25. Bridget

brIDGET

I needa night out at the bar like I need a hole in the head. I'm surprised my liver is still intact after Key West.

Not to mention, I haven't felt like doing much of anything since things went haywire with Seth.

I look down at my phone one more time, check our thread of messages to see if I missed a text.

Still, nothing.

It took everything in me to text him today after my meeting with Deborah Angelise. I was on cloud nine, felt as powerful as I ever have, and thought, "Fuck it. I'll text him."

He said I'm still his, right?

So, we should be able to have scenes in the Underground, still spend time together, in secret, the way we always have.

I know that pales in comparison to the real thing, but…

We've waited so many years to have each other like this. He won't throw it all away just because it doesn't look the way he wanted it to, right?

"Stop staring at your phone." Sonia waves her hand over the screen.

I look at my friend sitting beside me at the bar. "Sorry, I'm distracted."

"Yeah, we all can tell." She glances over at Laney and Abigail who are collecting a round of shots from the bartender. "Everything okay?"

I click my phone off and drop it back in my clutch. "Yeah. Fine."

She narrows her eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Why are you on my ass, Sonia?" It's supposed to be an attempt to be funny, but it just comes out edgy.

Sonia's eyes widen. "Sorry. Didn't realize I was on your ass."

I sigh. "I didn't mean…sorry, I'm just. I have things on my mind."

"Clearly. Which is why I, your best friend, am asking you if there's anything you want to talk about."

In the club lighting, Sonia's brown eyes illuminate like the flames of candles. Threatening to burn me.

"I'm just feeling a little low tonight. I shouldn't have come out." But when Sonia asked, I immediately agreed. I haven't seen her one on one since the honeymoon. She's been wrapped up with Edwin, and I've been wrapped with Seth, and other than group activities, our paths don't seem to cross, so…

"Well, I'm glad you're here," Sonia says. "And if you want to talk about what's going through your mind, you should talk to me."

I smile. "Thanks, So."

"Okay, tequila!" Abigail cries out, four shots between her fingers. Laney flanks her with a glass of limes and a saltshaker.

Sonia holds up a hand. "None for me, thanks."

Everyone goes silent. We stare at her.

"You all…good?" Sonia asks.

"Holy shit," Laney says. "You're–are you–"

Sonia doesn't say anything, just smiles.

"Oh, my god, are you serious?" I ask. "You're pregnant?"

Sonia's small smile grows.

Abigail squeals and grabs Sonia's arm. "Stop it! You're lying!"

Sonia flushes, looking away. "I mean, it's still early, but–"

Laney, Abigail, and I all titter over Sonia's news, almost loud enough to break through the din of the club sounds.

"When did you find out?" I ask.

"Just yesterday. I thought I should keep it a secret given how early, but…" She smiles at all of us, her eyes glimmering with tears. "You're all family, so…"

A twinge in my chest.

I'm not technically Sonia's family. Abigail is her stepdaughter. And Laney is engaged to her stepson. I'm an extra, squeaky wheel. Knowing that Sonia doesn't see me that way, though, means the world.

However, a baby…that's going to take my friend further away from me than a marriage.

I think of my unanswered text I sent to Seth.

I don't want to be alone. On an Island of Bridget with just my designs to keep me company. Sure, I have my dad. I have my friends. But I'm not anyone's first choice. Not like I was his before I screwed things up. But that's how it has to be, right?

"I'm so happy for you." I wrap my arms around her, trying to make myself push past the threat of disappointment at the back of my throat.

Sonia hugs me back, so tight and loving. She's going to be a good mom. And she deserves it.

Abigail grins. "I've never been so happy over the thought of my father having…" Her whole body shudders. "Okay, never mind, I don't want to think about it."

We all laugh. It's exciting. The first baby in the friend group.

We're getting older. And that's exciting.

Except Laney's getting married and Sonia's having a baby and I'm…

I lost my virginity and broke Seth's heart. Now he won't even talk to me. How pathetic is that?

Abigail lifts her head and shakes out her hair, resetting. "Now, who's having Sonia's shot, then?"

"Me," I say without thinking. I take one of the tequila shots and knock it back, then another. I pay no mind to the burn, ignore Laney when she offers me limes and salt. "Come on!" I grab Sonia's hand and pull her toward the dance floor. "Let's dance!"

They're all looking at me like I've just flipped personalities, and maybe I have.

I need a release. I need a release so bad. And I can't have the release Seth gives me. I don't know if I'll ever get it again.

I tried to avoid this, tried to plan ahead, tried to make sure I didn't give myself to a Dom who would chew me up and spit me out.

Seth didn't do that. I did that to him. And now I'm paying the price…

I lost him.

Maybe that's what I deserve. Maybe I've never been a very good sub at all.

Sonia doesn't resist my pull, though I see her looking at Abigail and Laney out of the corner of my eye.

Whatever. Who cares.

I need to dance.

We fold into the crush of nightclub goers all swinging their hips and waving their arms to the sound of the music.

I pull Sonia close. She's my bodyguard with her wedding ring. Plus, if we keep close enough, maybe people will think we're together. That's the way I want it. Don't want any man thinking he can put his hands on me right now.

In my heart and my mind, I still belong to Seth. The collar around my neck proves it. If he can't understand my position, that's alright. But until he says no more, I am still his through and through.

Laney and Abigail follow us, their heels clicking quickly across the floor.

Laney glowers at a fratty-looking guy who pulls on her hand as she winds through the crowd. She flashes him her hand and shouts out at him. He waves a hand toward her.

"You want me to get security on him?" Abigail shouts over the music as Laney joins our circle of safety.

"Forget about it." Laney brushes her blonde ponytail over her shoulder. "Nate and Mason are dropping by the club later. If he wants a fight, he'll get it."

I get lost in the music. The DJ is playing some top forty remixes, and I have my hands in the air like I don't care. I let the rest of the world drop away, just me, my girls, and the music.

Tequila shots course through me, my muscles loosen. I can actually breathe.

If I want this feeling to last, I'm going to have to drink way more than this. Lucky for me, the night is young yet.

"Go, Bridget! Woo!" Abigail gases me up as I bounce down to the floor into a squat.

"I can't do that, my knees." Sonia takes my hand and yanks me back to standing.

We laugh and dance.

Abigail gets us more shots. I take two again, the second glass I hold into the air, tip my chin back, and let the disco ball scatter little lights across my face, smiling ear to ear.

My eyes catch on a familiar face in the second level of the club, the balcony shaped like a horseshoe around us.

Seth.

Our eyes meet. Doesn't matter that the lighting is low, or the music is pounding. Everything freezes.

What's he doing here?

I should have known when Laney said Mason and Nate were coming by that it was some sort of guys' night. I should have known.

I drop my arms.

Should I go upstairs? Should I say something?

Before I can make a decision, Seth looks away. Like he didn't even see me.

It doesn't feel like a part of our Dom and sub dynamic. It hurts to the deepest part of my soul.

And I know I deserve all the pain I get. I broke his heart.

Yet, while I know all of this in the logical sense, my chest aches. And a fire is brewing inside me.

I want him to watch.

I'm going to put on a show for him. A show so good he can't look away.

I toss the shot glass over my shoulder and dance again. Harder. More unfettered. The straps of my dress are desperate to stay on my shoulders as I twirl and undulate and shimmy. My friends egg me on, and soon other people on the dance floor do too.

From the outside, I might look like I'm having the time of my life.

On the inside, I hurt like I never have before.

Look at me, I want to scream. Look at me. I belong to you. Why won't you look at me?

As my hips roll and my head turns to gelatin, I lose myself, yes, but I lose my balance too. I trip over my high heels and attempt to steady myself. But gravity pulls me backward.

If I am writhing in pain on the floor, will he look?

Except I don't fall to the floor. I land against a hard mass of body.

Hands engulf my hips. And there is a hardness forming at my lower back.

Someone's dick.

"Long time no see, Bridget," a voice from my past growls in my ear.

I want to run. But I am locked in his grip.

"Don't run away." He grips my hips harder, locks me to him. "Let's talk."

It takes everything in me to turn and look at the face of the man restraining me.

And when our eyes meet, the past slaps me in the face.