Chapter 21

It was near nine o'clock when Deputy Ernst left. After he finished questioning Tabitha, he'd gone back outside, called Sheriff Johnson, and then canvassed the surrounding area for over an hour.

When he'd said he was going to pull down the driveway but stay for a spell just in case Leon had a mind to return, Tabitha made him a sandwich and gave him a tin of chocolate chip cookies. The deputy seemed grateful for her kindness. Then, just before he left, he'd knocked on her door again and told her that the sheriff would likely be by in the morning.

He'd also offered Seth a ride home. Seth had refused, saying he had some things to speak to Tabitha about. As reasons went, it was a pretty poor one. After all, Seth had already been there for hours.

Tabitha's face had turned as hot as a morning skillet, but she didn't try to explain Seth's presence further. The simple fact was that she didn't want Seth to leave. She didn't want to be alone in the house.

The deputy had scowled at Seth's excuse but didn't argue. After reminding her to give him a call if she needed anything, he'd walked out the door and drove back down the drive a couple of minutes later.

Seth closed the door when the vehicle was out of sight. "Alone at last," he teased.

Tabitha tried to smile but reckoned she looked anything but happy.

Looking far more serious, he reached for her hands. "Hey, you know I was just joking, right?"

She nodded.

His expression sharpened. "How are you feeling?"

"The truth?"

"Always."

"I'm rattled."

"I'm not surprised. You've had quite a day."

"I almost wish Leon had been lurking near the house. Then maybe Deputy Ernst would have gotten him and it would be all over."

"Yeah." Still gazing at her intently, Seth added, "Tab, I only refused Junior's offer because I thought he'd make me sit in the back seat of his cruiser. No way am I ever going to do that again."

That made sense. "I understand."

He looked down at their linked fingers. She did too. She'd never had delicate-looking hands. They were capable and strong. She kept her nails trimmed short, but that was the extent of care—beyond a dab of lotion every now and then—they ever received. But her hands looked small and feminine nestled in Seth's.

After a squeeze, he released hers and clasped his behind his back. "It's getting late."

"I know. I understand."

Seth looked torn. "Would you like me to stay? I'd be happy to sleep on the couch. No one will be able to get inside without going through me."

The idea of not worrying about every creak and groan in the old house was tempting. Tabitha knew she'd be able to sleep better than she had in days, as well. She trusted Seth completely. If he said he'd stay on the couch, then that's where he would be.

But if anyone found out that Seth had spent the night, her life would get even more complicated. Besides, what would she do the following night?

"I couldn't ask you to do that."

"You didn't ask me, Tab. I offered." He released his hands and used one to pat her shoulder. "I hope you know that you're safe with me. I would never do anything to hurt or scare you."

"I know."

But not only was she concerned about her reputation, she was worried about Leon. If he discovered Seth had been in her house overnight, he would react violently. Leon was possessive of her, and he hated the fact that she was living in his family's house. After taking out his anger on her, he'd find a way to hurt Seth. And as much as she feared seeing Leon again, she dreaded the idea of Seth getting hurt because of her even more.

With regret, she stepped away from him. She needed the distance to force herself to do what was right and not what all her mixed-up emotions were screaming at her to do. "Thank you for the offer, but I think it's time you went home."

He didn't budge an inch. "You look scared."

"I am scared. I mean I am a little bit."

"Tabitha, what are you worried about? Do you care so much about your reputation that you're willing to put your safety at risk?"

"It's not just my reputation. Though, that is part of it."

"Why? A lot of the people you're so worried about turned their backs on you when you filed for divorce. You've been living here all alone. No one but me has been coming to check on you."

"That's not true."

"You're counting your sister? Mary has only visited one day a month."

"She didn't have a choice. Her husband—"

"I know. I know. Roy has decided that it's okay to practically ignore his sister-in-law. I guess that's fine with him and he has no problem sleeping at night. But leaving you to fend for yourself hasn't been right."

"I'm not saying it was right."

"But you've accepted everyone's distance?"

Feeling more frustrated by the second, she raised her voice. "This isn't about Roy or Mary or even having to leave the Amish. It's about me, and I'm telling you that I don't have a choice."

"But you do."

"Seth, do you hear yourself? You're acting as if I don't know my own mind. As if you don't value my opinion."

He shook his head. "That isn't what's happening."

"But that's how it feels to me. Please leave, Seth."

He didn't budge. "You do have a choice. You know that, right?" He lowered his voice. "Just like you had a choice about marrying Leon. Just like you had a choice about what to do the first time he hit you."

Each word stung. Not just because Seth believed what he was saying but because he obviously had no inkling about what her life had been like. "Don't tell me that. You have no idea about my choices, Seth."

"Why did you stay with Leon for so long? What did he have over you that you couldn't escape from?"

"You don't need to know."

"But you need to tell someone!"

"Fine. On my second date with Leon, we went down to Cripple Creek and drank. I was living in my family's dawdi house back then. When I woke up the next morning, my clothes were off. I didn't know what had happened. I couldn't remember anything." Still feeling embarrassed, she added, "Leon later told me that we'd had sex."

Everything in Seth's expression changed. Surprise, anger, pity ... all of it appeared in his eyes. They were all the things she'd felt that awful, awful morning, and his compassion was almost too much to bear. A lump formed in her throat as she held on to the rest of her composure like a lifeline.

"Tab ..." he whispered.

She shook her head. "No. Let me finish. Now that I know about such things, I ... I think he put something in my drink. I don't know. But he blackmailed me, Seth. If I didn't agree to marry him right away, he was going to tell the school board. I would've gotten fired. My reputation would've been ruined."

"Sounds like he used the date rape drug on you. If you had gone to the police or the hospital, they would've found Rohypnol in your system. Leon would've been charged with a felony."

Tears pricked her eyes. She'd done so much to protect her reputation and she'd lost it all—and so much more—anyway.

Releasing a ragged sigh, she said, "It doesn't matter now. I didn't go to the police. I didn't tell a single person about what happened. Instead, I married Leon, soon learned what life as his wife was like, and lived in fear twenty-four hours a day. You don't know what it's like to have every choice taken from you."

"I have a pretty good idea. I was in prison."

"Yes, you were. I'm sorry for the accident and that you had to spend time behind bars, but you weren't completely innocent, Seth. You chose to get involved. You chose to fight Peter when he turned on you. You could have walked away."

"And you couldn't ever walk away?" He raised an eyebrow.

Her temper flared. "The man who promised me and God that he would care for and honor me abused me in countless ways for years. I wasn't allowed to do one thing of my own free will, Seth Zimmerman."

He closed his eyes. "I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, you shouldn't have even thought it. But you did." She walked to the door and held it open. "Now will you please leave, or should I call the deputy back and ask for his help?"

"No. I am sorry, Tabitha." When she remained silent, he studied her face one long moment, then walked out the door.

The moment Seth was across the threshold, she locked the door. Then, just like she used to do, she peeked at him through the windowpane. But secretly, barely disturbing her curtains.

This time, instead of watching him approach, she watched him leave. Stared as he descended the front steps. Noticed how he strode forward, and how his pace picked up steam with each foot of distance. Like he couldn't get out of her sight fast enough.

Which made her realize yet again that she'd been such a fool. She'd thought he'd never noticed her watching him, but he had. He'd noticed everything she'd done. Just like Leon had.

But instead of judging her and finding fault with everything, Seth had encouraged her to believe in herself.

Instead of hurting her, he'd helped her heal.

Instead of ignoring her wishes, he'd honored them.

Encouraged her.

She supposed he was doing the same thing now. Even though he hadn't been shy about voicing his thoughts, he'd still left. After apologizing.

Just like she'd asked him to.

Only when Seth was out of sight did she move away from the window. Turning around, she analyzed the space. The living room was neat as a pin. There was no trace of either Deputy Ernst or Seth ever being there. No, the only sign of her circumstances having changed was the bright light shining on the table. The other one currently shining in her bedroom. She needed those flashlights. Anything to feel safer.

But it was a false sense of security. She was alone.

Nerves shot through her again, clenching her stomach and tightening her throat. Like a woman possessed, she checked the deadbolt on the front door again. Then she rushed to the kitchen and double-checked the lock on the back door. Then checked every single window, already imagining Leon watching and waiting from the woods. One by one, she visited every windowpane, securing locks that were already secure. Pulling down shades that were already down.

Chance watched her. Perhaps sensing her fear, he whimpered.

"It'll be okay, Chance," she said.

He whimpered again, and she knew the dog didn't believe her words any more than she did.

After brushing her teeth and hair and washing her face, she changed into her nightgown. Finally, she lay down on her bed and curled up in a ball on her side, exhausted. Wrapped her arms around herself again. Just like she used to do when she was hurting so bad.

Just like she still did when she was scared.

She closed her eyes. The memory of Seth holding her rushed forward. The way he'd been so solid and steady. The way he'd promised her that she was going to be all right.

And for one split second, she'd believed him.

Until she'd pushed him away.

Over and over she reviewed their conversation, hating that they'd fought before his departure. Hating that she hadn't asked him to call her when he got home safe. He'd dropped everything when she'd called and then spent hours by her side. In return, she'd sent him on his way in the dark. She hadn't even offered to let him borrow a flashlight.

At a quarter to one in the morning, she allowed the tears to fall. They soaked her skin and her pillowcase and the neckline of her nightgown. Come morning, she'd likely need to wash everything.

It didn't matter, though. She'd still be all alone.