26. Ashlyn

26

ASHLYN

T he warm evening air wrapped around us as we walked up the hill, the sky painted in hues of orange and pink as the sun dipped below the horizon. The fields stretched out before us, a vast expanse of green that seemed to go on forever, untouched by the world's chaos. It was quiet here, with just the two of us, with only the gentle rustle of the grass and the occasional chirp of crickets to keep us company. This was where I had always felt most at peace, but tonight, there was a storm brewing inside me, and I knew it was time to face it.

Stephanie walked beside me, her silence heavy with anticipation. I could feel the tension in her, in the way she was bracing herself for whatever I was about to say. My heart ached knowing that I had

caused this, that I had been the one to bring this pain into her life. But if there was any chance of fixing things, I had to be honest. Completely, brutally honest.

When we reached the top of the hill, I stopped, turning to face her. The fading light cast a soft glow over her features, and for a moment, I just looked at her, taking in the woman who had become my

entire world. She was strong, resilient, and beautiful in a way that went way beyond physical appearance.

And I had nearly destroyed everything because of my past.

"Stephanie," I began, my voice trembling slightly as I tried to find the right words. "I don't even know where to start. I've never been good at this—at opening up, at being vulnerable. But I owe you the truth. You deserve that much."

She didn't say anything, just nodded, her eyes fixed on mine, urging me to continue.

"I've always been a player," I said, the words tasting bitter on my tongue. "I never really understood love, not the way other people did. For me, it was always just about the horses. They were the only thing I cared about, the only thing that ever made sense to me. People . . . people were just there. And women- well, they were fun, but never anything more."

I paused, taking a deep breath, the memories of my past flickering through my mind like ghosts.

"And then there was Monica. She was different—rich, powerful, exciting. She was married, so I didn't have to worry about hurting her, about getting too close. To me, it was just sex. A game. I

didn't think about the consequences, about what it might do to her or to me."

Stephanie's gaze never wavered, and I could see the hurt in her eyes, the way my words were cutting into her. But she didn't look away, didn't turn her back on me, and that gave me the strength to keep going.

"Things were good for a while," I continued, my voice growing steadier as I spoke. "But then Monica started to get reckless. She wasn't content with just sneaking around anymore—she wanted more. She wanted me, completely, and she didn't care who knew. We were nearly caught a few times, and that's when I realized that I couldn't keep going. My career was on the line, and I wasn't going to risk everything I'd worked for because of some fling."

I saw Stephanie flinch at the word "fling," and I cursed myself for how carelessly I'd spoken. But it was the truth, and she needed to hear it. "So I ended it," I said softly. "I thought that would be the

end of it, that Monica would move on, and I could go back to focusing on my work. But I underestimated her. Ending things didn't just hurt her—it enraged her. She was used to getting what she wanted, and when I walked away, it wasn't just her heart that was bruised. It was her pride."

I felt the anger rising in me as I remembered how everything had spiraled out of control. "Monica wasn't going to let me go that easily. She made it her mission to ruin me, to make sure I could never work in Kentucky again. She had connections and influence, and she used them to back me into a corner. I had no choice but to sign that stupid agreement, to leave everything I knew behind."

I saw Stephanie's face soften slightly, a glimmer of understanding in her eyes, but I knew the hardest part was still to come. "And then I found you," I whispered, my voice breaking. "I found this ranch, Phantom . . . and I found you. For the first time in my life, I understood what it meant to love. You changed everything, Stephanie. You made me want to be better, to be someone who deserved you."

The tears that had been threatening to fall finally spilled over, and I didn't try to stop them. "I fell in love with you, with this place, with the simple, beautiful life we were building together. I should have

told you the truth from the beginning, but I was scared. Scared that you'd see me for who I really was, that you'd leave me before I had a chance to prove that I could be different, that I could be

better."

I took a shaky breath, wiping at my eyes, trying to regain some composure. "But everything I felt for you was real, Stephanie. It still is. And I know I've hurt you, that I've made you question everything

we had, but I'm begging you—please, give me a chance to make it right. I want to be the woman you deserve, the woman who stands by your side through everything. Just . . . please, give me that

chance."

The silence that followed was suffocating, the weight of my confession hanging in the air between us. I could see the conflict in Stephanie's eyes, the way she was grappling with the truth I had just laid bare. Part of me wanted to take it all back, to erase the hurt I had caused, but I knew it was too late for that. All I could do now was wait, hope, and pray that she could find it in her heart to forgive me.

I watched as she turned her gaze out toward the fields, her face bathed in the warm glow of the setting sun. I could see the tears welling in her eyes, the way her shoulders trembled as she fought

to keep her emotions in check. And all I wanted was to hold her, to comfort her, but I knew this was her moment, her decision to make.

"And," I added. "There is something else, I have money, Stephanie. I have enough money that I can help with the ranch. We can make it something special together. I didn't tell you that, either. I didn't want you to think I was trying to buy you, but here it is, the whole truth."

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Stephanie turned back to me, her eyes filled with a mixture of pain, love, and something else—something that looked like hope.

"Ashlyn…" she began, her voice trembling, and I felt my heart stop as I waited for her next words. "I've missed you so much."

"I'd like us to try again. Try and make things work. I am sorry for refusing to let you explain. Just what you did, not being honest with me. It just took me right back to what happened with Sophia. I know the situation was different and you aren't with Monica. But, it just felt so the same. Like I thought I knew you so well, and yet there you were hiding so much of yourself, of your past and of something that was infiltrating your present."

She sighed deeply and took my hand and squeezed it. "Is that everything?" she asked, earnestly. "The whole truth?"

I nodded and I hated myself for causing the pain I saw in her blue eyes.

"Sit down," she said and she sat on the grass of the hillside overlooking the ranch. I sat quietly next to her. "There is something else I need to tell you," she said and I raised my head enquiringly. "You remember I told you about Sophia?" she asked and I nodded in response.

"The woman you loved in the army?"

"Yes," she said.

"The one with the secret husband?" I asked.

"Yes," she said again. "That wasn't the whole story that I gave you." She sighed deeply and looked into the distance with a desolate sadness in her eyes.

She continued, "Sophia told me about her husband one day. Only a few days before we were due to leave the desert and fly home. We were desperate to get home. Back to US soil. There is something about being in the desert too long and seeing some of the things we saw. It messes with you. It fucks you up. We just wanted to be home so much." She took a pause and swallowed.

"Anyway, she told me about her husband and her future and suggested we could still see each other occasionally. Well, I couldn't. I loved her. Like, really loved her. We had been each other's secret long enough because of the rules of the army and I always imagined that the rest of our lives together would make up for that. I wasn't prepared to go on being her secret forever for the sake of this husband that she was choosing over me. So, I ended things between us. And, that, well that tore me apart."

Her voice cracked and I put my hand on her thigh so she knew I was there. I could see tears beading in her eyes but I didn't want to interrupt her story.

"Anyway. The next day, I was at work, trying my best to hide my tears from everyone, because you don't get to cry about a secret affair that nobody knew about. And we got a message through that the patrol that had gone out that morning had been hit and they were bringing the casualties back. They told me to prep for surgery." Her breathing quickened and I could see the panic rising within her and I knew she was right back there on that day in the desert. She continued, "I knew, deep within me that it was going to be her. And it was. It was her, Sophia, bleeding out on my operating table." Tears started flooding down her face. She cried and cried and cried and fell into my arms and I held her tightly. "She died," Stephanie cried. "I did everything I could to save her, but she died…" Stephanie was sobbing and sobbing and I held her to me as the pain tore through her. My heart broke for her. This was what she had been hiding all along. This was why she left the army. "The blood," she gasped. "I can't forget her blood, so much blood on the white tiles…"

I held her as she folded further into me and came apart in my arms. I rocked her like a baby and I stroked her hair. Eventually she just lay placidly across my lap and closed her eyes. I wondered if she was sleeping, but I don't think she was. I think it had all just been too much to relive so she had shut down.

It was a long time later she came back round and I lifted her up slowly and carefully and she leant on me as we walked slowly back to the house.

I made pasta for us and made a fire and we sat beside it through the evening. We didn't speak further, but there was a closeness between us that hadn't been there before. Now all our ghosts were out of their boxes and the ghosts of Sophia and Monica loomed large around us. We had to make it through that part and wait for them to fade away and leave us. Just us. Ashlyn and Stephanie.

The following day Stephanie rose late. I did the morning chores of the ranch alongside Melody. She never asked about what happened and I didn't tell.

When Stephanie and I were alone in the kitchen, I made coffee and we sat down together.

"I love you, Ashlyn," she said. "I really love you. In a way that terrifies me. I'm terrified you will decide I'm not really the one. I'm also terrified you might die." She took a deep breath. "But, I realize these fears are largely irrational based on what I have been through. And I do feel something with you that is life changing. So, I want us to try and make this work. I want love to be enough this time."

She stood up and looked out at the door.

I smiled and joined her, taking her in my arms as we stood in the wide doorway looking out at the vast open expanse of the ranch in front of us. Horses grazed happily. I looked at Phantom as he flicked his beautiful black tail to ward off a fly.

"I'd like that too. I know my own issues, my own past has shaped my behaviours. But, I love you more than anything. I want to be a better person for you. I've been happy and at peace when I've been with you, here in this magical place and I want to be again. I think we can have our happy ever after, you know. And, I think we deserve it."

She nuzzled into my shoulder and pulled my arms tighter around her.

I rocked her in my arms as we stared out at our future.