Chapter 12

12

I go on a freckle hunt.

The morning sunlight warms across the sheets, illuminating Rory's hair to a brilliant copper. My heart pitter-patters as I crawl over him, kissing the freckles on his neck, then sucking them, then tickling them with my tongue as he sighs and moans and laughs. I let him catch his breath for a few minutes, lingering over him with my dick hanging heavily in my lounge pants and a flush across my chest. Then I start the process all over again, and I keep doing it, kissing over the top of his t-shirt, down to his stomach, but careful to only touch him above his waist, although he doesn't cover himself this time. He's hard in his sleep shorts, and he moans when he accidentally brushes against my chest.

I don't draw attention to it. I don't want to risk breaking the moment. So I keep kissing and teasing him until he pushes his palms against my chest, laughing at me to stop. And I do, of course.

I'm so happy.

I don't want to get out of bed. It's our last full day here. I don't know how the time went so fast, but I have a surprise for him.

"Bungee jumping." I collapse onto my side and adjust my dick.

"Really?" He grins. "I've wanted to try that."

"I know," I say. "You mentioned it about two years ago."

He blinks. "You remember?"

"Of course. You're still game?"

"As long as all the calculations are correct."

"You can double check them." I roll closer to kiss him, and his fingertips slip down my chest, stopping an inch from where my dick is pushing out the fabric. So close that my breath catches.

It's not really the dick contact I crave. He's getting more comfortable with me physically, and I ache for that more than anything. For his kisses, his touches. How his eyes linger on me, and the way my touch seems to thrill him, how he moaned when his cock brushed my chest. I love it all.

I smack an extra-loud kiss on his cheek that makes me laugh. "I'll go get Theo and Carter."

I start to roll off, but he pulls me back. "Will you keep kissing me?"

My heart stops. It's the first time he's asked me. The first time he's seemed to really believe that I want to kiss him. I thought I was happy before, but now I'm a bumbling mess of delight.

I roll over on top of him. "Ohhh fuck, yes."

Forty minutes of kissing later, we finally make it out of bed, and I change into shorts, tucking my erection under the elastic before grabbing a t-shirt and stepping out into the hallway as Rory goes to take a shower.

I inhale sweet-smelling Cluan air, filling all of my lungs.

I don't want to hide things with Theo and Carter anymore. I will if that's what Rory wants, but I'm damn proud that he's into me. I want to yell it from the rooftops. I want to hold his hand and tell him how incredible he is all the fucking time, not just when we're alone.

I stop outside of Theo and Carter's room. Their door is propped open on the deadbolt latch, and I knock. Silence. I knock again, but I don't hear anything.

"Hey, guys?" I push open the door. Their room is a twin of ours, except reversed, unmade bed and donut hole couch.

I wrinkle my nose at the dude-smell and glance toward the patio. Outside, there are a couple of to-go cups on the table, so I head that way, stepping through the open sliding door into the sunlight and?—

"Holy fuck," I blurt.

I mean, holy fucking fuck .

Theo is laid partly back on a chaise lounge, his blue eyes widening as they land on me, and his legs are up. Like spread and pushed up and…

He's naked.

Like totally fucking bare.

And Carter's kneeled before him, his head between Theo's thighs, his tongue in Theo's…

I make a weird sound. I don't mean to, but it just comes out. I'm standing there, completely flummoxed.

I mean, holy shit .

How long has this been going on?

Carter jumps back, slamming into the table.

Theo's legs snap down, but his dick is sticking straight up, all his jigglies on display. He gurgles out a word I can't decipher and then stands, covering his junk with both hands.

There's a moment of silence.

"Uh, sorry," I say, keeping my eyes at face level. "The door was open."

Theo winces.

Jesus, I need to get out of here.

"We're heading out bungee jumping," I say, backstepping toward the door, "if you guys wanna go? After you're… done."

Carter clears his throat. "Yeah, that sounds good. Theo?"

Theo nods, not looking at me. "Uh, okay."

"Cool." I take another step back. "I'll just?—"

I turn and practically throw myself through the sliding door. I don't stop until I'm in the hallway.

Holy fuck, did I just see that?

I wipe a hand over my face. But it's also… not that surprising.

Now that I'm over the initial shock of seeing the two of them like that, it's not surprising at all. I mean?—

"D," Carter's voice follows me into the hallway, and I stop, turning to look at him, his forehead wrinkled as he hurries up to me.

"Yeah?" I clear my throat.

"Are we good?" he asks. "I mean, that was probably?—"

"We're good."

"You sure?" The lines on his forehead deepen.

I smile a little. "Of course." I clasp him on the shoulder. "Totally good."

"Alright. Figured so." He nods then blows out a breath of relief that turns into a laugh. "Okay, cool. I'm excited for bungee jumping."

"Me too." I go to turn and then stop. "What is it for you guys? Are you dating? Or doing the fuck buddy thing? Or…"

"Ah, no." He smiles. "I'm completely in love with him, dude."

I blink, my heart thumping hard. "You are?"

"Yep." He nods. "With everything I've got."

Holy shit. "Does he feel the same?"

His smile falls. "I dunno. Honestly? I'm scared, but what else am I gonna do besides go for it?"

I clasp his shoulder. "I hope you both find what makes you happy."

Something shines in Carter's eyes. "I do, too. And we'll see you in a few minutes. It's gonna be so fun, dude! We'll have the best time."

I step back. "Yeah. We will."

On the steps up to the bungee platform, I keep trying to wrap my head around Theo and Carter. Like I said, it's not that it's all that surprising, but it's the way that Carter tilted his head in the hallway. The honesty that he hit me with.

Completely in love with him.

I blow out a soft breath. Rory's a few steps above me, chatting with Carter. They're both leaning over the railing, looking down at the canopy of trees below, dense trees on either side of a blue river. It's mostly Xate, which I've never seen growing in the wild like this, but it has a deep green palm used in floral arrangements. When I mentioned that to Rory earlier, his eyes lit, the breeze catching his hair, sun warming the freckles across his face.

It was so fucking difficult to stand two feet away from him and talk about flower arrangements with my hands sunk in my pockets and my big toes pinched by my flip-flops. It's difficult to stand here now while he's chatting with Carter, his light gray tee wrinkled from his suitcase. He fretted about the wrinkles, but I like them.

My butterflies are fluttering. Not just in my stomach, but in my fingers, in my throat, and in my thoughts.

Fuck, I like him so much. I like everyth?—

"So…?"

I jump, my head whipping to take in Theo, standing next to me with those brilliant blue eyes. He licks his lips, then starts to say something, then stops.

Then he starts again.

"Sorry about my hole," he says.

Holy shit .

I let out a surprised laugh. Nothing like getting straight to the point. "Can't say it was something I'd expected to see."

"I bet. I just feel weird that?—"

"It's cool." I kick back onto my heels, giving him a smile. "It looked like you two were having fun."

He blinks. "Yeah. So, we're good?"

"Of course." I study him for a moment then reach out to grab his shoulder. "You realize I'm bi, right?" I don't know if I've ever said those words to him specifically, but I've definitely expressed interest in guys before. Growing up, I never needed to come out. I just liked whomever I liked, and there was never any pressure to define it.

"Uh, yeah." He smiles faintly, but he still looks nervous. "You've mentioned that."

His blue eyes sweep me again then move over my shoulder toward the cliff edge, then back again. His shoulders are tight, his biceps twitching under the arms of his tee.

Jesus, he's so tense. And obviously wrapped up in his thoughts.

"I know what it's like to be in your own head about shit," I start. I've pretty much been there ever since reading the word ‘docking.' "But seriously, everything is cool."

His eyes land back on me, his throat moving with a swallow.

Okay, so there's something going on here. I don't know if it's uncertainty about himself and Carter? Or maybe there's something else? Theo's been through a lot lately.

But I nod toward Carter, trying like hell not to notice as Rory leans over the railing, his sandals on the bottom rung, his spine bending, vertebrae popping out.

Ohhh fuck . A pulse starts low in my gut. Don't get distracted .

I fix my eyes back on Theo. Focus on the conversation.

"I love you and Carter together," I say.

He sucks in a sharp breath. "You do?"

I nod as we move up a few more steps. "Yeah, of course. I love you both, so together is even better. And he's like this giant golden retriever, just wide open and honest and enthusiastic." It's not my place to repeat what Carter told me in the hallway, even though it's on the tip of my tongue. I finally push out, "I just don't want to see either of you get hurt."

Fuck, I hope that gets across how much Carter likes him.

Completely in love with him.

What if… that's me, too? I mean, not with Theo.

"You gotta do you," I say to him. "But the two of you are good together."

Theo's lips lift as we move again. And when he looks at Carter, there's this look that he gives him. Like something in this big, muscled football guy settles. A breath from deep in his abdomen releases.

They're so good together.

"D!" Rory's call makes me turn. He's up on the platform now, waving toward me, and I nod at Theo and then take the stairs.

Up here is nothing more than a flat rectangle hanging over the river far below. The height is intense. The thought of jumping off? Holy fuck. My heart's pounding, sweat beading on the back of my neck.

Maybe I should have thought about this more. Although Rory did mention it a few years ago, so I'll be ready if he is.

Rory's looking out toward the horizon, and I dip close to his ear as we wait for the guide to check our equipment, my fingers barely brushing his wrist. I've never wanted to hold someone's hand like I want to hold his. Not with this intense distraction that tightens in my stomach, that keeps dropping my gaze to his fingers loose at his side.

"Are you nervous?" I ask.

He turns to face me, inches away, gray eyes vibrant. " Yes . But I'm pretty sure anticipatory anxiety is normal for an activity like this."

I smile, rolling my thumb under the pineapple tattoo on his arm, partly worn off from saltwater and sun. "I like my anticipatory anxiety."

And him. So fucking much.

Would it surprise me if I was in love?

No .

It wouldn't.

And maybe I just need to go with that.

Maybe I need to go with my gut. When it comes to decisions about my future, I need to go with what feels right.

"I like my anticipatory anxiety too." Rory smiles so widely that his nose crinkles, laugh lines appearing at the corners of his eyes. Deeply colored freckles, dark from the sun, cross his nose and cheeks, his glasses tucked safely away.

I just keep staring at him.

A few minutes later, the guide brings us harnesses. Rory pulls his up, tugging it over his shorts, and then he buckles it around his waist, snug around his narrow hips and those lean upper thighs.

My eyes are all over him. The way the harness catches around his legs. The way that it fits. And he is litt?—

No.

Don't fucking think it. Shit . I'm a dickface.

Why did my mind go there?

He doesn't like that word. It doesn't matter that I don't think of it as a negative. It matters what he thinks. The boundaries he's set.

What would I think if he was calling me ‘stupid' in his head? Jesus, it would hurt so bad.

I focus on buckling on my harness, a heat swelling in my eyes at just the thought of Rory calling me a word I don't want to be called. I'd never do that to him.

"D?"

My attention snaps back to him. "Yeah?"

"Go tandem with me?" he asks.

My heart thumps hard . "Oh fuck, yes."

I can't wait to be closer to him. Nerves bite at me as the guide double checks my harness, tugging on it by my thighs and junk.

Rory watches me. Gray eyes thoughtful, lips soft.

I wonder what he's thinking.

But he breaks into a smile as I step across from him at the very edge of the platform, the river far below. The guide works around us, clicking on different straps as we stand there, the breeze tickling, that floral scent of the island all around us.

The guide pushes us closer together, our bodies snug.

"You're hard, D," Rory whispers.

"Uh, yeah ." I grin. There's really no hiding it. "You're next to me. Of course I am."

He licks his lips, silent for a moment, still looking up at me. His heart is pounding. I can feel it. His arms tremble as they lock around me. Thoughts spin in his eyes.

"I… like it," he finally says. "Maybe later we can…"

He blushes.

Ohhh fuck. "I?—"

"Are you ready?" the guide asks.

I nod and lean close to Rory's ear. "Are you ready?"

When I lean back, he opens his mouth. We're tied so that my dick is digging into his stomach, twitching every time he moves.

"I think I'm scared," he says quietly. I don't know if he's talking about jumping or everything else.

Scared .

Carter said that too.

Maybe that's just the way it is when falling for someone this hard.

But it won't stop me.

I wrap my arms tighter around him. "I am too. But I'm ready to do this with you."

He nods. "Don't let go."

Fuck, I won't . We're an inch from the edge, and it feels like if we jump off, it will be the moment that changes everything.

A jump into the unknown.

I'm so fucking ready.

We grip onto each other, and together we fall.