Chapter 14

14

Rory stares at me, a wisp of red hair falling into his lashes. Tree frogs chirping behind him, and I'm feeling every molecule of this moment. The years together, all those nights studying, I can practically feel them.

" What ?" He blinks.

I clear my throat, squishing my toes into my flip-flops, nerves popping like peonies. "Yeah, so… maybe at this point, cock sucking is the way to go?"

I know it's not all about sex. And I won't cross a single boundary he doesn't want to cross, but we've been playing around this. Giving each other long, lingering looks. It's time we talked about it.

"You'd…" His eyes zip down me, gracing me with one of those looks now. "…want to?"

"Without a doubt ." My voice cracks. Fuck, I am so so so nervous. Rory brings it out in me. I just like him so much.

His teeth graze over his bottom lip, the tips of his hair moving in the breeze. I'm inches from him, but I don't touch. I've expressed my interest, but I haven't gotten a yes from him.

He's still staring at me wide-eyed. "And… you want to do this now?"

"Yes." I swallow. "I think I've wanted to do it for so long. I turned my brain off from thinking about it, but I think the thought has always been there. Have you ever thought about it?"

His eyes widen at my question, his fingers balling and releasing at his sides. "I…" He inhales sharply. "So many times."

Ohhhh, Rory. Why did it take us so long to get here? "What did you think about?"

He squeezes his eyes shut. "It's embarrassing."

"It doesn't have to be embarrassing with me." I can't think of a single thing he would say that I wouldn't be interested in. I inhale the smell of night blooms. "I'm happy to talk about it, whether we end up doing something or not."

He peeks out of one eye. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." I'm so sure.

"Okay," he says cautiously, his chest expanding under his tee. "I've pretended…" He winces and then his next sentence tumbles out in a rush. "…that you were Leo. And I was Oliver.." A blush flares across his cheeks so deep that I don't have any trouble seeing it in the shadows. "I know you aren't Leo."

"I'm not." I study him. Does he wish I was? My chest tightens. "But I'm real, and I'm here, so at least I have that going for me?"

"You're better , D. Leo's good for Oliver. But you're better for me. You're kinda perfect for me, actually. I mean…" He shakes his head, glancing over toward the palms, blinking quickly.

My heart floods. It seriously feels like there's a wash of water coursing over me. His words hit me fucking hard. "I like you so much, Rory."

"I…" His eyes flash back to me. "I like you, too. And I want to, but…"

"You can tell me anything."

"I'm nervous."

I lick my lips. "I think nerves are fine. I'm feeling that, too. My fingers are seriously shaking. But as long as it's not worry, or fear, or any feeling like you don't want to do this, then I think it's okay."

His eyes move over me again, his fingers rattling against his thigh. "You're nervous, too?"

"So fucking nervous." I can see a thought lingering in his eyes. "It's alright if you don't want to. We can do something else. Talk or walk on the beach. Or snuggle and kiss. I love just sn?—"

"I'm smaller than you," he blurts suddenly. "You know that."

"I do."

"Like significantly, and?—"

"Stop," I say softly. "You don't need to warn me. There's nothing to warn about."

He snaps his arms across his chest. "But?—"

"I like smaller dicks."

His eyes widen. "That's not possible."

"Why not?"

He hesitates. "I… don't know." He studies me, like he's debating. Maybe something has slipped through. Something has made an impression.

I debate what to say. I don't want to make him uncomfortable talking about other guys, but maybe he needs to know.

"I like being able to take a dick fully into my mouth," I say. "I like the smallness. And every time we've been close, you've felt perfect . You're my fantasy—head to toe, inside and outside. You're who I want."

He shivers, staring at me. His lips part, his chest moving. Then he steps backward, through the open sliding door.

My heart plummets. Right down to the ground.

I'm about to turn and just head out into the night, just give him space, not sure where I'm going, when his fingers tug on the bottom for his tee.

"D," he whispers. He pulls his shirt up, over his head. It gets caught on his elbows, but he yanks it off, then drops it on the floor. He inhales an unsteady breath, dark gray eyes watching me. "Do you want to come in?"

Oh fuck. I'm frozen.

Everything except my eyes, which are all over him. His freckled chest, the buds of his nipples dark against his skin, just above the cross of his arms. The tan lines, that I can barely see in the dim light, around his thin biceps.

I breathe out, hardly able to keep my hands from shaking. "Fuck, you're sexy."

He shakes his head, his arms crossing over his chest.

"You are ," I say. "I wish you could see inside my head. Because you are indescribably amazing. And I know you don't fully believe that now, but someday, I hope you do. I hope that you see what I see."

I follow him into the room. He steps back to give me space. It's darker in here, light welling in the glass door from the landscaping lighting and the last glow of the nearly set sun.

"I…" His arms fall to his sides. "I want to. It's just hard to imagine that you look at me like that."

"I don't think you could possibly be sexier." Like there's seriously no possible way. "I don't know why it took so long for me to tell you. I should have told you right from the start."

"From the start?"

"That first study group."

The room is quiet. Outside, even the tree frogs are silent.

He swallows, still watching me carefully, and then he moves, his fingers skimming over the top of his waistband.

"I want to, D." He grasps the elastic of his shorts and then he tugs them down, taking his boxers with them.

His dick jumps out.

Holy fuck.

I mean…

" Holy fuck. " I stumble over my words. "You are perfect. I…"

I swallow, my saliva thick, my heart smattering so hard that my head feels light. I seriously might fall over. I know I should be reassuring him in some coherent way, but I am so taken that I'm at a complete loss for words. I can barely remember how to stand, much less process speech.

His shorts and boxers are still around his thighs, and his cock… He's beautifully small, smooth, and erect. Perfectly proportioned, perfectly blushed with color in the dim light. Perfectly sized for him .

He's perfect in every single fucking way.

"You're even sexier than I imagined." My dick is throbbing, my stomach tightening. "I can't stop looking at you."

He's got so much —his humor and his kindness, his intelligence and sweetness. He's sexy as hell, and now, there's this perfect dick.

His stomach pulls inward, his thighs flexing under my gaze. "You're really okay with?—"

"Okay?" I burst out, having to rip my eyes up to his face. "Jesus, I'm so much more than okay . And so are you. You've had that perfect dick in your shorts this entire time ? Holy fuck, Rory. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I…" He blinks. "You're being serious?"

" Yes , I'm being serious." My smile fades, my heart crumbles at the expression on his face. "You are exactly as you should be. You're sexy as hell. You're everything I want. I don't understand how anyone could look at you and not want you. I don't understand how?—"

"You're serious," he repeats, quieter this time. A tear tracks down his cheek. He wipes at it with the heel of his hand. And then another follows, and another.

"Oh fuck, Rory."

He shakes his head. "I'm sorry, it's just relief. It's so much relief."

And now I'm about to cry, my throat constricting, my chest too. I step forward and pull him against me, cupping the nape of his neck, bending so my lips are against his jaw. We hug for long minutes, his nearly naked body clasped against me, the shadows deepening, the sun fully setting outside behind the trees. I hold him like I wanted to earlier, like I'm blocking out the rest of the world. Like it's just him and me. Like nothing else matters.

Nothing else does .

He's it for me. Yes, there's my family, too. But Rory's who I want to be with.

And if he's three thousand miles away, that won't change how I feel. I don't want to be with anyone else.

It's still him . My best friend. I would follow him to the end of the earth just to get a little more time with him. Just to get to be friends with him.

I squeeze my eyes shut, holding tighter. I don't know how to let go. I don't know how to be away from him. But I will learn how if that's what he needs.

He pushes up to his toes, and he kisses me, his fingers clutching into my hair, his body moving against mine.

I squeeze my eyes tighter and kiss him back. I want to make him feel good. In every possible way I can. Right now, that feels like my entire purpose in life.

I kiss across to his jaw, tucking my lips against his ear. "Can I ask you something a little dirty?"

He shivers and nods, his fingers still clutched in my hair. " Please ."

"Do you want to come in my mouth?"

"Oh god, D. Your voice ." His dick digs into my thigh. "I've never…"

"Never what?"

"Um…" He stiffens. "No one's ever given me head. With my ex, it was always me to him."

Jesus . What a fucking douchehole. I mean, seriously. Obviously everyone has boundaries, but with every mention of his guy, it feels like he was an unforgivable, selfish a-hole.

Rory deserves better.

"Well, I can't wait to taste you," I whisper, dropping kisses across his jaw, then his neck, then the top of his shoulder, licking across his skin, sucking off the sunblock and salt, savoring the beach on his skin and loving the way he grips on my hair. "I can't wait to suck that perfect dick into my mouth."

He's so beyond sexy. I crouch to kiss along his collarbone, then down his sternum, before moving over to suck on his nipple, licking and playing, loving the way he whimpers, his body moving as I kiss back to the middle of his chest, his dick so hard between us.

Yes, I want that. But I'm not gonna rush. This is his first time—it needs to be memorable. So I taste every bit of his pale skin across his chest, spending so much time at his nipples that he's whimpering and sputtering half-words, before I finally slide down, planting my knees on the ground.

And still, I don't go straight for his dick.

He gasps as I suck on his navel, his head rolling back, his hips rocking forward, the tip of his dick wetting my throat.

"God, D…" He lets out a noise, not a whimper, but something that sounds close, and I'm seriously about to explode in my shorts. He's so sexy. He responds to every touch. Like he's aching for it. And it makes me hurt that no one has ever touched him like this.

He deserves to be touched and kissed and caressed. He deserves to be put first. He deserves to be loved with someone's whole heart.

My hands shake as I slide them up his thighs.

I could love him like that.

"Oh god ." His stomach flexes, his fingers tugging harder in my hair. "Oh god. Oh god. Oh god."

His shorts are still on his thighs, and I tug them down and help him step out, then I return to kiss him, along his thighs, the freckles on his hips, the smattering of dark red hair around the base of his cock. He's got a few freckles on his shaft too, so damn sexy. I want to lick them.

He moves with me, his fingers never leaving my hair, letting out whimpers and surprised gasps, until I finally draw his dick into my mouth.

He nearly shouts.

Fuck, he tastes like a dream. I groan, sucking him deeper, my eyes rolling as he slides to the back of my tongue, his perfectly sized dick in the middle of my mouth. I can take him to the hilt, bury my nose in his hair. I can roll my tongue around his shaft.

Ohhh fuck, I'm so close to coming.

His fingers dig into my scalp, his breaths becoming sharp. " Yes , D. Oh god."

He's about the exact length of my tongue. I use my whole mouth. I push his cock against the soft inside of my cheek with my tongue and massage him, keeping him tapped there.

He arches back, his eyes hooded and dark gray as his thighs flex. My dick is throbbing .

"D…" His hips shift to get deeper, and I let the head of his cock side against the roof of my mouth. His hair tickles my nose. My thighs are shaking so hard that I can hardly kneel, my own groans coming louder.

My vision is clouding. Pressure builds deep in my pelvis. I can feel everything with his whole cock in my mouth, every twitch and quiver, the swelling of his head with each whimper.

I want to see everything too.

I pull off. "I want to see you."

He blinks, nodding eagerly, and I'm so glad that he's not seeming nervous or scared. I gather him against me, before crossing to the bed. I set him down, crawling over the top of him, my board shorts stretching tight as I reach to click on the bedside light.

I look down and freeze.

His eyes are glassy, his pupils wide, that blush across his cheeks seems to be permanent right now, warming down to his chest and stomach. All along his hips and darkening his cock, too.

Holy Jesus. I can't tear my eyes away.

"I want you," I say bluntly. I should probably sort out something more eloquent, but that's what comes out.

He smiles. "I want you, too."

His hand comes up, his fingers brushing softly over my Adam's apple, then down to the hollow of my clavicle before trailing down my chest and along my stomach. His fingers play in the dimples of my abs before he moves down further.

"Can I?" He blinks one, long lashes brushing.

"Yes. Always. Unequivocally. Whenever you want."

He smiles at my answer, and then he cups my dick, over my shorts, and the world sways.

I groan deeply, over the top of him on my hands and knees.

He strokes the outside of my shorts, and I let out a string of curses. Then he yanks on the ties, and before I adjust to what's happening, he's slid his hand under my waistband, his palm rubbing against my head before he manages to fist me.

I bite my bottom lip so hard I taste copper, my hips rocking with him, my toes curling and flip-flops falling off, my ass clenching. I'm shaking—trying to hold onto reality, my dick is so hard that the fabric of my shorts is pulled, latching his hand so tightly that my eyes roll. I refocus, not wanting to lose him, and I take in his expression, rapt and fixed on me, his eyes widening as I fuck into his hand.

He arches as he strokes me. "You're big , D."

I shake my head. "I'm?—"

"Compared to me." His fist loosens, stroking faster. Then he releases to push my shorts down my thighs, and I spring fully out. I'm swollen from his strokes, the head of my cock blushed a dark brown, pre-cum beading at the tip. Oh fuck, oh fuck, I want to watch us like this forever.

He shudders, staring.

I squeeze my eyes shut and open them again, white rings of light in my vision.

His hand closes around me, stroking, his dick hard against his pelvis. "Look at us together."

I groan. I should have words, but I really don't.

"Your big cock and my…" He swallows. "My little dick."

I stiffen, my shoulders tightening. My head is spiraling with the way he's stroking me, but I fight through it, focusing on his face. On what he just said.

He used that word.

"Rory?" I croak out.

He blinks up at me. "I think I want to hear it."

"Hear it?" I halfway choke, then groan as he strokes me again, then I manage to concentrate.

"I think…" he says, "I want to own it."

My heart is pounding. "You do?"

He nods. "Your big dick and my…" He lets out a ragged breath. "Will you say it?"

My hips are working into his hand, my thoughts spiraling. "Your…" I start, and then the words are right there. "Your little dick."

He gasps. "Say more."

Oh god, ohhhh fuck. "I want to lick all that slick pre-cum off your hot, little dick."

His pupils flare, his hand stroking me faster. " More ."

Yes, Rory . Be who you are. Be that sexy fucking man that you already are.

"I want your little dick touching my cock," I whisper, a tremble starting deep in my balls. I don't know how much longer I can last. "I want to see us both in your hand."

His mouth drops open, a whimper echoing in the inches between us, but there's something else too—a kind of calmness, even in the heat of his desire. A kind of certainty.

"I've never done this either," he whispers before he traps both of us. And fuck… our size difference. His smaller cock against mine, his head swelling against my shaft, the way that we look together.

It's so fucking perfect.

My eyes sail up to his face, watching him watch, the way he's into it too, his fingers shaking around our shafts so hard that I can feel it, but it doesn't seem like nerves—it seems like full desire. His lips are wet and swollen, that deep blush across his entire body.

"I didn't think I'd like that word so much." He shivers. "And this too."

His eyes meet mine, and in a flash, I know what we need to do.

In the back of my head, I haven't forgotten New York. I haven't forgotten what he said. Maybe we only have this one night. And if that's all, then I know what we need to do.

We need to make one of his fantasies come true.

My fantasy has already come true. He's here with me. So it's his turn,

I let out a shaky breath and take my hand off the mattress, shifting onto one knee so that I can balance myself.

"Fist just yourself," I tell him.

"D," he pleads, but I shake my head.

"Trust me," I whisper.

He lets go of me, and I grab my dick, stroking, pretty easily lubed with the amount of pre-cum I've been leaking. I stretch my foreskin, softly pulling it looser. His eyes hood as he watches me.

"Are we…" He's shaking. "You would really?"

"Help me." I shift my hips and push halfway up to my toes. "You print know what to do better than me. I think you need to press the tip of your dick against the tip of mine?"

"Oh god." He grips himself, small in his palm, and another one of my fantasies fuels awake watching him stroke himself.

We move so our tips are aligned. It's kinda difficult because we're both so hard, but we make it work. I brush the head of my cock against his and he shudders, his back arching, his dick jumping away. He has to reposition himself so we can do it again, the slick of his pre-cum smearing and mixing with mine, creating enough lubrication for us.

I'm nearly panting, my legs shaking from holding my weight. I don't know how long before I fall, so I focus on massaging my foreskin, on creating that link between us. I take one stroke where my foreskin just brushes against the very tip of his dick, and he convulses, whimpering and shaking so hard that I almost lose the connection between us again.

I fight to keep contact, taking a second stroke where my foreskin just eases over his head, and this time, we both nearly fall apart.

He's stroking faster. So am I.

I wonder if we're even going to be capable of doing this without both busting a nut, but with a third time, my foreskin covers his head. We both shudder. I take our speed down. But holy fuck , my cock seems to swallow his, and our size difference isn't just visually perfect—it's perfect for this . The feeling of him tucked inside my foreskin is beyond anything I've ever experienced, his head rubbing against mine, the warmth of him inside me. It must be the same for him because he's pushing out fractured pleas, his body squirming.

"Oh god, ohhh, ohhhh." His jaw tightens, his hips working with mine.

My legs are shaking, my toes curling even as they try to hold me up. Fuck, I love him inside me.

"I can't hold myself up," I gasp out. "You need to…"

His hand clasps over mine, keeping us locked, and my palm lands on the bed. He strokes us, keeping us together, and fuck…

"Oh god , D. I'm so close." His entire body trembles, his thighs spreading. The feeling of him in my foreskin is seriously fucking wrecking me.

He arches, his lashes fluttering. "I'm going to…"

Oh fuck, his lips tighten, and then he belts out a shout as his cum fills the trap of skin locked between us. My foreskin swells out, and fuck… My mouth drops open, the pressure sending shocks down to my balls and up into my navel. He keeps us locked together, just a dribble of his cum sneaking out, the rest caught bulging between us.

"Ohhh fuck." I grit my teeth, my thighs and stomach flexing. I didn't realize that would happen. " Ohfuckohfuckohfuck ."

"Hold on," he whispers.

Jesus, what? Hold on for what? I'm trying .

The world fragments as he squeezes at the link between us, then slides his cock out, the billow of his cum trapped in my foreskin, slick and hot and too fucking good around my head. He scoots down, and I don't know what he's doing, but whatever it is, I'm half a step from the edge.

He swallows my cock, letting loose the capture of his own cum into his mouth, and holy shit, I can't hold back. He practically mewls as he takes me, his tongue smoothing the slippery mixtures of cum and saliva around my shaft.

My release quivers once, and then it just goes. It's all I can do to keep braced over him, falling partway down to my elbows, my cock throbbing deep in his mouth as he swallows the mixture of our cum.

I fall.

Halfway onto him, halfway onto my side.

I'm breathing. I think? I'm alive. I think? I'm in heaven. I know .

He crawls up to me, and both of us struggle to breathe as I drag him close. I'm practically swallowing him in my arms, our skin clammy and slick with sweat, but I don't care. I just want to keep holding onto him.

I bury my nose in his neck, holding onto him so hard that my arms ache, so hard that it's difficult to breathe. So hard that maybe it'll leave an impression after we leave here, after we go back, after we graduate. Maybe leave an impression so deep that somehow, even if we have all the distance of New York and California between us, we'll still feel it.

"D," he whispers, long after the sweat has dried on my skin. "I'm starting to believe you."

Tears slip out of my eyes and wet his neck.

I cry. I just fucking cry.

And I hope that he keeps hearing me. That he understands. That he, and everyone else on this planet, can manage to believe, even if it's only for a fraction of a second, that they're exactly as they should be. That they're amazing. That they're beautiful.

That they're enough.