Chapter 16

Cade

When I’d driven to work with a brick of terror sitting in my stomach, I hadn’t known that things would change so dramatically. One minute I was apologizing and trying not to cry and the next minute I was making out with my boss and wanting to fuck her so bad that I couldn’t even breathe.

What. The. Hell.

Eloise brushed some of my hair out of my face. I’d just put it in a ponytail today and hadn’t done a very good job of it.

I felt myself shaking as she continued to hold me, her thumb stroking my stomach under my shirt and making me think I was going to lose my mind.

“Yes, Cade. I like you,” she said, smiling. “I’ve liked you for a while. I just didn’t realize it.”

She was calling me Cade now and I wanted to hate it, but I didn’t.

I stroked my fingers through the back of her hair. I’d had a death grip on her neck, but she wasn’t complaining.

“Is this really happening?” I whispered.

“I think so,” she said, her voice unsteady. “I didn’t think that it would. I didn’t… I’ve never let myself have this, Cadence.”

Did that mean what I thought it meant?

“You’ve never?” I asked.

She shook her head slowly. “I’ve never done anything with a woman before.”

“Why?” I asked, still distracted by the patterns her fingers were drawing on my skin. How many times had I dreamt of her fingers against my bare skin?

She exhaled and leaned back a little bit more, but her hand didn’t leave my side.

“Because it was too complicated? Because I didn’t want to add one more thing in my life? A lot of reasons, I guess. It seemed like too much to deal with so I just…didn’t. Most of the time it was easy enough to ignore. I do like men, just so you know. Life was simpler if I just went out with men I was attracted to and ignored the women that gave me those same feelings.”

That was a lot of information to process. I guess we were really getting into it.

“I’m a lesbian. In case that wasn’t clear from my social media,” I said.

She smirked and my heart thumped harder. “Yes, I noticed. Why haven’t you ever worn that scissoring shirt to work?”

And now I was choking on my tongue. I coughed a few times as she laughed.

“I was afraid you’d seen too much on my social and I was right,” I groaned.

“Don’t worry, I thought it was funny,” she said with a smile. Fuck, she was beautiful. So damn beautiful. Her eyes weren’t violet right now, but they were blue and that was disarming enough.

“So, you’re bi. Or pan?” I asked.

She lifted one shoulder. “Bi, I guess. But does the distinction really matter?”

Not right now it didn’t. Maybe not ever, as long as she was touching me and I got to touch her.

“You’re really good at pretending to be straight. Like, you could teach a class,” I said, and she snorted.

“It’s not something I’d recommend.”

Eloise’s phone startled both of us. “Shit. I have a call scheduled with Sylvia in fifteen minutes.”

Right. Work. The thing we were supposed to be doing before we’d kissed.

We looked at each other at the same time.

“Am I still your assistant?” I asked.

She nodded and her hand left me. I wanted to yank it back, but I stepped away to put some breathing room between us.

“You’re my assistant as long as you want to be. I know this complicates things, but I don’t want this to affect your job.”

For the one who was older, that sounded spectacularly naive to me.

“El, it’s going to affect us. But I think we can make this work. Can we at least…try it? See what happens? I’ll look for something else, but I really don’t want to lose this. I like working for you and with you.”

If working with her meant we made out during our breaks instead of drinking tea or coffee then that was fine with me.

Eloise let out a long breath and nodded. “Okay. We’ll try it. But if things get difficult, or you decide you want to be done, I’m not going to stop you.”

I didn’t want to talk about doom and gloom. I just wanted to enjoy what was happening right now.

“I understand,” I said, leaning forward and kissing her once. “Now eat your breakfast so you have something in your stomach before your call.”

* * *

After her call,we had our usual meeting, but this time I ended up flirting with her a lot more than figuring out what I was supposed to be doing today.

“You have to stop,” Eloise said the third time I made her blush. She threw a pen at me and I used my notebook to deflect it.

“No way. You signed up for this, Eloise Roth. You get all of me or none of me,” I said, and she sat back in her chair and crossed her arms.

“Fine. I’ll take all of you.”

The way she said it shocked me. So easy. As if she hadn’t been having a crisis about me earlier.

“Is it weird how easy this is?” I asked. “It feels easy.”

She nodded slowly. “It does feel easy. I’m not sure why that is, but I’m trying not to question it. Maybe that makes me a bad person.”

“No,” I said immediately. “It doesn’t.”

Eloise groaned and laid her head down on her desk. “You’re making it so hard to focus right now.” Her voice was muffled.

“I’m sorry?” I said, my stomach a riot of butterflies that felt like they were going to flap so hard that I was going to levitate right out of my chair.

Eloise lifted her head. “No, you’re not. You’re not sorry at all.”

I grinned and pushed my chair back to my desk. “You’re right. I’m not.”

* * *

Eloise

Trying to work while your assistant that you had made out with sat in the same room was an exercise in torture. All I wanted to do was get up and kiss her and straddle her in that chair and do all kinds of unspeakable things but instead I had to look at copy edits and marketing plans and spreadsheets of sales numbers. None of that was remotely as interesting as Cadence.

She was happy. Practically buzzing with it. She hummed more and moved in her chair and kept throwing me flirtatious looks that stopped my heart and made me forget what the hell I’d been doing.

Cadence had taken over part of my brain and I had to use the little there was left to continue to function and it wasn’t going well. I kept making typos in my emails and forgetting things and my schedule was all off and it should have had me panicking, but instead I kept thinking about the wisps of hair on Cadence’s neck and what the hollow of her throat would taste like and what sounds she made when she came.

Lunchtime came and I ordered in instead of making sandwiches.

“Does this mean I can raid your fridge now?” Cadence asked when I fetched the takeout bags.

“You’ve been able to take anything from my fridge for a while, Cade,” I said. I liked the way her nickname tasted when I said it now. It was growing on me. Guess I’d have to keep saying it over and over.

“Is that so?” she asked. “Well, I didn’t know that. So you’re telling me, if I were to say, take this ice cream and eat the whole pint, that would be allowed?”

She held the pint up and peeled off the top.

“If you eat all my ice cream without sharing with me, I’m not going to be thrilled,” I said, moving closer to her.

“Oh, I’ll share. A bite.”

I pushed her up against the fridge, pinning her with my hips and my hands on either side of her face.

She let out a little gasp and bit her bottom lip as I crowded her.

“Don’t you dare eat all my ice cream, Cade.”

“God, you’re so sexy,” she said in a soft voice.

“Am I?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

“Yeah, you are. Completely and totally. Hasn’t anyone ever told you that before?”

I plucked the ice cream from her fingers and set it on the counter, not caring if it melted.

“Yes, but I guess I never really believed them,” I said.

“Shit, El. That’s bleak.”

Cadence ran her hands through my hair and then grabbed my chin, pulling me down for a searing kiss that made my head spin and forget whatever the hell we’d been talking about.

“I’ll just have to remind you every day.”

Remind me of what?

* * *

We somehow madeit through the day without any major distractions, but the sense of dread that pooled in my stomach got more and more intense as the time ticked closer to when she would leave. Sure, she’d be here tomorrow, but I didn’t want her to leave. The house would be too quiet without her in it.

“I know that technically I’m not on the clock anymore, so does that mean I can take off my assistant hat and put on a different one?” Cadence asked as she packed up her bag.

“You can wear whatever kind of hat you want,” I said. “I bet you look great in hats.”

She snorted and set her bag on the floor. “Oh, I do.”

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” I blurted out.

Her face broke into a gorgeous smile. “I was going to ask but I didn’t want to be presumptuous. This is uncharted territory for me.”

It was uncharted for both of us.

“I didn’t want to pressure you, but if you want to stay, then you’re welcome.”

Cadence looked down at her clothes. “I wish I’d brought something more casual to change into. I didn’t know what was going to happen when I was packing my bag for today.”

I got up from my chair. “I can find you something if you don’t mind wearing my clothes.”

Cadence followed me out of the office. “I wouldn’t mind at all.”

* * *

An hourlater I was plating some salmon and rice and asparagus for both of us and couldn’t stop looking at Cadence wearing a pair of my old sweatpants that I wore when I was on my period and needed to be comfortable and a T-shirt that I’d gotten in a gift bag at a romance convention.

Both items were big on her, but she’d rolled up the pants and had tied a knot in the T-shirt and she looked so good that I had to stop myself from picking her up and setting her on the counter and kissing the hell out of her.

I also didn’t miss that she kept tucking her chin into the shoulder and smelling the shirt. As if she was smelling my scent on it.

“This is perfect, thanks. I can cook too, if you ever want to let me destroy your kitchen. I can be a bit of a mess.”

“You? Messy? No,” I said, setting a plate in front of her.

“Hey, come on now,” she said, but she was grinning as she set her napkin in her lap and picked up a fork. I’d also changed into yoga pants and a tank to be more comfortable with her, and I might have chosen a shirt that showed a little skin and fit me well to see if she’d notice.

She noticed.

“You don’t mind my mess, though, right?” she asked, cutting a bite of salmon very carefully with her fork as I poured us each a glass of wine.

She looked up and I saw the question in her eyes.

“No, Cade. I don’t mind your mess. I don’t mind any part of you.”

It took a second, but she smiled and then her face got serious. “I, um, have ADHD. It’s part of the reason for the mess and for me forgetting things and needing so many lists and all that.”

I nodded after having a bite of salmon. I’d seasoned it just right, even with Cadence distracting me by wearing my clothes.

“I figured you had something going on. When were you diagnosed?”

She told me that she’d gotten her diagnosis as a kid and how difficult it could be to get consistent medication.

“I’m not on anything right now. Is that a problem for you?” I could tell this was something she’d worried a lot about.

“I like you as you are, Cade. Exactly as you are. You’ve been working for me for a month and a half, and you’ve been doing a great job. Do you feel like you need something? Because if you want to make a change that will make your life better, I support that. Whatever you need.”

She was silent for a moment before getting up from her chair and walking over to give me an unexpected kiss.

“Thank you,” she said before going back to her seat and pulling one of her knees up to get more comfortable on the chair.

* * *

Dinner together was easy.We tumbled into conversation, me telling her about my first book tour and how overwhelming it had been, and her giving a rundown of all her worst jobs. She’d had many.

“I’m not good at staying with one thing. I get bored, or the company ‘restructures,’ or something else goes wrong and I end up filling out applications again. At this point, I feel like I could coach people on cover letters. Thank you for not making me write one, by the way.”

I stood and took the plates to the dishwasher and Cadence rose to help.

“It seemed more important to find out if my potential assistant was a reader instead,” I told her, washing my hands.

Cadence nodded. “Makes sense.” She leaned her back on the counter next to me. “Shall we have dessert?”

“I don’t have any cake, but we can share the ice cream you almost melted earlier.”

I brushed my hand along her stomach as I walked to the freezer to get the ice cream and was satisfied when she inhaled sharply.

Being able to touch her like this was intoxicating.

I started to open the door, but a hand darted out to push it closed as Cadence pressed up against me.

This time it was my breath that caught.

“For someone who’s never done this kind of thing, you’re very good at it,” she said against the back of my neck as goosebumps broke out on my skin. Warm lips brushed the top of my spine as I let out an involuntary noise and she laughed against me.

Before I could say a thing, she had wrenched me around and pressed my back against the fridge.

“What if I told you I was less interested in dessert and more interested in you?” she asked.

Why was it so hard to breathe? I couldn’t seem to pull enough oxygen into my lungs. I had never felt like this.

Wrapping my fingers in her shirt, I dragged her even closer.

“I’d say that I agree with you. They were out of my favorite ice cream at the store so I had to get my second choice anyway.”

“Oh, so you like me more than second-choice ice cream?” she said, brushing my hair back.

“I like you more than first-choice ice cream,” I said, and it was the truth. I liked her, maybe more than I’d liked anyone before. I sifted through my romantic past trying to remember if any connection before had been this electric. No. Not even close.

Was it because she was a woman, or was it because of who she was? Did it matter?

“Such flattery,” Cadence said, and I reached back to pull the elastic out of her ponytail. I’d been desperate to get my hands in her hair since the day we’d met.

“I’m obsessed with your hair,” I blurted out. I seemed to lose all of my composure when I was with her. Wrapping my fingers around a few strands, I watched how they shone in the light.

“What other parts of me are you obsessed with?” she asked.

“Your freckles, definitely. Completely.”

She grinned. “Which ones? Do you have any favorites?”

I tilted my head to the side, looking her over. “Well, I haven’t seen all of them yet, so I can’t truly make a decision.”

She blushed. Cadence was so cute when her emotions showed all over her face and chest and ears. There was something glorious about a person who couldn’t possibly hide what she was thinking.

“That’s a very forward thing to say for someone you just admitted liking this morning.” Her fingers stroked the sides of my waist, messing with the fabric of my shirt.

“Well, I do have some practice writing romantic lines, you know,” I said, and she burst out laughing.

“Yeah, you’re right. I forgot who I was dealing with. You’re actually a pro.”

I shook my head. “Not really.” The heat of her body was seeping through my clothes and making me feel like I was sinking into a warm bath.

“Cade?” I said and I wasn’t even sure why I said her name or what I was asking.

“Yes, Eloise,” she said, a smirk in her voice. She was good at this. She’d done this before. It made me feel a shiver of uncertainty.

“I’d really like to kiss you,” I said.

Her smile was slow and sweet. “Go ahead, El.”

Taking her chin, I tilted her head up and captured her mouth. It was even better than earlier. Her lips were hot and insistent as she plastered me to the fridge and devoured me. I kept making sounds that I’d never heard myself make and reaching and demanding and needing more of her.

I was out of my mind from a kiss. From her kiss.

There was a fine line to walk between just a kiss and a kiss that was leading to something else, and I could feel Cadence rushing toward the second, so I grabbed the back of her neck and sought control. We didn’t need to burn through everything at once. There was something to be said for sinking into the moment and appreciating where you were.

“Slow,” I said into her mouth. “There’s no rush, Cade.”

Her eyes flew open as she panted. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I just think that whatever this is, we should savor it. We have time,” I said, still playing with her hair and massaging the back of her neck. Why did I love holding her there?

She blinked a few times and licked her lips, which made me want to kiss her all over again.

“None of this feels real, I guess,” she said. “So I want to grab onto it with both hands and just… I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and have this be a really good dream I had.”

I stroked her face. “It’s real, Cadence. I don’t know how, but it is.”