Chapter Twenty-Four

The next day we're both working in the living room, complaining about the heat, when the doorbell goes. ‘Must be a delivery,' I say, getting to my feet.

‘Oooh, I hope it's those Pop Tarts we ordered.' Theo's head lifts.

‘You ordered,' I say. ‘If David ever finds out about those, I already told you: I'm not going down for your crimes.'

‘You'd take a bullet for me, Clemmie. Don't pretend otherwise.'

‘A bullet? Maybe. The wrath of David?' I lift my eyebrows. ‘Think again, sucker.'

Honestly, I am slightly concerned that introducing him to the online American grocery store was a mistake. I tried not to freak out too hard when he put over ￡300 worth of extremely unnatural flavourings in his basket, paying for it with a black credit card that looked like it was made of some material mined from an alien planet.

But when I cautiously check the door cam, it's not a Pop Tart delivery, it's Lil.

‘Surpriiiiiiise!' she yells, throwing herself at me.

‘Lil!' I exclaim, squeezing her tight, all wrapped up in her familiar sandalwood perfume. ‘What are you doing here?'

‘I had a gig in Newcastle last night,' Lil says, moving past me and looking around herself with interest. ‘I thought I'd come up and say hi in person. I missed your face.'

‘I missed yours, too.'

‘Wow, look at this place, it's so different.' My sister wanders through to the sitting room ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the remodelling before she spies Theo on the sofa. ‘Theo! Hey, it's so nice to see you!'

‘Lil!' If Theo is surprised to see my sister, he doesn't show it. Instead he gets to his feet and wraps his arm around her shoulders. She kisses him on both his cheeks.

‘Oh, right,' I say, suddenly awkward, ‘you two already know each other.'

‘We've played a couple of festivals together,' Theo says, still standing close to my sister. ‘When was the last one? Reading, I guess? A couple of years ago.'

‘That's right.' Lil beams up at him. ‘How's Sidney doing?'

‘Oh, you know Sid,' Theo groans and Lil laughs.

‘Fully recovered, then?' she asks.

‘Of course.'

‘I'll put the kettle on,' I say, my voice too bright. I don't know why this is weird for me – I knew that Lil and Theo moved in some of the same circles.

‘No, no.' Theo moves then, standing close to me so that my shoulder is pressed against his chest. He lifts a hand and rests it on my back, looks down at me with a crinkly-eyed smile. ‘I'll do that while you guys catch up. But it's so hot, do you want some of that disgusting iced mint tea you've been guzzling? I made a jug of it this morning and put it in the fridge.'

‘Oh, that would be nice,' I say, ‘and it's not disgusting; it's just wasted on you.'

‘It tastes like cold toothpaste water and you know it,' Theo calls over his shoulder, already headed for the kitchen. ‘Oh!' he stops suddenly, as though remembering she exists. ‘Sorry, Lil, what do you fancy?'

‘Cold toothpaste water sounds great,' my sister says, her gaze flicking between me and Theo.

‘No problem,' he replies.

Lil is quiet until I ask her about Serena and Bee, and then she shakes her head and smiles. ‘I can't believe it. I never thought I'd see Serena so smitten. She's acting like it's a personal failure. I can't work out if she's happy or devastated by it.'

‘You know how independent she is. It's hard for her to be vulnerable like that,' I say.

Lil hums in agreement as Theo returns with two glasses of iced tea.

Lil and I settle ourselves around the table and after a moment's hesitation, Theo returns to the sofa and picks up his guitar. ‘I'll just head to my room.'

‘No, don't bother on my account,' Lil says quickly. ‘Not if this is where you usually write. I promised Serena I wouldn't interrupt.'

Theo looks at me. ‘Are you sure?' he asks.

‘Of course,' I say. ‘That's why we're here.' I don't know why the words hang in the air.

‘Wow,' Lil exclaims, her eyes lighting on Theo's guitar. ‘Is that a Martin D-45?'

‘Yeah, 1940.' Theo holds it out to her. ‘I've had this one a while now. I've brought a bunch here with me, but I like writing on this one best.'

Lil nods. ‘Serena said you're working on your new album,' she says, strumming lightly at the guitar. ‘Beautiful,' she breathes, reverent over what must, I suppose, be an incredibly expensive instrument.

‘I'm trying.' Theo grimaces. ‘The writing has been slow. But it's coming on now.'

‘It's really good,' I say quickly, and then I flush when they both turn to me. ‘I mean, the bits I've heard are anyway. Not that my opinion counts for much.'

‘I think your opinion counts for a lot,' Theo says softly.

Lil has that furtive, darting look about her again.

‘So, how's Henry?' I ask, and she swoons back into her chair.

‘I'm in so deep, Clemmie. He's everything. He's like… the sun and the moon all at once.'

‘Ah, the smoon,' I nod wisely.

Theo chuckles while Lil pretends to be outraged. ‘You mock me, but I'm telling you those three wishes we made…'

I groan. ‘Lil, you and those wishes!'

‘Remind me, Lil,' Theo calls from the sofa, where he's plucking at the guitar, making all these fancy, frilly notes run up and down. (I don't know the lingo, okay, we've already covered this.) ‘What was your wish again?'

‘Big, unconditional, soulmate love,' Lil answers promptly, squeezing her clasped hands between her knees, wriggling like a little kid. ‘And I swear, we have unearthed some, like, deep dormant magic in our veins. The wishes were supposed to be just for Clemmie but clearly our power spilled over. It's like we summoned Henry into existence, and now there's Serena and Bee…'

‘Sounds like you're next, Clemmie,' Theo says lightly. ‘Watch out, your soulmate is coming for you.'

I clear my throat. ‘I think I'm the proof that we don't, in fact, have magical powers. But I'm so happy for you and Serena,' I say to my sister.

‘We'll see,' Lil replies mysteriously, ‘but if it's such a coincidence, get this – last night after my gig I ran into an old friend and she's opening a new music venue in London and she wants me to be a part of it. It's going to be small and arty, something that supports upcoming artists.'

‘You've been talking about something like that for ages,' I exclaim.

‘I know!' Lil squeals. ‘How's that for doing a job you love?!' She turns to Theo. ‘That was Clemmie's wish.'

Her words take something in me by surprise. When we made those wishes, I was so sure I'd just lost the job I loved, but over the last few weeks I haven't missed it at all. Well, maybe teaching my students, but the rest of it? The truth is it's been a relief. That thought sends a wave of panic through me and I push it roughly aside.

‘Oh, I know all about Clemmie's wishes,' Theo is saying. ‘And I'm sure she'll get everything she wants.'

Lil grins impishly. ‘Yes, because it's like we've tuned into the vibrations of the universe or something. Honestly, I've never been so happy, and it's making me feel so creative. And as for Serena's wish… let's just say that I'm having the best sex of my life. Henry does this thing where—'

‘Yes, all right,' I cut her off. ‘We don't need to hear about that, thanks.'

‘Don't be such a prude, Clem. I'm trying to give you all my top tips here.'

‘We don't need any tips!' I say and then freeze, totally aware of how that sounded. ‘I mean I don't need any tips and Theo definitely doesn't need any tips.'

Lil is giggling, but Theo just winks at me. ‘Thank you, sweetheart.' He's using his gravelly voice again. ‘I'm glad to hear it.'

‘I meant,' I say, feeling the hot red flush creeping up my neck, ‘that you don't need to be subjected to the details of Lil's sex life.'

‘Of course you did,' Theo replies soothingly and I glare at him while Lil snort-laughs beside me.

‘Anyway,' I say firmly, changing the subject, ‘back to the job thing. I've been keeping an eye on the academic job sites and there was a position that came up this week that I might apply for.'

‘You don't sound very enthusiastic,' Lil remarks.

‘Of course I am!' I say quickly. ‘This is what I've been working towards for years. Of course I'm enthusiastic. It's just… you know, job applications. They're so daunting and there's no guarantee I'll even get an interview.'

‘They'd be absolutely mad not to hire you,' Lil says staunchly and absolutely without basis.

As she tells me more about this venue her friend wants to open, her eyes keep darting away and I can tell I don't have her full attention.

Finally, it gets to be too much for her because she bursts out, ‘Oh my God, Theo, I love that riff.'

I've got so used to Theo playing in the background that I hadn't really noticed he was doing it, but clearly Lil had. She's glowing with enthusiasm, half out of her chair, as if it's a struggle not to move closer to the music.

She sings the notes in her lovely, clear-bell voice, the same notes I had told him I liked that first day he played.

‘Really?' Theo looks so pleased it squeezes at something in my chest.

Lil nods. ‘Are you building something around it?'

‘Yeah, I'm trying to.'

‘I'd love to hear some of it,' she says. ‘Only if you want?'

I wonder for a second if Serena has put her up to this. Meeting Theo's eye, I can tell he's having the same idea.

‘Sure,' Theo shrugs, and I'm surprised by how casual he is when he's never offered to play anything for me. Maybe it's different because Lil's a musician too. I try not to let that bother me.

Then Theo starts playing and all other thoughts empty out of my mind. ‘I don't have lyrics yet,' he says, but he hums a melody while he plays. His long fingers dance over the strings, and the music soars, filling the room. And it's beautiful. It's just him and the guitar but somehow it sounds bigger than that. I can feel it all the way through me. I can feel it in my teeth.

‘That's all I've got,' he says, coming to an abrupt stop.

‘Oh my God, Theo,' I manage. I'm breathing like I've just run a marathon.

He looks at me and whatever he sees on my face has his cheeks turning pink. ‘It's not done,' he says gruffly.

‘I can't believe all of that… is in you,' I say disjointedly. I am in so much trouble here. What a massive cliché, going weak at the knees over a handsome man playing the guitar.

‘It sounds incredible,' Lil enthuses, saving me from further mortification. ‘I love it. What else do you have?' And now I know she's not asking because of Serena; she's asking because she's absolutely caught up in the moment.

Theo grins. ‘I've got a couple of other things on the go.'

And then Lil's sitting on the sofa beside him and they've got their heads bent together while Theo plays something else. And eventually, after a while, Lil starts singing along and he nods and plays some more and then she grabs the guitar from him – grabs it without asking, like she's hanging out with a friend, all reverence of the fancy instrument gone – and Lil starts to play, changing what Theo was doing very slightly, in a way that I don't understand. Then Theo is the one who gets enthusiastic, and before any of us know it… they're writing a song. Together.

I watch silently. Watch these two people I care about, completely lit up with this thing that they love, and I feel a messy swirl of envy and tenderness and loneliness and joy.

I remember what Theo said, about how he only likes to write alone, but now he's here with us and he's writing with Lil, and he looks so happy and unguarded, there's none of the anxiety I've felt coming off him over making this album.

When he looks up and catches me watching, he smiles at me, a sweet smile that knifes through my heart because it's full of something I don't know how to interpret. Or perhaps I just don't want to. And so I look away, and let the music wash over me instead.