1. Bridget

brIDGET

The leather ridingcrop swipes through the air, a blurry cloud of black, and lands squarely against his open palm.

I wish I could hear the slap of the leather on his skin, but the window through which I watch the scene is soundproof.

It's erotic in its own right, the silence.

And yet, I still wish I could have the real thing, the full surround sound experience.

I tighten my thighs together as the Dom paces back and forth.

He's a specimen in his long-sleeved mesh shirt and tight leather pants. His dark, olive features are delicious to behold, and his stern countenance exudes control beyond measure. Doesn't need to bare his teeth or look angry.

He exudes the fact he's a Dom.

He keeps thwacking his palm with the riding crop.

My heart throbs in my chest.

How I would kill to be the sub before him on her hands and knees with a ball gag in her mouth, waiting with breathless anticipation.

In one fell swoop, he cracks the crop against her bare backside.

She launches forward, her eyes rolling back, and I can only imagine both the pleasure and pain she is experiencing at once.

I suck in a breath. Thank god, I'm the only one in the viewing gallery today. I'm definitely enjoying the show, but I don't need that little info getting back to my dad, thank you very much.

The Dom pummels her backside, resulting in a peppering of welts across her skin. The strikes are masterfully spread, making the whole area evenly red, each welt clearly visible as if he were painter and each hit was a strike of the paintbrush.

Pain shouldn't look so pleasurable, yet here I sit, every inch of me begging for an opportunity for that to be me. Just once.

He steps away and hangs the crop on the wall with all the other toys.

The sub turns her head toward me. She's a member here.

Membership in the Lyons Club is a birth right for some, like me. For others, it's an earned honor. And considering I know her face from somewhere but not her name, I'd say she's earned the honor quite recently.

Her blonde hair, with lots of curls, and Botox job puts her somewhere between the ages of forty and sixty. She smiles around her gag at me, eyes wobbling with unshed tears.

Of pain? Of pleasure?

Probably both.

My stomach flips. That could be me. I want it to be me.

And as I yearn to be her, I don't think I could be as exposed. But truth is, no one chooses to scene in a room with a viewing gallery if they don't like being watched. The invitation is implicit to anyone who might be interested in getting a show.

The Dom grabs her by the jaw, pulls her face toward his, and seems to admonish her close yet calm.

The door to the gallery opens.

Oh crap!

My eyes fly to the door as I sit up straighter, only relaxing when I notice Sonia walking through the door. I settle back into my seat.

My best friend and member satisfaction manager of the entire Lyons Club, which, of course, also includes the underground.

"Having fun?" Sonia throws a look toward the scene taking place beyond the glass.

"You scared me." I smile.

She laughs and cozies in next to me on the luxurious chesterfield couch. "What, you thought I was your dad?"

I flush. "Dumb, I know. I'm an adult, yet I'm afraid my father catches me down here." I sigh. "And I know my dad wouldn't be caught dead down here. He's as vanilla as can be." Dad may be the CFO of the Lyons Club, but the few times he had to come down here, he got so red in the face and so uncomfortable that it was more than clear this is not his thing at all, and he is more than happy to let someone else handle things here in the Underground.

Too bad this is very much my thing.

And I hope he never finds out because the last thing I want is to disappoint him.

But I can't stop being me. I can't not come here, because I know this is the true me that still needs to come out. The me that fights tooth and nail to make herself known while I try to hide this side from the world.Sonia giggles, rolling her eyes. "Then why are you freaked out?"

"I'm not freaked out." I huff.

"You were sitting like a meerkat! Like –" Sonia jerks her whole body upward and darts her head around.

I have to admit she does a great meerkat impression.

"Listen! Don't make fun of me!" I try my best to disguise my smile. "You just…never know."

Even with the Underground rules in place—privacy contracts that ensure that what happens in the Underground stays in the Underground—the fact that my dad is so well known by everyone here, since he is the CFO, makes this whole thing even more risky.

Sonia narrows her eyes at me. "You're an adult. You have needs, Bridget."

I try to laugh. "Yeah, of the kink variety…"

"I think you should just go for it, you know?"

My eyes widen. "Go for what? What are you talking about?" My eyes roam the place, making sure whatever comes out of her mouth stays between the two of us alone.

"You should schedule a scene for yourself," Sonia says. "You know. Instead of just sitting and watching everyone else enjoy themselves."

The Dom twists the sub's bare nipples as he spanks her clit once. Her whole body grows stiff before she collapses.

"I mean, assuming you're interested in something like that." She tilts her head to the scene that is now wrapping up.

I am interested. Very. I've been watching scenes since I was of age to enter the Underground. In secret, of course. Sparingly at first.

In the past few years, though, I've started coming down here a couple of times a week just to watch.

To dream, to yearn, to fantasize about something I crave but don't think I'll ever be brave enough to actually go for.

"I'm alright with just watching." Not quite a lie, but not the truth either.

"You know the rules here, so word getting around would not be a problem. Besides, I could try and schedule you under an alias if you wanted, and it would only be between the two of us. And if you are worried about your scene partner, we have some really good masks that would guarantee you anonymity." It's Sonia's job to know this stuff, and I know she's participated in a few scenes down here herself with her fiancé, Edwin, owner of the Lyons Club.

If only she knew how ready I am to jump off the cliff of watching into doing. How eager. But I can't.

This lifestyle is about trust, and though I have watched plenty of Doms here, and they perform amazingly, I couldn't put myself in the hands of anyone. I need someone I trust one hundred percent. And I haven't come across anyone like that yet.

I mean, I have, but that would be so forbidden and so off-limits that it is not even worth considering.

Thanks, Sonia. I really appreciate the offer."

"So, can I book you in?"

I look at Sonia and shake my head. "I'm good. But I'll let you know if things change."

She frowns. "Sure."

Sonia and I have learned a lot about each other in the short time we've been friends, just shy of two years. I'd go as far as to say she's my best friend.

There's just one thing she doesn't know about me.

I'm a virgin.

A textbook virgin.

At twenty-six, being a virgin sounds pretty pathetic. But I have my reasons.

And sure, I could "just get it over with" or hire a Dom and fulfill some of my fantasies. But every time I start to go down that path, something stops me. In my chest. A feeling that the choice I'm about to make isn't right.

So, I've never gone there. Never crossed the bridge. I'm proud of myself for staying true to what I really want.

Still, though…I can't help feeling like I'm lacking somehow. Like I'm almost immature in a sense since I've never been intimate with someone like that.

Is something wrong with me that I've never really fallen in love because I'm not lovable in that way?

If my father heard my thoughts right now about being unlovable he'd whip me right into shape, drench me in a deluge of compliments, tell me how proud he is of me.

But dads have to say that, right?

Anyway, I have to wonder, what if I never get that? What if I'm a virgin forever because I'm just too scared to take the plunge. Or what if I do and I'm not good enough? What if all I'll ever have is a Dom that makes me submit for a scene, but has no interest in me? In my whole life.

Because this, for me, is about more than the pleasure the scene would bring. Inside, this need is constant. Everlasting. All-consuming. I need this dominance in my life twenty-four-seven.

But for now, I'll just watch, and I'm okay with that because I have to hope that my time will come too and even this waiting period is part of my training process already. Teaching me patience. Teaching me to wait for my dues.

"Maybe someday," I say.

Please be someday.

Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll never know the deepest parts of me. The parts I haven't allowed anyone to see. "When my dad doesn't work at the club anymore. Maybe. Anyway, enough about me. How are you, Miss Bride?"

Sonia groans, putting her hands over her face. "God, don't remind me."

"It's next weekend! You're going to be reminded!"

She laughs, her amber eyes turning into mere slits as she does. "I know, I just can't believe it's real. Feels like just yesterday I was trying to avoid Edwin in the halls to keep from salivating over him."

"Okay, ew."

Edwin is the same age as my dad, and while I know some people have a taste for the much older and maybe wiser, that's not me.

"You know what I mean…" Sonia rolls her eyes before they drift back to the scene before us.

The blonde sub is draped over the Dom's lap as he pets her hair.

The aftercare looks like an amazing moment every time. The reward for being a good girl. I crave that too.

She sighs. "Life just changes so fast. One day, you're running across the country to leave your past behind and the next you're…"

"Marrying your boss?" I shrug.

She giggles. "Yes. Marrying my boss. Thanks for reminding me."

I smile at Sonia with love. "Well, I'm excited."

"You better be, maid of honor."

I laugh and wrap my arm around her, giving her a squeeze. "Ugh, the magic never wears off!"

She squeezes me back.

"Looks like they're wrapping up here." I nod toward the scene. "I'm going to head out."

Sonia nods. "After you."

I get up and head out the door, but as soon as it opens, I wish I could run back inside.

At the Underground check-in desk stands Seth Carlton. My stepbrother.

His eyes shoot to me before I even get a chance to turn around.

He leans on the desk and lifts his chin, his eyes taking me in and as always finding me lacking, I'm sure. As usual, his countenance is stern and unreadable.

His clear blue eyes always give me the feeling he can read my mind. "Bridget. Didn't expect to see you here."

I try to laugh it off, but my cheeks are burning. "Yeah. Me either. I mean. Didn't expect to see you. Not me. That'd be silly."

He appraises me for a moment.

I always feel like he's judging me, thinks I'm just some silly girl who would miss her stop on the MTA. I mean, that's happened, but I've gotten better about navigating the subway since becoming friends with Sonia.

"What are you doing here?"

I shiver. He has such a deep voice. I hate how much he affects me. Partly because he's intimidating and partly because…well, he's attractive. That's an objective fact, not my opinion.

Okay, it's also my opinion, but one I keep to myself considering that we're "family."

I mean, sure I met him when he was nineteen, and we never really lived together, but our parents are married and they both deserve a happy ending that doesn't involve the girl in the family lusting after her stepbrother.

Right?

"I asked you a question." He crosses his arms over his chest. "What are you doing here?"

"At the club?"

Seth purses his lips. "In the Underground, Bridget."

We've never crossed paths in the Underground. I try and make extra-sure of that, only coming to the club when he's at the office unless we're getting together with our group of friends.

So, of course, he's confused as to why I'm walking out of here.

Sonia places her hands on my shoulders and pokes her head out from behind me. "She was visiting me. I'm working, so she had to come along with me on a few of my rounds. Isn't that right, Bridget?"

I try to smile. "Yeah. That's right."

Seth's frown deepens. "Hi, Sonia."

"Hi, Seth. I'd stay and chat, but I have to go check on my team," she says with a jerk toward the stairs leading upstairs to the club. "Sorry to cut this short." She is smiling at him, but I know she means it for me.

"No trouble. Good to see you." He nods.

"Bye Sonia." I don't mean to whisper the words, but all sound apparently left me along with the air on my lungs.

Sonia waltzes away, leaving me with my antagonist.

"What are…what are you doing here?"

Seth glances down at the dungeon master, a pretty redheaded sub, then back to me. "What does it look like?"

My heart drops into my stomach or my stomach leaps up into my chest. Not sure which. All I know is that my insides are in chaos. Part of me is jealous because Seth feels so free to express his sexual desires as to make appointments in the Underground. The other part of me is jealous because…

Because some other woman gets to be with Seth that way.

God, what is wrong with me? I have no right feeling like this. This is wrong on so many levels.

"Right, well, that's nice for you." I nod. "I should be going now."

I start to step past him, but his hand whips out to grab my arm.

His grip is tight but not painful, which sends my head further into a tizzy. "Bridget, were you in there alone? Did you…?" He shakes his head and takes a deep breath.

His eyes rise to glance at the door to the private viewing gallery me and Sonia just exited. "Were you watching?"

"What does it matter to you?" I jerk my arm out of his grip.

"I texted you," he says. "Didn't you get it?"

I swallow. "I haven't checked my phone."

Seth's expression betrays not a single one of his thoughts. "Because you were distracted."

"I don't owe you anything, Seth."

"I'm only trying to make sure you're safe."

"No, you're not. You are trying to undermine me at every turn."

It's always been like this. Since we met. I thought it would be fun to have a sibling, even if we were a bit too old to enjoy the antics of childhood together. But from the very first time we met, Seth has been controlling, argumentative, and a downright pain in the ass.

Makes my attraction to him all the more complicated.

"Guess what, Seth. I'm a grown woman."

Something flashes in his clear blue eyes. "You don't have to remind me."

The quality of his voice renders me mute. It's not just the deepness that's increased as he's gotten older. It's the acknowledgment that I'm a woman.

What gave that away? The age on my birth certificate? Or the way my body has –

Don't go there. You know you can't go there.

"Answer my question, Bridget. Were you watching?" His leaning in is hardly more than a hare's breath, but I almost feel it on my skin.

"You didn't answer my question. It's a double standard to expect answers from me when you're so cagey about everything."

Seth doesn't respond right away, sizing me up with those intense blues.

It's always a conflict with him. Always picking a fight, always pointing out something I'm doing wrong.

He nods. "Fair enough."

Talking to him is always an ordeal and my breathing has become labored, as if I've just been running. Or…doing something else. "Anyway, have fun, I guess."

I give the dungeon master another look.

I know she won't be his scene partner, but she's the closest thing I have for my imagination to punish me with a play by play of her on her hands and knees before him, accepting "funishments" like a good girl.

I step away from Seth, touching the spot on my arm he grabbed only moments ago. "Oh, will you be at family dinner tonight?" I smile, feigning innocence, blinking my eyelashes.

Seth sighs. "Yeah. I will. I'm always at family dinner."

"Just checking." I shrug and then leave, all too pleased with myself that I've reminded him of his mother and stepfather before his scene.

And maybe I'm a little pleased to remind him of me too.

When I step out of the Underground, I'm back in the members club.

And though the door to the Underground is not too obvious, it's still obvious where you've come from.

And though no one is looking at me, I feel watched.

I'm not ashamed for liking what I like. I'm not.

I'm ashamed I can't have the real thing.

I get out of there as fast as possible and head right home.

I still live in the townhouse I grew up in with Dad and Amelia, my stepmother.

Over the years, though, Dad has had construction done to give me a private wing with my own entrance. I want nothing more than to go out on my own and take the world by storm, but I love home too much. It's safe and warm. A place that knows me as well as I know it.

I go in through my private entrance to avoid talking with Dad or Amelia and head straight to my bedroom.

The feeling between my legs was building during the scene and somehow, for some god-awful reason, got even more desperate feeling from talking with Seth.

I splay out on my bed, grab my little box of toys from my nightstand, and pick out my favorite vibrator. Without wasting a moment, I shove it under my dress and into my panties, letting it ride on the highest setting.

I attempt to imagine everyone. Anyone. The sexy, dark, and handsome Dom I watched today, my high school crush, Ryan fucking Reynolds, but no one does the trick like my stepbrother does.

Touching myself always results in thoughts of Seth. Of him taking all of his coldness to me, his brand of domination, and translating it into his own form of primal worship.

When I climax, I can only find one word to moan.

"Seth."