Chapter 19

19

It was so late. Candace was exhausted, and she was pretty sure that Ryan felt the same way. After visiting the sweet little girl in the hospital, she'd gone to a retirement home and then two libraries and talked about literacy. Each appearance had been fulfilling and once again surpassed her expectations of what she'd imagined her life would be as Miss Crittenden County.

To her shame, she originally hadn't thought she'd have to do much but wear her crown for a couple of hours during the fair and enter the Miss Kentucky pageant—which she was sure she wouldn't have a chance at winning. She'd only thought about the scholarship and maybe using the experience to secure a future internship in social work, but never had she imagined that she'd find so much joy in serving others and meeting the people who came to the events.

So, the afternoon's and evening's visits had gone well. It was too bad that everything seemed to go downhill after that. From practically the moment Ryan had pulled out of the library parking lot, they'd encountered one problem after the other. First had been a traffic jam on 91. Then, just when they got through that, a couple had been in trouble at the convenience store they'd stopped at. They'd had a blowout and didn't have a spare tire. While Candace had stood to the side, Ryan had helped them find a tow truck service for their vehicle. And when they got back into his Blazer, a storm rushed in, bringing with it a freak smattering of hail.

They reached Marion two hours after they'd planned. When she'd called home for the third time to fill in her parents on the latest, her father had been so grateful, he'd called the diner where they were eating and asked to cover their bill. Ryan had hemmed and hawed, but in the end agreed to accept the free meal, especially after he'd admitted that he wasn't going to count most of their time together on the clock.

Candace had been surprised but also more than a little giddy about what his words had signified. She was no longer just a job to him. If that was the case, Candace was grateful for that. Her crush on Ryan had moved into something deeper and far more meaningful.

Even better, she knew he felt something for her too. They wouldn't have so much to talk about, so much of a connection, if her feelings for him were completely one-sided.

"I think we need to do something to commemorate this occasion," Candace said as they left the diner.

Walking to the passenger side of his Blazer to open her door, he didn't even try to hide his amusement. "And what occasion is that?"

"This, Officer Mulaney, marks the twelfth place we've visited together."

He looked amused. "You've been counting?"

She waited until he walked around to the driver's side, got in, and buckled his seat belt. "Maybe."

"Hmm. Well, I guess this moment should be noted. Accompanying you around this whole county has been a lot of work."

His tone was light enough for her to realize that he was teasing. There was a thread of truth to his words, though. She had taken up a lot of his time, especially since only about half of the appearances went off without a hitch. "What do you think we should do to mark the occasion?" she asked. And yes, she was kind of, sort of flirting.

Maybe more than that.

He pulled out of the parking spot. "I have no idea. Besides, you're the one who decided that we needed to do something."

"So it's my choice." She smiled.

"Yes, but within reason." He looked wary.

"Well, we did just go out to eat together."

"That's true, but your parents bought the meal." He frowned. "Which was unnecessary, by the way."

"Don't try to pretend you weren't hungry."

"I won't, but I would've felt better if I paid."

"But—"

"If I'm taking you out, I'd like to pay," he said in a tone that proved he didn't want to debate the topic. "Besides, taking you around hasn't been a chore."

She felt like it had been something much more pleasant than a chore. Against her better judgment, she blurted, "I've loved being with you, Ryan."

He swallowed. "Candace."

The cab of his Blazer was dark except for the dim light coming from the dashboard. It was both a blessing and a curse. It hid her reactions, but it also shadowed his thoughts. All she had to go by was the strain in his tone.

There were two ways she could play this. She could pretend that she had no idea what was giving him discomfort, or she could confront it and try to speak openly and honestly. One might ease the discomfort, but it would only be a temporary thing. She now knew that she wanted something more between them. A real relationship. That meant she needed to go the other route and simply let Ryan know what she was thinking. If he didn't feel the same way, at least she'd know.

"I think we need to talk," she said.

"There isn't anything to say," he said as he drove out of the diner's parking lot.

"So, you're saying that I've completely misread what's been going on between us?" She hated how insecure and worried she sounded.

Ryan darted a look her way. Again, his face was shadowed. She had no idea if there was a flicker of weakness in his expression or not. "I just don't know if any good will come out of this conversation—at least right now. It's late. I'm going to take you home. We can talk about this another time."

"It's not that late." Seeing the park on the right ahead of them, she said, "Can you pull into the park up here?"

He glanced at her again. "Why?"

"So we can talk."

In the glow of a streetlight passing, she saw his jaw tighten. "You're serious."

"Yes."

Muttering under his breath, he put on his turn signal, turned right into the parking lot, and then headed toward the back parking space. It was next to a stand of trees and partially obscured from the road by the corner of the park's pavilion. "Ten minutes," he said. "I need to get you home."

She had a feeling he was giving himself that time limit. "Fine."

He turned to face her. "Candace, I'm not going to lie. You're a great woman. If our situations were different, I could see something happening between us."

Warmth filled her. She hadn't been misreading him this whole time. But as the rest of his statement sank in, she felt off-kilter again. Treading carefully, she said, "What's wrong with our situations?"

"First? Our ages. We're six years apart."

"I can do the math. Six years is nothing. The difference doesn't matter to me."

"How about this, then? Our spending time together has been part of my job. It's supposed to be, anyway."

"Maybe so, but that doesn't mean we can't have feelings for each other, does it?"

He grimaced.

"Or is there some kind of police department policy that doesn't allow for a relationship between an officer and someone he's spending time with while on duty?"

"Probably."

"But you don't know for sure?"

"Candace, it's not like I've been combing the employee handbook about the possibility of dating a woman I'm supposed to be keeping safe." Before she could comment on that, he lifted both hands. "What would I tell Chief Foster?"

"I don't know ... that you like me?" Then realizing he hadn't actually come out and said such a thing, she blurted, "Wait. Did I just imagine that—"

"Candace."

She faced him. "Ryan Mulaney, do you like me?"

His jaw clenched. "Come on."

"Do you?"

He looked back at her, his brown eyes somehow looking even darker. "Candace, we're not kids."

"You're right, we're adults."

When his expression didn't ease, she added, "Ryan, don't you start throwing my age at me."

"I meant that you're young and sheltered."

It was obvious he was grasping at straws. "And you're a cop from a big city up north," she said with a touch of sarcasm. "I get it."

"Good." He moved to put the vehicle into gear.

Oh no. No way was she letting him end the conversation yet. She grabbed his hand. "Wait. Just because I get what you're saying doesn't mean that I agree with everything you're insinuating. I've got plans. I'm almost through college. I entered the pageant to help pay for the last of it."

When he started to interrupt, she cut him off. "Haven't you noticed what I've been doing? I've been working with people of all ages. I've given speeches. I've volunteered. I haven't been standing still and just waving and posing for strangers."

His throat worked. "You're right. I ... it was wrong of me to suggest you aren't everything you are."

"That means I deserve to know how you feel."

"There's no point."

"Ryan, this isn't just your job we're talking about. This is us. This is my heart. This is yours too. Don't you see that means something?"

After a few moments he nodded. "Yes." He turned to face her and reached for her hands. Clasped them both, enveloping them in warmth and security. "Fine. I like you, Candace. I like you a lot. I think about you when we're not together. I intentionally set my schedule around yours because the idea of you going on your own to one of these places drives me crazy. Almost as much as sending you with another cop on staff does." Averting his eyes, he added, "But that doesn't mean we can act on our feelings."

"Why not? What would be the worst that could happen?"

"I get fired. Your reputation gets damaged."

"Or you break my heart?"

His hands holding hers flinched slightly. "Don't be dramatic." Averting his eyes, he said, "Really, it would be best if we—"

"Can't we just take things slow?"

He met her gaze. "How slow?"

"As slow as we need to go." She waved a hand. "Like I said, I've got to finish college."

He nodded slowly. "There's something else. The chief can decide he doesn't need another officer. I'm here on a grant. To see if a bigger force makes a difference for the town. If the chief can't justify to the powers that be that my position is warranted, then I'll be out of a job. I'd have to find another job and move."

"I see."

He ran his thumb along her knuckles. "I don't think you do. The timing just isn't right. Right now I need to focus on my career."

"What do you want me to do while you wait until the timing is right?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you expect me to just wait until you decide we can have a relationship?"

"I don't expect you to wait."

"Do you expect me to date?" She squeezed his hands. "It wouldn't bother you if you saw me with another man?"

He scowled. "It would. Of course it would."

"Are you sure?" She leaned forward a few inches.

He inhaled sharply. "Candace, please don't. I just want to—" He stopped.

"No. Say it. Say what you're thinking."

"This." He released her hands, slipped a hand around to the nape of her neck, and pulled her close. And when her lips parted with a gasp, he kissed her.

And it was as far from the gentle, considerate, oh-so-proper Officer Mulaney as it could get. Ryan kissed her like they were out of time, out of breath, and unable to do anything but feel. It was everything she'd been dreaming about.

No, it was better.

Candace leaned into him, grasped his bicep, and felt the muscle bunch under her fingertips.

It was like she'd finally been kissed for the first time in her life. No peck good night or clumsy make-out session halfway through her senior prom or at a college party could come close.

It was everything.

Moving away, he pulled in a breath. It was obvious their kiss had affected him too. "Candace—" he began, but then flinched as his gaze followed something outside of the vehicle.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm pretty sure I saw a camera flash. Or something. We were seen." He turned on the ignition. "I need to get you home. Buckle up."

She fastened her seat belt as he reversed out of the parking space, then he pulled his seat belt on over his torso and clipped it into place as he pulled onto the road.

Her mind was mush. She didn't know if she should be looking for someone wandering in the woods, apologizing for pushing him, or crying since it now seemed that he felt nothing but regret. Figuring she'd said enough for one evening, she crossed her arms and looked straight ahead.

Beside her, Ryan looked just as agitated. Which wasn't a surprise. Clearly he wished he hadn't pulled over. Maybe he was sorry that he'd kissed her senseless.

Five minutes later, he pulled into her driveway.

She unbuckled her seat belt. "Thanks for the ride."

"I'll come around."

"I can get myself out of a car, Ryan."

"Let. Me. Do. This." After he got out and opened the door, he took her hand like always, then reached into the back seat and pulled out her duffle.

To her surprise, he didn't release her hand. She wondered if he was simply unaware that her palm was still nestled in his.

When they stopped at the front door, she pulled out her keys.

"Are your parents asleep?"

"It's a quarter to eleven. Probably. Since I was out with you, they knew I was in good hands." And there was the image of his hand pulling her close. "I mean—"

"I know what you mean."

"Good night." She forced herself to meet his gaze.

He was staring at her lips. "I'm not going to kiss you good night. I ... the way I'm feeling right now, I don't think it would be a good idea."

"Okay—well, bye."

He stopped her, curved a hand around her jaw. Ran his thumb along her bottom lip. "It was foolish of me to kiss you like that. But I don't regret it."

Hope surged. "You don't?"

"How could I? It was the best kiss I've ever had, Candace."

"Yeah?" She couldn't have stopped the silly, pleased smile that spread across her face if she tried.

"Yeah." Leaning toward her, he pressed his lips to her forehead. "Sleep well. Lock the door after you get inside."

"You sleep well too." She opened the door, stepped inside, closed it, and locked it. As she watched through the door's sidelight, he walked back to his SUV.

She sighed with contentment.

"Candy?"

Glancing to her right, she realized that her mother had been sitting in the living room. "Hey, Mom. I didn't know you were awake."

"I was just making sure you were okay."

"I'm fine."

She lowered her voice. "When you didn't come inside immediately, I looked out the window. Candace, did he just kiss you on the forehead?"

"Yes." She steeled herself. Waited to hear a lecture that she didn't intend to actually listen to.

Her mother studied her a moment, then nodded. "That's what I thought. Good night, dear."

"Night, Mom." She climbed the stairs to her bedroom, her mind a muddle. She wondered what her mother had seen in her face that had eased her enough to not ask another question. Thought about the conversation she and Ryan had shared. How fierce he'd looked. How intense he'd sounded.

The way his lips had felt against hers. The way her heart had felt like it was about to explode because the moment had been so special.

Thirty minutes later, after she took a long, hot shower and crawled into bed, she checked her phone. She had a text. Her heart danced a bit and her face heated as she wondered what Ryan would be telling her now.

She clicked on the app.

And felt her insides crumble.

Next to an unknown number were the words "I saw you. You're going to pay."