24. Byrd

24

Byrd

I 'm grateful Lara insisted on the extra-large tub, even though I'm sure she never expected I'd be sharing it with a twenty-one-year-old princeling who never learned the word "no." I'm drained, shaken—I've never unleashed myself on anyone like that before, and I keep expecting to feel guilty beneath the wonder.

"Don't poke at it," Echo says into my hair, trailing his fingers through the wet curls on my chest.

"Reading my mind now?" I close my eyes, resting my head on his shoulder.

"You're gearing yourself up to feel guilty. It's not mind reading. It's called paying attention." He nudges his hips into my lower back, a teasing reminder of when I said the same words to him in the Mac House cottage.

"Doesn't it scare you?" I ask. It scares me. Not the words, but the implications.

You're afraid he doesn't know what it means.

I'm afraid of what will happen if he does.

"Because I'm a fuckboy, I'm not allowed to fall in love?" His fingers tighten where they're clasped around mine, draped over the edge of the tub.

Reading my mind again. And missing the point entirely.

"You really are fearless, aren't you?" I tilt my head back to study his profile, the blue tips of his hair plastered to his forehead like the day we met.

"I've led a charmed life. Marked by one spectacular tragedy." He leans in to lay a kiss along the corner of my mouth. "Which turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me."

He means it.

No, no, no.

At least I'll be gifting him the lesser tragedy.

How much more will it hurt when I have no one else to blame?

"And I was terrified," he continues, oblivious to the dark twists of my not-regret. "You saw how I was when I got here. I thought I'd never find my way back to myself. You took that fear away."

"So you love me because you think I saved you?" Simple. Understandable. Almost cliché. Am I hurt or relieved?

"No." This time, he shifts so he can see my face, water sloshing over the rim to splash on the tiled floor. "You were able to save me because I loved you."

Not simple.

"I loved you for kissing me when I was a total wreck. I loved you for being jealous of Josha. I loved you for seeing me broken and believing I could be saved."

I push up to meet his lips. All the lines I've drawn to protect him, to protect myself, have washed away, and he deserves to be kissed, at least once, with none of my fears between us. He melts into my mouth, releasing my fingers to draw his hand up my arm and tangle in my wet hair, pressing me closer, giving me more. As if he hasn't already given far more than I should have let him.

Could I have stopped it? Or was it already too late when he leaned through my window in the rain, smelling of smoke and wiping the image of Gabriel from the expectation of memory? The absolute novelty of his relentless, unashamed pursuit; my hollow resistance. How much of my fall was the catalyst for his recovery?

" I'm not the Echo you want, " he said, not understanding. There's only ever been one Echo. Brazen, flirtatious, broken, determined, fearless Echo, and I wanted it all. Something— someone —more than I'd ever allowed myself to claim.

"Besides," he says, smiling against my lips and going back to my original question. "You're scared enough for both of us."

Scared for both of us. Well, that's true enough.

"I know you think I was holding out to torture you, but I did have actual reasons for caution."

"Because you knew playing hard to get would turn me on?" He rolls his hips again, and I feel the thickening length of his cock along my spine.

"That was an unexpected consequence." I capture the hand wandering down from my chest and trap it against my abs before he can completely disarm me. "And probably tortured me more than it ever did you."

"Pretending it was about the condoms was a pretty good ploy. Although what we're gonna do with the lifetime supply I've hidden all over your house now…"

"A ploy?"

"Well, yeah. Considering you ditched them at the first possible opportunity. I could have gotten myself tested weeks ago and blown the whole thing up. You would have needed a new excuse." He tugs his hand free and continues his downward exploration.

"They weren't excuses ." I'm mildly disgruntled at how easily he sees through me without ever stumbling on the deeper truth. "They were reasons. Legitimate ones, if you ever stopped thinking with your dick."

"Why? When, for once, my dick and my heart are in perfect alignment?"

"How about your brain?"

"My brain." He sighs but pulls his hand back to safer territory. "Reason one: You're too old for me. Obviously bullshit. You keep up with me on the rope and in the sack, and I'm clearly the more emotionally mature partner in this relationship."

"You are?"

"Sure. I'm not afraid of being in love."

"That's because you've never lived through it before. That's not maturity; it's naiveté."

"Jesus." He stills behind me. "Someday, you have to tell me how these exes of yours convinced you that you're only worthy of loving when you're on your knees."

"You seem to enjoy me on my knees."

Echo is not the only one who can distract with innuendo.

"Only when you want to be there." He traces the curve of my ear and rubs his chin in my hair.

"Reason two?" I prompt, caging the spreading warmth his fierce words leave in their wake.

"Reggie. The job." There's a hint of a grin in his voice. "That one's easy."

"Easy?"

"Yup. Reggie's only goal was getting me back to NCC in shape. That never would have happened without this." His hand has found its way back to my dick, and he gives it a squeeze. " So really, she should be thanking you for a mission accomplished."

"Any coach Reggie sent you to was going to be good, Echo." But I'm only arguing on principle. I know what he means.

Love and fear, loss and desire; a perfect storm rearranging two lost souls in a redwood castle.

And he hasn't even guessed Reggie's second motive for sending him here—the lifeline she forced on me to take my mind off myself and my failed marriage. Even if me falling for her student wasn't exactly her plan, I think the part of her that loves me won't be as mad as she'll pretend.

As long as I keep my heartbreak to myself this time. Which brings us to…

"How about the third reason? Got an easy answer for that one too, my wise young twink?"

"Our expiration date," he grunts. "That one's on you, you know. I'm all in."

"Meaning what? You ditch your dreams and don't go to Tilburg?"

"There are other circus schools. Hell, there are other ways to have a circus career besides going to school. Just because you went there, and Gabe did…" He pauses, and I wonder with a flash of panic that feels like relief if he's finally put it together. "Well, Cici isn't a guarantee of a performing career, anyway."

"I made a mistake when I chose Lara over my career. You are not going to make the same one." Please listen. "And your brother…" was never what you are.

"You only want me to go because you're afraid of my dad." Bitterness . "But I could go somewhere else, somewhere just as good but closer. ACCA maybe. Or I could always take advantage of my new connection to Cirque. My dad wouldn't complain about that." He tugs painfully on my hair and laughs, but I'm afraid he's only half joking.

"So we're back to sucking my dick to get ahead?"

"I could suck your dick and stay here. Shilo won't give a shit about my dad. We could run away with Big Top."

Oh, Echo. Don't you see how small that dream is? Your dreams need to be unstoppable. Just like you are.

"I'm calling Reggie tonight."

He drops his face into my shoulder.

"Fuck me again first?"

One last time ? I squash that thought.

No. Not yet.