Chapter Thirty-Four

It's not long afterwards that we go in for dinner. We're sitting with Theo's family and I feel myself relax as that sense of being on display disappears. After we've eaten, Lisa swaps seats with Theo to sit beside me. She looks incredible in a long, sequined pink dress.

The tables have been cleared though people are lingering over coffee and drinks. There's a band who've been playing soft, jazzy covers through dinner, but who are moving on to something more upbeat now. Cara is beginning to drag people up to dance.

‘If this is the rehearsal, I can't wait to see the place tomorrow,' I say to Lisa.

‘I know it's all ridiculous,' she grins, ‘but it seemed mad not to let all our friends make the most of the hotel.'

‘It's not ridiculous at all. All these people love you and they're so excited to celebrate you and Rob. You can feel it in the air; it's lovely.'

‘I'm so glad you're here,' Lisa says, and she squeezes my hand.

I squeeze back. ‘Me too,' I say honestly.

Later, I wander outside to cool down, pressing my hands to my flushed, pink cheeks. It's dark now, and the stars are out, scattered across a velvet black sky: the splintered light from the mirror ball inside multiplied by infinity.

There's a handful of people out smoking and vaping, and I lift my hand in greeting to them before carrying on further into the grounds, away from the noise and the lights, just for a minute, just to catch my breath.

Down one of the gravel pathways is an archway cut through a tall hedge, and beyond that a small, private garden with a stone bench. I sit down with a grateful sigh. The high shrubbery encloses the space, and I feel my shoulders relax. It's fun being here, but it's a lot of people, especially after the solitude of the past six weeks.

There's a crunching sound as someone else walks down the path, and I don't even wonder for a moment who it might be, so sure it's Theo – the only other person I want to see right now. I left him sitting with his mum, a sleeping Oliver in his lap, his face pink and happy.

‘Here you are,' he says, stepping through to my hiding place.

‘Here I am,' I agree. ‘You didn't have to worry about me; you were having a nice time with your mum.'

He saunters over, his hands in his pockets. ‘She took Oliver and Hannah up to bed,' he says, sitting down next to me. ‘Good luck to her. The baby finally fell asleep. Hannah's still going strong.' He tips his head back, closes his eyes for a moment.

‘That's because you were slipping her all those sweets that are supposed to be wedding favours for tomorrow.'

His mouth tugs up. ‘Hey, that's what uncles are for.'

‘Winding children up and then leaving someone else to try and wrestle them into their pyjamas?'

‘Exactly,' he nods. ‘All the fun, none of the responsibility. It'll be different when I'm a parent. Might as well make the most of it.'

The image of Theo holding a little dimpled baby temporarily cuts off the blood flow to my brain. I might have to put my head down between my legs.

‘Do you want children, then?' I ask casually. Or at least, I aim for casual, but it definitely comes out too squeaky to pull it off.

‘Yes, I think so,' he says, his face still tipped up, away from me.

‘Lisa said she thought you'd make a great dad,' I say.

He chokes on a laugh, winces. ‘Oh God, sorry. I thought it would be Mum trying to not so subtly make the case for more grandchildren.'

‘It was actually in the context of a conversation about Ripp.'

‘Oof. Not sure that's better.' He picks up my hand, presses a kiss to my palm. I curl my fingers like I'm planning to hold on to it forever.

‘I'm having a nice time,' I say. ‘I really like your family.'

‘They love you.' Theo turns to me now, and his eyes glitter, stars there too. ‘Lisa's already told me she'd choose you over me if we ever split up. Mum and Dad want to know if you'll be coming for Christmas.'

My heart squeezes. ‘Christmas is almost six months away,' I say.

‘I know,' Theo sighs, sounding almost sad about it.

We're quiet for a while.

‘I've never made plans with anyone before,' Theo says softly, ‘but you make me want to buy a five-year diary just so I can write your name on every page.'

I laugh, the sound bright and scattered in the darkness. ‘I love you,' I blurt, because at this point not saying it is a lot harder than saying it. I feel like I swallowed the sun and I'm trying to hide it from everyone, including myself.

Not anymore.

Theo exhales softly, a sound of relief. He pulls me across his lap, wraps his arms around me, presses a kiss next to my ear. ‘Clemmie, I am so in love with you,' he whispers.

Then he kisses the pulse at my neck, the corner of my mouth, my eyebrow, my throat. Soft, sweet touches of his lips against my skin that make me feel cherished, even as they set my heart pounding. By the time our mouths meet, we're both breathing heavily. My lips open under his and his hand cups my calf, moves up over my knee, all the way up to the top of the split in my skirt, his touch warm and heavy. I reach up, pull on his tie and it unravels in my fingers just the way I'd imagined.

‘Do you think Lisa will be upset if we miss the rest of the rehearsal dinner?' I ask huskily.

‘She and Rob actually slipped away twenty minutes ago,' he murmurs, his thumb brushing the inside of my thigh in a way that has me taking a sharp intake of breath. ‘And honestly, I think I deserve a medal for turning up at all, given the way you look in this dress.'

‘It's a very nice dress,' I pant, his fingers skating closer to the edge of my underwear.

‘It is,' Theo agrees amiably. ‘Let's go and take it off you.'