Chapter 5

5

As Cath drove them to their destination for the day, a farm hosting an agricultural show, far out of the city and into the rolling hills of Ventura County, she could feel a sense of nostalgia settle over her she hadn’t felt in a very long time. Ventura was part of the heart of farming in Southern California and if she closed her eyes, she could almost imagine she was back home getting ready to help with whatever chores needed to be done to keep the farm running. It was a strange feeling; being in the military normally killed homesickness quickly due to the fact that postings could be anywhere. She wasn’t one to moon over the past, so she chalked it up to having Christmas on the brain and tried to concentrate on not getting them lost on the unfamiliar roads.

Beside her in the passenger seat, Kris was alternating between sipping one of the lattes he had thrown into a travel mug for each of them before they left the house and watching the scenery as the city retreated behind them. She had to give him credit, even a year and a half ago, if she had asked him to accompany her to a farm show, she got the feeling he would have laughed at her or shown up dressed to kill and complaining every ten seconds until she wanted to shoot him and feed him to whatever pigs she could find. Now, with only the minimal details she had given him last night, he was willing to give up the bulk of his Saturday to try and help her, despite waking up sore and having to take the painkillers the doctor had given him for only the second time since he had been home.

“We’re almost there,” she said as she took the turnoff they needed on the highway. “It’s about 15 minutes off the highway. How are you feeling?”

“Physically, better.” He sighed and slipped his shades on awkwardly with one hand. “But my pride is taking a hit every time I can’t do something.”

“It’s not forever,” she reminded him, reaching over and squeezing his hand. “And it doesn’t make you any less of a person to take the time to recover.”

Kris leaned back in his seat and let out a frustrated sigh as he stared out the window. “I know, I just hate feeling useless, like look at the tree last night. If I had been in top shape, we could have gotten it home easily and decorated it like you wanted to.”

“Yeah, and instead we got to relax with a bottle of wine, chill on the couch and watch Black Christmas, which is just as good. The tree will be there tonight for us to work on.” She meant every word; she didn’t care that the tree had been delayed or that their night had been quieter than she planned. It was all confetti compared to the fact that he was on the mend.

“Tonight, when we get home, I'm cooking dinner for us, one armed or not,” He wagged a finger in censure at her, but his eyes were playful. “And you’re going to sit on your cute butt, with a glass of wine and keep me company, but not lift a finger, got it?”

Cath smiled and tried to hide her amusement by checking her rear-view mirror for non-existent cars. It did no good however, he saw it and the way she turned her head away to hide it, checking her side mirror as she pulled off the highway.

“You find it amusing I want to cook for you?” He raised an eyebrow and glanced at her over his glasses. “After everything you’ve done for me in the past few weeks?”

“No!” Cath was quick to reassure him, keeping a watch on the road as she pulled into the parking lot, and reaching up to stroke the back of his neck. “It’s just... you called my place home twice in under two minutes.”

“And?” He was watching her carefully, and she had a feeling that a lot depended on what she said next. Every major milestone in their relationship so far had been about how they negotiated the boundaries of their lives, this was no different and no less important.

“And I was just thinking how much I enjoy hearing you call it that.” She could hear the emotion in her voice and cleared her throat, trying to steady herself by focusing on the task at hand. Trying to bring all the emotional training she had carefully cultivated over the years into play before she embarrassed herself. Like on most occasions when it came to Kris however, she found it frustratingly impossible to do. “How natural it sounds.”

Kris gave her a smile that made her heart melt, and she wondered again for the millionth time since they started dating how exactly something as simple as a smile could reduce all the walls she created around herself to smoking heaps of rubble. How, on a regular basis, such a simple gesture could make her feel like her stomach was full of iron butterflies. “That’s because for the first time in a long time, home isn’t a place, it’s wherever you are.”

For a moment, Cath couldn’t think of how to respond, afraid for a heartbreaking second anything she could say would be woefully inadequate. The bowl ball of anxiety she could feel sitting on her chest was a constant reminder that she had never thought she would find herself in these situations, and had never prepared herself to feel this way. All her life, even before she was a soldier, she hated walking to a situation blind, be it a school exam, a social situation or a martial arts class. She prided herself on being prepared just about any situation she found herself walking into, but nothing ever prepared her for this, and that left her feeling acutely uncomfortable – rattled even – at how to show how happy she was at his words, at how she felt the same way about him.

She sighed mentally, wondering how many these situations they would find themselves in before he would get frustrated at her ability to respond easily. In her mind, there had to be a finite line in the sand they would eventually reach over it. The fact she didn’t know where it was twisted her stomach into tight knots and brought a wave of fear so intense that it caused her to white knuckle the wheel as she started looking for a spot to park.

“Stop reading my mind,” she admonished him, trying to sound prim. “It’s not polite to snoop.”

Kris chuckled and waited until the car had come to a full stop before sliding closer and pressing his lips to her in a hungry kiss. After a moment, he pulled back, looking her in the eyes. “I don’t need to read your mind Cath, I can read your face like a book, it’s all I need.”

There was a sarcastic comment on the tip of her tongue she would have used easily with Danny, or any of the soldiers on base, about how he was full of shit or how she was trained to hide any facial expressions that give her emotional state away. Instead, knowing it would have been a lie, she leaned in, fisting her hands in the fabric of his shirt, and kissing him with everything she had. He reached up, dragging his fingers through her hair, teasing her scalp as she smiled against his lips.

Breaking away reluctantly, Cath forced herself to take a steadying breath, trying to convince herself it was for purely physical reasons, and not because the amount of love she felt for him at that moment scared her to death. She reached out, tracing his lips with the edge of her thumb. She opened her mouth to say something and then stopped, looking down with a small smile. After an instant, she tried again and repeated the same frustrating process.

Kris looked at her inquisitively. “What?”

Cath shook her head enigmatically and undid her seat belt, opening the car door and sliding out. Kris followed suit and leaned into the driver’s side, trying not to jostle the arm he still held close to his body in the sling and looked up at her with obvious curiosity. Cath placed both hands on the door frame and leaned in, brushing her lips over his warmly. She stepped back, giving him a look that clearly said she wasn’t going to reveal any secrets to him anytime soon and waited for him to leave the car and join her.

After a moment he opened his door and slid out, standing stiffly and trying to stretch out as much as his recovering injuries would allow him to after such a long car ride. She reached out a hand, interweaving their fingers together firmly and raising them to her lips. Before they could get any further distracted or off course, she grabbed his hand and began pulling him off in the direction of their final destination.