10. Katar

To say our ride to my hotel was uncomfortable was an understatement. Mozzie whined. Bailey gnawed on her lower lip, squinting through the windshield. I tried to ignore the cramps building in my thighs.

And her lovely scent. When an orc found his fated mate, he felt more stable when he was around her, when he could scent her.

Or lick her, but that was taking things in a direction she seemed to want to hold off on. And I agreed . . . mostly.

"Wild side?" I asked, crooking my neck to watch her as she drove.

My cock had kicked into high gear when she made her statement. While I floundered, she shut the door and placidly walked around the hood of her car to get inside beside me.

I'd sat there, stunned, while my cock tried to find a way to rise in this twisted position.

"I've always felt there was a part of me I didn't . . . let go, I guess you could say. Like something brewed within me and under the right circumstances, it would break free and go crazy."

"I see," I croaked. "Actually, I'm not sure I do. Explain."

"I've lived a life of restraint. I'm not a psychiatrist, but naturally, I've analyzed myself."

"Naturally."

"We have many books in the library on how the human psyche impacts our everyday existence. I grew up in a world full of turmoil. My parents were high most of the time or sleeping it off. By the time I was seven, I knew how to cook my own ramen, prepare a lunch, and get to the bus stop on time. Alarm clocks can be tricky things, but I figured it out."

It crushed me that she'd lived like that. And it made me mad that her parents hadn't been there for her, that she'd had to raise herself.

"They weren't meant to be together. If they'd been sober enough, I'm sure they would've gotten a divorce. They snarled at each other all the time, and our home was a parade of men and women stopping by to buy drugs or get high with them."

"No one . . ." I hated even bringing it up.

"I got very good at hiding. The park's a wonderful place all year round. You can sit on the swings and if a mom is there with her kids, you can kind of stay near her and creeps don't realize you're alone. The library was even better," she breathed. "Helga welcomed me every time I poked my head inside the front door. Often, she'd have a book waiting for me and sometimes, a drink and a snack. She'd sit me down in a quiet alcove where I was within her sight, and she'd periodically smile at me. I felt safe, perhaps for the first time in my life."

"I'm grateful you had Helga." I'd kiss the elderly female if she was here, and I was sad I wouldn't get to meet her.

"But to answer your unspoken question, no. No one was able to come near enough to do something like that. And I got out of the situation before it became an issue."

"By moving in with Helga."

"Such a relief when she stomped into the child protection agency. They took me there when my parents were found and had started to talk about foster care. She insisted she'd take me and within a year, she adopted me." She turned onto the road with my hotel. Mozzie was silent. He'd put his front legs up on the side of the door and was looking out, his head darting back and forth from us to the view. "She was amazing. I'm not sure what would've happened to me if I hadn't had her in my life."

I hated that Bailey had to grow up that way, that there hadn't been anyone there for her until an elderly librarian intervened.

She brought the vehicle to a stop at a light and waited for it to turn green before driving forward. "I believe, from my studies, that it's normal for someone experiencing a childhood like mine to take control of whatever they can. I translated that into controlling every aspect of my life, including my sexuality. I restrained it. Hid it, I guess you'd say, like I hid myself from my parent's turmoil."

"No child should have to live that way."

She turned into the hotel lot and followed my pointed direction to my unit. "Many do, sadly. I've thought of fostering a child myself, but I'd have to fix up the loft first. Going to live with Helga helped. She was sweet and kind. She showed me what a normal life could be like, but I still held onto the reins of whatever I could. As I said, it was completely natural. I'm sure I'm not the only kid in the world who's done something like this."

"I'm sorry."

"It's messed up, right?" she said with a low laugh, shooting me a rueful look. "I didn't share all that for pity. I wanted you to know why I act the way I do and why I might now want to change. With you . . ."

"Me?" I held my breath, waiting to hear what she'd say.

"I want to let go, to be the person I might've been if my parents hadn't done drugs, if they'd been there for me like they should've been. If I'd had more than a few library couples as examples of how relationships should work."

"I hope you can find that person inside."

The hotel was made up of units with parking in front. She drove into the spot I indicated, shut the vehicle off, and stared toward the dark room ahead.

"I think I can . . ." She turned to face me. "This is going to sound completely wild," her jittery laugh burst out, "there's that word again. Wild. But it fits. This sounds like I'm out of my mind . . . Wild is much better. Wild!"

She bit down on her plump lower lip again. I wanted to run my tongue across it, soothe it. Okay, not soothe it. Nibble on it myself, then take my nibbles down across her body. Her gaze met mine, and I couldn't figure out what the flecks of gold shining there might mean. They were like brilliant stars swirling together. But I sensed a change in her that was reflected in her eyes. As if she'd come to a big decision and was going to make an announcement.

I nodded, encouraging her to continue.

"I want to go wild with you, Katar, but I have no idea how to do it. Would you teach me?"