1. Jack

1

JACK

A hand claps on my shoulder. Fucking Carl. "Big weekend ahead?"

I force a smile. "Resting."

"Resting?! Come on. We make the big bucks. You should be living large, painting the town!"

I chuckle. "I'm beat, Carl. I don't know how you have the energy for it."

"When you do what you love, you never work a day in your life!" He steps into the throng of Wall Street workers, filing to the subway, waving back at me. "See you Monday!"

Goodbye and good riddance.

I'm done.

I take my first breath after what was my last day of trading and is now the beginning of my new life. A life I am both craving and dreading.

I need to enjoy the fresh air, to find my true purpose in life.

To take a breath.

I used to love what I did too…for the first couple of years. But then I didn't anymore. I just kept coming to work because I had a job to do. Because I was making my father proud.

But the years have been piling up, the will to get up in the morning and come here has vanished, turned into a struggle. A sacrifice. And now, I'm just tired. So tired.

And every time the weekend arrives, I don't know what to do with myself. Though I was never really that much of a party animal, things have changed. All my friends and family have started…settling down. And I find that I don't hate the idea of that either. But this job and a family are not compatible.

So, I need this change.

I start the walk to the subway to head up to the Upper East Side for monthly dinner with my dad and the family. It is a welcome change from the daily routine of heading to my apartment in FiDi, a short walk from here, and sitting alone, playing video games or watching crap television over pizza and beer.

The subway is miserably packed, but at least it's quick and when I arrive at Dad's, Abigail, my younger half-sister, is already there.

"You okay?" she asks the second I walk inside.

"Yeah." I shrug off my jacket and loosen my tie. "Why?"

"You kinda look like shit," she says through a clenched, apologetic smile.

Dad steps into the hall, wiping his hands on a dish towel and shaking his head. "Abigail…"

She shrugs, not a speck of embarrassed blush beneath her spray of freckles. "I'm not trying to be mean. I'm worried."

"He looks fine," Dad says, although I don't think he even really looked at me. I don't blame him, though. He's been preoccupied ever since he got married last winter. First comes love, then comes marriage, then…

Sonia, Dad's wife, calls out from the other room. "Not worse than me!"

Her belly enters the room before she does.

My jaw drops at her size. "Oh my god."

Abigail snickers. "Jesus, Jack."

"Sorry, I just…didn't I see you just two weeks ago?"

"I'm growing life , Jack." Sonia sighs, tucking her hands on her lower back. "I'm supposed to get bigger."

"How far along are you again?" I go over to her and tuck my arm around her shoulder to pop a kiss onto the crown of her head. Sonia is almost two decades younger than my father and feels more like a sister to me.

"Seven months," Dad answers with a very proud smile.

"Yes, but seven months with twins is a hell of a lot different than seven months with–ah!" She touches the side of her belly. "Your children are very active today." She glares at Dad.

He merely smiles. "Yes, all mine. Nothing to do with you whatsoever."

"No, not at all. When they're out, I'm leaving," she grumbles, plodding past him toward the penthouse kitchen, sniffing the air as she goes. "What are you making?"

"Lemon-herb roasted chicken, Hasselback potatoes, and green beans almondine." He grins.

Abigail smiles. "Mmm…sounds good."

Sonia scrunches her nose. "I'm sorry, honey, but I'm not in the mood for that. But don't worry about me. I'll order something. French fries." She rubs her belly. "Yeah, they want French fries."

Dad's face falls, but he says nothing as she exits toward the kitchen.

I head to him and pat him on the shoulder. "I, for one, can't wait for your dinner, Dad."

He sighs. "I should've asked what she wanted."

He quickly follows after Sonia, leaving Abigail and I alone.

"It's sweet how much he wants to get this right." Her smile is wistful

I resist arguing with her. It would be sweet if not for the bitter taste it leaves in my mouth knowing how our own childhoods went.

Then she snorts. "Too bad he'll never get it right."

I smirk and jab my thumb into her waist. "Yeah, women are impossible to please."

"Not all women. But definitely pregnant women."

I nod. "Fair. Very fair."

The dinner table is opened to its fullest extent and not a single chair is empty since both Nate and Dad are blissfully partnered and in love. I wonder how they'll make room in the future once Abigail finds a guy.

I'd say I wonder what we'll do when I find someone too, but…I don't know if that time will ever come. I'm the most boring fuck here. All work, no play, and at the end of the day, barely able to carry a conversation. I wonder if any of that will change now that I don't intend to go back to my day job.

Nate is waving a forkful of green beans toward me. He has been talking my ear off about the most recent surfing competition he competed in down in Australia. "And I would have won too, if my back hadn't acted up."

I chuckle. "You're getting old, bro."

"We're all getting old," he replies, blue eyes widening.

Laney leans into his shoulder. "Honey…"

"What?! We are!"

I let her handle Nate's fear of mortality and return to my barely half-empty plate of food. I can't bear to stomach anymore. My emotions have started taking up residence in my gut since my brain can't store them anymore because I've been bottling everything in.

I've been meaning to get into therapy. I need help.

I consider the people around me.

To my right, Nate, Mason, and Laney bicker, their throuple stronger than ever.

To my left, Seth and his stepsister, Bridget, are gushing over each other. They didn't grow up together, only meeting a decade ago when their parents decided to get married, and were always at each other's throats. When they decided to start dating half a year ago, no one was shocked. The tension had always been there. I'm sure engagement is right around the corner for them.

Abigail's busy with school.

Dad and Sonia are as much in love as when they first got together.

These people, my family, are amazing, and I know I can count on them. But I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to be a dark cloud on their happiness.

Dad catches my eye from the end of the table, his dark eyes flaring. "You're not eating."

Dad really has changed since Sonia came into his life. Before, he was never the kind of dad that was there for us or cared if we ate.

"Big lunch. This is delicious, though."

Sonia perks up from what little is left of her fries, a massive burger, and a milkshake. "If you're done, maybe you can start on the coffee? You are the best at it after all."

I smile. A genuine smile for the first time today. "I'd be happy to."

Dad bought a fancy espresso machine when I was a teenager living with him full-time. A beautiful La Marzocco. So, as soon as I get to the kitchen, that's what I start with.

He always keeps things for coffee well-stocked so he can take advantage of my talents while I'm here.

The weight of the day lifts as I work.

Coffee, I believe, is the great equalizer. Most of us drink it every morning. And I don't care if you drink shitty office coffee, crappy big chain coffee, or artisanal single brews, coffee brings us together.

I can count on at least one smile a day thanks to coffee.

When I turn around, Seth is in the doorway, holding a pile of plates, a smug smile on his face.

I frown. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to watch the artist at work."

I roll my eyes. "Creep."

He laughs and goes to the sink with a stack of dirty dishes. "Seriously, dude. It's kind of beautiful."

"Should I tell Bridget she needs to be jealous of me?" I tease.

Seth chuckles. "Sorry to disappoint, Jack, but you're not my type."

The machine starts to putter and hiss, coffee starting to stream into the pot.

He gets busy with the dishes. "So, what's up with you?"

"What do you mean?" I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the counter.

He throws a wary look in my direction. "You're kind of distant today."

"I'm always distant."

"More than normal, then." He shrugs.

I gnaw on my lower lip. I'm afraid if I tell anyone what I've decided, they'll talk me out of it. Or I'll lose my nerve.

However, Seth's one of my best friends. And he knows what it means to go against the status quo. Maybe he'll have some wisdom to impart.

"I'm quitting my job."

Seth turns around, his blue eyes bright. "About time!"

"What?" I bristle. "No! You're supposed to say, ‘Are you crazy?'"

"Why would I do that? You hate working at the stock exchange."

I frown. "How do you know that?"

"Jack, we all know that," he says. "Except your dad maybe, but he's preoccupied. Between running the Lyons Club and Sonia–"

"If all of you know I'm miserable, why haven't you said anything?"

Seth hesitates. "I guess most of us have been preoccupied too, but–"

I snap my fingers. "Right! You all have jobs and lives. I have a job. No life. So, if I quit my job, then what do I have?"

He shrugs. "An opportunity to have a life?"

I furrow my brow. "What if I fuck it up?"

"Oh, my god, you really are in a bad state, aren't you?" Seth's smile doesn't fade.

He smiles so much more since Bridget's been in his life. "You'll have time, Jack. To do something else. Anything you want. Isn't that enough?"

The coffee pot has quit puttering. I take it out from the machine and pour it into the tall metallic carafe on the island. Steam billows out from the top, heating my face.

My shoulders unwind.

His voice comes from behind me. "What about coffee?"

I frown. "What about coffee?"

"I recall you telling me once that you'd like to start your own company." Seth tilts his head to the side.

I glance up at him. "I was drunk."

"Drunken actions, sober thoughts."

I blink a few times and then sigh. "Yeah, I've thought about that. But I wouldn't know where to start."

Seth spreads his arms wide. "Um, hello! You've got a ton of resources right here. Me, Bridget, your dad…"

"Bridget's busy with getting ready for fashion week, dad's busy getting ready for the babies, and you're–"

"Busy with Bridget." Seth gives me a lascivious smile.

"Ew."

"What are you afraid of, Jack? Seriously! It is clear to anyone who cares to look that you love doing this!" He tilts his head to the carafe.

I snort, picking up one of the small coffee spoons I've set out on the counter and fling it at him. Seth tries to dodge, but it thwaps against his arm and he yelps.

He is right, though. Coffee is my passion.

And as much as it pains me to admit it, he's got a point. I am scared. Scared it's just going to be more of the same. That I'm going to work my ass off and be miserable and then the cycle will start again. That there isn't another side to this, no beautiful life I might create for myself to invite someone else into. Start a family with.

I'm scared that I'm fated to be who my father was before Sonia came into his life. Not the playboy with three children from three different and no marriages and no will to settle down. No. That will never be me.

The man I'm scared to become is the lonely man who has no one to come home to until he is fifty. Or worse. Ever.

But what if that's what I'm cursed to be? My father's son?

I'm nearly thirty and all of that still feels so out of reach. I know I have time, but when everyone around me is falling in love, I can't help but feel I'm falling behind.

However, if I have to be alone, shouldn't I at least have something going for me? Something that makes me happy?

I look at my friend. He cares, actually cares. As I know they all do. "I've thought about scoping out a coffee plantation in Kona."

"That's where your mom's from, right?"

My jaw tightens. "Yeah."

My mom is a native Hawaiian and moved back there from New York after I turned eighteen to bring up her new and improved family there.

"No wonder you love coffee. It's in your blood!"

I shrug and try to smile. "Yeah, I mean, it'd be cool to have a plantation, roastery, and then some stores. One here in New York. Maybe one on the Big Island."

"I knew you already had your next steps sorted out."

"Pipe dreams and next steps are vastly different."

"What about it is so unrealistic? You have the money and even if you didn't, your dad would give it to you, no questions asked."

Being the son of a billionaire has its advantages, yes. But I don't want things just handed to me. Besides… "He'd think it was silly."

Seth furrows his brow. "No, he wouldn't. He loves you, Jack."

I haven't felt that love lately. I know that as we grow older, the love we share with our parents changes and shifts. But Dad's about to have his perfect family, done the "right" way. Nothing accidental about it. Nate, Abigail, and I are just totems of the man he used to be. Even if he used to love my mom at one point.

"Besides, he runs a nightclub ."

I can't help but laugh at that. "If that's what you want to call the Lyons Club, sure."

Seth knocks his knuckle against the counter a few times. "Tell you what. You get your plans together. Your wildest dreams. And I'll set you up with a team. Okay?"

"Seth, that's–"

He holds up his hand, palm facing me. "Don't argue, Jack. It's done. The barrier to entry is going to be nil. I'll get you a team for finance, marketing, etcetera. I'll even get you an assistant."

"Seriously?"

"Why do you say that like it's a surprise?"

I shrug. "I just…that you would do that for me means a lot. You're a busy guy. I–"

"Jack, you're not going to talk me out of this." He sticks out his hand across the island toward me. "It's done."

I take my friend's hand, a smile blooming across my face. We shake on it.

I might not fully buy into my own dream yet, but Seth does, and he is robbing me of any excuses.

Now I have no choice but to go for it. Well, fuck.