4. Chapter 4

I left the meet and drove away with a frequent eye on my rearview mirror. When I reached the suburbs, I turned right at a stoplight, and right again, and again. If someone was following me, they were better at the game than I was. Perhaps, for now, the lower ranks were cowed enough to leave me be, and Alpha had held Elijah back. No one’s behind me. After another detour through a parking lot, I decided I was safe. Then I straightened out, but not for home.

This is a stupid idea. Sure, when I texted and asked him, Kendrick had said I could come over, but I was way too emotional to go hang out with anyone. Even another gay guy. Even a guy I really wanted to see and smell and touch, to remind myself he was real.

Kendrick wasn’t in danger from the pack. Alpha was right— Rick Brown would eviscerate any wolf threatening innocent humans. But the poor guy didn’t need me dumping my confused carcass on his doorstep. I should go home. I should eat something. I should calm the fuck down.

Instead, I parked in his driveway, climbed the familiar two steps, and rang the bell.

Kendrick opened the door with a smile. “Hey, come on in. Nice to see you in, um, clothes.”

That let me smile back. “I do occasionally wear actual shirts and things.” Of course, his bright eyes and warm voice and the faint scent of his clean sweat, right there within touching distance, made me long for fewer clothes and more skin on skin. Desire flared, eclipsing the jumble of emotions I was suppressing.

Kendrick maybe caught my reaction, because his smile became a grin as he pulled the door wider. “Not that I want you to think I have anything against nudity.”

The words lit a small fire in my belly but I ignored that heat and didn’t brush against him as I stepped past into the entryway. “Where’s Larissa?”

“At a friend’s house. They’re sharing their Halloween candy, and another poor parent will be dealing with the sugar high. I wished the mom luck with that.” He hesitated. “She’ll also be sharing the story of how she was saved by a werewolf, I’m sure. Is that okay? I can tell people she’s exaggerating, but I hate undercutting her like that.”

“No, no, of course, don’t. Nothing worse for a kid than to be telling the truth and have people insist they’re lying. Especially someone they trust. She can tell whomever.” I forced a chuckle. “Heck, my Alpha would say it’s good publicity. The Council leader would approve.”

“But that’s not why you did it.” Kendrick sounded certain as he locked the door and turned to me. “You saved her because that’s the kind of guy you are.”

“How do you know?”

“Because guys who are faking it don’t crawl over on their bellies and lick a child’s foot and let her pull their fur. They don’t ask if she eats the good candy first or last. I’ve been around people who pretend to like kids, and people who do. I know the difference.”

“I think you’re giving me too much credit.”

He chuckled. “I saved your saddle, if you want it.”

“Keep it.” I shrugged. “Maybe Larissa will want that ride someday, before she gets too big.”

“Yeah, you hate kids.” He set a hand on my arm. “Can I get you some lunch?”

“You don’t have to feed me.”

“Maybe I like to.” He tilted his head, his eyes bright, and slid his hand toward my shoulder, stroking my neck with a forefinger. “Can I get you something else to eat?”

That was why I came, right? To indulge in hot man-on-man sex, now I had no fears left? My dick voted yes, and of all the men I’d ever met, Kendrick had me the most ready to go in seconds. But I blurted, “I just came out to my pack.”

“Oh! Oh, wow.” His touch changed from seductive to a comforting grasp on my biceps. “Congratulations! How did it go? Are you okay?” The concern in his eyes caught my breath. No one else had asked how I felt. Even Garrett had let me leave the meet with a slap on the shoulder, a cheerful nudge of support, but with no awareness of how big the moment had felt. Kendrick understands. He really cares.

I mumbled, “I… think so? Telling my Alpha went better than I was afraid of.” Alpha had pulled me aside before I left and told me to come to him if I needed anything. I think perhaps I’d hurt his leadership pride by hiding from him for so long. Decades of dread were still hard to get past, but he’d pushed support and reassurance down my pack bond, mind to mind, till I believed I had nothing to fear from him now. “The rest of the pack is a mixed bag.”

Kendrick tugged on my arm. “Come sit down. Tell me.”

I followed him to the living room and sat on the couch. He took a seat beside me, close enough that our knees bumped as he turned to me. “Do you want to talk about it? Or would you rather I distract you?”

The thing that came out of my mouth was, “I didn’t have to beat anyone up.” Although it was close.

“Uh, was that something you were expecting to do?”

“Maybe?” I tried to explain without baring any of the few secrets we still kept. “Werewolf society has always been deeply homophobic. Not sure why. Maybe it was because we don’t have many kids and a queer wolf will never father one. Maybe it was because for so long, being queer was a human crime too. When we were hidden, a wolf getting arrested was a big, big problem.”

“How would the cops know he was a werewolf, though?”

“They might not, at least till recently once DNA became a thing. But a wolf in prison can’t afford to shift, and a wolf trapped in one form for year after year would become… unstable. A risk.” Better off dead. I didn’t say that part. “The packs were extremely allergic to risk.”

“Aren’t there a bunch of gay werewolves, though? I checked back into the news stories from when werewolves were discovered, and it seemed like some of the first ones were gay or bi.”

“Yeah. But that was, well, not coincidence, but part of a whole clusterfuck. They weren’t supposed to be the first wolves out, and weren’t exactly popular with any of the packs. It’s gotten better in the last decade, but you don’t erase generations of bigotry with ten years of grudging acceptance.”

“True. My parents have generations of Southern Baptist roots. Even my giving them a grandchild has only begun to make a small dent in their disapproval, and didn’t matter at all for my grandpa.”

“So you know how I feel.” I pressed my knee against Kendrick’s, for his comfort and mine.

“Somewhat. Every family’s different. But yes, I know about coming out in the face of scathing disapproval and disappointment.”

“Fuck.” I slid an arm around him, distracted. “Your family should be super proud of you. Raising a kid alone and…” I realized I had no clue what he did for work. “And doing whatever job pays the rent here.” I hugged him.

“I’m just a bank teller. I was lucky Brad had money and I got the house.”

“It’s not about the money. You keep your kid happy and comfortable and fed and free to be awesome. You should be proud.”

He leaned into my hold. “You’re a hell of a nice guy for a werewolf. I imagined you wolves would be more like a biker gang.”

“Some of us are.” Even more of us used to be. The comparison was pretty apt. “But we’re a mix, like everyone else. I actually came out because one of our older guys was bullying our youngest member. I don’t think Charlie is gay, but he’s quiet and submissive.”

“A natural target for bullies, huh?”

“Right. The pack would protect him from outsiders, but within the pack, it’s not so fun for him. And when they pulled out the gay slurs, I stood up and asked if they wanted to take on a real gay man.”

Kendrick snorted. “I’d have paid money to see that. Unless they’re all as big as you?”

“Nope. I have five inches and maybe forty pounds on the worst guy, and I’ve beaten him in a fight before. I admit, looming over him until he backed down was satisfying as hell.”

“Uh.” I heard a little trepidation in Kendrick’s tone. “Do you fight a lot?”

“Not really.” Depending on how you define “a lot.” Most humans probably never got into the fights wolves did, but conflict was part of our nature. “Usually, a fight between packmates is just for fun, like a sport almost.” After a run in fur, revved up and egging each other on, two closely matched wolves might go at it, snapping and tussling until the lower-ranked showed his belly. Or if the guys were horsing around in skin on a boring afternoon, it might turn into a wrestling match. Just establishing that the pack structure hadn’t changed. Serious dominance fights were rare. “Most of the time, no one gets hurt.”

“That’s good.”

“Really, we’re pretty ordinary guys. I fix broken appliances. The pack has a house-flipping business. We have guys who are on a road crew for the city. We have a cop, a teacher, and a lawyer.”

“Does the school know the teacher’s a werewolf?”

I bit my lip because no, and I shouldn’t have mentioned that. I was already far too comfortable with this man.

Kendrick laid a hand on my forearm. “Hey, don’t worry. I’m not going to blab. I just wondered how much you still have to hide around people. Regular humans, I mean. The wolf coming-out stuff seemed pretty dramatic.”

That was an understatement. I sighed. “Well, thirteen years later, folks are settling down a bit. But it’s like hidebound elders and gay men, a work in progress.”

“And you have two strikes against you, werewolf and gay. Who do you vent to when the stress of that combination hits you?”

“Um.” No one, because until now, my pack didn’t know I was queer, and the few gay men I talked to didn’t know I was a wolf.

I guess my lack of an answer showed on my face, because Kendrick said, “Oh, baby, that’s sad. Well, you can always come here. Or my friend-slash-single-dad group could be there for you too. The guys will like you. Also drool over you, but I’ll tell them I called dibs.” He flushed. “Sorry, that’s pretty presumptuous. You’re not the last slice of chocolate cake. Maybe you’ll like one of them better.”

“I doubt it.” I reached out slowly, giving him time to dodge, and laid my palm against his cheek. His perfect mouth was right there, and I stroked his lower lip with my thumb. “Ten years back, one blow job, and yet I still remembered you. And I like you even better now, seeing you as a caring dad and a settled, hot, fully adult man. But…” My heart was soaring and I got greedy. “Maybe I need another taste, just to confirm how good you are.”

Kendrick nipped the end of my thumb. “I seem to remember I tasted you the last time.”

I did too, that mouth stretched around my dick. “Only fair to turn that around, then.” I lifted my arm from his shoulders, slid to the floor in front of him, and kept my eyes on his to catch any hint of reluctance as I reached for his fly. All I saw was heat. He slid his hips forward to ease the strain as I popped his button free. The rasp of his zipper opening under my fingers filled the silence. I heard him take a sharp breath.

His cock began rising, stretching the soft cotton of his briefs as I spread his jeans open. The musky scent of his groin came to my nose. I nuzzled against him, inhaling deeply, and mouthed his dick through his underwear, feeling the shaft firming under my lips. My wolf stirred, down deep. Mate? I shushed him, but couldn’t deny the heady mix of want and hope Kendrick’s scent woke inside me.

Kendrick set his hands on my head and tugged gently on my hair. “Trent? Hang on a second.”

I eased back. “What?” Then I glanced around and realized we were in his living room in the middle of the day with the curtains open. “Oh, crap, sorry. I shouldn’t do that in here, huh?”

He tightened his grip when I started to get up, holding me in place. “Shh. We’re fine. There’s no child in the house. The back of the couch faces the windows and between that and the lilac bush, anyone who sees more than they should has to be really trying. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. You had a big emotional morning, sounds like. I don’t want you diving into sex with me as a kind of pressure relief valve and regretting it later.”

I relaxed and laid my forehead on his knee, closing my eyes. The gentle massage of his fingers in my hair was the best thing ever. When had anyone ever cared enough about me to give up their own pleasure, in case it wasn’t in my best interests? Not since I was a kid.

“I don’t think I’ll ever regret having sex with you,” I said. “Not then, not now, not in the future.” My wolf woke again and murmured with more certainty, Mate. I ignored him because this was still just sex, and I barely knew Kendrick. Right now, all I wanted was one thing. “Can I blow you right the fuck now? Please?” I palmed my own dick, straining against my jeans.

Kendrick’s chuckle came out rough. “I’m not that much of a saint. Hell, yeah, get that mouth on me.”

I moved faster than he perhaps expected, gripping his jeans and briefs at the waistband and stripping them down off his ass in one urgent move. Kendrick grunted, then laughed, but he didn’t protest. His dick sprang free, hard and ready. I left the clothes bunched around his thighs and bent to lick that tempting cockhead, savoring the taste of his skin.

He put his hands back on my head, his fingers clamped tighter now. “Fuck, yeah. Gotta warn you, this’ll be fast. It’s been a while.”

“For me too.” I licked a stripe up the underside of his shaft, nibbled at the ridge and veins, then took the head into my mouth.

“Uhh.” Kendrick bucked underneath me, his cock sliding along the roof of my mouth. “Yeah.”

I sucked harder. This, I was good at. In lots of ways, I didn’t know who I was as a gay man, but I knew I loved sucking cock. The feel and taste, the fullness and fighting for breaths around a big hard dick made me feel right. I plunged deep over Kendrick, then eased back and pressed the tip of my tongue into his slit. Precum welled for me to taste it, slick and sweet and salty-vanilla.

Kendrick moaned and I flicked a look up at him. His cheeks were flushed and his eyelids drooped over glittering eyes. He breathed fast through his parted lips as I sucked his dick in and out, taking mostly the head, setting up a fast rhythm. He gripped my scalp as if he needed the balance and I loved that. Slowly, I went deeper, pushing his cock further into my throat until I got to where my nose met his pubes on each plunge. “God, God,” Kendrick gasped. “Yeah, like that.”

I pulled all the way off and Kendrick whimpered. “What? Don’t stop.”

“Not stopping.” The way he was sitting didn’t let me play with his balls very well, but I got my nose dug in there, inhaling his musk like it was the air I needed to breathe, and licked the top of his sac.

“Fuck!” He shuddered.

“I’m gonna blow you deep again, real deep.” I nipped the inside of his thigh, then growled against his soft skin. “I want you to come in my mouth. I’ll drink down every drop. Don’t worry about your damned couch.”

Kendrick barked a laugh. “Last thing on my mind, trust me.”

I do. Right or wrong, I trusted this man and that made the sex so much hotter.

I set my hands on his thighs, holding him in place, and moved back to his flushed, bobbing cock. Kneeling higher, I gave a couple of experimental sucks, gauging the angle, and then went to town. Deep and loose, then sliding back up, my mouth tight with suction. Deep and back up. Faster.

Kendrick tried to flex his hips but I pinned him to the couch, pulling off just long enough to say, “Hold still. I’m driving this blowjob,” before plunging deep again. He shivered and his dick welled more precum, the taste filling my senses. His fingers clutched my hair, but he let me keep control. I found an angle that let me take him down my throat and set a fast, hard pace, sliding back off just enough to breathe with each stroke.

As I worked his dick with that powerful rhythm, Kendrick began grunting in time, quietly at first, then louder, the sound becoming gasped words— “Uhh, uhh! Fuck, yeah, God, yes, more, fuck, fuck, fuck!”

He cried out and jolted as he spurted down my throat. I swallowed every drop, sucking hard to get his whole load, the bitter taste part of my delight in making Kendrick feel so good. I didn’t love cum but I fucking loved making a man lose it with my mouth. I loved swallowing hard, my throat full of dick, feeling every shiver and pulse and clench as Kendrick lost himself in the pleasure. Nothing on earth better than that. I suckled him more softly, gentling my touch, slowly pulling back, until he unclenched his fingers from my hair and pushed my forehead lightly.

“Sensitive. Holy shit. Thank you.”

I let his dick slip from my mouth and gave the slit one last flat-tongued swipe. Kendrick laughed helplessly as his balls managed one more little bead of cum under my tongue. I licked him clean and sat back on my heels. I could tell I was grinning, couldn’t stop.

Kendrick had closed his eyes, but he cracked one open to peer down at me. “Feeling smug, are we?”

“I don’t know about you, but I am.”

“And so you should.” He slumped into the cushions, his eyes drifting shut again. “Wow, that was awesome. I think you broke me.” He waved a hand randomly until he connected with my arm, then closed his fingers on my wrist. “Give me a moment and I’ll return the favor.”

“What I really want…” I stopped, because maybe I shouldn’t ask and a blow job would be great.

“What?” He opened his eyes to look at me. “Tell me.”

“I want to jerk off on you. But that’s messy and bad for the couch and anyway, maybe you’re not into that.”

“Shh. Back away a bit.” When I did, Kendrick slithered down to the floor and lay flat, pulling his shirt high so the smooth planes of his stomach were revealed above his softening dick. “Here, push the rug out of the way and I’m yours.”

I wish. Way too soon for that, though. I eased the rug out from under us and rose to my knees, fumbling with my jeans. The button had never been so stiff, the zip never so annoying. I got my cock free. This wouldn’t take much. No time at all. My hand blurred on my shaft as I knelt over Kendrick between his thighs and jerked myself, breathing his scent, savoring his taste on my tongue, my eyes fixed on his. He watched me steadily, warmly, as I fisted my straining dick.

Look at him. Fuck, just look at him. That skin and that cock and that stomach and those hip bones. Fuck. I looked higher again and was caught in his steady blue gaze. I thought about how kind he seemed, how accepting. Thought about his empathy, his voice saying, “Oh, baby, that’s sad,” and came in a blinding, electric rush. My cum painted his stomach and pubes with stripes and spatters, essence of me on his pale skin. Slowly, the jets became drips, then stopped. I knelt over him, wrung out.

My wolf preened. He smells like us now. Marked. Ours.

With his gaze still fixed on me, Kendrick swiped a finger through the mess on his stomach, raised it to his lips, and sucked the fingertip clean.

I groaned deep in my chest, and managed one more pathetic dribble from my cock across his before I slumped back on my heels.

Kendrick laughed, a relaxed, happy sound. “You look like you needed that.”

“You have no idea.” I unwrapped my cramping fingers from my dick, and took a slow breath. My hand shook as I touched the mess on his stomach, drawing circles, rubbing the cum into his skin. This felt so good, so right.

I had a moment of blinding sympathy for all the gay wolves who’d met their mate when queer love brought a risk of death. I imagined the men in showers afterward, through all the years, scrubbing any trace of their lover from their skin. And here I was, out and free, marking my man with mouth and dick and every part of me. “I want you to fuck me next time,” I said. “I want to fuck you, if you’re up for bottoming. I want…” My voice trailed off in the panorama of all the things I might have if I dared to grasp for them.

Kendrick stroked the back of my hand, tracing the veins there. “I could be onboard with all of those things. Not right now, because A – refractory period is a thing, and B – I have to pick up Larissa from her friend’s house in half an hour, and we need a shower. But in the future, yes.”

“Should I go away now and let you clean up and have father-daughter time?” I didn’t want to move, but this wasn’t really my place.

He closed his fingers over mine. “Not unless you want to. I’m happy to share my shower. I have a guest towel that can have your name on it, and as long as you don’t mind hanging out with me and my kid in a very G-rated way, there’s no reason you have to leave.”

Really? A kaleidoscope of hopeful images, of Kendrick and Larissa and a place for me in this house, washed through my brain in a flash bright as sunshine. “I don’t mind.” Understatement of the year.

“Be warned, she may try to wheedle you into a doggy-wolf ride.”

“I haven’t shifted yet today. If she wants one, she can have one.”

“You’re a good man, Trent.”

I hugged my arms across my stomach. “I’m not, really.”

Kendrick tugged at my wrists. “Don’t argue with me. You know what? Before I heave my sex-broken body off this floor, c’mere and hug me.”

The polished boards were hard and Kendrick was covered in my mess, and there was nothing I wanted more than to hold him right now. I yanked off my shirt, eased to my side on the floor next to him, and pulled him into my arms.

He sighed softly as he came to me. “Yeah. I knew you’d give the best hugs.”

I worked one arm under him to pillow him and eased him farther onto me, wrapping him in close. He felt so right in my arms.

Mate , my wolf said with clear finality. We will guard him and keep him and the child.

If he wants us to, I thought back, because I wasn’t taking away anyone’s free choices. Wolf society had done that for far too long.

He will want. My wolf subsided, fading out of my awareness beyond a steady constant, underpinning who I was. But this was who I was too. A thirty-seven-year-old gay man finally free to bring a lover into my life. I kissed Kendrick’s hair and rubbed my chin against his cheek.

“You’re a special man,” Kendrick murmured. “I’m looking forward to showing you just how special.”

“I won’t stop you,” I said, because I couldn’t give voice to what I really wanted to tell him.

“Nope, you can’t.” He laughed and squirmed out from under my arm, sitting up. “Right now, I’m going to show you my shower, though. And no hanky-panky, because my kid will be waiting. We have lots of time later.”

Kendrick stood and reached down for me. I didn’t need his help, but I let him take my hand, let him use a little strength to haul me to my feet. When I was standing, I pulled him close and leaned my cheek on his hair. “Sure thing,” I said. “I’ll let you show me whatever. Take all the time you need.”

He pulled my head down and kissed me.

I hadn’t realized that through all of this, my lips had never met his. That simple kiss rang through me like a bell. Just one man’s mouth on another, and yet, every nerve in my body sang in answer.

Kendrick stepped back, eyes sparkling. “Come on. This is going to be so much fucking fun. Only without the fucking or swearing when little ears are around.”

“I’ll remember.” I couldn’t stop looking at him with his silky black hair mussed, his lips parted, and that shining warmth in his eyes. “I won’t ever forget.”

Perhaps he heard something deeper in my simple words because he sobered and reached for my hand again. “Come on. Let me show you the way.”

Anytime. Anywhere. I took his slender, strong fingers in mine. “Lead on.”

Then I followed this man I’d so miraculously found through his house, up his stairs, and deeper into his life. And somehow, I knew that wherever Kendrick went, I would follow, through all the years to come.

#### the end ####