Chapter 10

Eloise

I hadn’t expected her reaction to seeing me in my workout gear. It hadn’t occurred to me that I should change or cover up. I went to Pilates class in the same outfit. Many people had seen me like this, so why would it matter if my assistant did?

It shouldn’t have mattered.

And then she was looking at me in a way that I didn’t understand, but that wasn’t unpleasant. Her gaze was intense, and I should have told her to stop staring, but I didn’t. No. I let her look. Why had I let her look?

Cadence was a lesbian, this I knew. She’d had it listed in her social media bio and she’d had pictures at Pride with her friends with a flag draped around her shoulders.

But she probably wasn’t even looking at me like that. Firstly, I was her boss, and second, I was much older. Cadence would go for someone younger and prettier and much more interesting and exciting.

It didn’t matter. She was just surprised to see me not in my work clothes. That was probably it. I was reading too much into some staring because I couldn’t really remember the last time I’d been stared at, other than by a guy who was trying to bother me at Dom’s bar while I was working.

After she left, I admonished myself for believing, even for a few moments, that she was checking me out. Yeah, right.

I shook my head at myself and turned my yoga class back on and finished before changing and then going to make myself some dinner. I thought about ordering delivery, but I wanted to feel like I’d accomplished something today, so I made a really delicious steak with Gruyère mashed potatoes and a salad with vegetables from my garden and a lemon vinaigrette I put together.

The meal fortified me, and my brain felt less like it was functioning below fifty percent by the time I was cleaning up the kitchen and getting started on the rest of my evening.

I hadn’t ended up reading the book that Cadence recommended to me yet. No idea why not, but I’d pulled up another alien book instead. I was still blazing through them at an alarming rate. They were pretty addicting.

Something about the way she’d talked about the book had told me that it mattered to her. A lot. She cared what I thought about this book and if I didn’t like it, then what? I guess I could lie.

Maybe it would be good? I’d just have to take a risk and find out. The book was short, so I could finish it tonight if I wanted.

I made up a snack plate and a pot of tea and ventured to my library to find out.

Less than four hours later, I was crying and staring at the wall, unable to figure out what to do with myself. This book wasn’t just good. It was a masterpiece. Every single award was deserved. A strange, wonderful book that made me question my own writing ability, because I’d never be able to do something like that.

I wiped my tears and let out a long breath. Cadence should have warned me that I might question my entire life after reading this book, but I guess she kind of did.

“Dammit,” I said, swiping at more tears.

This was ridiculous. I got up and went to do my nightly skincare to get myself back together. I looked awful in the mirror, so I tried to ignore my reflection as I washed my face and did the regimen my aesthetician had created for me.

Once I was done, I headed to bed, but my thoughts wouldn’t quiet. Instead, I pulled up my ereader and read over my favorite parts of the book again until I was finally too exhausted to keep my eyes open.

* * *

This wasCadence’s fourth week with me, and it was almost time to decide whether or not she could continue as my assistant. Her work was good, for the most part. She did things in her own way, which I had to adjust to. In our little morning meetings, she would always ask how I wanted something done, and then the next day I’d find out that she’d done the task, but in a completely different way. At first, I was frustrated, because she hadn’t followed my directions, but if the task was completed, did it really matter? She was a mess, though. I caught her spilling crumbs on her keyboard and coffee on her shirt and pants so often that it was like she was trying to spill.

Her hair was done beautifully some days and some days just thrown into a haphazard ponytail. Often, I’d catch her digging through her bag and muttering to herself. She lost things constantly. One night she’d even run back in because she’d lost her keys. I found them in the fridge next to her container of creamer. She couldn’t explain how or why that had happened.

There were days she was laser focused and days when she spun in her chair and asked me a million questions and couldn’t seem to stay on track. It all evened out, though, and everything got done.

I’d spoken to Sylvia and Camille about Cadence many times and they told me all of my issues with her were too nitpicky. I supposed they were right.

Cadence brought me another breakfast sandwich again, and we sat together in the breakfast nook.

“How are you feeling today?” she asked after a little bit of tense silence.

“Fine,” I said. “I’m fine.”

She nodded down at her plate.

“Did, um, did you read the book? It’s fine if you didn’t. I was just wondering.” She did care. She absolutely cared.

“I did read it.” Cadence couldn’t know how much I loved it. How much I wanted to take that book and somehow swallow it and let the words dissolve into my bones.

“You hated it,” she said with a little sigh and a slump against the chair. “It’s fine if you did. It’s one of those books that isn’t for everyone.”

“I loved it.”

Her head flew up and she stared at me. Every day when I saw her, I wanted to ask her if her freckles had multiplied overnight. I seemed to find new ones on her face every day.

“You did?”

“I did. It was incredible. I don’t even know how to put it into words.”

She smiled at me and there was an expansive feeling in my chest that made it hard to breathe. Everything in my chest was too tight and too warm.

“I knew you would,” she said, her voice soft. “I just had a feeling.”

We ate our sandwiches in almost silence. Cadence seemed happy. She was bouncing a little in her seat and randomly humming a tune to herself. One of these days I was going to have to ask her about the playlist she listened to during work.

She cleaned up and we went to the office and sat down for our morning check-in. Cadence pulled out her trusty notebook and flipped the pages.

“I’ve got the social media all done and scheduled for the audiobook launch next week, as well as the promo sent out to everyone who’s supposed to be posting. The contest is also ready to launch.” As I listened to her, I kept drifting off, not listening to her individual words, but the tone of her voice.

I liked listening to her talk, I realized. Somewhere along the line I’d gotten used to hearing her voice every day and I decided that I liked it. Liked hearing her voice in my office.

Once I set out her priorities for the day, she was back at her desk and I had to face copy edits for my next book. I was always working on multiple books at once in various stages. Where one was at first draft stage, another was in edits, and another might be in the proposal stage. I’d learned long ago how to juggle, but each time I added another manuscript, I questioned what the hell I was thinking.

I could slow down. I didn’t need to write this fast, financially, but I also didn’t want to slow down. I liked going fast. I liked this pace and it had worked for me for this long. Slowing down wasn’t in my blood. Vacations were rare, and I felt useless during them. Camille practically had to kidnap me to get me to stop working.

If I wasn’t working, I didn’t know what to do with myself. My main hobby was reading. What else was I supposed to do with myself?

Whenever I’d pictured my life, I’d never dreamed of marriage or kids or anything like that. All I’d wanted was a house like this and a career like this. Success and money that would never go away. That couldn’t be taken from me. How many people could say they had what I had? Very very few. And I wasn’t going to sacrifice it for something that might not even work out.

If I wanted to satisfy my urge to hang out with some kids, Camille’s were right there. I showered them with all the love and affection I could. That was enough.

It was absolutely enough.

It had always been enough.

* * *

“So now thatyou’ve liked two of the books I’ve recommended, I think I should tell you to read more books. And you can tell me to read things too. You’ve probably read more than I have anyway.” It had started to rain, so we were eating in the kitchen at the breakfast table like we had this morning.

I’d made chicken Caesar salad wraps because Cadence liked them. Mine were a little more upscale with homemade dressing and I’d even grated the parmesan fresh for her. I didn’t know why I’d made such an effort when I could have easily just made a regular salad, but when she made satisfied noises as she ate, I decided it was worth it.

“Is that a joke about my age?” I asked, raising one eyebrow.

Her eyes went wide. “No, it wasn’t. I promise. I mean, you have had more years on the planet than me. That’s just a fact. So you’ve had more reading time.”

I huffed out a sound. Couldn’t argue with that.

“Were you always a reader?” she asked, diverting my attention away from thinking about my age.

“Yes, always. Books were my escape when I was young. When everything in the world was falling apart, I could escape to a world that didn’t seem so bad. Or sometimes it was worse than mine and that was comforting too.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I get that. I mean, nothing truly terrible has happened to me in my life. Other than my grandmother dying. My parents are…” she trailed off and collected her thoughts before she continued. “They’re not good at dealing with the hard parts of life. When something goes south, they just kind of ignore it or pretend it isn’t happening. Since I was the oldest, someone had to step up and, like, deal with shit.” Cadence lifted one shoulder in a shrug and looked at her wrap before taking another bite, crunching through the croutons that I’d added. Also homemade.

“That sounds difficult,” I said, because I knew what that was like.

“Eh, it was fine. Someone had to do it. I wasn’t the best at it, but somehow we muddled through.”

She licked a drop of dressing off the side of her hand and I had to force myself not to stare.

“Uh, are you still close with them?”

She nodded. “I mean, yes. I just can’t tell them everything, but that’s always been the case. So we keep things light and whenever I have a problem I lean on my friends instead of my family.”

I had noticed Cadence did talk more about her friends than her family.

She let out a little laugh. “It’s weird that I’ve worked for you for almost a month and I’m just now talking about my parents. Normally I’m a yapper and I would have told you everything about me in the first day.”

“I have noticed that you like to talk,” I said, but it wasn’t a criticism. Just an observation.

“Wow, ouch. The truth comes out. How have you managed to put up with me this long?” She was still laughing though.

“You do your job. And sometimes it’s nice to have someone to talk to,” I admitted.

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, like she was trying to hide another smile.

“I really didn’t think I was going to work out. I mean, I thought I was going to crash and burn right away.” That wasn’t a surprise to hear. I’d learned a lot about Cadence during our acquaintance. That probably meant that she had learned a lot about me too and I didn’t know how to feel about that.

“You didn’t. You haven’t.”

“Not yet,” she said. “I know my trial period isn’t over, but I just…I’d really like to know if I’m going to need to find another job. Because trying to find a new job is really difficult.”

I could imagine, and I was grateful that I didn’t have to do any of that. Working for myself and my publishers wasn’t easy, but it was what I excelled at.

Guess we were doing this now.

“Well. I think we should sit down and talk more formally about what you do well, and what you can improve upon. How about tomorrow?”

She gulped her iced tea and her hand shook a little as she reached for the other half of her wrap.

“Sure,” she said. “That works.”

“Don’t worry, Cadence. It’s nothing bad. Promise.”

She was still for a second and then stuck out her hand with her pinky pointing toward me. “Swear.”

“Are you seriously asking me, your boss, to pinky swear that I won’t tell you something awful about your job performance at your review?”

This had to be a joke.

“Yup, totally serious. Come on, it won’t hurt.”

She stayed there with her hand up and I knew that she wasn’t going to back down. Cadence was stubborn to a fault. She’d brought food for me every day with my coffee until I finally gave in and ate with her.

I rolled my eyes. “This is so childish.”

“Who cares,” she said, and I linked my pinky with hers, but then she clamped around mine and wouldn’t let go.

“Wait! We have to do it right.” I struggled to break free. She had a freakishly strong pinky.

I glared at her. “Cadence, let go of my hand.”

“Not until you do it right.”

I was unaware there was a correct way to do a pinky swear, but she wasn’t letting go.

With a sigh, I stopped fighting. “Fine. Show me what to do so I can have my hand back.”

“Okay, so the pinky linking is important, but we also have to boop thumbs three times to seal it in.”

This was utterly ridiculous, but I did what she asked, tapping my thumb against hers three times and then she uncurled her pinky from mine.

“That was completely unnecessary, Cadence.”

She grinned at me. “You loved it.”

“I did not.”

* * *

Cadence was sonervous the next day about our meeting that I grabbed the coffees from her shaky hands, along with the bag with our sandwiches, and pointed toward the office.

“We’re talking now and then we can move on,” I said. Cadence marched into the office and pulled her chair in front of my desk like she did every day.

I pushed a stack of paper across the surface that I’d printed out last night. It was a new contract, for one year with the option for renewal.

“Since we’re doing this now, I’d like to formally offer you the position as my full-time assistant, Cadence. Congratulations.”

She let out a squealing sound and surged to her feet, doing a little dance that almost knocked the chair over.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” she said when she realized where she was and that I was watching.

“It’s all right,” I said, fighting to hide a smile. That little dance had been adorable.

She sat back down and let out a breath. “I’m sorry, I’m just really relieved. I’ve enjoyed working for you and I’m learning so much and I just…I really appreciate you giving me a shot at this. It was completely unexpected, but I don’t regret it.”

I didn’t either. Working with her had been strange and unsettling and silly and she had definitely disrupted my normal routines. But at the end of the day, I liked having her here.

“I’m glad you’re here too. Here’s your new contract, if you want to take it home and have a look before you sign it.”

She grabbed the papers and flipped through them. There was no way she was reading all of that with how fast she was going.

Without another word, she grabbed a pen from the cup on my desk and scribbled her signature.

“You should have looked that over. Never sign anything that you haven’t had a lawyer look over.” I had one, in addition to my literary agent. Publishing lawyers had stopped me from being scammed by tricky wording several times.

“Send me a copy tonight.”

That wouldn’t help with the fact that she’d already signed it, but I kept my mouth shut.

“Great, now you can scan that and add it to my files.”

Cadence set it on her desk, and she was still vibrating with excitement.

Now it was the fun part of telling her what she was doing well and what she could improve on. I kept it short and to the point and she didn’t scream or cry or argue with me. We were both adults, and she took it well. Another point in her favor.

“Cool, yeah, I can do all of that.” She’d taken notes even though I told her that I was sending her a document with all my points that I’d written up.

My criticisms were small in the scheme of things. Once that was out of the way, we both moved on to our tasks for the day.

“Oh, one more thing,” I said, remembering the note I’d scribbled to myself late last night when I’d had an idea. “Can you go ahead and do some research on lighthouses in New England that you can stay at? It’s part of the plot for my next book and I want to work out the logistics now so I can go and take a trip there.”

Cadence wrote it down. “Absolutely. Hey, if you need more help researching things, I’m pretty good at it.”

There wasn’t a need for someone all the time for research, and often I liked to do it myself, but having Cadence do some of the legwork would save me time, and wasn’t that what I paid her for? She’d barely even asked about her salary, which surprised me. I’d raised it from what she was making now. Her work had demonstrated a need for higher compensation.

We settled into our days and that afternoon Cadence had sent me an email with a few links of potential lighthouses. I checked them all out and picked the one that was closest. Many of my books were set in Maine, which made research trips easier. Being able to travel to locations and see everything firsthand was one of the best parts of my job.

I replied to Cadence and told her to contact the lighthouse and see when I could book a visit.

Then I had to immerse myself back in my edits until the words were swimming in front of my eyes. My phone buzzed with my scheduled break.

I got up and went to make some tea. I couldn’t have caffeine too late in the afternoon or else I didn’t sleep. In my youth, I’d been able to drink coffee all hours of the day and night and still pass out, but I’d been working so much that my body just sort of collapsed into sleep instead of me falling into it.

Cadence had followed me into the kitchen.

“Would you like a cup?” I asked her as she fidgeted behind me. Cadence was rarely ever still, even when she was in deep focus.

She hadn’t told me outright, but I’d read enough between the lines to know that she might have some form of neurodivergence. I was guessing that it had made finding jobs difficult for her in the past, but she was doing well with me, and I didn’t see any reason to bring it up or call attention to it at all. If she wanted to tell me, she could tell me.

I poured cups for us both as we lingered together, each lost in our thoughts.

“Are you going to celebrate your new job?” I asked her as she leaned her elbows on the island and stared out the window.

“You read my mind. I was just thinking about what I might do. My friends will probably take me out this weekend. One of my friends, Reid, works at Sapph, so we go there a lot.” I had heard of the place, but it wasn’t anywhere I’d venture, due to it being for queer women only. I knew that they wouldn’t turn me away, but I wasn’t going to invade a space that wasn’t created for me.

“Sounds fun,” I said. “You should be proud of yourself, Cadence.”

She nodded and then set her tea down, clasping her hands in front of her on the counter.

“Why don’t you ever call me Cade?” she asked.

I’d wondered if she was ever going to ask me that.

“I will. If you want me to,” I said. “But Cadence is such a pretty name to chop into a nickname.”

She looked down at her hands. “Yeah, my mom is responsible for that one. My dad was the one who decided to call me Cade and I just went with it.”

“I can call you Cade,” I said. “I have no problem with that.”

She stood up. “No, it’s fine. No one else in my life calls me Cadence now, except my mom when she’s scolding me.”

I leaned back against the counter and sipped my tea. She seemed lost in thought about something.

“Cadence, then,” I said, and she looked at me as if she forgot I was there.

She saluted me and went back to the office.