Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Sophie

Of course Reid had been walking up the stairs when I noticed that I’d forgotten my keys. Of course. My luck was just that terrible.

What surprised me the most was her inviting me into her place. The tension was thick and hard to breathe through once she’d shut the door. I’d done my best to chill out and just fold my laundry, but then Reid had surprised me while I was checking a pair of underwear to make sure they weren’t ripped and I’d only embarrassed myself further.

Then she’d literally had to leave the room because I looked too much like Kaylee. I hadn’t thought about that. People always told me I was a copy of my sister and hearing that had been both annoying and flattering. Kaylee was absolutely gorgeous, but I couldn’t see how we were that much alike.

Reid stayed in her room while I attempted not to do anything to mess up her place. It was different than I’d thought it would be, actually. I guess I assumed it would be darker, moodier or something. But Reid’s place was light and bright, with plenty of soft pastels and a cream-colored couch. She also had a number of bookshelves and I did take a good long look at those and had been shocked at the titles carefully lined up on her shelves.

Romance. They were nearly all romance, along with a few writing manuals that I recognized because I’d used them myself.

So. Much. Romance. Hoping she wouldn’t mind, I took some shots of her bookshelves so I could look through her titles later. I had no doubt that she had good taste, and I was going to see where we had any overlap.

Tyler finally arrived with the master key and I thanked him profusely as he unlocked my door. He was in his early thirties and assured me it was no problem. I promised that I would get a spare key made and put it somewhere safe. I had no idea where that would be, but I’d figure it out. This could never happen to me again.

Once I was back in my apartment, I pulled up the pictures I’d taken of Reid’s bookshelves and went through them. I grabbed a notebook and started making a list to cross reference with my own collection.

We had a ton of books in common, and she also had quite a few that were on my Tbr. There were others that I wasn’t familiar with and I put stars next to those on my lists so I could look them up and see if I might want to read them. I was always looking for new books even when I had an enormous pile to read.

What a delightful surprise. Reid was probably never going to talk to me again, but at least I’d have good reading material for a long time.

I did my best not to think about Reid and put her from my mind, but it was impossible not to, with her right next door. She definitely did work nights, and I caught her leaving once and got a look at her shirt as she was putting her coat on.

Sapph. She worked at Sapph. Bartending, I was guessing. That made sense. I bet she was good at it too. She seemed like the kind of person who would know how to mix a drink.

Well now I definitely couldn’t go there. I mean, not when she was working. The only sapphic bar in the state being off limits to me just after I’d come out was some kind of cosmic punishment. I wasn’t a fan.

On Friday afternoon, I had a brief conversation with my best friend. “You need to go out tonight. Live a little. You don’t even need to hire a sitter!” Larison told me while Juniper struggled to snatch the phone from her.

“I mean, I guess I could. I feel like I’m even more nervous around guys now, though. I know that doesn’t make any sense, but it’s true. I’m scared someone is going to hit on me and then I have to decide whether I come out or not and what if they won’t leave me alone?” I knew I got all up in my head about it and always imagined the worst.

“Auntie Sophieeeee,” Juniper wailed. She was four and wasn’t shy about demanding her share of attention.

“What is it, Miss Juni?” I asked. Larison rolled her eyes fondly.

“You gotta watch my dance!” In an effort to burn off some of Juniper’s boundless energy, Larison had signed her up for dance classes and every week she just had to perform for me. Even though she was so young, she was incredibly coordinated, and I didn’t think it was me just being a proud godmother.

Larison put on some music and set up the phone so I could watch Juniper’s performance. I made sure to give her a standing ovation as she curtsied at the end, pretending to hold the edges of a skirt.

“I can’t wait to see you perform.” The dance studio was doing a livestreamed performance for their end-of-the-summer recital and I was going to be logged in.

“That was beautiful, baby. Good job.” Larison gave her a kiss and then told her that she should have some time for herself so we could talk. She only whined a little until she ran to her toy box and pulled out her dolls.

“How is it being so far away?” I asked her once I heard Juniper singing to herself. Larison’s moms had been there every step of the way when she’d gotten unexpectedly pregnant with Juniper after a one-night stand. She’d found the guy and he wanted nothing to do with any of it, which had almost been a relief. Her moms had been behind her a thousand percent and I’d stepped up in my duties as best friend, throwing her a shower and making sure I learned anything I needed to know to help when Juni came screaming into the world. I’d fallen in love with her the second she’d blinked her eyes at me in the delivery room.

Now she was four years old, turning five this October, and this September she’d be headed to pre-k. I was going to be an absolute mess.

“It’s not easy, that’s for sure,” Larison said, and I could see how tired she was. She’d confessed to me that one of the reasons she wanted to go away to school was so she could learn how to parent Juniper on her own. Needed to know she could handle everything on her own and not depended on her moms and me so much. I understood, but I still thought she might be making a mistake.

Now it was nearly a year later, and I could see my friend was struggling.

“Juni looks happy though,” I pointed out. Larison smiled.

“She is. That’s all that matters, really.”

I shook my head. “No, it’s not. You need to be happy too.” One job I took very seriously was making sure that Larison knew she was also a person and not just a mom, and that her needs and wants were important too. Juniper would flourish best when her mom taking care of herself, physically and mentally.

“I know, I know.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m just strung out with finals next week. You know. Once I’m only taking two classes this summer and Juni is at camp, things will be good. They’ll calm down and I’ll be able to breathe.”

I swore I said the same thing to myself all the time. That this week was going to be hell, but once I got through it, next week would be better.

So far, it had never happened. But maybe next week?

Larison harassed me a little more about going out and I bullied her back about taking more time for herself and we ended with laughing about something silly from high school.

“Any other encounters with your nemesis?” Larison asked.

“She’s not my nemesis,” I said. “She’s just my sister’s ex and she happens to be my neighbor. That’s not nemesis material.” At least not in the real world. Maybe if this was a romance and our kingdoms were at war or something. Or one of us was an assassin sent to kill the other. That sounded stressful. I was glad that wasn’t the case. Fun to read about, though.

“Okay, sure,” Larison said. “She’s not your nemesis. But you blush whenever she comes up.”

I groaned and hid my face. “I do not .” I probably did. To be fair, I blushed a lot. It was just a thing with me.

“Mmmm, interesting,” Larison said with an evil laugh.

“Shut upppppp,” I said.

Juniper admonished me for saying that and I apologized to Larison. Called out by my own goddaughter.

“Listen, I need to feed this one, so I’m gonna let you go. But you should do something fun tonight. Promise me you’ll leave your apartment. Even if you just run to pick up pizza or something.”

I sighed, but I agreed. I could do that. I went out of my apartment all the time. It was officially summer, I was free from studying, and my brain wasn’t just exhausted soup sloshing around in my skull like during the school year. There wasn’t a better time to try and live it up.

Instead of just getting pizza and bringing it back to my apartment, I decided to be a little bolder. I brought my ereader with me just in case, but I found a trendy place that had wings and beer and forced myself to go in. Being alone might make me a target, but I was going to have to learn how to deal with going out eventually. This was good practice.

I found a spot at the end of the bar and parked myself. The female bartender smiled kindly while sliding a menu toward me.

“Meeting someone?” she asked.

“Nope. Just me.” I tried not to blush or cringe when I admitted I was by myself.

A few minutes later, I’d put in an order and the bartender had made me something delicious and peachy. I pulled out my ereader and started reading while conversation buzzed around me and various sports games flashed on the multiple televisions. Maybe I could have picked a different place, but this wasn’t so bad. As long as I didn’t get hit on, I’d be set. So far, so good. Apparently hunching over in the corner like a gremlin with my book was giving off enough of a “don’t talk to me vibe.”

My basket of wings, fried pickles, and fries arrived and I dug in.

“Reading anything good?” the bartender asked, nodding to my ereader as I set it down to eat.

“Oh, yes. It’s very good.” I’d gone back to finish up the sapphic vampire novel, but I didn’t know if she wanted to hear about that.

“What’s it about?” she asked, seemingly interested.

“Oh, uh, it’s about vampires,” I said.

She raised her eyebrows. “That sounds hot. What’s it called?”

Figuring I had nothing to lose, I pulled out the packet of reading tabs I used when I flagged my favorite parts in my physical books and wrote down the name and author for her.

“Thanks. I’m always looking for something new and you look like you have good taste,” she said, winking at me.

Please let it be too dark in here so she doesn’t see my blush.

In hindsight, my own queerness had always been there. Every time I’d been around a pretty girl, even from a young age, I’d become tongue-tied. I’d always told myself that it was because beautiful girls and women were intimidating, and I was just unsure around them because of my own feminine shortcomings. I wanted to be them.

Now I knew the truth, and it was so obvious.

“I don’t know about that, but it’s a good book,” I managed to say before she was called away. There, that was normal. See? I could be normal around attractive women. I wasn’t a total lost cause.

I didn’t know if I was ready to hurl myself into the sapphic dating scene, but I did want to date at some point. I’d never had those teen years of fumbling and figuring things out and testing the waters. Now I was an adult and everyone around me had been professionally dating for years and here I was, still trying to figure out what my type was.

My dates with guys didn’t count. My kisses with them didn’t count either. I’d never managed to shove down my own discomfort long enough to go further than a little groping, so I was still inexperienced when it came to sex. And sapphic sex? That was a whole other situation.

Now that I had the summer mostly stretched out in front of me, I had more free time and brain space to devote to my personal life.

Too bad I had to avoid the one place where I could get my feet wet.

I ended up staying at the restaurant for longer than I anticipated. I had a second drink and the bartender almost talked me into a third, but I cut myself off. She kept checking on me and I didn’t think it was my imagination that she was giving me looks of interest. Not that I was going to do anything about it, but still. It was nice to be noticed that way by someone. The sapphic in her recognized the sapphic in me and that was flattering.

In the past when I’d thought about dating, it had been with fear and dread and now there was still some fear, but also nervous excitement. It was such a colossal change that it was hard to explain to someone else.

At least I had Larison. She’d come out as bisexual just before she’d gotten pregnant with Juniper and it had been so confusing for me at the time. It had thrown a spotlight on my own struggles and I hadn’t been ready to deal with all of that at the time.

Since my apartment was so close to the restaurant, I walked home. It was chilly, but I’d worn a thick coat and had gloves and a hat.

Larison was going to be so proud of me, I told myself as I climbed the stairs. I’d gone out, I’d socialized, and I’d done the things that other twenty-two-year-olds did.

“Behind you,” a voice said, and I almost tripped on the top step. I managed to catch myself on the railing and step aside, looking over my shoulder.

Reid.

“Oh,” I said. I wasn’t expecting her back this early. She didn’t usually return until at least three and it was barely midnight.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” she said, yawning and getting her keys out of her bag. She looked drained.

“Long night?” I asked as she fumbled with the lock.

She just grunted and pushed her door open, giving me a little salute before closing it.

Okay then.

I went inside my own apartment and headed for the shower and then my pajamas and bed.

Things were getting steamy in my book and I hadn’t masturbated in a while. I’d been so exhausted with moving and everything else. Plus, there was the fact that now I allowed myself to actually fantasize about women.

For years, whenever I’d give myself the freedom for sexual creativity, my mind had always gravitated toward women. At the time, I told myself I was just comfortable with women’s bodies. They were like mine, so it was a familiar and non-threatening way to let myself explore.

I’d explained and rationalized so many things before I came out.

Now I didn’t have to. Now I was free. Truly free.

Free and frisky. I set my ereader aside and went for the bottom drawer in my nightstand, grabbing my tried and true bestie. My wand vibrator. It was only the second one I’d ever bought, and I’d literally called out of work when I knew it was going to be delivered so I could intercept it before my parents got home. That had been the summer after my freshman year of college, and I’d been absolutely terrified that my parents were going to find out about my new vibrator collection I was hiding under my bed.

Having my own place was the best. I could do whatever I wanted.

And tonight? I wanted to get off. Repeatedly.

This baby was fully charged, and I was ready.

I stripped off my clothes and set out a towel just in case things got a little messy. They usually did, something which used to embarrass me until I found out that a lot of people thought it was a good thing.

I started off with teasing my nipples and gently stroking my stomach before widening my legs and stroking my clit, which was already throbbing and sensitive. I was so wet too. Wet enough that two fingers slid easily inside as I moaned, arching my head back. Fuck, that felt good. So, so good.

The vibrator was right on the blankets next to me, but I was going to get my first orgasm the old-fashioned way.

It didn’t take long before my legs were shaking, and I was crying out as a few tears rolled down my cheeks and my first climax rolled through me.

Not the best I’d ever had, but not the worst. It was time for the big guns.

I started the vibrator on low and hovered it lightly on my skin so it was only a whisper of sensation. Sometimes that worked better than direct contact.

My second orgasm snuck up on me and I was in the middle of it before I realized it was even happening.

I panted as I came down and turned the vibrator off to give myself a break and went back to pinching and pulling at my nipples. Pretty soon, I was ready to go again, and I wanted to make the third one the best.

I took my time and slowly built the tension by increasing the levels of the vibrator until I was almost at the max.

Fuck, it was almost too good, and I didn’t hold back as I moaned and thrashed and got closer and closer until I detonated, crying out.

The last of the waves rolled through me as I heard a sound.

Someone was pounding on the wall.