65. Jasper Ridge

65

Jasper Ridge

H eads up, we got another body!”

“Female. Young twenties maybe. Could be the mother.”

“Severe burns. Fuck , I haven’t seen anything this bad since Christian and Daisy’s Diner.”

“Where are the paramedics?”

“She isn’t going to make it!”

“Someone get the damned hosepipes now, this thing’s going to blow!”

“Where’s those fucking paramedics?”

Firemen shouted at each other at a million miles per hour and I struggled to keep up. The burning blaze was eating away at the very memories before my eyes–the place she took care of me after the party, where I washed her hair for the first time, the bed we both fell asleep in after stuffing our faces in popcorn and gouging our eyes in back-to-back Marvel movies…

“Poppy!” I yelled, desperately running towards the door, despite the howling flames. I’d walk through fire for that girl. No questions asked. Heat blasted in my face, already drawing beads of sweat on my forehead.

A hand grabbed me by the arm, hauling my body backwards and away from what remained of the house that hadn’t been engulfed in a fiery blaze.

“Where is she? Where is my girl?”

They all seemed to ignore me.

“My girlfriend is inside that house! She’s still in there. You have to let me get to her, please –”

“There’s no one else inside there, kid,” a bearded fireman coughed, his arms barring me against his chest and I kicked and squirmed in a last desperate attempt to reach her. “It’s too late.”

“I can’t be too late,” I choked, blistered with reddened eyes and dampened cheeks. “I can’t…”

“I’m sorry, kid.”

Before I knew it, my knees were scraping against the gravel as little red rivers seeped out beneath them. I collapsed helplessly under my own weight like a sunken anchor on the seafloor, submerged and lost under the waves.

“Wellsy…” I rasped, fingernails scraping against the pavement as I attempted to haul myself back to my feet to get to her.

A pair of arms wrapped around me again, except this time, I knew who they belonged to by touch alone.

“I’ve got you, Jas. I’ve got you,” that familiar voice called out.

And I knew he had.

“You’re okay,” Jakson whispered, voice strained as if he was trying his best to hold himself together for me. “I won’t let you go.”

“T-they wouldn’t,” I gasped, “l-let me save her. I couldn’t save her, Jakson. She’s gone. She’s really gone .”

Each word wracked another sob from my body. I’d become a trembling mess of burning blisters and smoke tattered cheeks, flimsy heart strings and heaving lungs.

“I need to see her,” I roared, desperately attempting to scramble away from Jakson. Every inch of my body fought to get back inside that house. To see her. To hold her. One last time. “I need to see her!”

They’d only found one body. A body that didn’t belong to my Wellsy. She was still inside that house. A house that was being torn to shreds by roaring flames, a stroke of a merciless touch at the hands of fate.

“They won’t let me see her,” I sobbed, the sound feral and desperate, unlike anything I had ever heard myself make before. “They won’t—I need to—”

“There is no body,” Jakson whispered, lips ajar and trembling. The tips of his cheeks patterned with specks of soot almost like stars. “There’s nothing left, Cap. The fire—”

My world went silent.

Jakson’s voice was lost to me.

I couldn’t hear anything anymore.

Nothing at all except for the pounding of my heart.

But when I looked to that house, I felt my heart stop beating. My only reason was now gone. Only then did I realize why the firefighters hadn’t stepped foot back inside.

There was nobody left to save.

She died inside that house, alone and frightened.

If only I hadn’t gone to training that morning.

If only I had stayed with her.

If only I had gotten home three minutes earlier.

If only, if only, if only…

Maybe she would still be here, in my arms, with me, safe and sound.

“Did you say you were the little girl’s boyfriend, kid?” The same fireman asked me again, holding out a smoke-tainted envelope to me. “I think…I think you should have this. I’m so sorry.”

Without a second glance, without another word other than I’m so sorry, he walked away back towards where the rest of his crew worked to calm the roaring flames that were advancing with every passing breath.

Glancing down at the warm envelope in my hands, I stared at the all-too-familiar handwriting decorating the cover. Tearing open the envelope, I held my breath as I took out the cream-colored note inside .

Dear Jasper,

I’m sorry. For everything.

I thought I was strong enough to hold on, to stay, to fight for just that little bit longer.

But I was wrong.

You said for infinity, and I almost bought it. But happy endings were never ours to own. I fought. I promise, I tried. But I was so tired, Jasper. So tired all the time.

I couldn’t…I couldn’t hold on any longer.

I hope you can find it somewhere in your heart to forgive me one day. I still love you, I promise. It was never you, so please don’t blame yourself.

I know, despite what you told me, you tried your hardest to fix me, and even though you may have believed I was never broken to begin with, it was nice to pretend for a while that it could’ve been true.

Thank you for everything.

And always remember, I love you 3000.

Your Wellsy, for infinity.

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think straight.

“ No ,” I cried, crumbling up the note and throwing it into the wind. “It’s all lies !” Hoarsely, I yelled each word whilst Jakson and the gathering crowd of people looked at me like I was crazy. A madman who had finally broken.

“Jasper–” Jakson whispered, stepping towards me slowly.

“ No ,” I pleaded with him, with everyone, with the world and the damned fucking universe. To any higher power who might be out there listening. “How can you just stand there! She isn’t dead . I know she isn’t. You have to believe me!”

“I know, I do.” He stepped forward once more, just as I stepped backwards.

He didn’t believe me. I could see it on his face, in the way his brows drew together, and his eyes glanced at me in a pitiful way.

“You have to believe me! This letter is fake! She wouldn’t have killed herself, and she wouldn’t have set that fire! Her mom—her mom hit her, Sonny! She abused her and I had no fucking idea about any of it! You should’ve seen her last night, there was no fucking inch of her that was bleeding or bruised. Hell , that’s what was going on behind those walls, absolute fucking hell , and I was utterly clueless! Everyone in this fucking town was! You have to believe me, please …”

“I do ,” he repeated, wrapping his arm around my side, guiding me down the path away from the flames. Away from her. “I do, Cap. I do.”

I will find you, I vowed, refusing to accept that ending.

I promised her once I’d find her happy ending, and I sure as hell wasn’t stopping now.

I love you 3000, Poppy Wells.

For infinity, and always.