34. Carina

CHAPTER 34

Carina

ONE WEEK UNTIL RYAN'S BIRTHDAY

I t's been weeks since I last saw or heard from Alex. I miss hearing from him, but I can't give him the kind of love he wants from me. He deserves better than that anyway.

"Hi, Reggie," I say. "It's me, Carina."

"Hello, Miss. Is there something I can help you with?"

"No, well, yes. I'm calling to see how Alex is doing. I haven't heard from him in a few weeks, and the last time I saw him…"

"Well, yes, Miss, I would think that would be reason enough for you to call him and not me. He's been abandoned most of his life. I didn't think you were the type to do the same."

"Ouch, Reggie." I'm quiet for a moment as I kick myself. "But you're right, I deserved that."

I sigh as I get up from my seat and walk over to the window. Central Park is lush and green during this time of year. From this distance, it's hard to see the thousands of people who might be in the park. It's also hard to see the people who struggled like I did until Alex entered my life.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Reggie, but do you think you could pick me up?"

"Of course, Miss. Where would you like me to take you?"

"To Alex's. I need to see him."

"That's an excellent decision, Miss. I'll be there within the hour."

Almost a month has passed since I was last at Alex's. I sat up front with Reggie going over in my mind what I should say.

I feel like I should apologize to him, but why? I didn't do anything wrong. I don't believe I did anything to lead him on or for him to have feelings for me. And I definitely never intended to break his heart.

Everything seems to revolve around that one thing--breaking someone's heart. That was never my intention. Even though I had agreed to do it to Ryan, I always figured when the time came, I would think of a way out of it.

I can't deny my feelings for Ryan. He feels the same for me, too. And even though it was only a few weeks ago that I broke up with him, thinking that was best, I know now that that was a mistake.

Ryan and I are meant to be together--not until the summer, but until forever. But first, I need to settle some things with his brother.

The trees lining the road up to Alex's home seem fuller than usual. They block the sun, leaving only glimpses of sunlight glittering through the leaves. As Reggie pulls up in front of the house, it looks different to me than before.

The huge mansion is no longer a large and impressive building to me; it's a home. It's a place where I found comfort. And after hearing Ryan tell me about how things were for Alex, I understand how important having a home is to him.

I walk up to the door and reach for the knob to open it, but then I think better. Reggie gave me no idea what to expect. Is Alex angry with me? Is he still hurt? I don't know what I'm walking into. And while before, I would come and go as I pleased, it no longer feels appropriate just to let myself in. I ring the doorbell and wait.

And I keep waiting. It seems no one is coming to answer the door. I turn towards the car to ask what's going on, but Reggie has gone.

Great, I can't believe he ditched me.

I ring the doorbell again, and Alex answers right away. He's barefoot in a pair of old jeans and an open buttoned-down white cotton shirt. His hair is wet, and he is rolling up his long sleeves.

"Sorry, I just got out of the shower," he says. "I was hoping you'd stop by eventually. We need to talk."

I enter the foyer, and he closes the door behind me. He turns and walks towards the library, so I follow him.

He leads me over to the two seats in front of his desk, shifts one to face the other, and then motions for me to sit. Then he turns the other seat to face the first.

"Can I get you anything?" he asks.

I can't read him. He seems fine. He almost seems happy. This isn't the Alex that I'm used to. This isn't the Alex that I've known for the last seven months.

He sits down across from me and smiles.

"I feel like a lot has happened in the past couple of weeks," he says. "I've had a lot of time to think. Before you say anything, I would like to apologize. I should never have taken advantage of your situation. I should have never put you in that situation. I feel horrible that I treated you that way. I put you through so much with losing your job, especially when I knew everything that was going on with your grandmother and what she means to you. It was wrong of me, and for that, I'm sorry."

Hearing his apology relaxes me, and I want to hug him, but I can't.

"Ryan told me about your father," I say. "And he told me about the will reading. I'm so sorry that you went through all of that. Months ago, you told me you know what it's like to lose everything and not to have anyone. I get it now. Your mom passed away, and you lost everyone."

Alex lowers his head into his hands and leans forward with his elbows on his knees. I lean forward and reach out for one of his hands, and he lowers his hand to hold mine. He edges closer and rests his head on my shoulder.

"I pushed all of that away for so many years I wasn't sure it really even happened. I never had anyone to talk to about it. And no one seemed to really care about getting to know me until you. I think it had been so long since anyone had treated me with any kind of respect that I developed feelings for you. And I shouldn't have. Especially not when I was planning such a stupid and ridiculous thing. How could I think you would fall in love with me when I was using you to hurt someone else? I never gave you a version of me to love. If anything, I probably acted more like my father. Which is the worst thing I could ever imagine a person being."

"Don't say that. From what I've heard, you're nothing like him. I don't think you could ever be that horrible."

"You're such a good person you saw past that. You saw past my own mask to the real me. You've changed me just by being you. You've brought me back to who I was."

"Ryan said you didn't want any of any of your father's money or any of his assets. You could have left with what I'm guessing is a lot, but you only took the restaurant. Why did you take John's?"

Alex chuckles as he sits back in his chair.

"When I used to come home from school for summer break or the winter holidays, as you probably heard, I really wasn't welcomed at home. I got a part-time job, and first, I started out as a dishwasher; I was just a kid, and John's was old-school, so they didn't mind hiring me even though I was underage. My father didn't want me around, and I needed something to do. Ryan was too young to remember, but my mom always wanted to make sure that she and I had some alone time together after he was born. So we'd go out to John's every once in a while, just the two of us. And we always ate the same thing."

"Monte Cristo?"

"Yes." He laughs, but his eyes shine with tears. "I guess Ryan really did tell you everything. That was our thing, Mom and I. And when she started to get sick, and she couldn't leave the house as easily, she would make Monte Cristo's at home for Ryan and me." He smiles wistfully. "That restaurant of yours is a special place. I worked there for years, even when I didn't need to, because being there made me feel close to her. They made me feel like family. While my family was broken, and my father wanted nothing to do with me, I always knew I had a job and a place where I belonged. John's was my home."

"I get it, I really do. I've worked in a few restaurants, and they've always felt tight-knit, but John's felt like family to me, too. That's why I was there for so long and one of the reasons why losing my job hurt so much. I was there most of my adult life."

"Same when I was your age. We're just twenty years apart with our John's experience. That's the thing with you and me, Carina. We're the same in so many ways." He smiles and holds my gaze before looking away. "So when I saw on that asset list that my father owned John's Bar and Grille, I had to have it. To this day, I have no idea when he acquired it or why. Maybe he had his own memories with my mother there. I'll never know. But that's why when I saw it, I knew I needed to have it. I didn't know what I was going to do with the restaurant, but in some way, I had my family back."

He smiles, and a tear falls down his cheek. He quickly wipes it away.

"Enough of that. I can tell you have something on your mind."

"Can we talk about our deal?"

"What about it? It's still in place. If I remember correctly, you held up your part of the bargain, so I'll continue mine."

"But didn't you want him to lose his inheritance? Isn't that why you did this?"

"I don't think I ever thought it through," he says. "I just wanted to hurt him for being loved when I wasn't. I know that's immature. And I know that Ryan had nothing to do with how I was treated. I'm not even angry with him; never was. This was all about our father. But I think trapping myself in this loneliness and having nothing but my thoughts let me convince myself that hurting Ryan was a good idea."

"Have you spoken to him lately?" I ask.

"He stopped by the other day. We've talked almost every day since we met at John's a couple of weeks ago. I didn't want to interfere with you and him working things out, or I would have reached out to you. I figured the two of you have enough to talk about to make things right. I've done enough damage. Especially knowing what little time he has left."

I don't want to talk about Ryan's deadline and his need to keep his inheritance. I haven't asked him about it because it feels wrong to me. Even though it has been six months, so much of it has been wrapped up in a lie- several lies- that we both want to start anew.

"Well, I don't know how comfortable I feel with you taking care of Grandma like this."

"That was our deal. You gave me your six months, and I promised I would take care of her. My deal continues. I'm not going to welch on that."

"Okay, then, I still need a job. Maybe I can work for you somewhere. I'm sure you have something available. Maybe in one of your restaurants? This way, at least, I'll feel like I'm contributing."

"Well, Carina, it's up to you what you want to do. You could always go back to your restaurant."

"It's not my restaurant. Stop calling it that. You can't call it mine when I haven't worked there in almost a year."

Alex gets up from his seat and walks around to his desk. He opens the drawer, pulls out a manila envelope, and holds it out to me.

"Carina, I can call it that because it is your restaurant. Here's the paperwork. I signed it over to you a few months ago."

"What? You can't be serious!"

I take the envelope from him and open it. Inside is a deed to the building and all the paperwork with my name listed as the owner of John's Bar and Grille.

"You can't do this," I say. "This is too much. You can't take care of my grandmother and do all this stuff for me, like giving me a restaurant." I slide all the paperwork back into the envelope and push it toward him, but he slides it right back to me.

"It's yours. You see, all the paperwork is there; everything's signed and dated. It's been put in your name whether you like it or not."

"But don't I have to sign something? Isn't that how things work?"

"Oh Carina, I love your na?veté." He teases, but it doesn't feel rude as it did when we first met. "When will you realize that things work differently when you have a lot of money?"

He grins, and I smack his shoulder with the envelope.

"Well, I don't accept. I can't be one of those girls who just takes anything. I think I've been lucky enough."

"Fair enough. Then how about you buy it from me?"

"Buy it from you? You know I don't have any money. Is this one of those kinky billionaire things I've heard about?"

"Only if you're open to that." He raises his eyebrows up and down quickly and I laugh before hitting him with the envelope again. "I'll make you an offer you can't refuse."

"Haven't we done this before?" I ask.

"Yes, but not like this. How much money do you have on you?"

"You mean right now?"

He nods.

I go into my purse and pull out my wallet. Inside is a five-dollar bill and some change. I hold it out to him, and he takes it. He counts the change and sets it down next to the five-dollar bill, pulls out his wallet, and hands me four crisp one-dollar bills.

"Here is your change, Miss Cameron. You have just bought yourself a New York institution."

I take the money, shove it into my purse, and then quickly hug him.

"You know, Alex, I do love you. Just not in that way."

He pulls back and puts his hand to his heart, and makes a face as if he's in pain.

"I never thought hearing those words could hurt so much," he says. "You know I love you too. And if things work out like I expect them to, I'll be honored to have you as my sister."

"Aww," I say, hugging him again. "I always wanted a brother."

"Who knows, I might just start dating again."

"You can always start up Ryan's masquerade balls again."

He shrugs. "I'm not quite so dramatic. Maybe something simpler. We'll see. Maybe I'll do one of those arranged marriages I keep hearing about."

"But what about love?" I ask, unsure if he's joking or not.

"What about it?" he scoffs. He leans forward and holds out his hand to me. I hesitate before taking it, but then I do. "Whatever happens between you and Ryan, at least I know you'll always be in my life as my friend. I don't think I can handle other heartbreak like what you've given me, but you've shown me that I do still have a heart. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I don't need anyone or anything, especially not love."

"But—"

"No. Shh, don't argue with me. It just makes me love you more." He winks at me before looking at his watch and then stands. "You're welcome to stay here for as long as you want, but I have to go. I have an appointment to get to." As I open my mouth to speak, he raises his hand. "Please don't worry about me. I'm just telling you how I feel. As a friend, nothing more."

I'm too stunned to speak. Alex kisses my forehead before crossing the library and exiting towards the foyer. I don't know what he's talking about with not needing anyone, but I don't like it. He deserves to have someone who loves and cares for him the way I love Ryan.

Alex deserves someone who gives him that spark.