12. Camilla

12

CAMILLA

"Tell me how you're feeling, baby."

It's our last night in Hawaii, and I'm terrified that this is it. "What are we doing?"

He trails his lips across my ear to my neck where he places a claiming kiss. "You're my baby girl. I'm taking care of you."

"When we go home. What are we doing? What do you want?"

"I don't want to let you go."

"But when no one is watching, Daddy. When no one is looking at us. Is it just…" I want to say sex, but I am too scared. I am learning about our dynamic in real time, the way it plays out behind closed doors. I could read about what other people do and learn from that. But none of that informs what our dynamic is. What we want.

And I need to know.

Jack touches my chin and tilts my face up toward his. His lips hover over mine, centimeters from a kiss. "I want you in the dark, but…I want you in the light too."

He doesn't have to say anything else for me to curl around him and take him inside.

"Slow, princess," Jack rasps in my ear as our hips throb together. "We'll take it slow."

Hard to take things slow when we've already started sprinting.

Walking through the executive suite of CipherBit Labs is a bit like a fever dream. Not that long ago, I was clocking in every morning to begin my day as an assistant. Less than a month. Yet, the office feels so foreign to me. Like walking through your old high school after you've graduated.

Yes, I'm still carrying coffee. But this time is different.

I was waved through security without a problem and greeted by the peppy intern who stole my coffee before the fateful meeting I had with Seth. She offered to take me up to see Seth, but I told her I'd get there just fine on my own. It would feel wrong to be escorted through CipherBit like I haven't spent the past four years here, my first years out of college, years I spent growing up in so many ways.

Seth's door is open. I peek my head in. He doesn't notice me at first, his eyes focused on one of his many monitors.

I knock on the door with my knuckle.

Seth pops his head up, the intense concentration on his face melting into a beaming grin. "You made it!"

"Nearly lost my way on the way up here!" I joke.

He leaps out of his chair and greets me with a bear hug.

"Careful of the coffee!"

Seth Carlton wasn't much of a hugger when I started working here, but ever since he fell in love, he's a total softy.

"Oh, is this the brew ?" he asks in almost a whisper, like he might scare the coffee away.

I grin and nod. "It is. Let's sit and you can try it."

Seth and I sit in the same spots we did when he told me he had an opportunity for me with his friend.

Hard to believe that friend was once a stranger to me because now he's…

Well, it's complicated.

Seth tries each of the four cups of coffee I've brought for him, all roasted by Jack in the days since our return from Hawaii, all from the Keiki Coffee Company farm. Everything is coming together faster than I can snap my fingers, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Well, I'm not savant like Jack, but these are fantastic," he says.

"All you need are pastries to go along with them, but Jack insisted I not pick anything up on my way over."

Seth chuckles. "Fucking purist."

"Exactly," I say, unable to hide my smile.

Seth takes one of the coffees, the medium roast that Jack is developing as the house blend, and leans back in his chair. "So, it's going well."

If my heart could break out of my ribcage, it would. My mouth grows hot. I don't know what he knows.

Jack and I agreed not to speak about our relationship yet because we don't even know what it is. Want to get through the brand launch before anyone starts to give us the side eye.

But Seth is Jack's best friend. For all I know, they've spoken at length about me. Or maybe they're quintessential boys and never talk emotions.

"Yeah, we had a rocky start, but we're working on our dynamic." Which is the truth. He doesn't need to know our dynamic straddles the line between professional and personal. "In fact, we're partners."

Seth's brows raise. "Really."

"Yeah, I mean, took some cajoling on my part. You know, his business sense was…"

"Well, I sent you for a reason."

We both laugh.

"I'm so happy it's going well, Camilla. Seriously," Seth says. "Although, I can't say your presence isn't missed around here."

I take one of the coffees. The light roast. That's the most palatable for me without milk and sugar. "You flatter me."

"No, I mean it. You were keeping it together more than you even know."

A warm feeling coasts through my belly.

It wasn't until Jack pointed out how I try to keep everything from falling apart that I realized just how much of my energy I was giving to everything around me. None for myself.

Even looking for my mother, which has taken a backseat among all the developments for Keiki doesn't give me anything but heartache at this point. It takes.

For the first time in a long time, probably since I was living at home, I am being given to.

Jack pours his care and attention into me as easily as he breathes.

I adore him an endless amount, despite not being sure how we went from begrudgingly sleeping side by side to being all over each other whenever we're alone and not talking business. Hell, even when we are talking business, we end up all over each other. Something about all the technical talk gets me hot and bothered sometimes.

Big Daddy energy.

"Jack's not too intense for you?" Seth asks.

"Oh no, he's very intense." I hope my secret isn't obvious on my face.

"Yeah, he can be like that." Seth grimaces. "I mean, I'm not one to talk, I used to be pretty serious too, but–"

"I was going to say, pot calling the kettle black."

Seth lifts his eyebrow. "Well, listen, I've lightened up quite a bit, haven't I?"

"Immensely."

He smiles at me. "Is that why you came alone? Jack couldn't be pulled away from his work for one second to thank an old friend?"

"Old friend?! It's been a few weeks, you're far from being in the rearview, Seth." I sip my coffee. Mmm . "But yes, he's been like a mad scientist in his laboratory. Plus, he's going in for a meeting with his dad today and–"

"A meeting ? With his dad? Jeez, this guy is taking everything way too seriously now, huh?"

"I mean, not a meeting, just a–" I scrape my fingers through my curls. "Look, we've been kind of in our own little world of… business . Twenty-four seven, so–"

"I get it. A good way not to let the personal cloud your judgment."

Now, I wouldn't say that…

Throughout my train ride home from CipherBit, I'm thinking of only one thing.

Jack.

Through the scuffle of New York city, I think of running home to him. Of being in his arms. Of knowing nothing out there can hurt me while he's around.

The world is a madhouse. Topsy turvy most of the time. I've learned to turn off the feelings of fear. Self-preservation, I call it. But now that I have a space, a place to feel all the big feelings that I never really felt I could deal with as a child.

And yet, through all the comfort, I'm afraid. To give in fully.

In the scheme of things, we barely know each other. And we're working together. We should have had a contractual clause somewhere about not dating within the company. Hell, we should have gotten an HR set up before we got started on anything.

I've been staying at my place. No sleepovers. We already have full days of working together, often interspersed with team meetings and potential business transactions. Tipping into being together all hours of the day will make things too complicated.

I can tell Jack doesn't like this. And as much as I want to give Daddy what he wants all the time, there are boundaries in my life in New York that haven't yet adjusted to what we found together in Hawaii.

And I don't want him to get too caught up in the excitement of it all to forget that there are things he has to deal with in his life. Things with Mari were left on an okay foot. They hugged and kissed goodbye at the airport like the fights hadn't ever occurred. However, that doesn't mean all of that doesn't still exist in the back of his mind.

I don't want to be a mistake to him.

I can't afford to be a mistake to anyone ever again, not when my whole existence is a mistake.

When I get home, I put my purse down and take off every piece of clothing and crawl into my bed. Today is supposed to be a day off, other than my meeting with Seth, and after working nonstop for so many weeks with some delicious interludes, I need the rest.

Except Jack isn't far from my mind.

I miss sleeping next to him.

My mind drifts back to our last night in Hawaii. How he held me close to his chest and whispered to me like I was the most precious thing in the world. And as I remember the moment alone here in my bed, naked, the pulse of need starts between my legs.

When I'm around Jack, the pulse is constant. I've learned to work around it, ignore it. But when it is finally time to play or as soon as I'm alone, I'm desperate for relief.

I slide my fingers between my lower lips. Wet as per usual when he is in my thoughts.

"Sweet…" Jack's voice says in the back of my head.

I love how he calls me sweet and delicious when he tastes me. And he likes to do that a lot.

I sigh into my pillow and let my eyes flutter shut, coasting my fingers through my soft slickness.

" Tell me when you're touching yourself. Daddy needs to know these things. "

One of the elements to a dynamic like ours is rules. And given that we stumbled into a relationship like this, we're still getting a hold on what it means for him to be my Daddy and me to be his baby girl.

So, Jack's been playing with rules. And this was one that I liked very much.

I thumb my clit and pump my fingers inside myself as I reach for my phone.

One-handed, I type out a message to Jack.

Touching myself.

Simple. To the point.

I keep working my pussy. It's nowhere near as good as having Jack do it and a fraction as wonderful as being filled by his cock and seed. But I need release. I need it now.

My body undulates against my hand under the sheets.

I check my phone. No word from Jack. I type out another message.

Thinking of you.

I picture Jack stepping out of the shower, dribbles of water sliding down his impeccable chest. Smooth, tan skin, indents of sculpted muscle. How his expression is so placid when he thinks he isn't being watched. I think of him running his fingers through his wet dark hair, the towel around his waist clinging for dear life, the stretch of his biceps.

Fuck.

I pump my fingers and circle my clit until I am close to tipping over the edge. Pause.

Daddy needs to know. One more message.

Going to scream your name when I come.

I press my mouth into pillow and groan around the word. Daddy. It's a tremendous sound, bone shaking.

My walls pulse around my fingers, and the orgasm sings through me.

I burrow tighter into the bed, trying to imagine Jack's arms around me. Wishful thinking.

Once I come down from my high, I check my phone once more.

Still nothing.

He's a busy man. We're both busy. We're business partners, and the business comes first.

But I cry anyway. Because I am alone. Without Daddy, I'm so alone in the world. Just as I was before I walked into Jack's penthouse apartment.

I never realized how alone I was. And now that I know I don't have to be, I don't know how I'll ever go back.