Chapter 35

35

Two weeks had passed since Ryan first visited Candace. A lot had happened since then. Bethanne and Jay Byler were now engaged to be married; Scott Conway had been formally charged with kidnapping, attempted murder, and a host of other charges; and Ryan had been given a commendation for his work during the investigation. The chief had pulled him aside on more than one occasion to say that he was glad Ryan was there.

Ryan couldn't lie to himself. To have so many positive things happen after leaving Connecticut in embarrassment felt good. He'd taken getting passed on for promotion hard. He'd taken the breakup with Chloe harder.

Now, he felt like maybe he was getting to be a good cop. In addition, his brothers and sisters were pleased for him, and his father had almost burst into tears when Ryan had told him about Candace's and Bethanne's rescue.

And now it looked like he'd soon be hired on a full-time, permanent basis, and given a nice raise. Life was good. He was thankful for it all too.

But the only thing that was going to make him happy was Candace. So far, every time he'd visited her, she'd seemed pleased to see him but withdrawn. She wasn't the same. Not even close. It was like all the spark had vanished from her personality. He supposed it was understandable—given the trauma she'd been through—but he didn't know how to help her.

Especially since the last thing he wanted to do was be stalker-like.

But as he approached her house again, he knew that his heart was involved. He was in so deep, he knew that he would never be able to recover if she broke things off with him.

Dora opened the door before he'd even had time to knock.

"Good evening, Ryan," she said, as welcoming as ever. Her faded blond hair was in a short ponytail, and her jeans and cotton sweater were fashionable and looked comfortable too. Every time he looked at Candace's mother, he had an idea of what Candace would look like one day. Imagining her in a pair of jeans while she greeted one of their children's friends always made him smile.

"Dora," he said as he gave her a gentle hug. "How are you?"

"We're hanging in there." Glancing over her shoulder, she said, "She's had a bad day. Wayne and I know that she just needs time, but it's hard to watch her suffer. I'm glad you're here."

"I am too." The evening had been a little crisp. He'd worn a thick barn jacket. Pulling it off, he said, "Where is she?"

"In her father's office." She pointed down the hall. "Last door on the right."

Every other time he'd visited, he'd sat with her in the kitchen or in their family room. "Is there a reason she's in there?"

"There's a pair of chairs, a fireplace, and a TV in the back of the room. Sometimes she likes to go in there and nap."

"Maybe I should come back another time?" The last thing he wanted to do was wake her up from a much-needed nap.

"Oh no. Candace knows you're coming." Her bottom lip trembled. "I think she wants to talk to you about something."

"Yes, ma'am." After handing Dora his coat, he walked down the hall. He wondered if Candace was getting ready to break things off with him.

When he got to Wayne's office, he saw that the door wasn't all the way closed. Candace was curled up on one of the chairs just the way her mother had described. The television was on, a fire was in the fireplace, and a candle was burning. She looked a little drowsy but definitely awake. "Knock, knock," he said.

Immediately, she shifted. "Hi. Come on in."

"When your mother told me where you were, I was surprised. I didn't even realize this room was here."

"It's one of my favorite spots in the house. It's private, you know?"

He nodded as he took a seat in the other chair. "So, what are we watching?"

"Hmm?" She looked at the TV like she'd forgotten it was even on. "Oh. Nothing." Picking up the remote, she clicked it off. "So, how was your day?"

"Fine."

"Get any bad guys?"

He chuckled. "I'm afraid my only claim to fame today was stopping five speeders."

"At least you're keeping the streets of Marion safe."

"At least." Leaning forward, he winked. "I told Chief Foster that I'm looking forward to escorting Miss Crittenden County around again. She makes me feel useful."

Her hazel eyes widened before they shuttered. "Oh. I ... I've been thinking about giving up my crown. Lacy was the runner-up. She'd do a good job."

Boy, he hated to hear that. He'd loved watching her with all the little girls. Interacting with them made her happy. Getting out and about again would be a good thing for her too.

But he sure didn't want to push too hard. Keeping his voice light, he murmured, "Any reason why you don't want to continue?"

"Nothing specific." She darted a glance his way before looking down at her clenched hands. "It just doesn't feel the same."

"I'm sure the folks at the chamber will understand if you want to wait a little longer to resume your appearances."

"Yeah, they said that."

"You talked to them?"

"Well, someone from the chamber called. My mom talked to them."

"I see." Still choosing his words with care, he added, "If the chamber is good with you waiting, maybe you should consider that. Everywhere we went, people were happy to see you. You were good at being Miss Crittenden County."

"It didn't mean anything."

"It meant something to the community members you visited. It meant something to all the little girls you met."

Hurt shone in her eyes before she looked away. "Ryan, I ... sometimes when I sleep, all I do is dream about being in that shack."

"I know. That's why you need to talk to Isabel. She's a good therapist, Candace."

"I've talked to her some. She said to give myself time." Meeting his gaze again, Candace flushed. "I might need lots of time."

Hating that he couldn't have her in his arms and hold her protectively, he tried to give her what she needed in words. "You're right. I shouldn't have pushed. If you don't want to do appearances, you don't have to."

"I was thinking about us too."

"Okay..."

"Ryan, maybe I should give you a break too."

He knew if she pulled away, he might never get her back. That wasn't an option. Not without a fight, at least. "No."

Obviously shocked, she gasped. "What?"

Needing to be closer to her, he knelt in front of her chair. "Candace Evans, you are a pretty amazing woman. You are brave and determined and you love hard. I love how much you love your cousin. I love how you smiled at all those little girls who wanted to touch your dresses and your sash and your crown. I love how you have goals and could practically live on vanilla ice cream. I think you're just about the prettiest thing I've ever seen in my life. But most of all, I love that you're my girl. I need you, Candace. Don't leave me."

Her bottom lip trembled. "But I'm not the same, Ryan. I don't know if I'll ever be the same Candace you first met."

"Then be different. I'll love the new Candace too."

His words startled a laugh. "You can't mean that."

"I mean every word. I want you forever, Candace ... if you think you can one day love me too."

"I do. I love you too. But—"

No. He was not going to let her put up another obstacle. Not after everything she'd been through. They'd been through. Pulling her close, he said, "Then, still be mine."

"Do you really think love is that easy?"

"With you, yes." Brushing his lips along her cheekbone, against her temple, he said, "Do you want to hear my dream?" When she nodded, he whispered, "One day you and I are going to be older. We're going to have a bunch of kids and a bunch of grandkids, and we're going to be sitting in a room like this on Monday nights, watching TV." He leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the lips before leaning back again. "And then, at the end of the night, when we're both yawning and tired, we're going to walk to our bedroom."

Her eyes lit up. "And then?"

"And then, on one of those evenings, you're going to stop in the middle of the hallway. You're going to look up at me with those beautiful eyes of yours that I love so much and ask if I remember this moment." He lowered his voice as he got down on one knee. "You're going to ask if I remember kneeling in front of you just like this. If I remember baring my heart and begging you to give us a chance."

Her eyes luminous, Candace whispered, "And what will you say?"

"That of course I remember. I'm going to tell you that I remember every detail of this room, every word, every feeling. I'm going to tell you that I haven't forgotten a single thing."

Candace's lips parted. She seemed to catch her breath. And then she said the one thing he needed to hear.

"Good."