45. SHADES OF ANGER

45

SHADES OF ANGER

YARA

A n earthquake was happening within me. Shaking, bursting. The only way to not let it ruin me was to find The Strangler and destroy him before he did. I couldn’t wait anymore. Time was ticking away like a bomb.

Ryden pulled me closer to his body, but even his scent didn’t calm me. I was an animal, rabid, bloodthirsty, and nothing would satiate me now. Not even Ryden. Only The Strangler’s blood would cure me. Put my demons back inside the shattered cages.

I pulled away from Ryden, staring at the faces.

Daphne was gone. If only I could find out the rest of his targets. He knew everything about me, including my secret identity, but I knew nothing.

“He knows you.”

“Yes, he does,” I said, tasting the bitterness at the back of my throat. After all the years of chasing him, he caught up with me first. I had never failed before.

There’s a first time for everything, Kat tutted. You’ll find him, Yara.

“I’ll be back. I’m just going to check on Irene,” I said, walking toward Irene’s room. She opened the door with a yawn when.

“What is it, Yara?”

“The Strangler… he was here. He drew faces on my wall. When did you come home, Irene?”

She jerked back, her face pale.

“I-I think… maybe around five. I don’t think anyone was inside,” Irene said, eyes wide. “But why would he be in our home, Yara? Fuck. Did he know you’re hunting him? Is that why he was…” Her fingers trembled.

I nodded, taking her cold hands in mine. She looked at me, eyes full of fear, and I wanted to kill The Strangler twice for this. After everything he put her through…

“Yara… what are we going to do?” Her voice shook.

“I’m going to find him. You’re going to keep yourself safe.” She yawned again. I chuckled a little. “Go back to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.”

“I don’t want to,” she grumbled, rubbing her eyes.

“Please.”

She sighed. “Okay. You’ll tell me everything in the morning.”

“I will.”

My stomach tilted and I had a bad feeling about all of that, but I had to. She deserved to know.

When I walked back to my room, Ryden was still studying the wall.

“She didn’t see anyone,” I said, and he whirled toward me, eyes narrowed. I walked closer to him, and he leaned against my shoulder.

“So… the letters?” His frown deepened. I pressed a finger against the knot in his brows.

“For me.” I gave him a nod.

“Have you read them?”

“Yes,” I said, walking toward my desk. Using a key, I opened the drawer and pulled out a thick manila envelope. “His letters.”

“Maybe we can find something now that we know they’re for you.”

“All his letters talk about how much he loves his little love. There’s nothing else. I don’t have to read them again,” I said, pulling a bunch of papers out of the envelope and handing them to him. “I remember them by heart.”

It was every letter The Strangler had written, pieced, and collected from different articles and sources. Not every letter was complete, though.

“The way he calls you ‘little love’ with such familiarity… he knows you,” Ryden said, his voice twisted with anger. His fingers were gripping the paper so tight that his knuckles turned white. “He thinks he’s really in love with you.”

“Just my luck,” I said with a frown. I hadn’t added the recent letters and the podcast list to my collection yet, so Ryden wouldn’t find anything he shouldn’t. “I’m afraid Kat was a target because of me. I never thought about it, but now the idea won’t leave me alone,” I said, twiddling with my dress.

How I wished, how I prayed that wasn’t true. But deep in my soul, I knew I wasn’t wrong.

“No, I know Kat died because of me. I was the reason, just as I was the reason for all of these deaths,” I whispered. The ice in my veins was freezing.

“Not you. The only one you should blame is The Strangler, Yara,” Ryden said, grabbing another letter from the pile. “There’s nothing here, as you said.”

“If we can read the new letter,” I said, staring at him, “I feel like there would be more clues in the last one. After all this time, after all these games, he wouldn’t keep holding back, would he?”

“You’re right, he wouldn’t. This was exactly what he wanted. But with the FBI swarming in, there’s no way we’ll get that letter.”

I knew he was right.

“Fucking piece of crap. I want to…” I yawned. Ryden cupped my face, his eyes soft. “You should sleep, Yara. You look like you’re going to faint.”

“I can’t. I—what if he comes back? What if he finds Irene and…” I didn’t care about myself. I only cared for Irene’s safety. I wouldn’t let him take her away from me.

“He won’t. If he does, I’ll be right here, and I’ll kill him for you.”

“Lie next to me, Ryden,” I said as I slipped under the covers. I was tired, and I knew I needed sleep.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby. I’m right here.” He pulled my body closer to him, and I closed my eyes, lulled by his scent.

I knew I shouldn’t, but I trusted him.

I hated the sound of my phone early in the morning. “He killed again,” Detective Rosario said, voice dark with rage. The words were a kick to my spine. Ryden rubbed my back as I lurched forward.

“I’ll come ASAP,” I said, standing up from the bed, hissing when the cold floor met my feet.

“Is it The Strangler?” Ryden asked.

He killed again. Just as I had thought. So soon after the first one.

“Yes. He left another body.”

“He never killed anyone so close together,” Ryden said, absently scratching the back of his neck.

“He never did any of this before,” I said, pointing to the sad faces that were leering at me from my wall. I had to clean that fucking wall. “This was different. This was… for me. He’s putting on a show for me.”

Ryden winced. “I want to find that bastard and strangle him with his own fucking hands.” He rubbed his face, looking like a caged animal. I knew he hated feeling so helpless. “For now, I’ll settle for driving you.”

“I-I need to find someplace safe for Irene,” I said, walking toward Irene’s room, with Ryden following me. “She can’t go back to her dorm, and she can’t stay here.” I was talking more to myself than to him. “He might already know about her.”

“Irene? Wake up.”

There was no sound, no movement inside. I banged against the door, my heart pounding. I was ready to kick it down when she opened it.

“I’m awake, I’m awake.” She yawned, looking at me with a sigh. “What? Where’s the fire?”

“We need to get you somewhere safe.”

“Why? What happened? The Strangler… didn’t see me.”

“I don’t care. You need to leave.”

“No. Something’s wrong. What are you not telling me, Yara?” Fuck. She could always see through me.

Would she hate me if I told her I was the reason for Kat’s death? I kept it all to myself because I was trying to protect her, but…

“I think he killed Kat because of me. He… the letters he wrote were for me.”

“You? That was why… he was here.” Her mouth became a big O. “He knows… you.”

I told her everything, I told her about Kat, and how she might be dead because of me. When I was done, she stood there, pale and shaking. I reached toward her, my heart clenching in pain, but she pulled back, raising her arms like a shield. My heart broke, but I couldn’t blame her. The guilt was killing me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, hoping she’d tell me it wasn’t my fault. She didn’t. Her eyes were those of a stranger, and it cut me deeply. The pain… I let it fill me until every bone in my body screamed.

“No,” she said, her voice cold. Freezing. That wasn’t Irene’s voice. That was not my sister’s voice. The last time I really cried was when Kat died. I felt like crying now, but I couldn’t, not when I had so much to do.

“I know you’re angry.”

She shook her head. “I’m going back to the dorm.”

“I’m sorry, Re-Re.”

She flinched again as if I had hit her.

“That was Kat’s nickname for me.”

I understood.

“You-you can’t go back to the dorm. I know you hate me, and I know you blame me for all of this, but you can’t go back there. I can’t let him hurt you.” I wiped my nose, sniffing, and her eyes widened for a second before the shutter came back up.

“Let him come. I’ll kill that bastard for Kat,” she spat out, her green eyes going dark.

“You don’t understand.”

“I do. I understand you lied to me. I’m not a fool, Yara,” she said, her voice sharp and distant.

“I didn’t lie.”

“You kept things from me,” she said, her voice accusatory. “How long have you known?”

“I… I wanted to protect you, Irene. You don’t…”

Her smile was mocking. “And yet here we are. I’m fucking done.” Her voice was resolute. “I don’t want any part in this madness.”

“No,” I said, grabbing her hand. “You’re allowed to be angry, but I won’t let your anger kill you. I need to keep you safe.”

Ryden, standing a few feet away from us, cleared his throat. “Enzo’s house. She’ll be safe there.”

“I don’t know who the hell this Enzo is. I’m not going there,” Irene grunted. “Are you fucking insane?” she snapped.

“I can’t focus on The Strangler if I'm constantly worrying about you, Irene.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Please, Irene. Just until I find The Strangler.”

“You’ve been trying for four years. What makes you so sure that you’d find him now?” Her voice was bitter, and the bitterness coated my heart with desperation. She was looking at me as if I were the enemy now. Maybe she was right. Maybe I was the reason for all of this.

Darkness birthed more darkness.

If Katelyn hadn’t befriended me, she wouldn’t have been in The Strangler’s trajectory. She’d be alive now. Alive, and unaware of my demons and those I brought with me.

“You’ve been trusting me for four years. Trust me for a few more weeks?” I asked, and she huffed.

“Whatever.”

“Will you go and stay with Enzo?”

I couldn’t ignore how my life and Ryden’s were becoming increasingly intertwined, almost involuntarily. But I couldn’t delve deeper into that thought at the moment. That was a whole other mess, and I’d deal with it once this was over. Until then, I’d be selfish and take him up on his offers.

“I’ll go, only because I don’t want to keep talking about it with you.” She walked into her room and slammed the door shut behind her, and the sound of it echoed in the silence.

Such a fucking drama queen, my sister, Kat said. She’ll get over it.