Chapter Fifteen

Casimir

Three days later, we were back in ‘civilization’ and guilt still ate away at my insides. Neither of us were sure what happened. Everyone knew that something had gone terribly wrong during our claiming vows and a dentist had to hike up the mountain to zap the enamel of Tritus’s tooth with something that looked like a ray gun from some old human space alien movie. Whatever was in the gun worked because by this morning I couldn’t tell he ever chipped it on my pop-up book of a scale.

“It’s okay. I’m alright,” Tritus said for the millionth time since our claiming vows fell apart.

I didn’t believe him. It didn’t matter how much it smelled like he was telling the truth or how many of his thoughts poured over our half-open mating link. I’d hurt him and it didn’t matter whether I meant to or not. I flashed him the best smile I could manage but I wasn’t winning any awards for my acting any time soon. Crossing the room, from where he was helping Roary sort candles for our upcoming event, he sat on my lap and leaned his forehead against mine. He was beautiful and fit perfectly in my arms.

“I’ll say it forever, if I have to. I’m okay. It doesn’t even hurt anymore. I’m surprised that your nervous system bypassed the magic of the true-mate response. We need to bottle its abilities or moxie or whatever,” he chuckled. “We’re gonna fix this.”

“You mean we’re gonna try,” I corrected him.

“No, we’re gonna fix it. Your dragon or you or both or ---- I don’t know what, is afraid of my reaction from this set of memories. Well, when we do the ritual, that’ll be over. I’ll know it and then we can work on it. It’s not ideal. If you refuse I’m not going to bully you but I think until we at least start untangling this we’re not going to be able to complete our claiming vows and I’d like to know what’s going on inside your head.”

“I’m a piece of shit. That’s what’s going on inside my head.”

“You know when I first told Roary you and I had true-mate responded, they called you the hot, broody one. You are but maybe be a little less broody today. All the original Starscales who arrived here and built Starscale 1 came with trauma. I love you, Casimir, but this level of self-loathing isn’t healthy for you or me. All dragons are capable of violence but that wasn’t violence. That was self defense and you’ll never be able to convince me otherwise.”

“What if it’s not my story to tell, mate?”

“Well, you’re the one here. You’re the one aching and putting up walls that I can’t fly over. So, some part of that story is yours. You’ve claimed it as yours whether or not it is.”

I opened my mouth and attempted to spit out the words. If I could just tell him that – That what? I couldn’t even finish thinking the thought with him around.

“It’s not something you need to see. It’s not something I’d wish on anyone and –”

Tritus put his finger to my lips.

“Certainly not you,” I finished, speaking against his digit.

“As I said, if you refuse, we’ll go home and leave it be. I can’t make you do this. I don’t want to make you do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

“We’re doing it, if it’s what you want,” I said.

“Don’t do this because you think you owe me because of a tooth. It’s fixed. It doesn’t hurt. Hell, it could’ve happened while we were kissing with how rough it got at times. It was a freak accident.”

“The scale is still there,” I pointed out.

“I know. If it helps, I promise not to try to bite your scale again,” he smiled at me.

“We’re doing this.”

“Good,” Roary said from across the room. “We’re just about ready. You two can head in, if you want, Trit.”

“Thank you for helping out. I know you’d rather be home with the kids.”

“I am where I am needed. That is the life we chose,” they shrugged.

***

The Star Room caverns grew darker the further back my mate led me. I held onto his hand, our fingers entwined, as he went first, navigating the twisting turns until we were in the pitch black of true darkness. My dragon shifted my eyes to his. The world was still dim but bright enough for a predator who hunted small prey from the sky.

Tritus’s heartbeat played in my ears as if it truly echoed around the narrow passageways. How had I gone from keeping this from him at all costs to letting him lead me to a place where he’d probably see everything. He and Roary had explained the ritual and the machine several times, but I still wasn’t sure how it worked. Though, that was true of most of the magic I encountered. I wanted to trust him but perhaps I didn’t trust him to know his own limits. He had impressions of what might’ve happened. I picked them up here and there from his stray thoughts. They were all wrong and I had let him know that too. I didn’t want him to think it was a simple traumatic event. It ran so deep. Poor Ren and to a less extent poor Zayton.

The scale covering my claiming gland throbbed whenever I thought about either of them. How had our baby brother ended up so fucked up in the end?

My dragon huffed. He knew how Zayton ended up that way and we took care of it. Me and Castor. Only we were too late.

“Have you told Castor we’re doing this?” Tritus asked as if he might’ve picked up a stray thought from me.

“Uh—Yeah, not in so many words. I told him, I might tell you. He’s okay with it.”

“Ren’s your sister,” he said a second later.

“Yeah,” I nodded.

It didn’t matter where he put his information together from. I wasn’t embarrassed of Ren. She survived and that was the important thing. We’d find a way to fix all her broken pieces later or maybe she already had by living out in the wild.

“It’s going to be alright,” Tritus said, stopping inside a dimly lit room.

The lights came from crystals lining the bottom of the cavern walls. The whole place glowed purple, barely lighting up the big machine in the center of the cavern.

“You need to go on the far side of the divider. You’re the giver. It’s hard to see but there is stone on the divider. It’s hard to see because it’s as clear as the divider, but it’s there if you feel around for it. It needs to line up with your chest scale,” he said and tapped the pink star-shaped scale on my chest.

Something inside me warmed up. Then everything inside me. Tritus flashed me a knowing grin and I turned away before it could go any further. I’d barely touched him since breaking his tooth. He didn’t need me to inflict anymore pain on him. His scent turned sad but then morphed to determined as I rounded the machine and stepped behind the clear divider that ran from the floor to the ceiling of the cavern. There was a square of dark purple stone that glowed dimmer than those that lined the walls, signaling where I should stand. Tritus had already taken my socks, shoes, and shirt. So, all that was left for me to do was to step into place and find the sliding stone. As I trailed my fingers over the divider, Roary walked into the cavern room with the candles from earlier floating behind them. They settled themselves in a circle around the machine and Tritus and me.

“Casting a circle,” I said as my fingers found the sliding stone.

“Something like that,” Tritus nodded. “These are memory candles. Full of melted scales and herbs to help things along. The machine and its material do most of the work, but someone has to be on the outside with the remote. Go ahead and slide that into place. You need to be locked in before I am. If you’re not, there isn’t anything for me to connect to.”

Taking a deep breath, I slid it into place and leaned against it.

“Good job,” Roary said from outside the circle of candles. “He’s locked in, Trit. You next.”

“So this will show you the memory?” I asked as my heart started thudding against my ribs as if trying to play a game of ping pong.

“Sort of,” Tritus nodded. “It’ll put us there and we’ll get back.”

“What do you mean put us there?” I asked as he slid his stone into place and stepped up against the divider.

“Need more time?” Roary asked.

“I think seeing is believing,” Tritus shook his head.

“I’ll give you an hour and then I’m bringing you back out. Might have to do a few sessions if you don’t get through everything. An hour is more than enough to be in the past on another planet.”

Tritus nodded at his friend, and I swallowed hard.

“Ready?” he asked me.

No, I wasn’t ready.

I’d never be ready for this.

“Yeah,” I nodded anyway.

“Let’s do it,” Tritus said to Roary.

Something clicked on the remote they held and the stone under my feet vibrated. Tritus met and held my gaze through the transparent divider. Then the world fizzled and dissolved.