13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

NIC

I would remember that night in explicit detail for the rest of my life, and now, I was going to relive it, for Izzy, so I could keep the one person in my life that I felt connected to besides my father.

“Anna and I met in my second year at Oxford. The new term was just starting, and I was running late for a class. When I entered the room, I accepted the reprimand from the professor and apologized for my tardiness. He simply motioned for me to take a seat.

“There were only two left available. One was along the outside of a row, almost to the very back, and the other was in the middle of the front row. The latter of the two wouldn’t have been my first choice under normal circumstances, but right next to that front row empty seat was Anna.

“She was staring at me, tapping her pen in irritation because I’d interrupted the lecture. Her gaze dared me to even try sitting next to her. So, of course, I did anyway. I shrugged off her glare and had to pretend to focus on the professor, but the whole time I was watching the fascinating girl next to me from the corner of my eye.

“She kept absently twirling the cinnamon strands of her ponytail around her finger, twisting it up, then letting it go to fall against her arm, and I remember having the strong, peculiar urge to run my fingers through those dark, silky strands.

“I never thought ponytails were sexy before that day. I’m usually a hair down around the shoulders type of bloke. But not on Anna. I found out later that she wore her hair up because she couldn’t stand to have it in her face when she worked.

“She was always so focused, that bottom lip of hers pulling between her teeth as she furiously typed her notes during lecture, though she did tense a few times when my arm would accidentally brush against hers.

“She was so intense, a no-nonsense type. At least, that’s what she wanted everyone to think. I suspected there was more to her. She was intriguing, a mystery and a puzzle I had to figure out. I was dying to know more.

“I quickly learned that I wasn’t the only bloke she was cold with. She didn’t want a boy to distract her. She was only there to learn. Her education and her goals were her top priority. Most blokes backed off with her icy glare. I was the only one brave enough to continuously shrug off her deflections.

“Each class, I’d flash her one of my oh-so-charming smiles that I used to have no problem using. She didn’t smile back. But after the first few weeks, I could see the interest in her eyes. They were gorgeous… Green, with a honey ring in the center. The first thing I noted and committed to memory when she finally looked at me for longer than a second or two at a time. Her interest was there. I could see it, but she wasn’t going to be easy to get.

“It took me nearly three months to convince her to let me take her on a date. Just one date, but one was all it took. Once out of that no-nonsense, school setting, we hit it off, each flirtatious comment and smile chipping away at her icy armor until I had her smiling and laughing, even cracking a joke or two of her own. We stayed out nearly the entire night, talking about anything. Everything.

“After that, every spare minute outside of work, class, and revising, we were together. She might have been all about her studies, but when she set it aside, she knew how to have fun. And, Christ, could she make me laugh…” I paused, allowing myself the moment to remember. Until I realized I’d started to smile. That emotion didn’t belong to her anymore.

“She was perfect, to me,” I admitted. “And I was the luckiest prick out there to have found her. To have earned her. She was my match.”

The ring still clutched between my fingers, I felt the band dig into my skin as I tightened my grip. Like it was an anchor as I forced myself to relive our story. How she’d lifted me to great heights and then let me go, leaving me to crash and break. To try to survive.

My chest aching, I drew in a breath, knowing I needed to continue.

“About the time our first anniversary passed, Anna inherited a house right outside London from her great grandparents, and she asked if I’d like to move in together. Waking up to her every morning was brilliant. Her perfection and laughter were like a drug as we made it our home, and it was only a few months later when she started tossing me little hints.

“She’d talk nonstop about how much fun she was having helping her sister plan her wedding, pouring over websites and bringing home magazines to get ideas as she put together boards and samples to show her.

“At first, I thought she was just excited about the project. Anna could get very wrapped up in things when she was excited, but I realized it was more than that when she started talking about how styles of wedding dresses would look on her in front of her friends and leaving pages with engagement rings open for me to see.

“She’d sometimes point to one she liked and say, “Look, Nicky. I bet Mira would have liked this one better than the one Rob bought her. The setting is so gorgeous, don’t you think?” And then I’d look over and agree, even though every single one of them had Anna written all over it. Mira’s taste wasn’t quite as extravagant.

“I didn’t let her know I’d caught on, though. She was twenty-two, and I was only twenty, but I knew she was the one I wanted. I would have given the world to ask her then, but I just didn’t have the funds to get her the ring she deserved, and I refused to ask my father. Giving her something like that needed to come from me, not my dad’s pockets.

“Around that time, a mate of mine from Oxford, Mark, came to me about developing some software we’d talked about in passing a few times, saying he had a potential buyer if we wanted to give it a go. I was intrigued, largely at working on the project but the potential payout tipped the scales, especially if it was my ticket to affording a ring. So, Mark and I threw ourselves into the work.

“We had an ace of a time with it, but it required a lot of hours, even more so when Mark and I started up an actual business with it, working on smaller projects on the side. It quickly became my regular job outside of uni. The more I worked and the more profit we made, the faster I could buy Anna that ring and even help with the wedding. Her father couldn’t afford ours with Mira’s coming up so soon. At least, not the wedding Anna would really want. Which made that main project so crucial. That big sale was the ticket for giving Anna and I the start we needed. What she deserved.

I sighed and looked at Izzy for the first time since I’d begun. “I should’ve just asked my dad for a loan on the ring, but I was a stupid git. A fool,” I clarified at her expression.

She tried to smile, but it was weak and turned out more like a grimace. Which fit perfectly.

“My friend Enzo and I, we’d been best mates since our first year of school, but we didn’t knock about nearly as often after we went off to uni. We used to always get into mischief.” I smiled, remembering. “The headmaster was on a first name basis with us. It never interfered with my marks, but Enzo’s tended to slip without an earful to make him focus. I got into Oxford. He didn’t. We still talked all the time, but our schools were too far away to see each other anytime other than the holidays when he made trips back home.

“When he finished school, he was looking to move back to London to find work. Mark and I weren’t bringing in enough income yet to be willing to take Enzo on, too. Both of us had things we were saving for, so I mentioned it to my dad, and he managed to find Enzo a paid advertising internship with his company.

“Anna even agreed to let him stay with us until he got on his feet. He didn’t exactly have immediate funds to dive right into his own flat, and we had the extra room. It made sense. At the time, at least, but it lasted longer than it should have. It was just that we all enjoyed living together. Some of us more than others, apparently.” My teeth ground together, anger twisting in my stomach at how naive I’d been. I took a steadying breath.

“I was ecstatic to have my friend back. We’d spent three years without any of our old antics, aside from some nights at the pub over the hols, but there wasn’t a lot of time for that, even with him living under the same roof. Our buyer was getting impatient, and Mark and I only had a few months left to perfect that coding if I was going to propose to Anna on our anniversary.

“I wasn’t worried, though. I had felt guilty before, not spending as much time with Anna as I used to, but it was all for her. And Enzo was around now. They’d really seemed to hit it off. They got on like they’d known each other their whole lives.

“It had felt brilliant at the time. I mean, how could I be any luckier? I had this intelligent, beautiful, perfect woman I was in love with, my lifelong, best mate back in my life, and a job and business I loved.

“Enzo really was a great friend. He stuck by my side and helped me pull through when my mum died… Liquor and I became a little too friendly for a while there. There are many days and nights and stupid mistakes I don’t remember from that time because of it, but he got me past that. I never drink to kill the pain anymore. It’s too easy to abuse it if I do,” I eased in the admission, knowing at least one person here should know. Izzy just looked at me, no judgment, waiting for me to continue.

“Our friendship was exactly why I never even thought to suspect… I was a right tosser to not see that Enzo wanted her.” My fingers gripped the ring tighter. Hating it but not able to let it go. Breathing through the ball of lead in my stomach, I closed my eyes and let the memory take over.

“Our anniversary was early December, and I remember thinking how perfect it was that it was snowing when I stepped out of class that afternoon. Anna loved a fresh coat of snow. She said it made everything look bright and romantic, and I knew she was going to be in a brilliant mood when I got home because of it. It just made me even more anxious to start our evening.

“I hurried home, constantly checking to feel the satin box in my coat pocket to make sure the ring was still there. I’d gone ahead and taken a line of credit for the ring. Mark and I finally had our software at a point ready to sell, and it would go through by New Year’s. It seemed foolish to postpone the proposal over a few short weeks.

“Anna was barefoot in her dress, singing to herself while styling her hair when I got home. She had it in a ponytail again, and she’d curled the strands, leaving a few locks in loose waves around her face. She smiled at me in the mirror, and I almost knelt down right there, she was so beautiful.

“But I didn’t. I had reserved a special table for us that evening at our favorite restaurant, and with the snow still gently falling, I knew the view would be perfect there .

“Both our spirits were high when we left that evening, and Anna only looked more beautiful as the night went on. Her eyes were a light, crisp green and her cheeks slightly pink from the chill in the air. She was vibrant in the view I had chosen.

“The longer we were at dinner, the more I realized she should be asked out in that snow. We laughed and talked throughout the meal, but by the end of dessert, her mood had begun to deflate, and I realized she was hoping I would propose, and I was probably taking too long.

“I don’t know why I hadn’t realized it before, but it also made me glad that I had worked so hard to be able to ask her. That sale was going to be enough and then some, extravagantly then some, to give her everything she deserved.

“Just as I was paying the bill so we could head outside and get to the part of the evening we were both dying for, Mark rang. Anna grew tense, but she insisted I answer it.”

I shook my head, my gaze off in the distance I no longer saw. “I should have turned the bloody thing off. That’s what a man who puts his woman first would have done, but I knew Mark wouldn’t call on our anniversary over nothing.

“It was about our buyer. They were insisting we meet that night , promising to make it worth our while. Mark insisted that I beg off; he’d handle it. He’d just wanted to let me know. But the pull to be there was strong. That project was my baby, too.

“I watched something die in Anna’s expression when she heard I was going, but I brushed it off. She was disappointed. Which I understood. But I was doing this for her. For us. I wanted to give her everything more than anything.

“I took her home and promised her that I would hurry back as quickly as I could, insisting we would still have a special evening. I still needed to ask her, but I refused to ask and then immediately leave.

My voice shook, angry and disappointed in myself. I could see it all so clearly now, so why couldn’t I see it then? Anna had just wanted me there. She’d needed me to choose her over work, and I’d let her down.

“The meeting was a let down, the buyer suddenly proposing ridiculous demands and trying to cut us on the price when we told them we couldn’t deliver the changes by the date they wanted. I left that meeting regretting that I had gone. If I’d stayed with Anna, we’d be celebrating by then.

“Knowing she was upset, I stopped for some tulips, her favorite, but I was surprised to see Enzo when I got home. He’d promised to stay out late that evening to give us some privacy.

“He was sitting on one end of the sofa, staring off into the warm glow of the fireplace when I walked in. Anna was wrapped in a blanket, lying across the couch with her feet in his lap. He motioned for me to be quiet and waved me over.

“I approached quietly, not wanting to wake Anna. She looked like an angel lying there with the light from the fire flickering across her face. But I could see the sadness in her expression, even in her sleep, and I felt awful.

“Enzo whispered to me that he’d tried to stay out later, but he hadn’t been feeling well. He’d come home for some medicine and planned to head to bed before we got home, but he found Anna crying. He’d sat up and talked with her while she’d waited for me, and she’d eventually fallen asleep. He was worried that moving would wake her up.

“I’ll admit it seemed a little off at the time, but his explanation made sense, and I’d known Anna had been upset. So, I thanked him for helping and carried her off to bed. She’d sighed and nestled into my shoulder…”

My chest felt like it might tear right open, remembering how good that had felt. I’d planned to carry her off to bed the next time we made love. If only I’d known what she’d been thinking that night before I’d come home.

My head snapped up, and Izzy flinched when she met my eyes, telling me my pain was screaming at the surface. Blatant for her to see.

“How could I have known?” My voice strained and twisted with the hate I felt for myself. I’d been so dense, thinking she was relieved to be in my arms.

Izzy didn’t answer, not that I expected her to. I looked up into the vast, star-filled sky. It was so different, more dazzling than in the city.

Anna would have thought this was beautiful. I immediately cursed the thought, wanting to beat myself for still caring, and tucked away the frustration to continue.

“Things were off between us after that night, but I didn’t think I needed to worry too much. Everything would be fine when I proposed.

“I waited for that next perfect day and finally settled on the idea of New Year’s Eve. Mark asked me to meet him that day with another prospective buyer for the project, which surprised me, but I agreed, especially after the last disaster of a meeting we’d had. It was early enough in the day that I knew it wouldn’t affect my plans, and I warned Mark I would leave if it ran late. I would put Anna first this time.

“Wanting to keep her suspicion off my proposal and make it a surprise, I told her I’d be working late, but not to worry, I’d be home in plenty of time to share our midnight kiss. I’d bring home wine if she picked the music.

“It was snowing again, and the drive home that afternoon felt like forever. I couldn’t wait to get home to her and had the ring tucked and ready in my pocket. I would ask her that night. I was determined. And it seemed even more perfect than my original plan. A proposal was a great way to start off the New Year.

“There were glasses of wine on the table when I walked in, and music was playing in the bedroom. The candles she had lit smelled like apples and cinnamon, and her perfume was in the air.

“I remember thinking that I must have been a poor liar. She’d known I was going to surprise her and was way ahead of the game. I smiled at the thought, wondering what surprise I might find in the bedroom.

“Not wanting any interruptions, I stopped by Enzo’s room first to make sure he wasn’t home, and when I’d confirmed he wasn’t there, I just smiled wider and locked the bolt on the front door to keep it that way. My imagination was going a little wild at that point, picturing what Anna might have in store.”

I gripped the edge of the tailgate as a vicious bout of nausea overtook me. I had to force myself to swallow, trying to dislodge the queasy lump working its way up my throat, my body starting to shake from the suppressed hurt and anger I was finally letting emerge. Just thinking about it now… Actually letting myself remember it…

“If only I’d known what I’d be walking in on,” I growled before the memories slammed into me, and I jerked at the force my emotions took. This was the first time I’d allowed myself to think about what I was going to share next.

“When I opened that door, I expected to find Anna lying in our bed, waiting. I’d ravish her and then ask her as soon as we were done. Then we could go some more, for the rest of the night if she was up for it. It would have been a bloody brilliant way to celebrate and bring in the New Year.”

I braced myself, trying to steady my ever-churning stomach with the memory of opening that door. Seeing Anna held tightly in my best mate’s arms beneath the twisted sheets, her legs wrapped around Enzo as they moved together. And the way she moaned… sounds only I was supposed to cause her to make.

I’d been too shocked to feel anything but shock as I stood in that doorway, holding her favorite flowers, the symbol of my love and commitment still tucked away in my coat. They didn’t even know I was there. I was frozen, stuck watching in horror as my world was ripped apart.

It wasn’t until Anna cried out Enzo’s name, her body shuddering beneath him, that I could react. The rage hit then. My vision turned red. I slammed the door and threw the flowers against the wall right as Enzo groaned his release.

They sprang apart, guilt, surprise, and horror in their expressions as I barreled towards the bed, but they had shown no regret. I remembered that .

I felt a gentle touch on my arm jerking me back to the present. Startled and full of barely controllable fury, I somehow registered Izzy’s concern.

“You don’t have to go any further.”

“Thanks,” I muttered when I fought the rage back enough to speak.

“Of course,” she replied, sitting by my side in silent comfort while I worked to shove back what I wished I could forget.

ISABEL

I didn’t even know what to say. I was just trying to imagine what it must have been like for him, but I couldn’t. Nic had told me once that his pain was different. I could now say he’d definitely been right. But that it was better left alone? Maybe not if it still hit him this strongly.

“Hey, Nic?”

“Yes?”

My fingers wound through my hair, afraid to approach what I wanted to ask.

“Just ask me, Izzy. I can’t guarantee I’ll open up again anytime soon.”

He sounded so drained; it hurt me to hear it. Swatting at what had to be the hundredth June bug tonight, I asked, “Did they at least tell you why?”

“Ah.” Nic’s head fell back. “The million dollar question. What puts it all back on me.” He looked down at me, so much hurt openly displayed over the stone of his eyes. “ Apparently, I had changed. Somewhere along the way of trying to give Anna everything she wanted, I became obsessed with work. I didn’t make time for us anymore. She said she was tired of waiting for me. Not just on our anniversary but all the time. That Enzo had been there for her. That they’d had an instant connection she’d tried to fight but couldn’t anymore. She said when I failed to come through on our anniversary, it was the deciding moment. I’d disappointed her for the last time. She actually felt herself fall out of love with me that night…”

He trailed off at the end and was looking out at the trees now, lost somewhere in his thoughts and his pain.

“What was Enzo’s excuse?” I needed to hear what crap he had come up with for betraying his friend. Hating him for hurting mine.

Nic’s voice was almost a whisper when he replied. “He said he felt the connection, too. He’d tried to fight it. They hadn’t wanted to hurt me, but what he felt just became too strong to ignore. Especially when he knew she’d given up on me.”

His jaw jutted before clenching, and he took a steadying breath. “He begged me to forgive him. He didn’t want to lose our friendship, but he couldn’t give up Anna… And I couldn’t forgive him. Either or them.”

“Which you shouldn’t have.” Not with the way they’d done it, behind his back. I couldn’t even imagine. If Tucker ever did that to me… My chest felt like it would rip in two just thinking about it.

“You want to know the best part?” Nic looked down at me, cynicism etched over his expression. “Mark and I made those last changes to the software, and it sold for an obscene amount of money just a month later. That half that mattered so much before? It just sits there now, mocking me.”

I winced. “I can relate to that. My dad left some money for me when he died, and I didn’t find out until right after I lost Zoey. It felt so wrong to touch it then. Like it was tainted, mocking me for what I could have used it for.”

Did it feel that way now? I took a moment to wonder, unsure.

Nic’s mouth lifted into a half-smile. “You do get it then. I’m sorry that you found out that way.”

“I should be saying that to you. I can’t even imagine.”

Nic shrugged. “I had my dad. But that was it really. I’d just graduated, and my mates had all spread out, taking jobs and starting their lives. Mark tried to reach out, but there was an association to the pain there that made me withdraw. I sold him my half of the business.”

“Oh, Nic.” God, I felt for him. Break ups happened, I knew, but his pain felt so much deeper. Anna had obviously been his world like Tucker was mine.

“They got married,” he suddenly admitted.

“You’re kidding!” My mouth gaped in disbelief.

“Right after the trip to Greece. A friend of ours rang me just last weekend. He’d been calling off and on for weeks, but I’ve been working so hard to shut out my old life, I’d been ignoring it. I finally decided to answer, just to see what he wanted. He told me about the wedding, but when he first rang, he was trying to let me know he was going to be the best man… Unless I wanted the position. Enzo’s foul attempt at trying to make amends one last time or something. I guess. ”

“I hope you told him to tell Enzo he could suck it,” I fumed, and Nic smirked. “I’m sorry, but that just pissed me off.”

“Yeah, me, too. I’ve been a bit of a dick since that call, which Jet had no problem pointing out.”

“He would understand if he knew.”

Finally tucking the ring back in his pocket, Nic gave me a look, confirming what I’d already thought. That this conversation stayed between me and him. He’d kept my secrets when I’d shared, and I’d keep his.

“So…I guess I have a talent for walking in on things, huh?” he teased once the ring was put away, bumping his arm playfully against mine. I hissed in a breath, wincing. “Shit. Sorry, Izzy.”

I lifted my sleeve a little to run my hand carefully over the bruises, the stinging still fresh. “It’s okay. I’ll live.”

“Fuck. Izzy. I didn’t know they were that bad. That tosser really hurt you.”

I shrugged. “He’s done worse.”

His brow lifted as he gaped. “You say that like it’s no big deal.”

I tucked my hands beneath me and tilted my head back to look at the sky. “No, it’s a big deal, but I don’t want to keep dwelling on it. Especially not tonight. I’ll fill everyone in tomorrow, but after that, it’s in the past. I’m letting it go.”

“This incident might be in the past, but Zane isn’t.”

“God, I hope he is. He’s supposed to be. That’s what the restraining order is for. I need him in the past, Nic. With high school ending and Tucker and I moving on, it feels like my chance for a new start. ”

Nic ran a hand back through the dark waves of his hair, the gel already disheveled from before, and he let out a deep sigh. “I get that. I want Anna and Enzo in the past, too. That’s why I decided to move here. I need a new start. I need to be somewhere where I have a chance to forget about them. I know it’ll take some time, but I’m determined to move on.”

He smirked to himself. “I’ve already gotten better with some things. I never thought I could trust enough to let anyone in again, but here we are. I’m glad we became friends.”

I smiled, bumping my knee to his leg to avoid my bruises. “Me, too.”

“Any chance you’re ready to go find Tucker? If I’m honest, I’m knackered after all that. Tired,” he reworded when he saw my confusion.

“Yeah, of course.” I quickly slid down, my sandals hitting the loose gravel below.

“Let’s roll.” Nic shut the tailgate when he stood, and I snorted. “What?”

“Nothing. You’re just cheesy when you try to be normal.”

One of his eyebrows raised, his face deadpan with a slight smirk, and I snorted again, quickly walking ahead to find Tucker.