38. Monica

38

MONICA

" M r. Touchy?" I chuckled.

Raul was giving us the privacy, but I saw the war on his face. The way he was torn between wanting control and letting me go. I was happy that he had chosen to let me go. At least in this case, because it showed he was maturing. Or at least understanding what I would need if we were to be together.

"Isn't he?" Helena shrugged her shoulders and flashed a broad smile. "He already knows what I can and cannot do. He shouldn't be offended. It's not like I hurt him or anything." We walked in silence until we were weaving our way through the trees. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"The future," I said, my smile going away. "Please, don't get me wrong. I don't want to know what's going to happen in a week from now or in a year. But…" I trailed off trying to figure out how to put this in words without sounding like an idiot. "I guess, I'm worried."

"About what?" Helena asked.

And there it was. Right to the crux of the matter without hesitation or delay. Helena was nothing if not direct. I swallowed, pushing down my pride. As a doctor this should be something that I understood, but nothing in my medical school training prepared me for even the idea that shifters really existed.

"I guess, well, I, uhm, I need to know… can I… can we… uh… can we have a family? Because he's… you know."

Helena soft smile was reassuring on its own. She nodded that she understood my meaning and showed not even a hint of judgement or recrimination.

"Yes, you can," she replied, her tone retaining a note of calmness. "It used to happen often when I was young. That's until mating with humans was banned around here."

"What about our children? Will they be human or, uh, you know, shifters like their father?" I questioned, my pulse racing.

"That's not so clear," Helena said. "In the time before I saw plenty of couples having a shifter baby first, and then, a human, or vice versa. Nature works in mysterious ways, but listen, don't let that bother you. If you both want it, I can put the wolf in your child when the time comes."

"You can do that?" I pitched my voice higher, my brows rising up.

Her face had turned serious, and she stopped walking, turning to face me.

"I can," she said, pausing and I thought she wasn't going to say more but then she sighed and shook her head. "It's one of the most difficult and dangerous things a practitioner can do."

"Oh," I said, surprised by the grimness in her tone.

Her face twisted into an expression of sullenness.

"You should know that it could potentially kill me, but the point is that there are solutions to pretty much any problem." She waved a hand between us and the sullenness disappeared from her face as if she was erasing it with the gesture. A knowing glint and her soft smile appeared when she continued speaking. "The real question is, though, and the one you should be asking is this: Do you want Raul as your mate? You answer that first and foremost. Do that and we'll deal with any future issues when they surface."

I'd be lying if I said she hadn't been helpful, though her answers were not to my complete satisfaction, but she had done her best and I had to give her that. But she was right, too: I had to make a decision. It was time.

"I…" I trailed off and she waited silently and patiently. "I was only gone for a matter of hours," I said, not answering but my thoughts were racing in time with my heart.

"And?" she asked.

"I couldn't stop thinking about him. About what might… about what I was throwing away the chance at." Helena nodded encouraging me to continue. I swallowed then took a deep breath. "I have to try, don't I? How else can I ever know for sure? I don't want to live my life with regrets."

"Good," she said, placing her hand on my arm. We locked eyes and it felt as if she knew everything said and unsaid. "Go to him. I'm going to go back to the bar."

"Thank you," I said, feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

It was all I could say, and it didn't feel like enough, but she accepted it and seemed to understand the magnitude of my feelings, at least judging by her knowing smile. She turned and walked off towards town and I turned towards Raul's and made my way home.