32. Callum

32

CALLUM

“ Y ou know, I’m not an expert on the matter or anything, but I believe the black button to the left of the door releases a signal that, when heard, alerts the occupants of the house to the presence of someone on their porch. Could be useful in this moment, but…you know, just a suggestion. Standing here is good too.”

The look I aimed at Rhys told him his sarcasm was unappreciated in the moment, but he only blinked those wide violet eyes at me in a way he knew would always get him out of trouble.

We’d been standing on the porch of Jack’s new house for almost four minutes. In the grand scheme of things, four minutes was nothing, but when you were starving and it was hot as Satan’s nutsack outside, it was practically an eternity. I just wasn’t ready yet. I’d waffled on the decision of us having lunch with Jack and seeing his new place for nearly two weeks. Eventually, Rhys used his…considerable skills to convince me to suck it up and give the lunch a chance.

And by considerable skills, I mean he woke me with a blowjob and rode me like a bronco at the rodeo. It was a very effective method of persuasion, not gonna lie.

“I just don’t know what this lunch will look like to him. Will he take it as a sign all is forgiven when it’s not? Will he expect this to be a regular thing now? It’s so much pressure…it’s making me itchy,” I complained .

“I thought only hugs did that to you? What else makes you itchy? Is this, like, a medical thing I need to worry about?” Rhys asked, eyeing me up and down.

“ That’s your takeaway from what I said?” I said exasperatedly. I knew he was trying to distract me from my mess of thoughts, but I was too anxious. He must have sensed his usual tactics weren’t working because he turned fully to face me, cupping my cheeks in his hands. As though my tension was siphoned off into his palms, I immediately relaxed at his touch.

“Baby, it’s going to be okay,” he promised me softly, his expression serious. “He’s not going to expect anything, just like he hasn’t expected anything from you this far. He’s been patient and taken this at your pace the last few months. I doubt that will change just because we agreed to lunch. Remember, he said no pressure, ever. Plus if he really does put the pressure on you, I’ll just beat him up.”

I let out a snort and cracked a smile at the ridiculous imagery. “Ah, I’m sure that’d be quite effective. Since when are you so prone to violence, Evans?”

“Since I fell in love with a psychopath,” he tsked, releasing me to ring the doorbell. “I must have picked up his bad habits.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but my retort died on my tongue as the door swung open and we were greeted by a grinning Jack. His gaze latched onto me and the hope I saw there had my heart twisting. It was a lot easier to hold onto my anger and resentment when he wasn’t right there in front of me, looking at me with a warmth and love I hadn’t seen from him since childhood.

“There you guys are! The steaks are almost done on the grill, so you have great timing,” Jack said, opening the door wider to let us in. “I’m gonna go check on the food real fast, but feel free to look around.” I gave him a small smile as he headed straight back to the patio doors. I took in the open office that was to our left, framed by glass French doors. Rhys and I walked through the foyer hall to the decent sized living room, all gray and white with accents of navy throughout. There was a stone fireplace in the far corner with a TV mounted above it. The bright kitchen was across to the right, the marble island serving as a bar to sit at.

I ventured into the living room, liking the comfy, light feel of it when the framed photos on the mantle caught my eye. My stomach clenched as I studied the pictures of me sitting there. There was one of me playing in a UT Lacrosse game and another of me in my cap and gown from my high school graduation. The third was of me and Jack at a football game he’d taken me to when I was maybe eight. My eyes stung as I took them in, wondering why he was displaying these now. My heart stopped when I reached the last photo I’d never seen before.

My mom’s tired face beamed from a hospital bed, an infant me nestled in her arms as Jack sat next to her with his arm draped around us. The smile on his face matched the one on mom’s, and you’d be forgiven for thinking they were a beautiful, young couple who had just welcomed their first child into the world. Because…that’s what they were. At least in that moment.

“Those were the very first things I put up when I moved in.” Jack’s deep voice rumbled from behind, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the picture. “Unsurprisingly, Blair didn’t want them out at the old house. But I wanted to be able to see yours and Leana’s faces every day, so I put them up at my office. Now, I get to have them back in my home where they belong.”

“Where did you get this one?” I spun around, clutching the hospital photo in my hand. “I’ve never seen it before.”

A sad smile played on Jack’s face as he stepped forward and took the photo from me. He looked at it with such a melancholic expression that it almost hurt my heart to witness. “I asked the nurse to snap this real quick on one of those old disposable cameras I had. I think Leana was so doped up that she completely forgot about it. I only had the one copy among all the others from that day that were just of you and her, so I kept it and gave her the rest. It was just a little piece of us that I was able to keep.”

I was rooted to the spot, my face cold and wet from tears that I hadn’t noticed had fallen. I instinctively clutched at Rhys’ hand, but felt nothing but air until he sidled up next to me, intertwining our fingers to ground me. “Can I—” I cleared my throat, but the words were caught in the web of emotion strumming through me.

Jack’s face softened in recognition of what I was trying to ask. “I’ll make you a copy tomorrow,” he smiled at me. I could only nod my thanks as I placed the frame back on the mantle, giving it one last glance as we all headed outside to eat.

We sat out on the shaded deck, the conversation flowing easier than I expected it to. Jack asked about our school, our majors, our friends, Rhys’ family, our plans after graduation, and how we met. That question had Rhys squirming and me fighting to hold back my laughter at how uncomfortable he looked, but we settled on telling him that we met at a party. I mean, it wasn’t a lie. He didn’t need to know the pesky details.

“I’m sorry about the championship last weekend. That was a tough loss. How is your team handling it?” Jack asked, topping off our wine as we finished our steaks.

“Some of us are dealing with it better than others. Griffin was being a dramatic shit all week, wearing nothing but black and declaring it a period of mourning. I tried locking him in his room after the fifth day, but fucker broke out in under fifteen minutes,” I shared, laughing at the memory of Griff’s endless profanities and colorful threats as he tried to jimmy the lock.

“Don’t let him fool you! This one was a pouty, moody turdweed for three days after that game. He kept grouching about flags not being thrown and possible steroid use on the other team’s end,” Rhys traitorously threw in. They had a good laugh at my expense before Jack launched into a story about the time I threw a temper tantrum at the aquarium on my fourth birthday because I had to leave the sea turtle tank. I had then escaped while he and mom had their backs turned, and they frantically searched top to bottom to find me before discovering I had snuck back to that turtle tank just to sit in front of it to watch them.

“I ended up buying him this small, plush turtle from the gift shop just to lure him back to the car,” Jack laughed fondly. “Leana was so annoyed at me for “reinforcing the behavior”, as she put it, but it worked like a charm. He carried that thing everywhere for almost a year if I remember correctly.” Our eyes connected across the table, memories tugging us under together. My tears mirrored his as we thought back on those happier times when we’d felt like a real family, just the three of us. Something shifted in Jack’s expression before he swallowed down the rest of his wine and took a deep breath.

“So listen, there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about, but I’ve been waiting until everything was in place,” he started, brows pinched with nerves. “Right after I filed for divorce, I hired a legal advocate to look into pressing charges against Blair for child abuse.”

He paused, letting the information sink in. My brain was shorting out, failing to fully comprehend what I heard. It was still difficult to accept that Jack was willing to believe me about the abuse I endured, let alone that he’d turn in his own wife, or ex-wife, for it.

“You—you’re pressing charges? Why? Is that even possible now?” I stammered, a myriad of feelings warring inside me. Rhys’ face was a mask of shock and hope next to me.

“I should have done it years ago when you first told me. I’ll regret that forever, but at least I can do the right thing now. The advocate told me that it’s still within the statute of limitations for you to press charges, as long as you’re willing to be interviewed and potentially testify to what she did to you.” He trailed off on a hoarse whisper, his eyes dark with anger and remorse. The idea of talking about what I suffered while living with Blair made my stomach churn, but I knew that would be a necessity if I went through with it.

“Who’s going to convict her after all these years without hard proof? Basically, it’s my word against hers and I wasn’t believed by anyone back then. Why would I suddenly be believed now?” Anger and bitterness tinted my words, and Jack nodded solemnly.

“I won’t lie, this is an uphill battle, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. It’s important that she’s called out for what she did to you, Callum. My advocate has some ideas on how to better our chances, but there is a risk that she’ll walk. Even if that happens, at least you will have confronted her about the abuse and hopefully found some closure, if not justice. You deserve to tell your story.”

I thudded back into my chair, feeling like the air was knocked out of me by these new possibilities. I had long ago given up hope that I’d ever get justice for what I went through. Closure was a myth that I stopped believing in when it was clear my trauma had grown roots that anchored into my soul. Yet maybe there was a path to closure after all, a way to move past what had haunted me for years and allow me to live without its shadow.

I reminded myself that Jack was trying to right his wrongs and fix the hurt he caused. I didn’t want to be the hypocrite who wouldn’t give him the chance when Rhys had been willing to do the same for me. If that beautiful, compassionate, incredible man could find it in his heart to forgive me, then maybe Jack could be worthy of redemption too.

I looked over at my Sweetness, needing the strength I always found in him. That mesmerizing purple hue shone back at me with such understanding and love that it made me want to haul him over the table and sink into his kiss. We reached across the table simultaneously, both needing contact as we communicated without words. One look at his face told me what he thought of all this, and his thoughts were the ones I trusted most.

“I’ll do it,” I said simply, glancing back at Jack whose lips turned up in a relieved smile.

“I’m so damn proud of you for doing this. I just can’t tell you enough how sorry I am for not fighting for you years ago. If I could take it all back, I would. I love you so much and I’ll spend whatever time I’m given making it right,” he replied tearfully. Something in me propelled me out of my chair and around the table to his side. He stood slowly, cautious hope etched into his features. I threw my arms around him, trembling with the force of everything crashing into me at once. Jack’s embrace was damn near suffocating, but I couldn’t regret it because it felt like his hug was holding me together.

We both broke, quiet sobs wracking our bodies as years of hurt, anger, and regret bled out of us. I didn’t want to hold it in anymore. I had too much taken from me already, and I didn’t want to be so consumed by rage or hatred that a second chance at a family was taken from me too. I had thought Rhys was all the family I needed, but if it was possible for me to have more, I would grab it with both hands. Rhys wanted this for me and perhaps that was because he knew what I needed better than I did.

“Thank you, dad,” I choked out. I thought Jack couldn’t squeeze me any tighter, but I was proven wrong. It felt as though my ribs would crack under the pressure, but I didn’t want to let go. Standing there with my dad’s arms around me, I didn’t feel much like an orphan anymore.

I was still in a daze when Rhys and I made it back to my apartment. My brain was working overtime to process the idea that Blair could actually be charged for her crimes. Yeah, she might still get away with it, but for the first time ever, there was a chance. And it was all thanks to Ja…my dad. God, that’s gonna take some getting used to.

I hadn’t fully forgiven him for being so absent after mom died, but I was open to us becoming a family again. The fact that he took to Rhys so quickly and seemed intent on earning his trust as well meant a lot to me. Rhys was my life now, the keeper of my heart. We were a packaged deal and I was thankful that Jack embraced our relationship without hesitation.

A pang of sadness twisted my chest when I thought about how mom would never get to know Rhys and love him as much as I did. Something told me those two would have been thick as thieves because they were oddly so similar. Mom radiated love and acceptance to everyone around her. She was optimistic and smart. She could find the good in the darkest of hearts, just like Rhys.

So why was I so terrified that I wouldn’t find that in her letter? Clarity hit me like a freight train. I knew who my mom was. She was one of the best people I’d ever known. What she and dad did was terrible and wrong, but…they’re human. They made mistakes that were cloaked in love, and although it didn’t excuse their affair, it put it into context.

I couldn’t say that I wouldn’t have done the same thing if Rhys was married to another man. Just the image of that made my stomach turn. If someone else had beaten me to him, I would have tossed all morals out the window on the highway to Hell just to have him. Love isn’t always beautiful. It can be messy, painful, and ill-timed, but no less genuine. My parents found that out the hard way and they paid for it. Sometimes good people do bad things, but it doesn’t make them bad.

“Hey, you okay?” Rhys asked when he noticed I was still standing in the living room, stuck in place. I walked past him without a word, heading straight for the bookshelf in my room before I could overthink my decision. “Cal? What’s wrong?”

I zeroed in on the green and gold spine on the bottom shelf, pulling it out carefully like it would disintegrate in my hand. Nostalgia washed over me at the familiar illustrations of Tinker Bell, the White Rabbit, and a ruby slipper embossed on the cover. Opening it, the pages naturally fell apart at the center seam where the wrinkled, aged envelope was tucked inside. I felt Rhys gingerly approach and squeeze my shoulders gently.

“Would you prefer to read it alone?” he asked softly. I knew he just wanted to make sure he wasn’t overstepping, but the thought of him leaving right now had panic rising in my chest.

“Don’t go!” I exclaimed, snatching his hand in mine tightly as though he’d disappear on me. “Please stay with me…”

“Okay, baby. It’s okay, I won’t go anywhere,” Rhys crooned, rubbing my back soothingly. He led me to my bed and we crawled up, propping ourselves against the headboard. It was fucking ridiculous how big a deal I was making of reading a damn letter, but when you’ve built something up in your head for so long, it’s hard to see it differently. It had always seemed cursed or tainted in a way, holding secrets I was never ready to face. But there was no more hiding. No more fear. No more anger. It was time.

Rhys looped his arm through mine and draped his left leg over my right, and his sweet coconut scent flooded my senses like a hit of serotonin. I pressed a quick kiss to his temple and opened the letter with shaky hands. The first sight of my mom’s thin, loopy handwriting drew tears to my eyes and my heart beat unsteadily.

My Callum,

It seems so wrong for a lifetime of love to be distilled down to a single letter. There’s not enough words known to man to properly tell you how I love you, but it’s all I have at the end. I only wish I had more time to show you.

You became my world the first time I heard your heartbeat on the monitor. I was reborn the second you took your first breath. When I saw your eyes open the first time I held you, I knew I was born to be your mother.

I know you didn’t take it well when I told you about Jack, but I hope you can find a way to embrace it when the time is right. You were born of the greatest love and friendship I could have imagined. Even though I am deeply ashamed of how I hurt my sister, I don’t hold an ounce of regret for bringing you into this world, despite my own failings. Jack is the love of my life and if I could have been selfish, I would have held onto him forever. But you made me want to be a better person, a better mother, so I chose to finally do the right thing and let him go.

And if you must blame someone, blame me. I made a mistake, but that mistake grew into a love that created you, the light in all our darkness.

She wrote about how she first met Jack at fifteen when Blair brought him home and how they’d become fast friends. Neither of them had crossed any lines or had any thoughts of it until life just got too hard and lonely for the both of them. Mom wrote that she made the first move and Jack had tried to stop it after that first time, but their feelings had grown too strong to ignore. I understood that well enough. My feelings for Rhys had outgrown all walls and barriers I erected to keep them out, so I couldn’t fault them for that.

I know how disappointed and angry you must be with us, but I pray you find it in your heart to forgive us one day. If not me, then forgive Jack. He loves you with all he has. You are his world as you are mine, and I hope you lean on each other when I’m gone. I wish I had been brave enough to tell you the truth about us before this. I had planned to tell you when you were older, so you could ask questions and hopefully understand better. But I couldn’t leave this world without you knowing everything. I’m so sorry I didn’t have more time to do it the right way.

I’m even more sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to stay with you, my beautiful boy. But just because you can’t see me doesn’t mean I won’t be there. I will be there for every victory, every heartbreak, and every joy you experience as you grow. I’ll be there for each game and first day of school. I’ll be watching as you stumble and fall, but cheer you on when you get back up. I’ll watch you fall in love and find the other half of your heart while I support you both from the other side. I’ll watch as you become a father and build a beautiful family with your partner if that’s what you choose. You’ll never be alone, Cal. Our love is a bond even death cannot break.

Never forget how proud of you I am and how deep my love for you runs. There was no greater joy your father and I could have had in this life than having you as our son. You are strong, intelligent, talented, handsome, and kind. You changed our lives for the better. I know you’ll cry for me and miss me, but don’t get stuck in the past, sweetie. Go live a life that brings you laughter and happiness that can’t be contained! Live bold and bright to the point you can’t remember the tears.

I will love you, my sweetest Cal, for the rest of this life and into the next. I cannot wait to see the life you will lead and I’ll be right by your side through it all. Go take us on an adventure!

Always,

Mom

The letter fell from my hand as a sob burst forth, and Rhys instantly pulled me to him in a crushing hug. He guided my head to his lap, curling his body over mine as I crumbled under the weight of my grief. Reading the letter was as cathartic as it was painful. I could almost hear her voice as I read, and it had broken the dam that had held me back for so long. For all the fears I had of the letter poisoning the love and admiration I had for her, it did the opposite. I felt cleansed of all the bullshit, feeling lighter than I ever had before.

My body shook from the force of my tears, like I was being emptied of every drop of rage, confusion, disappointment, and pain that was embedded in my bones. Through the deluge of emotion, I felt Rhys’ tears hit my cheek and heard the stuttering breaths he tried to hide. Knowing he was hurting for me was like more proof of his love, showing me I wasn’t in this alone. Mom’s words were on a loop in my head, pieces of them standing out sharper than the rest .

I didn’t need to grieve that Mom would never know Rhys because she already did. She had been there all along and as fucking weird as it might have sounded, I believed that.

After an embarrassing amount of time blubbering into Rhys’ lap, I slowly sat up and let out what felt like my first real breath in ages. I looked to Rhys with his tousled hair, his red-rimmed eyes, his red nose, and flushed cheeks. To me, he was stunning in all his messy glory.

I gripped his face with both hands and brought his lips to mine, pouring every bit of love and gratitude I felt for him into the kiss. When I was forced to come up for air, I leaned my forehead on his and just breathed him in. He was my center, the calm to my storm, and every beat of this battered, broken heart was for him.

“I am so unbelievably proud of you for how far you’ve come, Cal,” Rhys whispered, tracing my bottom lip with his thumb tenderly. “How do you feel after that?”

I leaned back and blew out a deep breath, hunting for the words to describe it. “I’m…not entirely sure. I feel a little bit of everything, I guess? I’m happy, sad, relieved, hopeful…but also kind of numb? It’s just overwhelming and like everything’s changed, but really nothing has. God, does that even make sense?”

“Sort of, but it doesn’t have to make sense. Feelings rarely do,” he replied simply, massaging my hand distractedly. “To me, all that matters is if it helped or not. So…did it help, baby?”

“Yeah. It really did,” I answered, not even needing to think about it.

“Do you wish you had read it before now?” Rhys asked curiously, leaning his head on my shoulder.

I thought about that, searching for the regret of keeping it hidden away for so long, but I came up empty. “No. I don’t think so,” I said pensively. “I don’t think reading it before now would have helped much. I was such a furious, spiteful kid who was in too much pain to see a way out. I was in denial about being angry with mom, I had too much anger for Jack, I was hating the world and nearly everyone in it for all the shit I went through. Her letter wouldn’t have made a difference back then. I just wasn’t ready to let my guard down enough to try to understand. I think I had to get to this point first, you know? Now I don’t feel hatred or anger or anything like that. I just…” I trailed off, not knowing how to express the unfathomable change within me .

Rhys cupped my cheek, turning me to catch his knowing gaze. “Now you’re free.”

The truth of that simple statement nearly knocked me over. That’s what it all came down to: forgiving mom and dad, choosing to testify against Blair, facing the problems I’d let plague me for over a decade. Even falling in love with Rhys fucking Evans.

It set me free.