Chapter 16

Kai

When I pulled up to the rink, my teeth slammed together. My jaw ached from how hard I was clenching it. I had to remind myself that I was prettier with all of my teeth intact.

Like the reliable person I was, I knocked on Sen's door this morning. He didn't answer, so I assumed he didn't want to work with me anymore, which was fine. I thought it would help him out and I knew it was a good gig for him because the pay was alright and the boss was more flexible than most. It was his choice, though.

Apparently, he just didn't want to ride with me. He was standing outside of the doors with his backpack, wearing a hoodie that was drenched through. He looked like a sad puppy.

With a sigh, I got out of the car. Flipping my keys around my finger, I took my time walking up to the building and started to hum ‘Beautiful Things.' It'd been playing endlessly in my TikTok feed lately and it was catchy.

When I reached the doors, I looked Sen up and down. "Did you fall in a puddle?"

"It's raining," he replied shortly.

"Hm."

I unlocked the door, then held it open for him. His chin stayed tucked down as he passed me. It wasn't until he'd reached the kitchen and peeled off his hoodie that he finally looked at me.

"Same as last week?"

Leaning back against the counter, I crossed my arms over my chest. "Yup."

He set to work, already moving faster than the first day. This was now his fourth, so if he'd still been struggling, I would've been concerned about his intellect.

"Why are you so wet?" I asked.

"It's raining."

"Yeah, you said that. Did you keep the windows down in your Uber or something?"

He remained silent, laser-focused on prepping the food for the day. My fingers tapped against the metal top of the counter while I waited for him to respond, but it didn't seem like he was going to. I scoffed and started making a pot of coffee.

This guy got under my skin. I shouldn't be wasting my time with some homophobic person who all but stated that he despised me. When I looked at his wet t-shirt again, though, I pulled my lip between my teeth and gnawed on it hard enough to make the skin crack.

"Did you… walk?"

"Yeah."

"Jesus. It's five miles, Sen."

He shrugged. With his back to me, I felt dismissed. The audacity of this bitch.

"Sen."

"What?" he growled, whirling around. His eyes blazed and underneath the kitchen lights, they looked rimmed with gold.

"I offered to drive you."

"It's not necessary. I'm capable of walking."

"I know you're capable, but you don't have to." I noticed that my voice was rising to meet his, but I couldn't control it when he got me so riled up. This entire thing was ridiculous. It felt petty.

"Just leave me alone, Kai."

He stormed past me, leaving me dumbfounded.

"Why are you so damn angry?" I shouted.

When he saw that I was following him, he picked up his pace. I didn't know where he thought he'd go that I couldn't find him. He was heading for the storage closet, so he must not have been thinking that far ahead. Sure enough, he threw the door open and went inside, effectively trapping himself.

I grabbed onto his wrist and pulled him closer to me. He turned and slapped me across the face like this was some soap opera. I wasn't entirely convinced it wasn't at this point. It pushed me over the edge from annoyed to pissed off.

Gripping his biceps, I shoved him against the wall. A broom clattered to the floor and when he struggled, he knocked over the vacuum. He was flailing like I was an ax murderer trying to make him my next victim.

Moving my hand to his face, I took his jaw in a firm grip and forced him to look at me.

"Get off me." He dug his nails into my wrist and I gritted my teeth as I tried to hold on.

"I'm trying to understand you. I'm really trying."

"You don't need to understand me. Just stay the hell away from me."

"I don't understand what I did to you."

"Just leave me alone. I don't want to see you or talk to you. I can't stand to fucking look at you. So, please, leave me alone."

After a moment, I released him and took a step back. Before, it felt like something was cracking in my chest. Now, I just felt empty.

"I thought you were cool," I said. "There was something about you that made me want to be close to you. To show you a personal part of my life. Sometimes, I think being disappointed is worse than hating someone."

Shaking my head, I started toward the door. I didn't expect him to follow me and he didn't. It shouldn't have affected me, but it did.

There was a clatter from the closet as I walked away. I continued into the kitchen and started working on the prep he'd left behind. Looking down at my hands, I saw that they were shaking. Gripping the edge of the counter, I hung my head and took measured breaths.

I wanted to go back. That was the stupidest thing to want right now. With a roar, I slammed my palm against an empty metal dish, sending it across the room.

Asshole. The worst part was that I didn't understand why he was acting like this. I'd done nothing but try to be his friend. What made Brooks acceptable for him to be around but not me?

Movement to my left made me glance in that direction. Sen grabbed his backpack and headed for the exit. I didn't say anything or try to stop him. When I heard the door shut, I pulled out my phone.

Kai:Can I talk to him?

*****

It was hard to keep my tears from falling as I looked at the screen. Green, confused eyes stared back at me. It opened up the crevice in my chest, threatening to turn it into a cavity. He blinked a few times, then smiled.

"Kai."

My breath turned into a sob. Putting a hand over my mouth, I internally begged myself to get it together.

"Hey, Dad."

"Why are you so sad?"

"I'm just happy to see you. You look good."

"Do I?" He glanced down at himself briefly, then at me. "Where are you? You're supposed to have a game."

"Yeah, uh, I wanted to talk to you first."

"But we'll be there soon."

"I know, I know. Nerves, I guess. You know how I get."

"You worry too much," he chided. I'd never been happier to be scolded by him. "Your mother always says you'll give yourself an ulcer."

"Surprised I haven't yet," I laughed. Sniffling, I slid to the ground and leaned back against the wall. "God, I miss you, Dad." He looked confused again, so I backtracked. "It's been a bad day. You always know how to fix it."

"That happens when you're old. One day, you'll learn how to fix things too."

"I hope so."

"Tell me what has you looking like that, Kai."

My nostrils flared when my eyes burned again. "I have this friend… Well, I thought he was a friend, but apparently, he hates me."

"If he hates someone like you, he must be a very bad person."

"No, I don't think he is. I don't know what he is, actually. I know that I should let it go and move on, but something keeps nagging at me, like it wants me to figure him out. He doesn't want that, though."

His eyes traveled around the room. I waited for him to sift through his thoughts. I'd grown used to this part over the years. His cognitive functions had been declining for a while, so he needed time to process things and come up with answers. When he returned his gaze to me, though, his brow furrowed.

"Kai. Don't you have a game?"

My jaw worked as I fought a reaction. A few tears rolled down my cheeks, but I forced a smile. I could feel my chin wobbling no matter how hard I tried to stop it.

"Yeah, Dad. I do. Me and West are gonna knock it out of the park."

"That's baseball," he laughed. "You've got too much on your plate. When you get to college, you're gonna have to take on less activities."

"You're right. I'll stick with football. Is that okay with you?"

"Only if it's what will make you happy. Are you happy now? Your eyes look sad."

"I'm happy, Dad. Everything is exactly how it should be."

He smiled, crinkling his eyes at the corners. "Good. You have to be happy. I told your mom that the first time I held you. I said, ‘As long as he's happy, we're doing alright.'"

I hated that I couldn't hold myself together. It had been a while since I was able to have a conversation with him. Sometimes, he got confused and frustrated. If it went on for a while, he'd get too agitated. This was what I needed today, but it wasn't enough.

I wanted to be home with him. I wanted my dad back. Just for a moment.

He turned to look at something. "It's almost two. We'd better get going if we want to get there on time. We'll see you soon."

"See you in the stands, Dad. I love you."

When the screen went black, the phone clattered to the floor. I pulled my knees up and rested my elbows on them. I dropped my forehead into my hands, letting out the sob I'd been holding back.

Portia showed up at a certain point. When she couldn't get me to tell her what was going on, she assured me that she'd take care of things there until I was okay. I was embarrassed, but I knew I didn't need to save face with her. People went through shit. I just needed a minute to go through it. Or an hour.

"Kai," a deep voice said, making me look up.

"West. What are you doing here?"

"Apparently, I'm your emergency contact."

"Damnit, Portia."

He sat beside me and put an arm around my shoulders. I leaned against him, tucking my face into his chest.

"Talk or cry?" he asked.

I laughed through a new round of tears. "I don't want to talk."

"Alright. I owe you a good crying session. You've dealt with a few of mine since we got here."

"You're a big freaking baby."

He perched his chin on top of my head. "I won't tolerate verbal abuse, even if you're fragile."

"This sucks," I whispered. They were the only words that passed between us for a long time. And they were enough.