5. Rhys

5

RHYS

A fter the mental chaos brought on by Hurricane Callum that week, I did nothing but get lost in my epically overactive thoughts all weekend long. No matter what I did or how I tried to distract myself, my thoughts constantly veered back to me and Hawk in that classroom. What he did had permeated my brain on a cellular level and as much as I tried to look back on that moment with horror and disgust, I remembered only heat and need. The memories of it coupled with Hawk's warning that it would happen again had me stroking my cock in bed for the next three nights.

And each time left me feeling dirty and wondering if something was seriously wrong with me. Obviously there was because I was still getting off to that lunatic.

I might as well turn on a Jeffrey Dahmer documentary and have a good yank. It'll be like psycho porn.

It wasn't normal. None of it was normal. I shouldn't have been thinking about that day with anything less than abject loathing. A normal person would have felt violated by what Cal had done, in a public place no less. But not me. All I kept thinking about was what he could possibly do to make me beg for it…and how likely it was that I would.

After intense reflection and another regrettable orgasm, I concluded that my lack of sexual activity in recent months had to be the contributing factor. That was it! I just hadn't been properly tending to my needs as a sexual being. It made perfect biological sense that I craved the release that Hawk had brought me. Clearly masturbation hadn't been cutting it for me. I didn't say no because my body had been deprived for too long and I was at my limit. It didn't need to mean anything more than that.

Problem identified, analyzed, and solved! Hah!

However, not even science could adequately explain the sheer idiocy of the decision to unblock Hawk and respond to his text on Monday morning. Though somewhere in the midst of my Saturday shame spiral, I had decided to fix his contact name in my phone.

Miscreant

Morning, Sweetness. Did you dream about me this weekend? Any of them end wet?

Me

Don’t know. Does puking qualify it as a wet dream?

Miscreant

Ahh, so you did dream about me. Had a feeling. I bet it was a hot one.

Me

I envy every person who hasn’t met you.

Miscreant

Aww. Missed you too, pumpkin.

So what’s on your agenda today? Classes? Studying? A little corrective chat with my coach?

Me

Tetanus shot.

Have to be prepared for the next rabid Hawk attack.

Miscreant

If you really want to be prepared, I’d suggest three fingers.

I’m a big boy .

I choked on the coffee I had been guzzling as his crass words stared up at me. I was appalled by his implication, but was hardly surprised. He was trying to rattle me. I just couldn't let him know he'd partially succeeded.

Me

Not even if you were a proctologist would I let you anywhere near my butt.

Miscreant

Nervous for your first time? It’s okay, pookie. I’ll be gentle.

And just like that, my irritation flared at his flippant mockery. Instead of justifying him with a response, I did the first smart thing all morning and locked my phone, shoving it in my pocket. Walking across campus gave me ample time to let my over-thinking brain run wild with theories about why Hawk had drawn me in so easily. He was unreasonably attractive and charming, but it wasn't as if I was a flighty schoolgirl who lost all sense for a pretty face. I was surrounded by attractive men all the time. UT had plenty of them. None of them ever ignited my temper or fascination like Hawk did. It was vexing to say the least.

My classes passed in a blur, each one interrupted by periodic texts from him. Oddly enough, the texts had been free of innuendo or teasing and had been confusingly tame.

Miscreant

So were you born in Austin or somewhere else?

Where would you go if you could go anywhere in the world?

What superpower would you want most?

What kind of nursing do you want to do after you graduate?

Top three phobias….go!

What was with this miserable cretin? Did he have nothing better to do than play this one-sided game with me? I read and ignored each question he shot off, reminding myself with every buzz of my phone that he was baiting me. He wanted my reactions, and he wasn't going to get them.

When I trudged through my door at the end of the day, I decided to turn off my phone and give myself some peace. That only lasted so long since more texts were waiting for me the next morning.

Miscreant

Top o' the morning, Sweetness. You didn't answer my questions yesterday. You're leaving me in suspense over here.

Me

Smarter men would get the hint.

Miscreant

I'm too pretty to be smart. Besides, these are important questions I need answered!

Me

Get used to disappointment.

Miscreant

I’m trying to play nice, Rhys. Humor me.

Everything in my gut told me nothing good could come from entertaining him. Despite what he said, Hawk was smarter than he let on and he was pulling me in for a reason. He wanted my complaint dropped, and he was clearly willing to cross lines to ensure it. Too bad for him, that was something I wouldn't even consider no matter what games he played with me. It was probably the first time in his perfect little life that he'd ever had consequences for his actions.

Far be it from me to deprive him of that lesson. I'd just let him think he was getting to me. It'd be satisfying to see him proven wrong.

Me

Fine. If it will shut you up.

I was born in Oklahoma, I'd go to Italy, my superpower would be time travel, I'd fight zombies with Negan's bat Lucille, I want to be a pediatric nurse, and I'm scared of clowns, clusters of holes, and being buried alive.

Satisfied?

Miscreant

Ooo interesting…some solid choices in there.

I have to question you about Lucille though. Up close and personal with a zombie doesn't seem like a winning choice.

Clusters of holes? Really? Weird.

Why pediatric nursing?

Wait, was he actually trying to get to know me? What was the point of this? If this were a movie, there'd be a large robot up in my face shrieking “Danger, Rhys Robinson!”, but once again my self-preservation skills were proving highly ineffective.

Me

Long story.

Miscreant

I’m all ears, Sweetness.

I was a stupid, stupid man. A stupidly weak man. For all the reminders I gave myself about this guy and his suspicious motives, I found myself wanting to answer him. Maybe there was a part of me that hoped I'd humanize myself in his eyes and he'd give up this pointless crusade to get me to recant my complaint.

Me

I was in the ICU as a kid and a pediatric nurse was assigned to me. She helped me through something really terrible and we became close. Ever since, I've wanted to do the same thing for other kids. That's all.

It took him a while to answer. There weren't even any bubbles to show that he was typing or formulating a response. I pushed it from my mind and went about getting ready for my day. As I was heading out the door, my phone once again buzzed.

Miscreant

I think that job suits you. I'm sorry you went through something terrible to find it .

I was rendered speechless for a moment as I read over his words. Granted, there was no way to read tone through a simple text message, but still. Something about his response came across as genuine to me. It seemed like a tiny win and I'd take it for what it was.

The next few days were littered with texts from Hawk, and much to my chagrin, I couldn't resist texting back. He had kept up his Q&A game with me for the most part, only sometimes sneaking in questions that I refused to answer seriously. Unsurprisingly, it did nothing to deter him.

Miscreant

What’s one of your hard limits?

Me

You.

Miscreant

Have you ever tried anal stuff before?

Me

Do suppositories count?

Miscreant

Tell me one of your dirtiest fantasies.

Me

A threesome with Bert and Ernie.

Miscreant

So are you still a virgin?

Me

I’ve yet to be sacrificed to a volcano, so…

His other inquiries were more thought-provoking, and I found I didn't mind those so much. God knew why, but I actually looked forward to some of the questions that stimulated debate between us. As vile as I knew he could be, he managed to surprise me as the days went on.

Miscreant

So did you think Thanos was right in snapping half the universe into dust?

Me

What?? No! He was a mass murderer. Period.

Miscreant

He was able to bring untold prosperity and peace to billions of beings. He's a hero. The true Avenger.

Me

Of course you'd think he was a hero. He was Charles Manson with a scrotum face. Billions of creatures died because of him.

Miscreant

But they didn't suffer. Thanos was a humanitarian who didn't want people to needlessly suffer and die a slow death from lack of resources. He was for the good of the many.

Me

Look, you psycho. Thanos had no right to play god and take away people's right to fight for their survival. He upset the natural balance of the universe by committing mass genocide, so who's to say he didn't make things worse? Especially for the survivors who lost their loved ones.

Miscreant

Ouch. Name calling is a low blow, Evans. Remind me if we're ever dying from lack of food and overpopulation not to put you in charge of the Infinity Stones.

Me

You know you'd only have a 50/50 chance of surviving the snap, right?

Miscreant

Eh, I'd take a dusting for the team. Would you miss me, Sweetness?

Me

Not even if I needed a kidney transplant and you were my only match.

Miscreant

Damn. You are ruthless, Evans .

I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. No matter how many questions he asked in his misguided attempt to get my guard down, I hadn't forgotten his lascivious taunt the first time he messaged me. I was bound and determined to never be caught alone by him again, though it was obvious even an audience would do little to stop him. I was back to looking over my shoulder, wondering when he'd pop up and follow through with his threat.

When Friday had ended and signaled an entire week without any Hawk sightings, I wondered if he had ever meant to touch me again or if it was said simply to throw me off balance.

In a horrifying development, the thought that he hadn't been serious about it caused the faintest stirring in my stomach that felt a little like…disappointment. That alone nearly sent me into a tailspin that had me forcing down any and all positive emotions that Hawk had somehow dragged out of me since we met. I had to focus on the negatives. I spent most of my childhood with bullies who tried everything imaginable to lower my defenses and inflict whatever damage they could. I knew better than to fall for his manipulations, no matter how funny or interesting he seemed in the last several days. I had to stay strong.

I had been playing with the idea of talking to Micah about everything and getting some perspective on my unintentional…whatever this was with Hawk. But whatever had happened between him and Bash left Micah spiraling, and nothing I tried seemed to help, so I was left with only one option.

Me

Hey, would you maybe want to come over for pizza, a movie, and emotional processing?

Fin

Hells yes! I'm in like Errol Flynn! P.S. I'm bringing wine.

“You know, Rick O'Connell could awaken the gay in the straightest homebro on the planet. I'll die gloriously on that hill,” Fin said mindlessly, sipping his wine while Brendan Fraser took out a host of mummies on screen .

“I'd even go for the Medjai dude with the face tattoos. That long hair and the accent are really working for me,” I replied. We were sprawled out on my couch after agreeing on a Mummy marathon. It had been one of the best evenings I'd had in a while even though Micah had turned down our offer to join. He hadn't been feeling well and turned in early, but that was par for the course with him lately.

I found it crazy, yet comforting how easy it was to hang out with Fin considering I knew him all of one week. He was sweet, funny, and talked to me like we'd been friends forever. Besides Micah, I hadn't had any kind of friend like that since Connor. Until recently, I didn't notice how much I had truly missed having that kind of connection with someone.

“Mmm, okay. I see your type,” Fin smirked. “Look at you, Reese's Pieces! You like 'em tall, dark and dangerous with all those silky curls and broody eyes. I never would have guessed that.”

I chuckled uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact as my face flushed slightly.

Or tall, blond and dangerous with silky curls and two different colored eyes who got me off in a classroom full of people and then threatened to do it again while I begged him for it. Apparently my type is hazardous for my health. Not at all self-destructive…

“Have you run into your ex again since last week?” I asked to steer the conversation away from me.

Fin made a small gagging noise and gave an exaggerated shudder. “Yes, unfortunately. He keeps pushing for me to give him another chance, like I haven't given him a dozen already. Dumb brute thinks that if he just lets me hop on his pogo stick enough, I'll forget all the insufferable crap I put up with being with him.”

“You slept with him again?” I asked in surprise.

His eyes went round as he froze, eyes shifting to me slowly. “Nooooo?” I laughed at his reaction and he looked a bit sheepish. “Ugh, okay yes I did, but you don't understand! You've seen how big he is, right? Trust me when I say he is well proportioned and knows how to use every inch. Plus I hate him, and everyone knows hate sex is the best,” he finished with a saucy smirk.

His words shot through my brain like shrapnel. Memories resurfaced of vicious taunts, forbidden hands on my body and unexpected pleasure.

I saw in my periphery Fin looking me over with a scrutinizing expression. I tried to pretend like I didn't notice and kept my gaze trained on the movie.

“Are you doing alright, Rhys? You seem like you've got something on your mind, and you did say you wanted help processing some stuff. I've been known to process over ninety-eight emotions per minute, so my friend resumé is excellent in this area,” Fin said, flashing me a wink.

I had invited him over with the intention of spilling the sordid details of everything happening with Hawk, but the words wouldn't come. I could barely make sense of the myriad of thoughts and confusion that my interactions with him had brought up. I had a feeling Fin wouldn't judge me for any of it, but it didn't make it any easier to force the words out.

“Soooo, there's this guy,” I started cautiously, unable to meet Fin's eyes.

“Oh! I love it already! Is he hot? Is he bad? Is he dirty? Tell me everything !” Fin clapped in excitement. His enthusiastic reaction had me barking out a laugh because he wasn't wrong about any of his guesses.

“Oh, he's definitely hot, bad and dirty…but it's not a good thing. In fact, that's part of the problem,” I told him. Fin cocked his head at me in confusion, and I blew out a deep breath and started from the top.

Once I had filled in Fin on the party, our second meeting, the classroom rub down, and our texting spree, he just stared at me with rounded eyes and an unreadable expression.

After a few minutes of nothing but blinks and silence, I waved my hand in front of him to jolt him out of it. “Uhh, you okay in there? Was that an information overload?”

“I'm just processing,” Fin said slowly, still blinking his doe eyes at me.

“Thought you processed almost 100 emotions a minute.”

“Apparently my software needs an update. So, basically what you're saying is this guy is a sexy AF bully that is pressing all your buttons, and you're having a crisis of conscience because you like his fingers on your buttons even though you literally turned him in for pressing them in the first place. Now you're kind of starting to like him, but you know it's going to end badly if you keep letting him near all your buttons while he presses them willy-nilly. Did I miss anything?” Fin rushed out in one breath, eyes pinned to mine.

“Um. Nope. That's pretty much it,” I confessed, feeling fifty shades of stupid after recounting the whole thing .

Fin nodded his head with a solemn look, like he was contemplating my situation with the utmost care. As humiliating as it was to be discussing this, it was a relief to get it off my chest. Even if Fin told me I was an extraordinary idiot for giving Hawk a second of my time, I couldn't regret confiding in someone.

“Huh…well the way I see it, he's either a total sociopath or he's a cocky jock with some serious anger issues.”

“And the difference would be?” I snickered.

Fin raised an eyebrow at me. “If he's the former, you're stupendously screwed. I'd recommend witness protection.”

“Fantastic advice on that one. Thanks,” I said sardonically, eyes rolling at the suggestion.

“But if he's the latter, then you have a real chance,” he said, leveling me with a steady gaze.

“A real chance for what?” I asked curiously. Fin sent me a knowing look.

“A chance to change his mind. Maybe see what's under all that growly, mean boy armor and get to know him. There might be a reason you're so drawn to him despite his colossal dickitude. It's possible he's drawn to you too.”

I couldn't stifle the snort that flew out of me. The idea that Hawk was drawn to me for any reason other than premeditated murder or target practice was laughable.

And yet you keep on texting him like a twelve-year-old girl using her first cell phone. You are just making delightful life choices here, Rhys. At this rate your graduation photo will be featured on a telephone pole, you utter buffoon.

“Let me ask you something. Why did you continue to talk to him even after he touched you in class? Yeah, you liked it—bravo for you by the way, kinky twinky,” Fin teased, waggling his eyebrows at me. My cheeks flushed with heat at his comment. “But you also knew it was a fucked up thing for him to do. Honestly, he lucked out that you didn't smash his dick with your textbook! So there had to be a reason you kept talking to him all this week, right?”

It was a fair question and one I had been wrestling with since Hawk texted me last Saturday. I didn't fully have an answer that made sense to me, but I tried to put it into words.

“I'd like to say it's because I wanted to show him he couldn't get to me so easily. I've been a target for guys like him since I was a kid, and I swore to myself that I'd never be one again. But with Hawk…” I paused, unsure of how to answer.

Fin waited patiently, smiling softly at me in encouragement as I struggled to put my chaotic thoughts in order.

“With Hawk, something feels different. Yes, he's inappropriate and crude at times to get a rise out of me, but he also had actual conversations with me this week. He asked about me and even made me laugh sometimes, and it just seemed…effortless. Nothing I said rattled him. He just went with it. I have this gut feeling that there's so much more there, and the risk of what he could do almost seems worth it to find out,” I admitted quietly. It took me a few minutes before I worked up the nerve to meet his eyes again.

I saw no judgment when he looked at me, only understanding and sympathy. “I get it. I really do. Just…” Fin trailed off and shot me a worried glance, his bottom lip set firmly between his teeth.

“Just what?”

He let out a deep sigh and fiddled with the blanket over his lap. “Just be careful until you find out if you can trust your gut feeling about him. There might be something really great about him like you hope, but anger has a way of burying the good parts of a person and leaving a lot of damage behind. Trust me, I know that better than most,” Fin finished barely above a whisper, a dejected look passing so quickly across his face that I thought I imagined it.

I reached out to cover Fin's hand with mine. His face melted into a small, sweet smile and clasped my hand in both of his. “Thank you for trusting me enough to talk to me about this,” he said, squeezing my hand.

“Thank you for talking me through everything and not judging me for some of the more…shameful details,” I responded awkwardly.

“There's nothing shameful about how you reacted to what he did. It certainly wasn't an ideal situation, but you can't control your body's pleasure. Don't beat yourself up over it,” Fin told me gently, nudging me in the shoulder.

I couldn't do more than nod my acknowledgment. Looking back on why I didn't stop him, it was like I had known deep down I was actually safe with him. It made no sense in light of what I knew about him and how he reacted the first night we met, but even in his taunting he had given me an out. He gave me several outs that I didn't take because I wanted it. I wanted the illicit thrill of that moment regardless of everything.

I focused on what Fin had told me and tried not to let myself spiral over the pleasure I took from Hawk's devious touch. I just needed to keep my guard up around him until I figured out if my instinct was right.

Despite my hope and the feeling in my gut that there was something special about him, I couldn't fight the voice in my head that told me I was going to regret every minute of knowing Callum Hawkins.