12. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve

Sammy

W aking up alone feels all kinds of wrong. And that's super puzzling because over my life, I've been alone far more than I haven't. Jeez, my longest relationship was a whole three months long.

So this has to be a side effect of the mate bond thing. And isn't that just as unsettling as hell. I really don't think I appreciate some unseen thing messing with my mind and my feelings. Well, definitely not when it is something I've not drunk, smoked or snorted.

I sigh heavily and flop onto my back. The plain white ceiling stares back at me. The truth is, I have no idea what is the bond, and what is just plain old me. Because, Blue is lovely and I really like him. I know that's a fact. But where does genuine feeling end and weird mating stuff begin? I have a habit of attaching myself like an emotional leech to people, so a lot of this could easily be all me.

Gah! This is so confusing! Presumably, once Blue figures out how to undo it, everything will become clear. But I don't want to wait that long. I want to know now.

And…dammit! I roll over and yell into my pillow. Part of me doesn't want the mate bond to be broken. My very own special person? Someone to love, cherish, and adore? Someone who loves me in return? Well, that's been my dream since forever. And getting to have Blue as my special person? That doesn't seem bad at all. It actually seems wonderful.

I flop back over and glare at the perfect ceiling. Blue doesn't want me. Why would he? I'm a used-up mess. Nobody wants me. I learned that long ago.

So, yeah, I guess that makes it simple, actually. It doesn't matter what feelings are mine and what bits are from the mating stuff. Blue is not interested, so it all has to go. The bond needs to be extracted, and whatever remains, needs to be quashed.

Another sigh escapes me. Well, I'm glad I worked that out. It's just a shame it has left me feeling too depressed to want to get out of bed.

But I can't mope around all day. That never does me any good. I need to stay busy so I don't spiral.

I heave myself out of bed and force myself into the shower. Then I throw on some clothes and head to the kitchen. It's empty and deserted, but someone's left a pot of freshly brewed coffee. I fill a mug and take a sip.

Now what do I do with myself?

As I look around the abandoned kitchen, an idea begins to form. Maybe seeing if Mal is home is a good idea? I've been keeping my distance, because quite frankly, Gray scares the crap out of me. But Mal is the closest thing to family I have. He took me in when I was at my lowest, and no one else has ever given a shit.

Add in the fact he was recently mated himself, he is easily the perfect person to talk to.

It is worth a shot at least. So, mug of coffee in hand, I head out of the house and around the side to the door to the basement flat. I knock sharply.

"Give us ten minutes!" Mal calls out breathlessly.

My nose wrinkles. "Eww, gross!" Then I remember how scary Gray is. "I mean, sex is a very important part of a healthy relationship! "

There is no reply to that, and I'm not going to listen too hard. Mal didn't say to go away, so I guess I'll just stand here like an idiot. At least I have a coffee to sip. And it's a fairly nice morning. Cloudy and overcast, but it's not raining.

The door yanks open suddenly, and I jump. Mal and Gray stare back at me. Mal's only wearing a pair of jeans and Gray is in that fluffy white bathrobe he likes. They still look strange together in my eyes. Gray looks even younger than me, while Mal looks like someone's grandpa. Admittedly, someone's heavily tattooed, dangerous as fuck, biker grandad, but still.

The thought that Gray is actually the older one, by a few thousand years, is too hard for me to wrap my head around.

"So he told you then?" says Mal.

My jaw drops open as pain lances through my heart. Mal knew, and he didn't tell me?

"Come in, I'll make you a cup of tea," he says.

I lift up my cup to show him that I have a drink, but Gray snatches it from my fingers, takes a gulp, and sighs appreciatively before disappearing back into the flat.

"That…will be lovely," I say weakly.

Mal nods and stands aside so I can enter. I head for the tiny kitchen and take a seat at the two seater table.

Mal pops the kettle on and starts rummaging around the cupboards. I can't see a coffee machine in here so I guess that's why Gray was keen to steal my coffee.

Mal plonks a milky cup of tea in front of me before sitting in the one remaining chair. Gray wanders in, cradling my former cup of coffee. I'm about to get up and offer him the chair, but he settles on the counter with an eerie grace.

"Let's hear your list of questions then," Mal says with a grin.

I sigh and sip my tea. Where do I even start?

Mal drinks his tea while looking at me expectantly. I take a deep breath, trying to order my thoughts .

"Okay, well, first off, what exactly is this mate bond thing?" I ask. "And how do I get rid of it?"

Mal exchanges a glance with Gray before turning back to me. "The mate bond is a powerful connection between two individuals. A joining of souls and of life force. As for getting rid of it... It's complicated."

I narrow my eyes. "Complicated how?"

Mal leans back in his chair. "It varies. Species to species. And you being human, further muddies the water."

"Great," I sigh. "This is your way of saying you don't have a clue, isn't it?"

Mal chuckles. "You've got me there, kid."

Well, a fat load of help that is. I've learned absolutely nothing new. All I've gained is a shit cup of tea.

I take a deep breath and set my cup down, steeling myself to voice the thought that has been swirling in the back of my mind since he opened the door. I don't want it to fester, so I'm going to have to air it out.

"Mal, why didn't you tell me about the mate bond? I thought we were family," I say, and my damn voice wobbles.

Mal's expression softens, and he reaches across the table to place a comforting hand on mine. He really has become a soft touch since falling in love, and it's lovely to see.

"Kid, I wanted to tell you. But you needed to hear it from Blue," Mal explains.

I glance over at Gray, who is watching me intently from his perch on the counter. His gaze is intense, yet there's a hint of something else there. Something vulnerable that tugs at my heart.

A despondent, sad sounding sigh escapes me. That's actually fair enough and makes perfect sense. And just like that, my fledgling grudge disintegrates and I'm back to merely feeling sad about Blue and this mate stuff.

"Why does it have to be so complicated, Mal? Why do I feel like I'm being pulled in a million different directions? I'm not sure what is me and what is the mate stuff," I confess, feeling the weight of the mate bond pressing down on me.

If that's even what it is. For all I know, my dumb human ass might be incapable of sensing the bond at all, and all my dramatic feelings could be nothing more than a silly crush. And as I've already concluded, it doesn't matter. Blue doesn't want me, so wherever they stem from, all my feelings need to go.

But semi-confessing to Mal and Gray does feel good. Like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Mal's gaze softens even further, a mix of sympathy and understanding in his eyes. "It's never easy when the heart is involved, kid. And when it comes to the mate bond, things can get even more tangled. But you're not alone in this. We'll figure it out together," Mal reassures me, his voice steady and comforting.

I'm so glad he seems to understand me even though I haven't been able to be at all coherent. He definitely was the right person to talk to. He knows me, and he knows mate bonds.

I feel a surge of gratitude towards Mal and Gray. It is so frigging nice not to be alone and have to deal with everything life throws my way, by myself. When I was younger, I never understood the point of families. Now it is the only thing I want.

Taking a deep breath, I nod slowly, determination blossoming within me. "Okay. So, where do we start?"

Mal smiles and squeezes my hand gently. "We start by figuring out what exactly is going on with this mate bond. And then we go from there."

His words settle over me like a comforting blanket, and as I sit in this tiny basement kitchen with Mal and Gray, sipping my tea and feeling a mix of emotions swirling inside me, I can't help but feel a glimmer of hope flicker to life in my chest. Maybe, just maybe, with the guidance and support of these two unlikely allies, the mate bond can be fixed, Blue can be freed. And my broken heart can be mended.