7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven

Blue

S ammy is mesmerizing. He is sitting by my pool in the bright summer sunshine, telling a story about people I've never met, in a situation I don't understand because it is some human thing.

But I can't stop watching him. His hands dance as he talks. They move exuberantly through the air. Creating pictures and casting shadows.

His eyes are as bright as the sky. He is like light incarnate. And I don't understand how. I have seen the darkness in his eyes. I've heard him cry. The sound of his pain and loneliness has wrapped around my soul.

Yet here he is. Shining brightly. As if he doesn't have a care in the world. While I'm lurking in my pool. Sullen. Skittish. Broken.

I'm nothing like Sammy. Nothing at all. But he still wants to be my friend. Even after witnessing me fall apart.

Shame coils low and heavy in my gut. Insidious and dark. Scowling, I try to banish it. Sammy made it clear he doesn't care. It hasn't made him think less of me. He took it in his stride and simply picked up his baseball bat to protect me.

I don't need to be ashamed.

Besides, we are even now. I held him while he sobbed his heart out. He protected me while I cowered in fear.

Sammy was damn right when he laughed about what a pair we are. Two lost and broken souls. Yet another reason why it would be ridiculous to accept our mate bond .

I need to stick to my decision to undo this and find him someone special. Even though the mere thought of it causes a physical pain in my chest.

Approaching footsteps snatches my attention, but it's only Jade. He plonks down on the grass right by the edge of my pool and kicks off his shoes with a weary sigh.

"Can I stick my feet in?" he asks.

I nod and back away a little. I feel bad for inadvertently claiming the swimming pool as my own. I have a bedroom just like everyone else. I don't deserve two spaces. Even Lello doesn't have that, and he is a creature of the water too. He is happy for a daily swim and doesn't even mind that the pool is salt water, instead of the freshwater of his natural habitat.

Back in the harem, he had his own fresh water pool. It seems unfair that he has to go without now. Though he claims he is too in love with his new mate to care about anything else.

My gaze snaps back to Sammy. Can being mated really make people so deliriously happy? It sounds nice, if a little farfetched.

"How was work?" Sammy asks Jade.

Jade groans as he swishes his feet in the water. "It sucked."

"Why do it then?" I ask. I know he has compensation like me and the others. Red says it is enough to live on for eighty years.

Jade blinks, as if he is surprised to hear me talk. I suppose that makes sense. If I forget I can speak sometimes, it is only rational that people who knew me when I was masked would also not remember.

Jade gives me a long look, then he turns to Sammy. Oh no. Please don't tell me he can sense the mate bond. Cold horror trickles down my spine.

But he just shrugs. "I want to be normal. I want independence."

Thank you, Amphitrite. It doesn't look like he can tell that I've mated Sammy.

"I get that," says Sammy earnestly .

My stomach twists. Memories swirl of him leaning in that strange man's car. Offering his body. Prepared to let strangers touch him. All because he thinks he needs money.

"Sammy needs a job!" I blurt.

If this independence thing means so much to him, there has to be better ways of doing it.

Jade's eyebrows rise. "I can put a word in with my boss?"

"No thanks," says Sammy as he glares at me.

"Why? You'd be great at the call center. The customers would love you," Jade says.

Sammy's unhappy look intensifies. "It's fine."

"It's not a problem," says Jade with a look of confusion on his face. It seems I'm not the only one bewildered by Sammy's resistance.

"I can barely read, alright!" exclaims Sammy suddenly. "And I've got a criminal record longer than my arm."

A heavy silence falls. A gentle breeze stirs the leaves of trees at the end of the garden and sends ripples lapping at the edge of the pool.

"Sorry for snapping," says Sammy. His shoulders are slumped in a picture of dejection. It's breaking my heart.

"It's okay," I reassure him earnestly.

When he was drunk, he was terrified of being asked to leave. I suspect that fear lurks within him always and the alcohol merely brought it to the surface.

He needs to understand that he is allowed to have outbursts. We aren't going to make him homeless because he has emotions.

"It's fine," confirms Jade, and he reaches out and puts a hand on Sammy's knee.

My focus zeros in on their touch. I wish I could be so free and easy with my touches. Jade makes it look so effortless. But I don't think it is only jealousy of his ability to comfort, that is making my heartbeat faster. I think my mate bond doesn't like it.

Stupid mate bond. There is nothing wrong with Jade touching Sammy's naked knee. It's nothing to get upset about .

"Can't imagine you as the criminal type," teases Jade in a clear effort to distract Sammy.

A hiss nearly escapes my throat. Argh! This mate bond is ridiculous. Someone comforting my mate is surely a good thing? He deserves all the comfort in the world.

Sammy smiles softly. "A boy has to eat."

Jade stares at him.

"It's mostly prostitution charges," adds Sammy.

That's so unfair. Not only did he have to survive by selling his body, he has also been penalized for it. In a way that makes it difficult for him to find other ways to survive. He has been trapped into selling himself. Human society is really awful sometimes.

He is safe now. I will take care of him. Provide for him.

Angrily, I shake my head to clear the stupid mate bond out of it. Dammit. Those weren't my thoughts at all. Sammy isn't really my mate. It was just a silly accident. He wouldn't want to be mated to me, and he wouldn't want someone to provide for him. Even though I'm more than happy to do so, just as friends. But that won't work. He wants independence. He said so.

He needs a way of making money that doesn't involve selling his body. That is how I help him.

"Do you want to learn to read?" I ask.

Jade nods in agreement. "We can teach you?"

The urge to grab his leg and pull him under is strong. But I grind my teeth instead. I wanted to teach Sammy. By myself. So we could spend lots of time together. But that's probably the stupid mate bond speaking. In reality, Jade helping Sammy is great. Sammy needs all the friends he can get.

Sammy's gaze is flicking between me and Jade. He looks utterly dumbfounded and taken aback.

"That's so sweet of you guys," he says eventually. "Why are you all so damn nice? Is it because you're not human?"

Jade grins and I grin too. But I don't feel it. There is nothing positive about what Sammy just said. It's awful that he has been so mistreated by his own kind that he has lost faith in an entire species.

"So what sucked about work today?" Sammy asks brightly in a blatant attempt to change the conversation.

And that's fair enough. It probably feels like we have been picking at all his wounds. No wonder he has had enough.

Jade groans dramatically. "Everything!"

Sammy chuckles, and his eyes sparkle. My eyes narrow and I try to look at Jade as if I've never seen him before. The fey is tall, young, lean. His hair is so blond it's nearly white and his eyes are dazzling.

My lungs constrict. Jade is gorgeous. And now I'm being really stupid, because of course he is. He wouldn't have been imprisoned in the harem if he wasn't.

He is also kind and nice. And far less of a mess than I am. He has a job for flip's sake. He can touch people.

In the harem, he was full of shame, and that seemed to be his main response. Now he is free, he seems so much better.

Unlike me. I'm still scared. All the time.

It makes total sense for Sammy to like Jade. He is the better man. There is no need for my guts to churn with jealousy. This mate bond is rapidly turning into the bane of my life.

"Is that guy still following you around everywhere?" Sammy asks Jade, as if he has completely forgotten I exist.

Jade nods. "Flyn just doesn't give up."

"In a creepy stalker way?" asks Sammy with his eyes bright with concern.

"No, not at all. In an annoyingly charming and endearing way," says Jade.

Sammy giggles. The sound bounces in the air, skims over the water. It's precious and pretty and I wish I could keep it.

"He thought I was a top. Said he'd never been wrong before," says Jade.

I float away from the edge of the pool. Away from Sammy and Jade. My heart is already thumping far too loud. If they start talking about sex, I'm going to have to run. Dive to the bottom of the pool and hide.

"Are you?" asks Sammy softly.

Jade's eyes widen. "I don't know. I was never given the choice before."

Sammy's face softens, and he reaches out and puts a hand on Jade's shoulder. Now they are double touching. While staring deeply into each other's eyes.

Fuck this.

I slip under the water and sink to the bottom of the pool. It's rude just to leave like that, but everyone is used to me being a moody bastard. They won't think anything of it.

Leaving Sammy and Jade alone is the right thing to do. I don't want to be the third wheel. Sammy deserves Jade. Jade could be the perfect special person for him. If not, I need to find Sammy someone like him. Someone with their shit together and able to talk about sex.

All of this really, truly proves that I'm not the right person for Sammy. Normal people don't just want to talk about sex, they want to have it. And I can never give him that.

A sad sigh escapes me. In another universe, where the harem never happened, who knows. Sammy is lovely, I could definitely see myself falling in love with him. It would be easy to do.

But then again, if it weren't for the harem, Sammy and I would never have met.

So it is what it is. And it's not meant to be.