Chapter Seventeen

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

CATCHING FEELINGS – When the casual hookup is occupying a not-so-casual amount of your brain space.

W e hooked up again.”

The confession came out of him on a grunt as he began the last rep of his set. Luis gave him a look but said nothing, hands at the ready to spot should he need it. The gym wasn’t the logical place to have a heart-to-heart. Talking was nearly impossible when a hundred-plus pounds of weight were hovering over your face, but Mason needed to exhaust himself physically, because mentally and emotionally, he was running on fumes. And yet, he’d been unable to sleep the past two nights.

He’d spent the last two days trying to smooth over the botched LA move announcement. His mother had all but begged him to stay in Chicago, to “keep the family whole,” and it was almost tempting. He could stay on Diagnostics , be there for whatever sports or arts events Milo and Max did, be with Sawyer.

It never took long for his thoughts to circle back to her. He wanted to talk to her about what they’d done after dinner, about how exhausted he was from having to console his mom when he wanted to be excited for this next step in his career. He’d texted Sawyer the morning after… and then spent the next two days staring at his phone like a teenage boy, waiting on a text from his crush.

While a text from Sawyer had eventually come—a single, five-word response promising to text him later—she had not, in fact, texted him later . But she was writing, and that knowledge made him want to jump and click his heels together. Their strange quest was working—for her, at least.

For Mason, it was a goddamn tragedy. He knew he had no business developing feelings for Sawyer. And yet, after two days of near radio silence from her, and his ensuing panic that what they’d done in his car had pushed her away, he’d at least confronted the fact that he was in over his head. He’d gone and grown attached to her. She wasn’t interested in dating, and he was leaving in a few months. But fuck . He loved being with her, her erratic thought patterns and philosophies on life that were so unmistakably Sawyer .

He’d talked himself out of texting her again a thousand times. Leaving his phone in his locker while he and Luis worked out was a relief. He needed to wear himself out to the point that sleep could no longer elude him. He didn’t want to know what he’d get up to after another night of no sleep.

Last night, he’d cleaned the grout in his shower at two a.m., for fuck’s sake.

He was a mess, and it felt good to lose himself in the repetitious movements of the gym. Being here with his best friend was the most normal thing to happen to him in weeks. His skin thrummed with energy and heat, his muscles slick with sweat and tingling with exertion, the familiar ache of exhaustion already setting in.

Luis helped him guide the barbell back onto the rack, and once it was slotted into place, Mason sat up, feeling like he’d let go of a lot more than just weight. All his secrets were finally out. Well, almost all of them.

Luis gave him an inscrutable look before plopping down on the mat in front of him to begin cooling down. Sinking onto the mat next to him, Mason lay flat on his back, giving up all pretense of stretching even though he knew he needed to or he’d be in knots tomorrow. In more knots than he already was mentally.

Luis’s brown eyes flicked to his. “What do you mean you ‘hooked up again’? She—She’s engaged, dude.”

Mason blinked. “What?”

His friend stared out the window, frowning. “Kara’s been back in town less than a day. How—”

Mason sat up with a grunt. “No. No way. Not Kara. I didn’t even know she was back.” He waited for the gut punch of her being in town and him none the wiser, but none came.

Luis turned to him, relief washing over his face. “Oh, thank God. But wait, if we’re not talking about Kara, who—?” Luis cut himself off, eyes going wide as his jaw snapped shut with understanding. “What do you mean ‘ again ’?”

Mason grimaced. He forgot he hadn’t told Luis about the first time he’d slept with Sawyer. At first because, well, that was private. Later, when he’d filled Luis in on their mission, he’d told the truth about getting stuck in an elevator with her and having a drink after getting re-dumped by Kara. But he’d pointedly omitted all the sex they’d had afterward to avoid the look now on Luis’s face as he came clean about it. And since he was coming clean—and because Mason still felt guilty for the LA secret even though Luis had said multiple times he was excited for him—he figured he might as well come all the way clean.

He told him about his futile attempts to keep things platonic with Sawyer and how after Christmas, that had become impossible, him accepting that he had feelings but would have to get over it, but then he’d spent the last two days with the people he loved most, only to realize the person he most wanted to be with was her. He inhaled shakily, gesturing vaguely, staring up at the ceiling from flat on his back. “So that’s all,” he said with mock lightness, as if he hadn’t spilled his heart out on the sweaty gym floor.

Next to them, a bodybuilder with a neck the size of Mason’s thighs let out a high-pitched groan that wouldn’t be out of place in a porno. Mason and Luis immediately locked eyes before averting their gazes as they stifled their laughs.

Once recovered, Luis shook his head slowly. “‘That’s all’?” His chest shook, laughter rattling its way out. “Holy shit, dude.” Running a hand over his face, Luis stared blankly off to the side as he processed. After a long beat, his brows drew together in the middle. “You guys had sex in my driveway? I’ve never even had sex in my driveway.”

Mason punched him in the arm. “You’re married to my sister, please do not ever forget that, thank you. And no, not in your driveway, down the street from her place. It’s fine. Also, literally not the point.”

Dramatically rubbing the spot he’d punched, Luis chewed on his cheek. “So what’s the problem? You like her. She likes you. You have great sex. Sounds like something to celebrate, not have a crisis over.”

“I don’t know that she does… like me,” he finished uncertainly. He felt like a whiny teenager, but he’d known Luis since before he was a whiny teenager, so there was little room for pride between them.

Luis barked out a laugh. “Are you kidding? I literally have to call my wife after this and tell her I owe her fifty bucks.”

Mason rolled his head sideways on the mat. “What? Why?”

“Because you told me it wasn’t like that between you two, and I believed you, so, after Christmas dinner, when wine-drunk Margot bet me fifty bucks that the two of you were fucking, I took her up on that bet because I didn’t know you were currently having sex in my driveway .”

“Not in the driveway,” Mason reminded him with a shit-eating grin.

“Literally not the point,” Luis mocked. “The point, my friend, is that that girl was ogling you all night and everyone saw it—even me—but you said it wasn’t a thing because she doesn’t do the very thing you do all the time, the thing you expressly said you wouldn’t do with her, which is fall hard.”

“I know,” Mason groaned, hiding his face behind his shirt under the pretext of wiping off his sweat with the hem. The thing was… he thought he’d fallen hard before, but this thing with Sawyer—this thing that wasn’t even a real thing—felt more real than anything he’d ever had before.

He waited for the meathead next to them to finish his set—and weirdly sexual grunting—before continuing. It was hard to have a sincere conversation about feelings when the guy next to you sounded like he was one hip thrust away from busting. But now that Mason had started talking, he couldn’t stop. Coming clean to his best friend was the emotional equivalent of hitting the panic button on the looping treadmill of his thoughts.

“I just—” He blew out a breath, sitting up and staring at the wall as he dredged up the one thing that hadn’t slipped out of him when he rambled the whole story to Luis. “I feel like she might. There was this moment…” Her face swam before his, her grounding presence at Christmas when Bex accidentally spilled the LA secret. There had been a fierceness in her gaze that had nothing to do with their usual teasing. It was like her edges, the ones she kept sharp so no one could get too close, had softened. Like she’d let down her walls long enough to let him in, so she could safeguard him behind them.

Luis nodded, and Mason realized he’d said all of that aloud. “And you can’t just ask her.”

It wasn’t a question, but Mason shook his head in response anyway.

“Do you want my opinion or a sounding board?” Luis asked quietly.

Mason drew one knee to his chest in a half-hearted attempt to pretend he was stretching. “Opinion,” he said at long last. He was fairly certain he had the answer to the question he still had yet to articulate, but with Luis, he could hand him a word salad, and his friend would know what he meant.

“The way I see it,” Luis grunted as he moved into a new stretch position. “You have three options: walk away—”

“No,” Mason ground out. It was the smartest option. Walking away was the only way to protect himself. But he was already in too deep for that.

“I know,” Luis said. “So, that leaves asking her—”

They exchanged a long look. Asking Sawyer if she had feelings for him after they’d expressly stated they weren’t doing that and she’d practically ghosted him after they hooked up in his car… Yeah, that wasn’t an option either.

“Or wait.”

Mason hung his head, resting his forehead against his knee. “That makes me feel like a creep who can’t take no for an answer.”

He could feel Luis’s frown without looking. “You are not that guy. Sometimes, we fall for people we don’t expect to—like your best friend’s older sister—” Mason cut him a wry look, and Luis smirked unapologetically. “And when that happens, all you can do is love them and wait and pray it works out, because on the off chance that it does… it’s worth it.”

When Mason didn’t respond, Luis continued, and Mason had to admit his optimism was infectious. “Besides, aren’t y’all almost done?”

Mason nodded numbly, dread squashing the small balloon of hope that had been building. The last thing on their list—at least, the ones they figured out how to do, both of them in a standoff over who would do the dramatic musical grand gesture—was New Year’s Eve. There was also the New Year’s brunch at Lily’s after that, but that wasn’t a list item—though he was sure Sawyer would find a way to make it a list item. She always did. He was really beginning to resent that list.

“Being done is a good thing,” Luis rushed out. “When the list is done, y’all have no obligation to keep doing this unless you both want to. So when she stays, as I have no doubt she will…” He trailed off, allowing Mason to draw the natural conclusion.

He prayed it were that simple. He wasn’t going to pressure Sawyer into anything. He never meant for this to happen, but now that it had, he wanted it. He wanted her. Badly. He wanted her in a way he’d never fathomed. Maybe their stupid list was working, because he didn’t feel the need to shower her with romantic overtures the way he normally would. He wanted to wake up with her, wanted to do all the things he thought he hated—like running errands at IKEA—and finding out he didn’t mind them so long as he was with her. He wanted her in the quiet, in the spaces between the big moments. His eyes fluttered shut, and he took a series of controlled breaths. He just hoped she wanted it, too.

“Oh,” Luis added as an afterthought. “And stop hooking up with her.”

Mason’s brows rose. “Excuse you.”

Luis smirked. “Trust me. Right now, she not only has the cake, but she’s eating it with a large glass of milk that you gave her for free.”

Mason pulled a face. “You just mixed so many metaphors.”

“You know what I mean,” Luis chuckled. “Besides, friends with benefits isn’t really your style. Especially when that’s not what it is for you.” Luis widened his eyes, blinking accusatorially.

His friend was right. He couldn’t keep hooking up with Sawyer when it meant something to him and nothing to her. Or maybe it did mean something to her. Who knew? Not Mason.

He sighed, feeling deflated. “What about LA? The whole point of doing this with Sawyer was to stay single. The tabloids are only just now moving on. I don’t want to give them anything new to write about, much less drag her into it—” He cut himself off, running a hand through his sweat-slicked hair in frustration.

His eyes flew open as Luis clapped him on the back. Hard.

“Falling in love sucks,” Luis said frankly. “You’ll both figure it out. One step at a time.”

His friend clambered to his feet, extending a hand to Mason, which he took automatically. As Luis pulled him up, he felt like he’d left his stomach back on the mat.

Love?

Spilling everything out to Luis had left his mind empty for the first time in days, and that single word now clanged around inside his skull like a warning bell and a symphony all in one.