Chapter 17

Simon left the house party the next morning, a day before the official close of festivities. He gave no reason to Bella, who was left with only her bitter disappointment and regret as thin consolation. Grace told her Simon was called away on business, but Bella guessed there was more to his absence. Their argument still rung in her ears, and she suspected Simon had no desire to be around her after all that had been said.

She almost wished she was still angry at him, but by the time morning came her fury had subsided to a dull ache of longing. If Simon had been present, she had no doubt she would have sought him out to apologize. As painful as it was to be his friend when she wanted more, at least friendship meant she could be near him. His sudden absence told her she'd lost the chance to do even that.

She travelled back to London in a carriage with her parents and Aunt Nellie. Two mornings after their return, Aunt Nellie called Bella into her private sitting room to speak.

"I wanted to tell you first," the older woman said, "that I have decided to travel back to Ireland. I have had enough of London, and your parents are reassured that I am not necessary to…" she trailed off, kindly, but Bella understood the hidden meaning behind her words.

"You're not necessary to keep me in check," she supplied. "They approve of my behavior thus far?"

Aunt Nellie looked concerned. "They do," she said slowly. There was a moment's hesitation and then the older woman added, "Although, I would prefer to know that you are confident in yourself, not reaching for their accolades."

"I have done everything you asked of me," Bella said, sitting at her aunt's side. "I have tried at every turn to conduct myself as you taught me to for all those years I lived with you."

"And you have been flawless." Aunt Nellie's smile was gentle, but a little sad. "I am proud of you. You are one of the diamonds of the Season, a woman sought after by the heirs to dukes and spoken about with tones of reverence. I find no fault in your behavior… I am only concerned about your heart. Are you happy, Isabella?"

Bella thought of Simon asking her that same question and had to force a smile to keep her true feelings hidden. "I'm content, Aunt. Isn't that enough?"

Aunt Nellie sighed. "I suppose it is more than many of us could ask for."

"And you?" Bella asked. "Why are you returning to Ireland so soon?"

"It's been nearly a month," Aunt Nellie laughed. "I was never intending to stay the entire Season. Beyond that, I think your father and mother would be appreciative of a little space from me. They do their duty in conversation, but I know that they never approved of my spontaneous marriage nor how I established a life for myself outside of England. We would all be a little more peaceful if left to our own devices."

"I will miss you." Bella felt a welling of emotion in her throat. "You've been good to me."

"Come and see me," Aunt Nellie said impulsively, reaching out to take Bella's hands in her own. "When you are able. I know that it is a long way—"

"The journey is well worth it to be in your company," Bella assured her. "I would very much like to ride on the moors again. Ireland was once a prison to me, but now it is a haven."

Later that evening, Bella heard her aunt share the same decision to leave with Lord and Lady Collingwood in the parlor. When Aunt Nellie departed for the night, Lady Collingwood sighed and set aside her embroidery.

"I think it's for the best," she said. "I don't know that she had anything more to teach our dear Isabella."

"We have her well in hand, I would say," Lord Collingwood agreed, his eyes scanning the pages of a scandal sheet. "My sister will be happier in a quieter clime."

Bella cleared her throat, still unused to the way her father and mother discussed her future as though she was not in the room. "She will be missed, I'm sure," she said.

"By you, perhaps," Lord Collingwood said, shrugging in a dismissive manner, "but your aunt and I were never very close."

"Do not fret yourself about Lord Ramsgate," Lady Collingwood said, though the marquess' name had not previously featured in the conversation at all. "If you think you require your Aunt Nellie to snare him, I can reassure you otherwise. I watched you at our house party, and I believe the gentleman is thoroughly smitten. I would not be surprised if there were a proposal before the Season was out."

"Certainly by the end of the Season," Lord Collingwood agreed. He raised his eyes from the paper at last, a look of warning hidden there. "Or at least, he ought to propose by then. If he does not make his intentions clear, I would be forced to assume you had somehow lost the match."

Bella felt a twinge of anger at his words. "Is it not possible that the gentleman could choose another match of his own accord, without my having done anything awry?"

"That is lazy talk," Lady Collingwood scolded. "You are in control of your own destiny, Isabella. If you wish to marry the man, make it happen. Use your wit, your graces, and your beauty. Convince him that there is no other woman for him."

Bella felt as though a noose were tightening around her neck. "I don't know him very well," she murmured. "I would feel more confident about a future with Lord Ramsgate if we were better acquainted."

"How acquainted do you need to be?" Lord Collingwood guffawed. "It's not as though we are speaking of a love match here. Just marry the man and, if you determine after the wedding that you are not well-suited, find ways to live separate lives. He inherits a grand estate. I'm sure you could disappear into the halls of some country house or other while Lord Ramsgate tends to London business. There is no reason you should have to see each other if you find him unpleasant."

Bella stared at her father, hardly believing his words. It ought not to have been a surprise to her after the way her parents had spoken to her about her responsibility to marry well, but to have the matter spelled out so frankly seemed absurd. She could not imagine yoking her life to that of a man who she despised.

Lady Collingwood must have noticed her reticence, because she prodded, "Please do not tell me you are growing cautious, Isabella. I should hope not. The way you acted at the house party, especially in the final days, were encouraging indeed. If you pull out of some future engagement, people will say that you led poor Lord Ramsgate on."

"I did not mean to," Bella said, swallowing hard. She had entertained Lord Ramsgate's attentions, to be sure, but only as far as was required of her to be polite. She could not help how effusive the young marquess could be, always fawning over her and seizing her hand as though he had a right to her person.

Even as the words came out of her mouth, she thought of the way she had behaved the night before Simon left, giggling at and indulging Lord Ramsgate's constant flirtation. Simon had called her behavior ‘silly,' and in part he was correct.

She had not done so because of any desire to marry Lord Ramsgate, however. She had just seen the death of another, dearer, dream. Lord Ramsgate was another place for her attentions—a distraction from the void that Simon's absence brought.

"Whatever you meant to do," her father said drily, bringing her back to the present, "the result is that half the ton already expects to see you on Lord Ramsgate's arm at every social event, and soon they will be looking for wedding bells."

"Oh, how exciting," Lady Collingwood cooed. "I could not have planned this better myself. Isabella, you have done our family proud at last, seeking a match worthy of our good name."

"Yet he may not want me in the end," Bella said, a little desperately. She was terrified of marrying a man she didn't love, but equally terrified of how angry her parents would be if she backed out of the arrangement. "Perhaps he will find some other woman who captures his attentions more completely."

Lord Collingwood frowned. "Stop speaking as though you'd already lost the war," he snapped. "You must behave as though he is already yours, and the rest will fall into your lap."

Something about his words chilled Bella. It made her think at once of Amelia. From the first moment she had seen Amelia interacting with Simon, she had noticed a marked attention in the other woman. Amelia had done exactly what Lord Collingwood was describing—she'd behaved as though Simon was already hers, and eventually he had ‘fallen into her lap.'

She wanted to fight and resist the idea of a lifetime with Lord Ramsgate's overly indulgent nature and pale, spidery fingers, but who else would she marry instead? Once she realized that she loved Simon, she had simultaneously understood that no man would ever compare to him. Lord Ramsgate was not a love match, but no one else would be either. Only Simon… and he was already lost to her.

"I agree that the match with Lord Ramsgate is important," she said quietly, acquiescing in part. "I will do my best to make you proud and to move forward as I ought in the arrangement."

"Good," Lord Collingwood said, pulling back up the paper in front of him and snapping it open.

"But," Bella said, grasping to halt the inevitability of her future, "I do have a thought about the timing of the engagement. Should Lord Ramsgate offer for my hand, I would only ask that you request he wait until after Grace's wedding."

"Ah yes," Lady Collingwood mused. "I had heard that Miss Lyndon has found a match for herself. A rather good match, if I must be honest. How the daughter of a viscount could land such an honorable gentleman as Lord Anthony, I shall never guess."

"Perhaps because she is an honorable woman," Bella said, unable to resist defending her friend.

"I didn't mean a slight against your little friend," her mother said, sounding bored. "I am only saying that Lord Anthony is above her station. She will be marrying a titled gentleman."

Bella suddenly felt dirty, as though her parents' greedy approach to all relationships was rubbing off on her like soot. "Well," she said, keeping her tone measured despite her annoyance, "the marriage is quite exciting. I know it will be happening shortly—they both are certain of each other and will not want to put it off any longer than is necessary."

"I think, after the banns are read, they will be marrying immediately," Lord Collingwood said, tapping the page in front of him. "There has already been an announcement."

"Yes!" Bella grasped for this straw hopefully. "And I know you would not want anything to overshadow my own alliance with Lord Ramsgate. Let us keep any official announcements about the marquess and I quiet until after Grace's marriage. It will only be a few weeks, I am certain."

Lady Collingwood exchanged a look with Lord Collingwood, clearly suspicious. "I wouldn't want to miss out on any opportunities with Lord Ramsgate…" she trailed off and then added, "On the other hand, I cannot have Miss Lyndon's wedding in the same breath as our Isabella's. The papers will all be talking about how the two girls are long-time friends, and the fact our daughter is marrying a future duke will not be center stage as it ought."

"I see no reason why we cannot wait," Lord Collingwood agreed. "When Lord Ramsgate comes to me to speak, I shall simply tell him of our timeline. I do not doubt he will understand."

Bella sighed with quiet relief. Her parents went back to their paper and embroidery respectively, and she was left alone with her thoughts again. She felt only partially assured—it was a stay of execution, not a pardon of the sentence as she truly desired.