28. Abigail

28

ABIGAIL

I wait alone, anxious as I watch passengers streaming out of the arrival gates.

The airport buzzes with the chatter of travelers and the echoing announcements over the loudspeakers.

My heart races with anticipation as I look for Bonnie and Theo amid the crowd. After spending a few days on our own together, getting reacquainted and having lots of sex, Theo went back to New York to retrieve Bonnie.

Being with Theo again has transformed me. I haven't felt this good in years, not even when we started our affair months ago. Because now, we aren't a secret. No lying to ourselves that we can pretend feelings aren't involved.

All that's between us is love. Tons of it.

I'll admit, I'm nervous.

Theo's been telling me that she's excited, and I've even spoken to her on the phone a bit, but I worry I've hurt her more than she realizes by leaving.

This reunion is different than Theo and mine. I'm the one that has to make the apologies. I'm the one who hopes I'll be forgiven. And if I am…this could be a new beginning.

The three of us.

I've gotten weird looks from everyone as I've waited at the gate. I got here hours too early because I couldn't sit on my hands and wait. I've got balloons and presents. Overkill is underrated.

I just want everything to be perfect.

Another crowd of people start to pour out of the gates. I stand on my tiptoes trying to spy them. I know their plane has landed, but how fast they'll get out here, I'm not sure.

I scan the crowd back and forth, back and forth, until I see Theo standing tall and broad above everyone, his glasses reflecting light.

A smile spreads out across my face when we see each other, but I am only enraptured by him for a moment. Because Theo tears his gaze from mine and looks down beside him, saying something.

Bonnie appears like a bat out of hell seconds later, bolting through the crowd.

Her eyes, exact replicas of Theo's, brighten when they land on me, and she smiles ear to ear, clutching her backpack straps.

My heart swells with emotion as I fall to my knees to meet her, and I remember that moment back in the aquarium when Theo found us, and he dropped to his knees to accept Bonnie into his arms.

Now it's me, receiving her small, bounding body into my arms, the force of her knocking me back onto my heels.

"Abigail! You're here!"

"Of course, I'm here!" I exclaim, squeezing her tight. "Didn't you know you were coming to see me?"

Bonnie pulls back, pressing her hands to my cheeks. She smiles as she takes in my features as if she's recognizing all the pieces do indeed make up the whole she remembers. "You have more freckles!"

I laugh. "Do I? Even though I barely see the sun these days?"

"Yes! Hundreds more!"

I embrace her again. "You'll have to count them up later."

"I already did. I'm a good counter."

"You are, Bon…" The shortening of her name chokes me up. "I missed you. So much."

She looks away, bashfulness overcoming her initial greeting. "I missed you too."

I take her hands in mine. "I'm sorry I left so suddenly."

"It's okay…"

"No, it's not. I won't ever leave like that again, okay? From now on, you're always going to know where I am. You'll always get to say goodbye."

Her eyes crinkle. "Why are you talking about goodbye when we just said hello?"

I grin. "You're right. No use focusing on goodbye right now."

Theo approaches Bonnie from behind. He's wiping tears from his cheek, trying to swallow up his emotions. My kindhearted man.

I understand him so much better now, the desire to protect his daughter from hurts he had caused her. But I've repeated the promise over and over I will never, ever leave Bonnie again.

Now, it's time for me to put my promises in action.

"How was your flight?" I ask Bonnie.

"Good!"

"Are you tired?"

"No!"

I laugh. "Then you're ready for an adventure. Would you like to go see some puffins?"

Bonnie's jaw drops. "What?"

"I'll take that as a yes!"

I get to my feet, give her the balloons and her gifts, a good distraction so I can leap into Theo's arms. We hold each other tight as we whisper, "I love you."

No hiding it for the world. No hiding it for Bonnie. Because our love isn't just for us.

Bonnie interrupts us, throwing her arms around our legs and pulling herself into our hug.

It's for her too.

"Daddy said you two like each other. Like the kissing kind of like." Bonnie tucks her chin on my side. "Is that true?"

"You mean love ?" I tickle her cheek, relishing her giggle.

"Yes!" she exclaims.

I place my hand on Theo's back and rub it. "Yes, Daddy told you right."

"Does that mean one day you'll love me too?" She bounces on the balls of her feet.

"Oh, honey." I run my hand through her hair. "I already do."

§

Bonnie's arrival was timed with her spring break. The three of us have spent two amazing weeks in Ireland together.

During the day, I do work for my fellowship while Theo and Bonnie get to sightsee. In the evenings and weekends, we are like a family.

No. We are a family. And in moments, I think I don't need my dad. I don't need my family. I have the one I'm building right here. My mom, too, of course.

She's taken an immediate shine to Bonnie. And likes to give Theo a hard time, but all out of love. Because my mother has always trusted my judgment. Always seen me as an independent, powerful person.

Evidently, my mom and Theo get too close because one day, we're having dinner at the pub, and my mom says, "So, when are you going to talk to your dad?"

I nearly choke on my fish and chips. "Sorry?"

"Theo and I think you should talk to your dad."

I throw a glare toward Theo. He holds up his hands. "I told her not to say anything."

"Yes, because you don't like when he meddles, but I'm your mother, and I think I've been very good about not meddling most of your life."

"Do we have to do this now?"

Mom smiles. "Yes. We do. Because–" She stands up and walks past our table toward the front door of the pub.

I watch her as she goes. The blood drains from my face when I realize who has just walked in.

My dad. And Sonia . Oh my god."

Theo touches my shoulder. "I promise, I had nothing to do with this ."

"She's ambushing me."

"What's ambushing?" Bonnie asks loudly from her spot across the table from us.

Theo and I look at her. "Um…" I try to come up with an answer but run out of time because my mom and dad are standing at the end of the table staring at me.

"Look who it is!" Mom exclaims, patting my dad on the arm.

I don't say anything, overwhelmed not only by the surprise but also because I haven't seen my mom and dad standing side by side from this vantage point since I was little. They've been cordial as I've grown up. After the initial breakup, of course. But never have they been a united, chummy front.

Until now, apparently.

Theo stands from his seat and goes to greet my father.

I want to kiss him for stepping to deal with what I don't want to. "Good to see you, mate." Then, he goes to Sonia who is a few steps behind my parents. "And Sonia! Looking well. How are the twins?"

The tone of his voice immediately calms me down. He's at ease, even if he's taken off-guard. I can be at ease too.

"You look stressed," Bonnie whispers to me across the table.

I grimace. "Is it obvious?"

Theo touches the back of my neck, tender and attentive.

"You want me to stay?" he murmurs.

I glance at my dad and Sonia. They both look like puppies with their tails between their legs. As they should. "No, I'll be fine."

Theo raises his brows, a silent communication that he's here for me if I change my mind. He turns his attention to Bonnie. "Bonnie, love, why don't you and I go check out the jukebox and pick out some songs, hm?"

"I haven't had dessert!"

"Don't you worry, little one, you'll get dessert. Two desserts!" my mom says, taking Bonnie by the hand and pulling her out of the chair.

" Mom , you can't promise her two desserts." I can feel the weight of Sonia and Dad's eyes on me.

My mother waves her hand at me, mischief all over her face. "Come on you two. The jukebox is calling our name."

Theo gives me a kiss on the crown of my head before stepping away. I'm shocked my father's fist isn't clenching out of the corner of my eye.

I keep my eyes downcast on the table, unwilling to be the first to break.

"Could we sit, Abigail?" Dad asks, touching the back of the chair across from mine.

I gesture to the chairs without saying anything. I'm not trying to be an obstinate child. However, they already see me that way. Unable to take care of myself and make my own choices.

Dad pulls out a chair for Sonia. I watch her through my eyelashes as she sits, her dark hair down and draped over her shoulders, framing her face which is paler than usual.

Is it possible she feels bad for what she did? I'll believe it when I hear it.

Dad follows suit in his own seat and sighs. "Sorry to spring this on you. But we had to do something drastic."

"Like corner me? Take the decision from me?" I lift my eyes to meet my father's. I don't resemble him in the face. I favor my mother. In moments, though, I see myself.

"To prove to you that we want to make amends," my dad says. "You won't answer anyone's texts when we reach out, you won't–"

"Did it occur to you that I don't want to hear from you? That I'm fine here on my own. Without you?" I want to punish them for what they've done to me. To Theo and me.

If they had accepted us, maybe we wouldn't have had to go through all this. Wouldn't have had to put Bonnie through the pain of losing me.

The punishing, though, comes from a place of want. Wanting to be close again. The wound on my heart, though, demands to be heard.

Dad lips twitch to reply, but Sonia cuts in, both with her hand against his arm and her voice. "I'll start. I was wrong."

I swallow.

"I was so wrong to interfere in your life," she says, her brow furrowing. "I thought because…I knew how it would hurt your dad. But I broke the trust we've developed."

I nod. Not to be mean. I just hadn't put words to it in the mid of my anger and resentment.

"I'm sorry, Abigail. I'm really so sorry." Sonia places her hand to her heart.

I open my mouth to reply and find myself choked up. "I…it hurt. My feelings."

How old am I? Five?

"Of course, it did. I can only imagine… And the mistake I made was I didn't try to see your side. I could make any number of excuses, but it doesn't matter, does it?"

My lower lip trembles. "I just thought if anyone could understand after…"

I glimpse my father's expression.

Gosh, he doesn't look good either. He needs a haircut and a shave. If he's been pushed to the brink of sanity over this situation, good. But also, not good.

He's my dad. I don't want him to suffer. Even if I deserve lots and lots of apologies.

Sonia and my dad exchange a look. Strained and pressed, something I've never seen from them. If they ever had any conflict, it's only ever been in private. Their love is powerful.

"It's something I look up to. You guys. And the way you feel about each other," I say, unable to quell the emotion creeping up in my voice. "So, for you to not even attempt to understand me was devastating."

Dad leans his face in his hand. Silent.

We'll need our moment alone. I lock eyes with Sonia. "I appreciate the apology, and I…I forgive you. But I'll need time to trust again."

"I understand." She smiles.

I see glimpses of a friend for the first time in a long time rather than my father's wife. "I love you, Abigaill."

"Love you too," I tell her in return, meaning it. "Could you give Dad and me a moment?"

Sonia smiles, dipping her chin down. "Of course."

And just as Theo left me, Sonia touches my father on the back softly before joining Mom, Theo, and Bonnie at the jukebox. They're bickering over which songs to choose. All they need is a Sonia touch to make it all better.

"Abigail–" My father's broken voice calls my attention back.

I chew on my lower lip, waiting for him to go on.

"It's hard for me to understand." Dad throws a glance toward Theo. "How it happened."

I could explain. But I don't want to. I want to stand my ground. Live my life on my terms. And that means I don't need my dad's opinion. "Do you need to understand in order to respect it?"

My father's brows lift. Then he chuckles. "You are just like your mother. I mean that in a good way. Just so…stubborn."

"She'd say the same of you."

"Well, then we made you exponentially more difficult, didn't we?" Dad says with an affectionate smile.

"You made it so no one could tell me to be any way but the way I am," I tell him. "And the way I am just happens to coincide with the way Theo is. It just…fits."

Dad leans closer. "You know what you're getting into, right?"

"With Theo? There's a list of things, which are you referring to?"

Dad chuckles. "I mostly mean with…if you're going to be with him, you're going to have to be a parent to Bonnie. That's what he's looking for. I never knew that's something you wanted."

"I don't want something . I want Theo . And everything that comes with him. Including Bonnie. Most of all, Bonnie." As pang hits my chest. "She's not mine, but if I could make her mine, I would."

My father's eyes widen as he takes this in. "That's big."

"It is," I agree. I'm nothing if not determined. "I love him, Dad. Both of them."

"I know you do," he says, adjusting in his seat. "Took me longer than I'd like to figure it out, but when Theo came to see me and said you left him, and I had no idea."

"I didn't leave him–"

"Oh no, Abigail Lyons, you broke the man's heart," Dad says with a laugh. "You would have come home and made amends if he hadn't meant everything to you. You're my daughter. I know you pretty well."

His smile fades. "I just missed when you grew up. And I'm sorry for that."

I cross my arms on the edge of the table. "Yeah, you should be."

Dad chuckles. "You're something else, you know that?"

"And Jack and Nate? Are they going to apologize to me too? Don't tell me they're going to walk in any moment."

Dad tips his head down. "No, no, they're at home. But they know they both have to have conversations with you too."

Being cornered by all four of them would have been even more overwhelming, but I can't hide my disappointment.

Dad reaches out and touches my arm. "They couldn't get away, what with Alanna and Camilla. And Nate, Mason, and Laney have just started working on adoption applications."

My stomach drops. "Adoption applications?"

"It's a new development."

I bite down on my lower lip. "I've missed so much."

"Well, when you come home, you'll get caught up fast. Isn't that the way with our family? We always have to play catch up because everyone's always doing god knows what."

We both laugh, adding to the warm din of the pub.

Under our voices, I realize that Abba has started playing. Bonnie is dancing with my mom in the corner, Theo and Sonia leaned up against the jukebox talking with big smiles on their faces.

I smile too.

My family. Together.

I look back at my dad, finding him smiling back at me. "He's a good guy."

"Oh, I know. I know that. But he's lucky to have you, Abigail. You know that, right?"

"He doesn't let me forget it."

Someone could say we've only had two weeks together. They could say we only had a month before that. But we've had months. Even before we crossed the line, Theo has been treating me like a queen.

The way he tried to get me a job at the aquarium, too, however misguided, came from a place of love.

"And I'm lucky to have you as my daughter."

"Don't get mushy, Dad."

He leans his head back, trying to keep his tear-filled eyes from brimming. "I can't help it, it's who I am now."

I get up, round the table, and throw my arms around him, hugging him close.

His hug in return is one of the best feelings in the world, so good, I almost break down into tears.

"Come on. Let's go dance."

"Oh god, I'm jetlagged. Can't we dance later?"

I grab his hand and pull. "Nope! Now!"

I'll always be his little girl which means I will always be a little demanding of him.

"Everything better now?" Mom calls out from her dance with Bonnie.

I wrap my arm around Dad's waist. "Better now."

Sonia and I share a smile.

Time will tell if I can heal my broken trust. For now, though, we dance.

Dad holds my hand out to Theo. "Be good to her."

" Dad …" I admonish.

Theo smiles with pride. "Without question."

With that, I'm absorbed into Theo's embrace, and Dad pairs up with Sonia.

Somehow, every time he holds me gets better.

Now, we're accepted. Now, our future is seen not only by us but my family.

Our family.

"You all right?" Theo asks, his lips on the crown of my head.

"Yes. Better than."

"Good, because I'm going to dip you, and you need to be in good spirits to be dipped."

"Wha–"

Theo swings me down in his arms, dipping me before spinning me around and trapping me in a frenetic dance to an ABBA song.

We dance, all of us. We dance for a long time, until Bonnie demands dessert. And that feels like dancing too, in its own way.

My heart won't give up the dance. I have everything I ever wanted. A job I love, my family, and a full heart.

I'd say I could die happy. But I don't want to stop dancing.