. He pulls out the condom and tosses the wrapper aside.

"Are you ready?" His eyes meet mine, and I nod before he settles the condom against the tip of my dick. I whimper at the contact, at the light touch of the latex as he rolls the condom down, covering my shaft, the bracelet I gave him snug around his wrist.

His lips are damp from his tongue as he makes sure the condom is pushed to my base. His chest compresses with a breath, and then he settles back again.

My throat closes up as I kneel between his legs. He raises his thighs, and I position myself, my heart thundering. I can't believe this is happening .

"I love you."

My eyes flash up.

His eyes are serious. "It shouldn't take us three and half years to get here. We need to make up for that time."

I swallow, dragging in a slow breath. The flowers are all around us, the shadows from the desk lamp curling across the room. "We will."

He nods.

I push in.

Oh god .

The tightness and warmth, the pressure squeezing the tip of my dick, and then increasing along my shaft as I slowly push in.

" Fuck ." He grabs at the sheets, his cock rock hard, his knees pulling up even more. "Oh fuck… Does that feel good? Tell me it feels…"

"It's incredible," I mumble. I can't get control of my thoughts. It's like this cellular change, this complete shift of the universe. I move my hips, and my dick slides out and then back in. He's tight, but not tense.

"Ohhh, fu…" He reaches out a hand toward me, and our fingers thread as I shift my hips back, then forward again, adjusting myself to get the right angle.

"Fuck fuck ." His voice is rough and breathy. "You feel so good. So fucking perfect."

I moan.

I feel it, too.

We become lost, our bodies sweaty, our sounds filling the room. My dick slides in and out of him, in a way that I'd never thought I'd see.

"Oh fuck, baby." He grips onto my fingers hard. "Fuck me with your little dick."

Tears build at the corners of my eyes, and I don't blink them back. I let them fall down my cheeks.

Something switches in me. I pound into him, my muscles straining, my skin flushed, my sweat-damp hair falling into my eyes. I've never felt so attached to my body before. Never felt so at home in it.

But with Dorian, it's like a new reality opens. A fifth dimension. A new understanding.

And I'm ready for it.

I fuck him. There's no other word for it. I let go of some part of me that's been tethered, and I give him everything I've got. Instead of being surprised or questioning, he throws himself into it. He begs me to fuck him harder. He tells me, over and over, that I'm sexy and I'm exactly what he wants.

When I hit a perfect angle, one his legs propped heavily up on my shoulder, the weight nearly too much for me and his cock fisted in my hand, he flexes from head to toe.

"I'm close," he pushes out. His teeth clench, his cock swelling in my hand. "Please get me there."

I do, fucking him so hard that we're both breathless, until he releases, wetting my hand and his chest.

I follow, shaking and panting. I'm making sounds I've never heard myself make, pounding him in a higher and higher frenzy until I come, filling the condom—filling him —and he groans like he can feel it through the latex, his hole squeezing around me.

I collapse onto him. I'm speechless. He wraps his arms around me, hugging me so close that I think we really might be connected. That we really might have finally found each other. That we fit together. One big and one small, but so perfectly that it's the only thing that makes sense.

In that moment, so much suddenly makes sense to me.

"I want to follow you," I whisper.

D's breath comes hard. He pushes back against the pillow so he can see me. "Rory?"

"I want to follow you," I repeat. "It's what makes logical sense. I don't have anything in New York other than that job and a room leased from a person I don't even know. I'm not even fully sure about why I wanted to go. I think I wanted something to focus on so that I could distract myself from losing you."

His forehead lines as he keeps me locked tight against him, our skin slick and warm. My dick's not big enough to stay in him from this position, but it's tucked against his lower abdomen, wet with my own cum inside the condom. And for some reason, that makes me feel so at peace. So warm. And so certain .

"But it's the job you wanted," he says. "It's…"

"No." I search my thoughts. I mean really search my thoughts. "I want you. Just as much as you want me."

I believe him .

"And California sounds amazing ," I say. "The beach and the palm trees." I drag in the sweet smell of the flowers. "And to be close to your family. Maybe we could even…" I struggle with words. As much as I believe him, my next thought is so tremendous that I don't know if it's too much. To live together. To create a life with him, and?—

"We'd have to live with my brother for a while." He's wearing this huge, dopey, delighted smile. And then he laughs, so happily. "We could get our own place after the lease is up. I can work in the shop and you could do so many things Rory. Whatever you want."

I blink back tears.

He goes with me, without questioning or doubting. He jumps off with both feet.

Dorian always jumps for me.

"I love you," I say.

He hugs me tighter, big and warm and surrounding me. "You are worth so much to me."

I breathe out, certainty settling deep in my chest. A beginning of a journey together. Both outside, and inside. "I know ."