CHAPTER FIFTEEN Blake

I wasn't sure exactly how it happened, but I told Dirk the entire story from start to finish. How I'd met Mark at a party a friend had for a housewarming. I spoke of the fear that Mark wouldn't call even though he had asked for my number that very night. He hadn't offered his and I hadn't asked either so I was worried he was just making conversation.

Mine and Mark's three years together poured out of me over two pots of coffee. Dirk laughed when I wrote sugar on his grocery list stuck to the old fridge in the corner.

"Mark cheated," I admitted. "Many times actually."

"I'm sorry, Blake." He'd begun to call me by my first name as we shared our stories. I admitted to him that I'd nicknamed him Cadet Dirk. "Better'n asshole," he'd responded.

"We were living separately when he died," I said. "Mark told me he was crashing on a friends couch, but who knows really?"

I wasn't sure when I'd accepted the hand he stretched across the table after one particularly painful recollection. "You must have been so confused," Dirk said. "I mean, the death, the tough relationship issues," he began. "Wow. How do you reconcile that in your heart?" he finished.

"I wish I knew," I confessed. "My life has been a death march through time ever since."

That was when Dirk moved to the chair closest to me, scooting alongside me, facing me. "What was this hike about?" he whispered. "I mean, look at your lack of prep, Blake."

My eyes filled at his question. I wasn't sure even I knew the answer. "I'd like to say just another escape hike like the dozens of others I've taken," I said. "I can't shake the gloom, Dirk. I'd hike Mars but I doubt that'd help either."

He squeezed my hand and I began to cry. A real cry for once. I cried for the loss of Mark's life. I cried for the loss of a relationship that had run its course even though I couldn't let go. And finally, after months of hiding by hiking, I cried for me.

"Hey. Shhhh," he soothed. "Come here."

Dirk lifted me from the chair and held me close. The need to push away and escape his kindness was there, but I forced myself to accept the gesture. He was the first person to hold me in over a year. No one had thought to ask what I needed. No one said a damn thing after extending condolences. Once the flowers died and the sympathy cards stopped arriving via the mail, their lives had gone back to normal. Mine hadn't.

I stepped back and stared into his eyes. Dirk was incredibly masculine in his presence and yet here he was, this big, goofy, lovable jock dude, consoling and connecting with me. I'd been way off base. He wasn't an asshole at all. We remained connected. Me finally feeling an emotion other than hurt. Him unsure of what move to make. We were involved in a true heart-to-heart, and I was feeling a stirring within, but neither of us could figure out what had happened in the past three hours.

He cleared his throat and let go of me. "Let's find you some clothes," he said, exactly when I was about to kiss him.

"Okay," I whispered, watching as he turned and headed for the closet.

"You're a bit smaller than me," he observed. "But I bet we can find something to your liking."

I agreed. I bet we could.