Chapter Five

Anika

“Any word from Emma?” Max asks me for the tenth time this morning.

“No. I texted her and she said the only thing she knew was that the marriage license had been officially filed,” I say as I look up from my phone. We will be boarding in a few minutes for New York. I am so fucking anxious. I just need to get on this plane and out of this town before I implode.

“Are you okay?” Rowan asks.

“Yeah. I’m just jumpy. I keep thinking someone is going to come out of nowhere and commit me,” I admit. “I mean, I have a temper, but I’ve kept it very well controlled as an adult. I’m not crazy and the fact that they are making me out to be crazy is infuriating.”

My phone vibrates in my hand, and I look down to see it’s Emma. Anxiety swells inside of me and I just stare at my phone.

“Answer it, Nika,” Max says. I huff and take the call.

“Hello?” I answer.

“Hey,” Emma sighs.

“Fuck it’s bad, isn’t it? You sighed,” I say.

“They are contesting the marriage. They are claiming that Rowan pressured you into marrying him so that he could take over a trust they have for you.”

“They don’t have a trust for me. Are they still claiming that I’m crazy?” I ask.

“Yes. They said that you had a mental break after Isaac left you and they are concerned for your well-being. They were granted a hearing,” she explains.

“Fuck, Emma,” I say as I stand. I can’t sit anymore. Rowan stands with me and Max watches from his seat. “What can I do?”

“We may need people to vouch for you and Rowan about your relationship over the last eight years. You two have worked very closely for a long time so even as a friendship it helps. I’ll have Quinn pull security footage for any time he’s been in here, as well as you. You always came and left with Mia. He came and went with many women,” she says.

“When is the hearing?” I ask.

“They originally set it as tomorrow, but I told them that you were on a trip for work and couldn’t be there until Thursday. We have to be there at nine.”

“Alright. Has anything been said about the kidney bullshit?” I ask.

“No. I’m not bringing it up until the hearing. As long as they don’t annul the marriage, it’ll be fine,” she says.

“And if they get their way and annul the marriage? ”

“Then we are in for a fight,” she says simply. “I am setting up a video chat with a psychiatrist for you tonight. He is a good friend of mine. I want to get something on the record now that you are of sound mind. Understand that you have to be absolutely honest and cooperative. He is going to make you talk about everything, including The Cherry. He is going to dig into your childhood and your family relationships. Let him in and tell him everything, Anika. I mean it. If we can get a diagnosis on record to prove their emotional abuse, then we can very easily prove that they are trying to manipulate you. Add in them wanting you to donate your kidney and you are solid.”

“I swear to God, Emma. I will kill myself before I ever let someone give her my kidney. I’m not letting her have anything else of mine. I’m not joking,” I say seriously.

“I know, sweetie. You’ve done nothing but give her your entire life. I understand why you don’t want to help her. Anyone with common sense understands,” she says comfortingly. “Just don’t threaten to kill yourself on the video chat.”

The speakers in the airport inform us that our flight has started boarding and I sigh. “We are about to get on the plane. Send me the details for the video call with the psychiatrist. Literally, everyone at work knows how close Rowan and I are.”

“Mia is going to talk to people at your work. She said that she is confident that many of them will write a statement for you two. Also, everyone at your work knows you two got married,” she says. I go to pick up my bag, but Max takes it and my ticket as we walk towards the jet bridge entrance.

“Yeah, Rowan called the owner and told him yesterday as well as what’s going on. He’s already said he will do what he can to help so just have Mia go talk to him and fill him in on this bullshit. When we land today, we will go to the conference. I can do the video call any time after five. Tomorrow we will be there from eight until four. Wednesday we will land around noon,” I say as Max gives my ticket and his to the woman at the door.

“Okay. This guy is someone I use frequently in cases. I trust him and so will the guys, so I need you to trust him, okay?” she asks.

“I know. I will communicate why I am hesitant if I hit a wall. I am so used to Mom and Dad being able to buy people off. I know they will pay someone off to say I am not competent at minimum.” Once Rowan gives his ticket to the lady we make our way onto the plane. I take a seat between Rowan and Max.

“Well, they can only buy off so many people. This hearing is out of their reach because the judge it was assigned to is very strict. She can spot manipulation from a mile away,” Emma says.

“I mean it’s pretty straightforward. I exist because she had cancer. They took the stem cells and when I was old enough that a whack job doctor would do it, they took bone marrow. Now her kidneys are trying to jump ship and they expect me to give her a whole ass organ. I said no and they are throwing a temper tantrum,” I say.

“Basically. I feel good about this. Just please actually talk to the therapist. If he reports at all that you wouldn’t talk or you were hostile in any way, then they will use it against you and at minimum annul the marriage.”

“I will. It’s going to be hard, but I’ll do it. However, if I have a mental breakdown talking about my trauma then that will look bad,” I sigh .

“No, if you refuse to talk or lose your temper it will look bad. It’s okay and normal to be traumatized after what they have done to you since before you were born.”

“I know. I’m going to get off here and update the two men staring holes into me,” I say.

“Okay,” she laughs. “You’ll have the information before you land.” We end the call and I rub my hands down my face. I tell Rowan and Max everything that Emma told me as well as the plan. Both of them look calm, which is comforting. If they aren’t panicking, I shouldn’t either.

“Thoughts?” I ask.

“Emma is very good at what she does. I am confident that everything will be okay,” Max says.

“I agree. I think it's a nuisance, but it’s nothing to worry about,” Rowan says.

I slip my earbuds in and lay my head back. I just want to drown out the world for a minute. I stay like this for the entire flight, because right after takeoff, I fell asleep. Rowan gently wakes me a few minutes before we land. Once we get our bags and get out of the airport, we take an Uber to the hotel. Conveniently enough, the conference is in the same hotel, so we won’t have to leave until we have to fly home.

The day speeds by once we get to the conference. Max comes with us, even though he is slightly out of his element. He has never seen the side of me that Rowan knows so well. I wouldn’t say I am a different person at work, I just sound much bubblier and less bratty. He seems to enjoy watching me as I work at pitching myself and the company .

I was born and raised in Georgia so if what I say doesn’t give that away, my Southern accent does. Being in New York instantly makes me sound like I just crawled out of the hollow. I get judged on my accent pretty quickly, but my sweet Southern charm draws them in for long enough that they realize that I am in fact not a moron. I don’t know who started the rumor that Southerners are ignorant, but some of the smartest people I know are Southerners.

When we get done for the day, we go up to our room. I change into shorts and steal one of Max’s shirts before I dramatically throw myself onto the bed.

“How long until the meeting?” Rowan asks.

“Five minutes,” I mumble.

“Do you want us to go find something to do and give you space?” he asks.

“I’d prefer you guys stay. It will make me feel less alone,” I admit.

“Okay,” Rowan says sweetly before kissing me deeply. I whine when he pulls away.

“Get on your call and get this over with. After, we will order dinner and you can be the dessert,” Max says before pulling me back to lay on the bed as he kisses me.

“That’s the motivation I needed,” I say with a smile.

“Good. Get on your call, Nika,” he says as points to my laptop sitting on the coffee table in the sitting area of our hotel room.

“Ugh,” I complain. I get up and move to the couch, tucking my feet under me. I hesitate for a moment before clicking the link in my email. The screen spins for a second before the call comes to life. I see a man in his mid-thirties. He has well-groomed black hair and a kind face. He notices that I have joined and smiles. Fuck, he’s hot too. Is everyone around Emma hot?

“Hi, Anika. I am Dr. Theo Dache, but just call me Theo. Emma said you are on a business trip?” he asks.

“Yeah. I am in New York for a writer's conference. My company goes every year since a number of our clients go. It gives us a chance to pitch the company and gain new clients,” I say.

“So, you are a publishing agent?”

“Yeah. I started at Genesis Press when I was eighteen. I started as an intern and was moved into a regular agent role after two years. I am the lead agent now. That’s why I travel,” I explain.

“And you travel with Rowan?” he asks.

“I do. I’ve been traveling with him for a little over three years now.”

“It sounds like you really like your job,” he says with a smile. I can see on his face that he is a digger. He is about to dig up everything I’ve been hiding in my mind.

“I do. College and work have always been my sanctuary,” I say.

“What did you go to college for?”

“I have a Bachelor's in English and a minor in psychology,” I say.

“So, you like to write?” he asks. I sigh and look at him for a second.

“I used to,” I say simply.

“What made you stop? You made a whole career around writing, so it must have been impactful.”

“You are going straight in, aren’t you?” I ask.

“I am,” he smiles.

“Well…” I say but pause for a moment. I glance at Rowan and Theo notices.

“Is Rowan there?” he asks.

“He is. So is one of our… friends,” I say. I shouldn't have hesitated to say that. Now I have to explain the three-way relationship. Based on how his facial expression just changed, he’s definitely going to ask about it.

“Do you care if they join us?” he asks.

“So, you can make sure they are not coaching me?” I ask and he laughs.

“Something like that,” he chuckles.

“If they want to. They know most of what you are about to drag out of me anyway,” I say as I look at them. Without hesitation, they come to sit with me on camera.

“Most?” he asks.

“Yeah. There is a good bit that I haven’t said to anyone,” I say.

“Let’s get back to the writing before we circle back to your lie about your friend,” he says.

“Okay,” I say with a laugh.

“When did you stop writing?” he asks.

“When I was sixteen,” I say.

“Why?”

“Because my parents found my journal and read it. They burned it and I was… grounded for three days,” I say slowly.

“Grounded? You seemed unsure of that wording,” he states.

“Uh… Well, I got locked in the basement over an entire weekend with nothing but me and the dark, so I’m not sure if that counts as being grounded or not,” I say bluntly. Rowan and Max both look at me in shock.

“What was written that they reacted like that?” he asks, unphased.

“A few things. One thing that my mom mentioned was how I wrote that I wish my sister’s cancer would come back and kill her. Her doctor was concerned it came back and I was told I may have to donate bone marrow again. My dad was angry that I wrote about turning someone in for trying to assault me,” I explain.

“No one under eighteen is allowed to donate bone marrow,” he states.

“Oh, I know. It didn’t stop them from getting her doctor to do it. I was born so that they could use the stem cells from the umbilical cord to treat Harper. I am basically a perfect match for donation for her,” I say. “Emma has the limited records if you are curious.”

“I’ll look into that,” he says simply. Before I can stop myself, I put my foot in my mouth.

“I am assuming you don’t believe me?” I ask with acid in my voice. I immediately sigh and close my eyes for a second.

“Why would I not?” Theo asks softly.

“Because the one time I was questioned, and I said that, my parents told them that I was a liar. Look… I was taught from early on that I exist only because they needed something from me. They needed bone marrow when I was four but promptly started covering it up because they knew it was illegal that they got someone to do that. They likely had to pay off a lot of people for that. I don’t know how they got away with it. I am used to no one caring about what they did and still do to me.”

“I’ll have you elaborate on that more in a second. You mentioned an attempted assault?” he asks and I just nod.“Can you elaborate?” he asks.

A disobedient tear sneaks down my cheek and I swipe it away before shaking my head. I can feel myself shutting down.“Let’s start this slowly then, okay?” he asks.

“Okay,” I say quietly.

“What do you mean by attempted?”

“Uh… They basically did everything except actual penetration,” I say. Oddly, that’s the easy part to say.

“Who was it?” he asks. I quickly shake my head. I am not putting that on record. I am not getting called a liar again. No one believed me then, so why now? “Was it family?” he asks, and I nod as more tears slip down my cheeks. Rowan hands me a tissue from the box beside him and they are both rubbing my back. I think they can sense how close I am to breaking down. “Do they know?”

“No. I’ve never told anyone,” I say quietly.

“Why don’t you want to say who it is?” he asks.

“Because I don’t want to be called a liar again,” I tell him.

“No one will call you a liar,” he states. “I feel like this is an important detail for the bigger picture.”

That is basically his way of telling me to give it up or he will have to write down that I’m being difficult. “It uh… It was my dad,” I say. “He used to drink a lot. One time he came into my room and was… touching me. Made me do things to him but before he got too far, Harper came in to tell me to be quiet because I was crying. He just got up and left. Harper told me to shut up and go to sleep and shut my door. When they read it in my journal, he denied it and I told my mom that Harper was there. Harper said I was lying, and I was crying because I had gotten in trouble for being awake past my bedtime.”

“Thank you for telling me that,” he says.

“You say that as if I have a choice. I should be used to that by now,” I frown.

“You feel like you don't have a choice in anything?” he asks.

“No. I exist to serve Harper. If it didn’t fit into that, my parents didn’t care.”

“Is that what led you to where we are now?” he asks.

“Kind of. Harper’s kidneys are failing, and she needs a transplant. I refused and they said they would basically just have me committed and sign for it to be done. I would have considered it if I hadn’t walked in on her fucking my fiancé,” I say.

“Rowan?” he asks.

“No, Isaac. I was essentially being forced to marry him. Although I did start dating him willingly,” I say.

“Is this why you married Rowan?” he asks. “So they couldn’t try and have you committed?”

“I… don’t think I should answer that,” I say slowly.

“You are not confessing to murder. It cannot and will not leave this session,” he says.

“Yeah… If they aren’t my next of kin then they cannot do any of that,” I admit.

“Do you regret doing it?” he asks.

“No,” I say confidently.

“Are you happy with the idea of staying married to him?” he asks.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I love them. I think I have for a while,” I say.

“Them,” he repeats my words as a statement.

“Yes. Rowan and Max,” I confirm.

“So you are in a relationship with both of them?” he asks.

“Yes.”

“How do you know Max?” he asks me.

“I met him through a friend at Emma’s club a few years ago.”

“Ah. While you were with Isaac?” he asks.

“I didn’t cheat on Isaac, if that’s what you are getting at,” I frown.

“Then what did you do with Max?” he asks simply.

“We did practice BDSM scenes together but there was never a sexual element to it,” I explain.

“What element did it have if it wasn’t sexual?”

“Stress management mostly. It was a way to give my brain a break for a while,” I explain.

“What were you trying to escape from?” he asks.

“Isaac mostly. My parents. Harper. Myself,” I say.

“Why Isaac?”

“Because he was toxic and mentally abusive. They all were. Between him and my family, I was called everything from worthless to fat. Those scenes with Max allowed me to escape those thoughts and helped me manage my anger,” I explain.

“How did it help you control your anger?”

“Well, Max and I talked a lot about my anger and although he didn’t know the specifics, he understood I needed to find a place to get rid of that anger. Those scenes just help level my head. Some people scream into a pillow. Some people go jogging. I go to The Cherry,” I say simply.

“What did you practice with Max?”

“Impact mostly,” I say and he nods.

“Did you have any other tendencies towards self-harm?” he asks. I narrow my eyes at him, not liking that he called it that. “Self-harm comes in many forms, Anika. It could be smoking a cigarette or cutting, but it’s still harmful. BDSM has an element of controlled pain. Although it is safe when practiced correctly, it is still harmful in a literal sense.”

“No. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t cut,” I say simply.

“Have you ever been suicidal?”

“Kinda, but not in a way that I wanted to actively go and do it. It was more so that I wanted away from them. When I started working, I finally had something to focus my energy on.”

“Do you have nightmares?” he asks.

“No,” I say simply.

“Yes, she does,” Rowan says. I look at him in confusion. “Night terrors technically. That’s why you don’t remember them.”

“Tell me about them,” Theo says to Rowan.

“She started living with me last week. Every night since she’s been there, she’s woken up crying and screaming. She will say things like she’s begging someone to stop doing something, but she’s never said anything specific. The first night she was at the house, I called her best friend and Mia said to just make sure she stays in the room and when she calms down just lead her back to bed. Mia said she would wake up the next day like nothing happened. She warned me to not wake her while this was happening, or it would scare the hell out of her. So, when she wakes, I just sit with her until she relaxes. Then I get her back into bed and I go back to sleep.”

“Why didn’t you guys tell me?” I ask.

“Mia said it was going to be easier on you if you didn’t know and that it only happened when you were stressed or worried,” Rowan says .

“I do agree with that short-term,” Theo says. “Do you know what he is talking about with what you were saying?”

“Yes,” I sigh. “When I’d get in trouble, Dad would whip me with a belt for… a while. It varied.”

“What were some things you’d get in trouble for?” he asks.

“Basically everything. They liked for me to be seen and not heard. I was expected to be perfectly mannered and never say 'no' to them or Harper,” I say. “Sometimes Dad would just make shit up if he had a bad day and wanted something to take his anger out on.”

“What do you think about your sister needing a kidney?” he asks.

“I hope she gets one, but her body rejects it,” I say simply.

“Why?”

“Because I want her to understand what it feels like to get something taken from her. She has spent her whole life being catered to and given everything while I have given her everything but my job. From little things like my prom dress to my fiancé. I didn’t want to be with him but the fact that she did it and didn’t care is what makes me angry. I want so desperately to just cut all of them off, but they make it impossible because they just keep wanting to take from me,” I say, with more tears spilling down my cheeks. Rowan hands me another tissue and I take a second to collect myself before Theo speaks.

“Do you think you are mentally competent?” he asks.

“Yes.”

“Why?” he asks.

“Because I have held the same job for eight years. I am really fucking good at my job, too. I manage my own finances perfectly fine, even if I did let Isaac trick me into spending my savings on him. I am rational and logical. I do have anger issues, but it is very well controlled,” I explain.

“I don’t think you have anger issues,” he says simply.

“If it isn’t anger, what is it?” I ask.

“I think you have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This just means your PTSD is a result of long-term exposure to trauma. Specifically, your family. You talk about your job and your partners with ease, but your family is where it changed. With your sister, it is anger and resentment. With your father, it is straight fear, but you hardly mentioned your mom. I feel like although your father is the source of your fear, your mother is the source of the hesitance and defensiveness,” he explains.

“Mom had chance after chance to stop Dad from whipping me with the belt over stupid shit. She would openly tell me that she only wanted me so that her daughter could live. Neither of them has ever told me they loved me. They never acknowledged my birthday or included me in any holiday. I was nothing to them. Now all of a sudden, they want something from me again, so they pay attention to me. They forced me to come to family dinner so that they could try to guilt me into having major surgery, and then threatened me when I said no. They saw the bruises that Isaac left on me but blamed me.

“Them doing this helped me make my first real choice for myself by getting married to Rowan. I think my best friend was right when she said we would have ended up here anyway, but this is what finally pushed me over the edge,” I say.

“Simply put, you need to disconnect from your family,” he says.

“Definitely trying. If they get their way, they will have the marriage annulled so that they can be my next of kin again. Then they’ll try to have me committed or drive me insane until I have a mental breakdown first,” I say.

“Well, I’d like for you to establish care with me. I can have a scheduler email you the paperwork,” he says.

“You are going to have to give me more than that, Theo,” I frown.

“It means if you establish care with him, he has to be the one to sign off on you being committed. They wouldn’t be able to just bring in a random doctor to call you unfit. They’d have to go to him first,” Rowan says.

“Ah. Well, do you think I’m crazy, too?” I ask Theo.

“I don’t think you are crazy. I think you are traumatized. In your day-to-day life you may hide it well, but when you are triggered and cannot bring yourself back down, you panic. That takes the form of anxiety, anger, or both. I think seeing someone regularly to address your trauma more in-depth combined with taking the source of the repeated trauma out of your life will vastly improve your mental health.”

“I feel like I am having to put a lot of trust in you right now,” I admit.

“I understand. It likely feels like you are giving away your ability to choose because of your parents' threats but understand that in no way do I think you are unfit. No one should be making choices like an organ donation for you. Also, due to what I believe to be severe complex PTSD, a major surgery like that is extremely ill- advised.

“Alright,” I sigh. “I’ll fill out whatever it is I need to as long as I don’t have to actually come into an office to see you all of the time. Not that I don’t want to, I just don’t like missing work”

“I’d like to talk to you twice a week but only once or twice a month will I ask you to come into the office,” he says.

“Twice a week?” I ask.

“You are having night terrors every night, Anika. You have spent the last twenty-six years being traumatized and re-traumatized over and over by your family. It’s going to take time and patience to work through,” he says.

“I’m sure your boss won’t mind if you take an hour,” Max says, and I laugh.

“I will be at the hearing on Thursday to testify on your behalf, so we will meet in person then. Going into this hearing, I need you to completely distance yourself from them however necessary,” he says.

“I’ll use Rowan and Max as human shields,” I laugh. “Or Quinn.”

“Quinn is a good shield,” Theo laughs.

“That’s how I know you,” Max says. “You come to The Cherry”

“Oh shit,” I gasp and cover my mouth.

“You could have kept that one to yourself,” Rowan says.

“What?” Max says, confused.

“He was there Saturday. He was waiting outside Emma’s office,” I say with an exasperated sigh.

“Oh… Oh shit. Yeah, I should have kept that to myself,” Max laughs.

“I have so many questions right now that I don’t want to be answered,” I say.

“Such as,” Theo asks.

“Like when did you get there on Saturday? That’s basically it. That’s the source of my need to jump out of the window,” I say. “I probably shouldn’t say things like that to my psychiatrist.”

“A little dark humor never hurt anyone,” Theo smiles. “For the sake of transparency and trust, do you want me to answer that?”

“Kinda. I definitely don’t want or need to know why you were there at all, but I would like to know how long you had been there,” I say.

“A few hours,” he says, trying to remain expressionless.

“Oh… that’s wonderful. Delightful,” I say sarcastically. “Awesome. I love that for me.”

“I will have Annie email you the paperwork, Okay?” Theo asks with a smirk.

“Man, why did you even ask about Max if you already knew?” I ask with a deep frown,

“Because that’s not something I should have known. It is not common that I encounter this situation.”

“Oh, dear Lord,” I sigh. “So you? … I mean you… ugh,”

“Yes, I heard. Do you have any other questions that you’d like to torture yourself with?” he asks me with a sweet smile .

Fuck, Doc. Don’t do that to me. Don’t look at me like that. You are way too off limits to fuck with my head like that.

“No. I’ll stop, for my own sake,” I say. A blonde appears on camera for just a second as she lays a sticky note on his desk and walks away

“Annie has everything sent to you,” he says. “Fill it out tonight if you can and she will get you in the system.”

“Are you always at the office this late?” I ask.

“I’m not at the office, I'm at home,” he smirks.

“But you just said..” I stop myself and shake my head. Not finishing with that topic.

“That means Annie is his Sub,” Max says, poking fun at me.

“Yeah, I got that Max. Thanks,” I say flatly.

“Annie is my wife,” Theo says, chuckling. “Fill out the paperwork, Anika.”

“Why do you keep saying that?” I ask with a frustrated sigh.

“Because ever since your discovery that I unintentionally heard you with them on Saturday night, you are acting like you are going to delete the email and hope for the best,” he says bluntly.

“Okay. I’ll fill it out if we can just not talk about that,” I say.

“Oh, we are going to discuss why it triggers you… but not right now,” he says simply.

“I can live with that,” I say.

“Good. I will see you guys on Thursday,” he says. We get off the video call and I stay staring at my laptop.

“My psychiatrist has heard me come,” I say to myself out loud. Rowan and Max laugh heartily.

“Based on what I just saw… He wishes he was there to witness it,” Rowan grins.

“Are you all bent out of shape because you think he’s hot?” Max asks me.

“It should be illegal for a psychiatrist to be hot,” I sigh and they both laugh again.