7. Abby

7

ABBY

U ntil today, Abby hadn’t seen Luke’s truck. But as she followed him out to Martin’s Christmas Tree Farm, she chuckled to herself. He drove a vintage red pickup, the kind that looked as if it had been plucked straight from an old postcard or holiday painting. Not that she knew much about cars, but it appeared to be a classic model, with a rounded body, wide fenders, and a gleaming chrome grille. Along the side, a hand-painted sign read Hayes Maple Syrup in white.

It suited him.

“Luke’s truck is pretty,” Abby said to Sophie, who sat in the back seat quietly gazing out the window. “Don’t you think?”

“He drives it everywhere. Making syrup deliveries from his farm and stuff. During the holidays, he uses it to take Christmas trees out to people who can’t get one by themselves. Usually, they’re elderly.”

“Really?” Abby’s eyes felt scratchy at the thought of him driving out to deliver trees to old folks.

“Yeah. Everyone loves Luke. His brothers tease him about that old truck. But my mom and I always thought it was cool.”

“I think so too.”

In fact, the truck was rather like the man himself. Sturdy and reliable, if a little old-fashioned. There was something about the way the truck fit into the landscape, with its boxy shape, old-school headlights, and the steady rumble of its engine, like Luke.

Soon, they were upon the sprawling farm, with a big red barn visible from the main road, its roof lined with twinkling lights. To her surprise, the parking lot was nearly full. She managed to find a spot near the back, gathered the kids, and headed toward Luke and Lily, who waited by an old farmhouse, its wide porch decorated with garlands of pine and red bows. A wreath hung on the front door, and lanterns flickered along the steps.

“Isn’t this place the best?” Luke pointed to a man in a flannel jacket and Santa hat helping a customer tie up a tree. “That’s Hank Martin, the owner. He’s been here for as long as I can remember. Before him, his father ran the farm. It’s a tradition for almost everyone in Sugarville Grove to get their tree here.”

“I couldn’t love it more,” Abby said truthfully.

Beside the barn, Hank had set up a rustic wooden cabin where families could wander in to browse handmade ornaments, garlands, and wreaths. Upon Luke’s suggestion, they stopped to have a look around before they went in search of their trees.

Inside, the cabin smelled like cinnamon and pine, with a crackling fireplace in the corner and shelves filled with delicate glass ornaments, hand-carved reindeer, and stockings in every color. There were rows of scented candles, small Nativity sets, and baked goods, including gingerbread cookies. Abby loved gingerbread. It reminded her of her mother. Every Christmas, they made a gingerbread house together, and the house had always smelled so good.

Maybe she should do that with the kids?

Jack ran straight to a table displaying wooden ornaments shaped like stars and snowflakes, while Lily wandered toward a stand with quilted ones.

“Don’t touch them,” Luke said, following his daughter.

“Can I have this one?” Jack asked, holding up an ornament with a snowman carved into it. “Mom always lets us choose one to take home.”

Darned if she didn’t need a handbook of traditions. “If that’s the one you want, sure.” Abby turned to Sophie. “Do you want to choose one too?”

“Yeah, okay.” Sophie wandered over to a display of delicate glass ornaments.

They were exquisite. Abby itched to buy more than just one, but since she didn’t have a job, she needed to control herself.

Sophie chose a delicate glass angel, turning it in her hands as the light from the fireplace danced through the translucent wings.

“Can I have this one?” Sophie asked, her voice wistful.

“Yes, of course.” It didn’t take a handbook to guess what Sophie was thinking.

“You should pick one too,” Sophie said. “For your first Christmas in Vermont.”

Abby nodded, warming to the idea. She immediately knew which one she wanted—a replica of a farmhouse covered in snow. “I like this one.”

“It’s perfect.” Sophie smiled, and she smiled back at her, then spontaneously drew the child into an embrace. To her surprise, Sophie hugged her back.

While she waited for the items to be rung up, she glanced outside, where rows of fir trees glittered under strings of lights. A large wooden sign next to the farmhouse read Hank’s Trees and Holiday Farm, its letters outlined with white lights. Families roamed the lot, sipping hot chocolate and chatting as they searched for the perfect tree.

Lily had chosen a quilted yellow dog for her ornament. Abby had to once again fight tears. She was turning into a real crier.

“He looks like Rufus,” Jack said, stating the obvious.

“I know,” Lily said. “That’s why I picked him.”

“I should have gotten a dog,” Jack said, sounding regretful.

“There’s always next year,” Abby said.

Jack perked up and seemed to let go of his jealousy as Luke walked up.

“You guys ready to find the perfect tree?” Luke asked.

“Yes, I am,” Jack shouted.

“Me too,” Lily said.

Soon, they were outside. Abby shivered against the cold, pulling her scarf a little tighter as she followed Luke and the kids toward the rows and rows of cut trees. The scents of pine and fresh snow filled the air. Twinkling lights danced above the rows of evergreens.

Occasionally, a deep laugh echoed through the lot.

“That’s Frank,” Luke said. “He’s got a great laugh.”

“Can I run ahead?” Jack asked Abby.

“Yes, but stay where I can see you.”

Jack darted off, his six-year-old excitement bubbling over as he ran from tree to tree, while Sophie walked slowly, inspecting each one with care. Lily held on to her daddy’s hand, her big blue eyes wide with excitement.

“We get one, too, right, Daddy?”

“Yes. Mimi told me to get a good one,” Luke said to his daughter.

Jack turned back, beckoning to Lily. “Come on, Lily and Sophie. Help me look.”

“I’m coming.” The pom-poms on her pink knit hat bounced as Lily dropped Luke’s hand and ran after Jack, clearly pleased to be included.

Sophie, ever graceful, continued to take her time, inspecting each tree as if it were a matter of national security. She really moved like a dancer. Where had she gotten that from? No one in Abby’s family had ever danced, as far as she knew anyway.

“We have to get a really big one,” Jack called back to them, stretching his arms high above his head. “And fat.”

“We’ll see,” Abby said noncommittally. She should have measured the spot before they came. What size was appropriate? Yet another question she didn’t know the answer to.

“Since I’ve been an adult, I’ve never bought a tree,” Abby said to Luke. “Is that weird?”

His eyebrows raised. “Yeah, a little. Was there a reason? Are you like a secret Grinch or something?”

“I might be. Or I might have been. Now, I have to embrace the whole season or disappoint the kids. I’m not sure I’m feeling festive. It’s hard to feel the magic of a season without Ramona in it.”

“Don’t forget our pact.” Luke nudged her shoulder with his own.

“Right. Magical for the kids.”

“You have to summon some Christmas cheer or fake it, anyway.”

“I’ve never been that good an actress.”

“I get it. There are so many times with Lily that I feel sad or guilty—school things mostly. You know, mother’s tea and mother’s this, that, or the other thing. I try never to let her know how much it bothers me so that it doesn’t bother her.”

Abby didn’t say what she knew to be true. Even though Lily hadn’t known her mother, at some point ,she would begin to feel curious and wonder why she hadn’t loved her enough to stay.

Abby’s mother hadn’t told her much about her own father other than he took off before she was born. Most of the time, it hadn’t bothered Abby that it was only the two of them, but every so often she would notice a traditional nuclear family and a yearning for a father had crept into her consciousness. Where had he gone? Did he ever think about her? Had he married someone new and had a family with her?

“She’s lucky you’re her father,” Abby said. “And she has Grace.”

“Yep. My mother’s saved us.”

She looked up at him, touched by the sincerity in his voice. “She seems to be saving me too. Both of you.”

“Nah, you don’t need saving.” Luke discreetly took her hand and gave it a squeeze.

Abby was certain he was incorrect but kept it to herself.

“What about this one?” Jack asked, jumping up and down while pointing at the largest tree on the lot.

“You'd need a ladder to decorate a tree like that,” Luke teased, his breath visible in the frigid air. “And I don’t think it’ll fit through your front or back door.”

“We could leave it outside,” Jack said.

“I’m not sure that serves our purposes.” Abby laughed. “Let’s find one a little smaller.”

“Yeah, okay.” Jack ran off, clearly not loyal to his first choice.

“What about this one?” Sophie asked quietly, pointing to a short, fat tree.

“It has a nice shape,” Abby said. “But it’s kind of short. Let’s look at the next row.”

Luke and Lily, hand in hand, led the way to the next batch. Sophie stayed close to Abby, and they discussed each one they passed until Jack shouted that he had found the perfect tree. They hurried over to see. Abby had to agree. It was the right height and girth, with shiny needles and branches that had been trimmed perfectly for the hanging of ornaments.

“It’s great, right?” Jack’s excitement was infectious as he tugged at her sleeve. “Can we get this one?”

“What do you think, Sophie?” Abby asked.

“I like it too,” Sophie said softly. “Mom would have liked how fluffy it is.”

Abby wrapped an arm around Sophie’s shoulders, wishing she could say something that could take the sting out of all of these first events without their mother. “Then it’s a go. And now we need to find one for Grace.”

They continued looking until they discovered a tall, narrow tree perfect for the high ceilings in Grace and Walter’s front room.

“Mimi will like it,” Lily said solemnly. “She told Daddy to get a skinny one.”

“She doesn’t like it to take too much space in the living room,” Luke explained. “Because she has a thousand decorations. Anyway, I’ll tell Hank we’re ready. Jack, you want to come with me?”

He beamed with pride, clearly overjoyed to be asked to accompany Luke. For the first time, it occurred to Abby that he must crave the presence of a father figure. He’d only been a baby when his father had been killed, so most likely had no memories of him. But as Abby knew herself, one didn’t need to have met a father to miss him in one’s life.

“You don’t mind staying with Lily?” Luke asked, pulling Abby from her musings.

“No problem.”

Jack put his hand in Luke’s as they crossed the lot toward Hank. Something in that small gesture just about broke Abby’s heart. The sight of the small boy and large man was like something from a poignant painting. Or a Christmas card.

As they waited, Lily sidled closer to Abby. “Pick me up?” Lily asked.

Abby reached down and hauled the little girl into her arms. Lily was small and delicately built, fitting against Abby’s hip easily. Her mother must have been tiny because there was nothing delicate about Luke Hayes. Abby breathed in the scent of maple syrup and strawberries that emanated from the little girl.

Lily played with a lock of Abby’s hair. “I like your hair.”

“I like yours,” Abby said.

“Mimi says you’re pretty like a movie star,” Lily said.

“That’s very generous of her,” Abby said.

Abby felt rather than saw Sophie’s eyes on her. She glanced over at her and saw that Sophie watched her with curiosity and perhaps even a little trepidation. What did she see? Did it bother her that Abby was holding Lily?

So many questions and no answers.

“You okay?” Abby asked Sophie.

“Are you on a date? With him?” Sophie’s fingers flickered in a gesture toward Luke, who was walking toward them with Hank and Jack.

“What? No. We’re just getting trees together.” Abby flushed with guilt. Sophie was too smart and observant. There would be no hiding anything from her.

“But you like him?” Sophie asked.

“Who wouldn’t like Luke?” Abby said evasively.

Nothing further could be said, thank goodness, as the men and Jack were now upon them.

“Hank, look at our tree,” Jack said. “Isn’t it a good one?”

“Ah, that is a good one, young man.” Hank ruffled Jack’s hair. “You have a good eye.”

Jack nodded as if it were of the utmost importance that Hank approved, his cheeks red from the cold. “Yeah. I guess I do.”

Hank helped them secure both trees, wrapping them in netting as he and Luke chatted about football. The kids and Abby stood close, watching as the trees were hauled into the back of Luke’s truck.

“I’ll keep my phone on all month. Don’t hesitate to call when you have a delivery,” Luke said to Hank, shaking his hand.

“You’re a good egg,” Hank said. “Can’t thank you enough for all you do.”

“It’s my pleasure,” Luke said.

“Be that as it may, both these trees are on the house. As a thank-you for the way you look out for the folks in this community.”

“Thanks, Hank. Means a lot coming from you.” Luke looked over at Abby and the kids. “You guys ready to get these home?”

Abby and Sophie nodded. Jack and Lily clapped their hands in excitement. Strangely, Abby wished the event hadn’t ended so soon. Being with Luke put her at ease and made her less afraid she was going to make a misstep with the kids. She was not accustomed to feeling as if she didn’t know what she was doing. At school, she knew the rules of the game. During her residency, it was clear what she needed to do to succeed. Here, in this scenic country town with these darling children, she was off-kilter and afraid. She didn’t like to make mistakes. She never had. Ambition had always taken precedence in her life. But now, she was in charge of something that actually mattered. Two little souls were under her care. Messing them up with her ignorance was absolutely not an option.

“I’ll meet you at your house,” Luke said. “And get your tree set up for you.”

“That would be so nice.” Abby’s voice wobbled. Why another sudden surge of emotion? This was not like her. She was known for being steady, if not a little aloof, with people. Animals were different. She could let her softer side show to them. People, though? She kept her distance.

And yet here she was in Vermont, worrying about the kids. Her kids now. Good God. And kissing the boy next door after barely meeting him? This was not her. But she could get used to this new version of herself. Maybe this was the one she’d been meant to be all along.

“What’s going on?” Luke asked quietly as he walked her back to her car. The children had run ahead, singing “Jingle Bells.” Even Sophie seemed to have gotten into the spirit.

“I’m so afraid I’m going to mess this up,” Abby said. “These two deserve better than me.”

“You may think so, but I don’t think anyone else would. You’re doing a wonderful thing. An unselfish thing. Giving yourself to them like this—giving up your own dreams—trust me, you’re exactly what they need.”

“I hope you’re right. I truly do.”

“Lily’s mother left her own child. Think about that. You’re taking on someone else’s without flinching. That tells me everything I need to know about you.”

“That’s generous of you.” Touched by his kind words, Abby’s voice cracked.

“Hey now, that’s what friends are supposed to do. Lift each other up.”

“You seem to be doing most of the lifting.”

“For now.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders for a second. “You never know when I might need the favor returned. Being a single parent isn’t easy. But you have a village here, all of us rooting for you and these kids.”

Abby pulled her key from her jacket pocket and hit the button to unlock the car. Jack and Sophie climbed into the back and shut the doors behind them. Lily wrapped an arm around her daddy’s leg, waving to them as if they were about to head out on a cruise around the world.

Something warm settled in her chest. Maybe, just maybe, they were all going to be all right.

“Thank you for this,” she said quietly to Luke. “This was more fun than I thought it would be. I don’t know if I could have done it without you.”

He smiled, leaning a little closer. “Does this mean you’re retiring your Grinch title?”

“Let’s just say Grinch is on hiatus,” Abby said, grinning back at him. “See you at the house.”