Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Sophie

It was hard to believe that my conversation with Reid didn’t kill me. Death from embarrassment wasn’t real, but if it was ever going to happen, this would have been the situation responsible.

As much as I wanted to hide in my apartment and literally never leave, getting the first encounter over with would be better than putting it off and just simmering in a pot of my own anxiety for hours. I was getting better at confronting things and I was proud of myself for that.

Reid hadn’t seemed embarrassed or awkward at all. She was a cool customer, always. I wished I had that kind of confidence. That kind of ease with myself instead of being a ball of nerves all the damn time.

She’d said that we should just forget about it, which was the best-case scenario. I mean, she probably would. I sure as hell wouldn’t. Knowing that she had definitely heard me masturbating and knew what I sounded like when I came was a level of humiliation that I never quite reached and might never reach again.

My masturbating days were over. Finished. I should throw away all my vibrators and take up celibacy.

Only one very small problem.

The idea that she’d heard me? That she might have listened?

It turned me on. It turned me on so hard that I could barely think for the rest of the day.

No matter what I tried to do, my brain was stuck on what had happened last night. Stuck so hard that I kept wanting to put my hands in shorts dozens of times, but I’d held back.

Eventually things got so bad that I ended up taking a bath and masturbating with a washcloth in my mouth to muffle any sounds and music blasting. Just in case.

Even after I came hard, twice, I got out of the tub and didn’t feel satisfied.

Summer was supposed to be a chance to do what I wanted, but so far I was feeling…untethered.

Having all this time stretched out in front of me, even with my part-time job hours and my class coming up felt almost dangerous. I was so used to being a student that when I didn’t have an absolutely packed academic schedule, my brain went into panic mode.

Right now, I needed to relax for a few days. I knew this. But doing that wasn’t as easy as it sounded, and this whole thing with Reid wasn’t making it any better.

Before I’d seen her, I’d run out to the farmers’ market to get some fresh veggies and fruit and bread and then I’d come back and made a huge bowl of pasta salad to have for the week, cleaned up, rearranged my books, and sent Larison a million funny memes.

Then Reid had come back and I’d seized my moment to talk to her. The rest of my night had been taken up with making dinner and reading and staring in the mirror deciding whether I wanted to get bangs or not.

DO NOT GET BANGS Larison sent when I asked her if I should make an appointment.

Deep down I knew she was right, but my skin was itchy for change.

I thought again about last night when I’d almost sort of flirted with the bartender. I really did need someone to help me figure out my new sapphic identity.

Reid wouldn’t have had any issues flirting with the bartender, I bet. She’d have all the right lines and the right looks and would know everything to say and do. I hadn’t seen her in action in many years, but even when she’d been younger, she’d had game. It was probably even better now.

What if…what if she shared her knowledge with me? Let me try things out with her? Kind of like dating practice. So I wouldn’t go out and fall on my face and make a total fool of myself. She’d already witnessed my most embarrassing moment. Anything else wouldn’t be as bad.

She didn’t even like me, so there was no chance of developing feelings.

There was nothing in it for her, though. Why on earth would she help me? She had no incentive, but it couldn’t hurt to ask, right? She might be my only shot to figure this out before I made a complete fool of myself.

Reid was off from the bar on Sundays, but I knew she slept late, so I waited until the afternoon to knock on her door. Since the cupcakes hadn’t worked out last time, this time I brought peaches from the farmers’ market. I couldn’t show up at her door with nothing. That would be rude.

Reid opened the door with slightly narrowed eyes and glanced down at the bowl of peaches I held out to her.

“No cupcakes?” she asked, raising one dark eyebrow. She didn’t look pissed, and she hadn’t shut the door in my face, so this was already going better than the last time I’d knocked on her door.

“Those didn’t go over so well last time, so I decided to change it up,” I told her. “They’re fresh from the farmers’ market.”

She licked her bottom lip as I tried not to stare.

“Is there a reason you’re knocking on my door and bringing me peaches?” she asked.

Now or never.

“I’m a lesbian,” I said, which wasn’t in the script I’d practiced before I’d walked over. I’d planned to open up more slowly, but that wasn’t what I ended up saying. As usual. Things never went the way I planned them.

“Okay?” she asked. “What does that have to do with peaches?”

“Can I come in? There’s something I want to ask you.” And I was tired of holding the peach bowl in my sweaty hands.

“I guess?” Reid said with a shrug, moving aside to let me into her apartment.

I set the peaches down on her counter and wiped my hands on my sweatpants.

“Okay, so,” I said, taking a shaky breath. “I’m a lesbian.”

Reid nodded slowly. “Yeah, you said that already.”

“Right. Well, I had to say that first. I came out a few months ago and it’s all been kind of hard. I feel like there’s all these things that I’m missing. I don’t know how to flirt or date or anything. And I don’t know how to learn, really. I feel like this isn’t something you can just read articles about. I need to practice.” Even if reading books worked for someone else, it wouldn’t work for me because the second I got into a real situation, my anxiety would kick in and I’d forget.

I needed to learn by doing. By screwing up and getting the nerves out before I went ahead and tried for real. I needed to train.

“Uh huhhhh,” Reid said, crossing her arms and I could see the wheels turning in her head.

“You’re confident. And I know you work at Sapph, so you see all kinds of people and probably have witnessed tons of dates and flirting and you’ve seen it all. Basically, you’re an expert. And I want you to teach me. I want to learn how to date women. From you.”

For a second she was silent. And then she started to laugh. Her eyes crinkled up as she let out a rich, warm sound that made my heart thump a little bit harder in my chest.

Reid had a gorgeous laugh.

“Oh, fuck,” she said, wiping her eyes as she let out a few more chuckles. “You want to be my…sapphic padawan?”

I snorted at the Star Wars reference. I wouldn’t have pegged her as a nerd, but I’d seen her bookshelf. I also remembered what movies she’d taken my sister to. She might appear to be too cool for sci-fi, but she wasn’t.

“Essentially, yes. Teach me the ways of the sapphic force.” Two could play this nerd game.

She seemed surprised that I’d picked up on her reference.

Reid looked away from me and it almost looked like she was fighting a smile.

“You can’t be serious,” Reid said.

“I’m very serious. That’s why I brought the peaches,” I said, gesturing to them.

Reid snorted and rolled her eyes to the ceiling.

“Ohhh, this is such a bad idea.”

“It’s not, though. I know there’s nothing in it for you. But maybe…maybe you could help me out anyway? Even if I don’t deserve it? I just… I have a hard time with social stuff, and it would be so nice to figure things out when there’s no pressure. Please, Reid? Please?” Begging hadn’t been in the plan either, but here I was.

Reid ran a hand down her face and groaned, bending over and then standing back up. She pressed her lips together and shook her head before she spoke.

“What did you have in mind?”