39. Poppy Wells

39

Poppy Wells

“ P lease don’t,” I laughed awkwardly, pushing my hair back over my shoulder before Jasper had the chance to twirl another slightly greasy curl around his finger. I’d been too busy this week ensuring my mom didn’t drown in a pool of her own vomit to even think about taking care of myself. “I haven’t had a chance to wash it lately.”

Jasper shook his head lazily, tilting his chin up so his eyes met my gaze. “You smell like the ocean, which is basically our version of heaven.”

I paused, my body seizing completely. Every time he said something sweet like that, my body automatically seized shut like it was expecting something worse to follow. It was reactions like those that made me truly realize just how deep my scars ran.

“Poppy? Helloooooo . Earth to Poppy? Don’t go running off into that mind of yours, you know how much it hurts me when I can’t get to you. It’s like you’re putting a knife through my dear heart. I wouldn’t die though. It’d keep beating for you, it always would. Unless you died. Then I’d die too, no questions asked.” He slurred, gazing up at me with these big, brown eyes full of child-like wonder and something else…something that looked a lot like love.

“You’re drunk, Jasper. You don’t mean any of that.”

Even though it meant everything to me.

He frowned. “I mean it. I do. Every word.”

“ Mm ,” I mused. “Sure you do, Ridge.”

He didn’t say anything more after that. Instead, he just kept looking up at me like I’d hung the moon and painted stars across his sky. He looked at me like I was his favorite masterpiece, and a part of my soul broke with each blink of his eyelashes. It had taken us longer than it should’ve to get home, which gave me countless minutes to overthink about what I was doing—never in my entire life had I brought anyone to my house, let alone a boy. I’d just… I never had that teenage dream experience like everyone else on the planet seemed to have had by my age. I’d just turned seventeen and I’d never even been in a relationship, yet alone kissed someone.

How could’ve I? I spent my evenings cleaning up the glass on the floor and piecing back together broken picture frames. Making sure to turn my mother onto her side every night so she didn’t choke on her own vomit during her sleep. Between that and surfing, there wasn’t any time left for me to enjoy everything this town had to offer. It had never bothered me before, but on that long walk back, it was all I could seem to think about—the girlhood I had lost.

The memories I could’ve had. The laughter I could’ve shared.

“Let me wash it,” Jasper murmured, after a while.

“What?” I squeaked, caught off guard by his deepened voice that made my core burn like someone had lit it on fire.

“Let me wash your hair, Wellsy.”

Just as his fingers reached up to wrap around a loose curl, I swatted them away. His brows drew and hurt flashed across his eyes. “You can barely stand up straight, Jasper, and you think I’d trust you to wash my hair?”

“You’re mean, you know?”

I sighed playfully, a small hidden grin tugging at my lips. “ Yeah, I know, Spiderman.”

“But I still want to. Please , Wellsy.”

I paused, saying nothing for a minute. A million thoughts rushed through my mind, but with one look, Jasper Ridge seemed to silence them all.

“I’m not above begging you,” he groaned, resting his head against my stomach. Those small brown curls fanned across my skin as each of his deepened breaths flooded straight to my core that was getting warmer with each passing second. “This is the desperate man you turn me into, Wellsy.”

I chuckled, messing up his curls a little. He had this perfect-imperfect charm to him; this golden glow that matched the playboy charm that fluttered in his gaze. As much as I wanted to believe him, I knew it was only the drink talking. I’d gone through this cycle with my mother countless times to know the difference now. Still, it didn’t stop my traitorous heart from beating to each word that fell from his lips.

“If you could hear yourself now, you’d have a heart attack,” I laughed but the sound was anything but humorous.

In one smooth motion, Jasper had guided his arms around my waist, hugging my body tightly to his. “You think I hate you,” he breathed heavily, “you don’t have to say anything, Wellsy, I know it’s true. I’m sorry for what happened with everything, you never deserved any of it. Hell, you were just a little kid…I know this is years overdue, and I understand if you continue to hate me afterwards, but just know, I never hated you. You were my ocean, Poppy. My entire fucking ocean. You make my heart beat like boom, boom, boom, ” he hummed against my stomach, tapping his fingers against the back of my legs to a rapid pace. “You’re not so complicated, Poppy Wells. Even if you think your past is hideous and broken, I’d draw a million stars around it if only you gave me a pen. Your secrets would be safe with me, Wellsy. You are safe with me . ”

He whispered the last part so quietly against my skin I thought I’d imagined it. Each passing breath caught in my throat and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. The weight of his words dawned upon me with the force of a million suns.

You’re my ocean too, Jasper Ridge.

The words fell onto my tongue and it took everything inside me to stop them from being released into the big wide world. I…I wasn’t ready to admit that, just yet. At least not to him.

He was being vulnerable and you didn’t even have the human decency to do the same?

My god, you are that pathetic, aren’t you?

He was always more than you’d ever deserve, Poppy.

He was everything you’d never be.

You’d break him.

Destroy him.

Just like you did to Oliver.

Just like you’ve done to everyone else you’ve ever dared to care about.

“Why are you taking care of me like this, Poppy? I thought you hated me.”

My fingers paused their movement, tangled in his golden-brown curls.

“ Everybody needs help at some times ,” I quoted. “ Even Spiderman .”

He laughed, the sound soft and sweet like a kid opening presents at Christmas. Jasper hid his growing smile from me as he pressed his face further against my stomach.

“Am I your Spiderman, Wellsy?”

I gently stroked the underside of his jaw before tilting his chin up to face me. My thumb continued brushing small strokes across his cheeks as I said, “Am I your Gwen Stacy, Ridge?”

“Mm-hmm,” he hummed in contentment, the sound letting butterflies loose in my stomach. His eyes glinted as he pulled back to look up at me. “Nice curls.”

I stifled laughed, motioning to his chest that happened to be bare after he’d rolled down the Spiderman costume so it hung around his waist. “Nice abs.”

“Nice ass.”

That time I couldn’t help the laughter that escaped my lips. Playfully, I pushed his face away as my cheeks heated. “Ever the gentleman, Ridge.”

“For you? Always, love.” He added with a wink, grinning widely.

“Yeah, Yeah,” I mused, shaking my head. “Keep your pretty words, Spiderman.”

After a moment, he asked quietly, “If I’m your Peter Parker, what does that make you?”

“Your broken, fucked up fake girlfriend?” I teased.

He frowned as my laugh faded. His eyes caught mine and didn’t let go as he said, “Wellsy…it makes you my entire fucking world .”

I wish you were sober, Jasper Ridge.

My heart cracked inside my chest, those stone-cold walls shattering to pieces.

I wish I wasn’t a drunken thought of yours.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I reached towards the cupboard by the sink, earning a groan from Jasper, and took out the small bottle of shampoo. Turning back to face him, shampoo in hand, I was met with the biggest pair of honey-brown eyes that had me questioning everything. A million thoughts seemed to shine in his softening gaze. I bit down on my bottom lip as I handed him the bottle with a little nod of my head.

“Lavender?” he chuckled, the sound relaxing almost every nerve in my body. His brows raised as he looked at me.

“I-I…” I stuttered, feeling completely bare before him, despite the multitude of physical layers between us. “I remember you saying it was the best scent to help you feel safe falling asleep at night…”

“You heard that?” He questioned before shaking his head. “Well, Wellsy? Was I right?”

I waited for a beat before slowly shaking my own head. “I barely sleep anymore, and even when I do, I rarely ever sleep well. Hell , I rarely ever feel safe enough to sleep.”

I didn’t know why I admitted that to him, but the softening of his eyes at my words reminded me of his words from the beach. Start taking down some of those walls you hide behind. Well, that was me trusting him—at least, starting too. One truth at a time.

Reaching out his hand as he stood up, my eyes widened the size of golf balls as his fingers hooked underneath the band of my jeans. I had always been a tall kid but standing next to Jasper Ridge made me look like a tiny ant. His presence swallowed me whole, and for some reason, I didn’t want to be anywhere else than pressed up against his body with his hands on my jeans and those majestic eyes looking down at me with stars sowed across them.

“Jas…” I warned quietly, not entirely wanting the moment to slip through my fingers. “We shouldn’t—I mean…I—”

“Shhh,” he hummed, staring down at me, lips slightly parted. “We aren’t going to do anything, Wellsy. ”

A part of me, deep down, shattered.

I told you.

He didn’t want you, Poppy.

No one did.

“Hey, don’t look at me with those sad green eyes.”

“What?” I barely managed to croak out the words as they clawed their way out my throat, taking a tremendous amount of effort to stop my eyes from watering.

His thumb gently stroked the side of my cheek as he tilted my head up to meet him. “I didn’t do this to myself just so you’d lay yourself bare before me, Wellsy, you have to know that. It’s not that I don’t want to see you like that, because trust me, I fucking do, okay? I just—I just need to do this for you. Will you let me do this for you?”

I never realized until now how much Jasper needed to help people to settle the wars inside his own mind. He was a pathological people pleaser who carried the weight of everyone he cared about on his back. I didn’t want to be another piece of straw on the stack of hay. I couldn’t do that to him. I refused to.

I couldn’t break him too.

“Every girl in the school— Hell , practically everyone looks at you like they want something from you. Like they only see the things you can do for them and not the real you…I don’t want you to think I only see you for all the things you do for me because you deserve so much better than that, Jasper. You are so much more than that.”

His eyes, swollen and glistening, looked down at me with a thousand words hidden within them.

“You really have no idea how special you are, do you?” he spoke after a while, voice rough and hoarse, barely above a whisper.

A small blush patterned my cheeks as I tilted my head down away from his longing gaze.

“Please, Wellsy.”

Those two words held all the power in the world in that moment, and it was because of them that I slowly handed the shampoo bottle over to him as I gently nodded my head. “Be careful, though. My curls make it messy and hard and extremely annoying to wash so I’d understand if you no longer wanted to do thi— ”

“Your curls are gorgeous, Poppy,” he interrupted, tilting my face up again, pressing a feather-light kiss to the side of my jaw, just below my ear. “ You are gorgeous, and besides, I learnt how to wash curly hair from back when we first met…I remember you fighting with yourself in the showers after a heat, trying to sort out your curls, and I thought to myself, if I learnt how to do that, I could help you . Maybe then you wouldn’t have looked so sad all the time.”

His words trailed off as I stood there like putty in his hands.

Stop saying things like that, Jasper Ridge. My heart cannot take any more of it.

“What are you smiling at?” He mused, flicking the shower on and checking the temperature of the water.

“You,” I blushed, hiding my face in my hands as he chuckled.

“ Me? Are you feeding my enormous ego right now, Wellsy?”

I shook my head, a mess of rosy cheeks and grinning teeth. He spoke those words like he couldn’t believe he was worth smiling for, but he was. He was worth every smile that left my lips; they all belonged to him, anyway. Every single one. Even if he didn’t know it, every single one of them was for him.

He was my only reason.

“But I haven’t done anything?”

I shook my head again, this time walking closer to where he stood leaning against the glass of the shower door with his legs and arms both crossed and that small, adorable dip of his brows. My palms reached up to cup both of his cheeks as I whispered, “you’ve done everything.”

He nodded slowly, letting my words sink in.

“You speechless now, Ridge?” I laughed, needing to do something to make my mind forget about the small, lazy circles he was drawing with his thumb on the curve of my spine. “How many girls have left you speechless?”

“Only one,” he answered immediately, snapping out of the haze.

I read the unsaid words floating between us.

Only you.

Except, what if it wasn’t?

Mm?

Didn’t think of that, did you?

What if he was talking about Miya ?

Or some other random girl, huh?

You didn’t seriously think it was you…right?

What a joke.

“It’s you,” he murmured, “stop overthinking it. It’s always been you. Now get in the shower before I carry you in there.”

I stayed put, completely still, challenging him.

“Poppy…”

I smiled at him, unmoving. “Jasper.”

“I warned you,” he said as he leapt at me, bundling my body into his chest in one smooth motion.

“Jasper Easton Ridge put me down this instant!” I yelped, playfully whacking his chest with my fists as he stepped us both into the shower. The hot spray of the water danced around us as droplets of steam coated the glass. “We still have our clothes on!”

“You’re such a chicken, Wellsy,” he laughed.

“I hate you sometimes,” I grumbled, nestling my face into the crook of his neck, to which he just smiled widely.

“So, what I’m hearing is that you, by default, love me most of the time?”

“You’re impossible!”

“You love it.”

I love y—

I shook my head, grinning like an absolute idiot against his skin. For a moment—one small moment, I let myself feel —the warm droplets of water trickling down my skin, soaking my clothes so they clung to my body like an impenetrable weight. The soft rising and falling of Jasper’s chest, and the flutter of a heartbeat that mirrored my own. Here, in his arms, I was safe .

Neither anxiety nor my mother could reach me here.

With him, I knew I always would be.

“Suddenly lost all your words, Wellsy?” he whispered slowly, gaze burning into mine as I tilted my head back, far enough to still be able to feel the warmth of his breath on my neck. “Now who’s speechless.”

Leaning closer, I suddenly became aware of how badly I wanted him to lower his lips down onto mine.

No, scratch that , I wanted him to devour me.

I pulled ever so slightly away from him, shaking all the thoughts from my head. What the hell was wrong with me? He was drunk . He couldn’t consent to any of that, no matter how badly we both wanted it.

I refused do that to him.

To put him in that position.

To take away his voice.

I couldn’t.

Besides, this was Jasper Ridge, the guy who had fucked with my head since we were children learning to surf for the first time. The same guy who one-upped every single one of my pranks just to get a rise out of me. I could still hear the echoes of his slow claps as I exited the water with a shiny silver medal hanging around my neck to this day.

Second was never good enough for me. For either of us . But somehow, we had both gone from being ahead of the curve to falling behind everyone. Me with my mental block and Jasper barely getting scores higher than the sophomores .

Without tearing his eyes from mine, Jasper managed to keep me holding on at his waist, with my legs wrapped around him tightly, as he opened the shampoo bottle, squirting a dose of the lavender smelling liquid into his palm.

As I untangled my legs from him, he gently lowered me to the floor. I didn’t anticipate the pool of soapy water at my feet as I landed, managing to slip and go tumbling into the glass wall. Without missing a beat, Jasper reached me just in time, pulling my body to his. My breaths came out rushed and ragged, unsymmetrical to their normal rhythm yet completely in line with his. There was that invisible string, tethering you to me.

His gaze burned into mine, igniting my body to a higher degree than the hot sprays of water could ever achieve.

“T-thank y-you,” I stammered, unable to catch my breath. Jasper kept looking at me, breathing hard, as if he was trying to figure out if I was genuinely okay or not. Slowly cupping both his cheeks in the palms of my hands, I lent my forehead against his. “I’m okay, Jasper. Just breathe with me.”

“Poppy—”

“ Shhh ,” I whispered, drawing smooth circles with my thumbs against his burning skin. “We’re okay. We’re safe. Nothing bad is going to happen to us.”

We stayed there for a moment, just standing there in the comfort of one another, letting the water drown out the outside world. In here, inside these fog covered walls, it was just Jasper and I. No one could hurt us here. We weren’t broken here.

Just two rivals.

Two kids learning to heal.

One breath at a time.

As my chest quietened alongside his, I pulled back just enough to see his face through the millions of water droplets between us.

“We’re okay,” he repeated back to me slowly, taking his time with each word. I nodded softly, retracting my palms from his cheeks, the absence of his warmth hitting me like a baseball bat to the gut. It felt like I was missing a part of me whenever he wasn’t near—like this entire world was an ocean and he was the island I’d been waiting my entire life for.

Before I could even catch my breath, Jasper spun me around, hooking his arms around my waist and pulling me towards him. Streams of shampoo ran down my body and dripped down the side of my face, bringing our bodies together in a mess of lilac bubbles. The tips of my ears burned as he kissed my earlobe, the essence of him trailing down my neck and across my collarbone, leaving behind a trail of warmth and eye-fluttering pleasure.

I enabled myself to sink into his chest, letting my head fall against his shoulder blade. His hands worked their way through my curls attentively, taking his time to ensure each strand was cared for. I couldn’t afford a diffuser or fancy curl products. I hated my curls and the way they looked—frizzy and untamable and a total mess .

And Jasper had noticed . Back when we were kids , he had noticed. How angry it had made me to feel disgusted at myself every time I left the house. My insecurity, my failure . He’d noticed and he’d gone and learnt how to take care of them just to make me feel happy .

Jasper Ridge wasn’t just my unbecoming; he was also my ambition .

A moan slipped from my lips as he massaged the shampoo into my scalp, softly eliciting waves of warmth to spread around my body like butterflies.

When his movements seized, my eyes flew open in panic.

Ohmygod, what had I done?

As I attempted to turn around, a firm grasp landed on my arm, locking me in place. My body molded into his as his rushed breaths danced across my skin.

“The man you turn me into, Wellsy,” Jasper rasped, voice deep and uncaged, the sound vibrating straight to my core. “You have no idea how long I’ve dreamt of doing this.”

“Washing my hair?” I asked, brows pinched.

“Just being with you.”

The words he spoke earlier flooded back to me. He spent years learning how to do this— how to take care of my hair . When others turned away, reciting those old and familiar excuses of how unmanageable and untameable it was, there Jasper Ridge was, learning how to do it all on his own without me even having to ask it of him.

My heart seized. “I—what is this between us, Jasper? Because—”

“It doesn’t feel fake anymore,” he finished for me, somehow knowing exactly what I was going to say. “At least, not for me. It hasn’t been for a while.”

I stopped breathing, my entire body seizing up as all words abandoned me. I could barely think, yet alone form a conscious string of words that would make sense right now. “Please let me turn around,” I pleaded. “I—I want to see you.”

His fingers dropped to my sides, brushing against mine. Electricity sparked at his touch, sending tingles throughout my entire body, setting my skin aflame. Our hands joined in unity, fingers entwined as his thumb drew small stars against my skin.

“Let us have tonight, Wellsy,” he whispered, pressing a small kiss to the side of my cheek, his head lingering there as he continued, “one night of no pretending and then—”

“Everything can go back to the way it was,” I finished for him.

Back to the safety of being rivals and nothing more.

He nodded, those brown curls sticking to his forehead and the side of my neck as he lent down and rested his head between the crook of my neck and shoulder blade.

Just one night of giving in to whatever this was between us. One night to finally breathe among the chaos. Even if everything did go back to the way it was tomorrow, at least we’d have tonight—something no one could ever take away from us. A memory we would always share. A piece of my heart he would always own.

“Okay,” I breathed, eyes fluttering closed. I trusted him, despite everything I had grown up chanting to myself. I trusted Jasper Ridge to keep me safe.

“Okay,” he whispered back to me before pulling us both under the hot spray of water from above. I heard his laugh as it vibrated through my entire body. My own lips tugged upwards into a smile as I twisted my body around to face him. Jasper didn’t stop me this time, and not until my eyes met his did the force of us hit me like a wall of bricks.

He was my Jasper, my Spiderman.

Just as much as I was his Wellsy, his Gwen Stacy.

We were each other’s half, and together, we made each other whole.

When I reached for the conditioner, Jasper bundled my hands in his and lightly kissed the tips of my knuckles one by one. “Let me take care of you tonight, Poppy.”

“I should be the one taking care of you, ” I retorted. “You’re hurting.”

“I’m always hurting. Tonight’s only different because I let it get to me. You have to know I never do this—”

“I know,” I breathed, squeezing his hand. “I believe you.”

“You do?” He asked, brows pinched.

“Of course I do. I know you too, Ridge. What kind of rival would I be if I didn’t know all of you?”

He stood still. Stunned.

“Yeah,” he dismissed, tone bitter. “ Rivals. ”

Every nerve in my body fought to react to his change in demeanor.

“What does that mean?” I snapped, spine straightening.

He shook his head, scratching his jaw. “It means that when I’m with you, Wellsy, I feel fucking—”

“— safe ,” I finished.

“ Yeah , Wellsy.” Jasper sighed. “ Safe . With you…it’s always been different. I can be me . I’ve been everything for everyone else my whole entire life, but with you —” He shook his head. “Wellsy, if rivals is all you can offer me, then I’ll take it. But if there’s even a sliver of a possibility that we could be something more…”

“We can’t be in a relationship,” I hurried to say. “My mom— Jasper, she’d kill me.”

You’re my fake boyfriend.

Fake. Fake. Fake.

Only for a few more weeks.

She wouldn’t ever know.

I could do this.

He squeezed my hand. “And that’s okay , Poppy. How about we try friends?”

I blinked. “Friends?”

“Yeah, Wellsy. Friends .”

“You want to be my friend?”

He chuckled. “Yeah.”

“I’ve never been friends with a guy before,” I admitted. “Or anyone really, for that matter.”

If Jasper was surprised, he didn’t show it. He didn’t show anything, actually.

“It’s settled then. We’re officially friends.”

He smiled then. Bright and wide and genuine.

Doubt crept beneath my skin. “We’re still…you know…fake dating…”

“We can stop…if you want.”

“I just…don’t you think it’s making everything so…”

“Complicated?” He offered.

I sighed. “Yeah. Complicated.”

“The truth?”

I smiled. “Always.”

“It doesn’t complicate anything for me, Wellsy.” Oh. “We can end the contract if you want to. It’s just a piece of paper, Poppy. If you don’t want to be in this fake relationship anymore, you can leave. I promise I won’t be heartbroken by it. I just want whats best for you.”

“I want what’s best for you too,” I said. Because it was true.

He nudged my side. “I know you do, Wellsy. But no one has bothered you since finding out you’re with me, have they?”

“N-no,” I shook my head. “Apart…apart from the people on the beach that day…”

“I dealt with them.”

My heart skipped a beat, eyes widening. “You did?”

“ Of course I did. I told you, I’d protect you, Wellsy. Contract or not, I’ve got your back. Fucking always . ”

I didn’t know how to react to that .

Knowing that he’d—

For me ?

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“If being with me is causing you more trouble at home, if it’s more pain than it’s worth—”

“It’s not,” I hurried to say. To stop his thought trail. Jasper wasn’t too much for me. He was worth it. “My mom—she’s just strict . She loves me, she does, ” I rushed out in one breath. “She just…she’s just protective over me. That’s all. She can’t ever know about us, Jasper. She can’t or else—”

“I’ll make sure no one says anything to her,” he promised.

I nodded, letting out a weighted breath. “Okay.”

His eyes shone with uncertainty. “Friends?”

“Friends,” I repeated confidently.

Standing there, under the hot spray of the water, I studied every inch of his face like a poet starved of their muse because I knew that when that sun rose, I wouldn’t be able to see him like this . We’d go back to how we were and let this night be forgotten.

In the time I’d managed to fall down a rabbit hole into my own mind, Jasper had finished my entire hair care routine. He refused to let me step out of the shower on my own, insisting that I should be carried out.

“If this is the only night I get to have you as my girlfriend, for reals, then you better believe I’m going to treat you like a fucking goddamned queen , Wellsy.”

I swore a blush coated my cheeks as soon as he said those words, gazing at me with fierce determination in his eyes, letting me know there was no point fighting him on this because nothing I could say would change his mind. Even as he carried me out of the shower, wrapping me up tightly in a light gray towel, he still managed to make my heart skip a beat like it had never done before.

“Tonight…tonight you’re mine,” I whispered slowly as his gaze burned into mine. “And I…I am yours.”

He gulped, nodding barely, as if somehow those words just made it ten times more real . Without thinking, I stepped one step closer to him, bridging the distance between us. Neither of us looked away as his hands cupped my cheeks, one hand dropping down, grazing the back of my neck and stroking it gently. I leaned into his touch, letting my body bathe in the essence of him. His eyes dropped to my lips, and for a fraction of a second, I thought he might’ve kissed me. Worse than that , I was hoping that he’d kiss me.

My fingers grazed the underside of his jaw as he groaned, eyes briefly fluttering closed. Any space between us was erased. We were wholly within each other’s orbit. Nothing else existed in time other than us and this moment we shared.

Nothing would be able to take this away .

It was ours .

Neither of us dared speak. Words somehow made everything seem real , and right now, we both needed this escape. Every part of my soul could feel him—he had woven his way through every inch of me, leaving nothing unscathed. Never before in my life had I experienced what it would be like to have someone own every part of you, but now—now I think I did.

Delicately, his thumb caressed my cheek and my heartbeat seized completely.

I was completely and utterly his .

“I love your eyes,” he hummed. “I could get lost in them for eternity and not once wish to be saved.”

I froze at his words, my entire body going numb.

You have his eyes.

You have his eyes.

You have his eyes.

Those green eyes.

With those big, green eyes,

you ruin.

Just like him .

“Jasper,” I breathed, my voice shaking and damn near sobbing. “You—you have no idea how much those words mean to me.”

He would never, ever know .

All my life I was told I was destined to be just like my father.

To bleed.

To ruin.

To break.

Every waking second was spent trying so fucking hard to make sure I was nothing like him—that no matter what my mother said through her screams, I would never become him. I would rather carve out my own heart than let myself become the monsters who raised me.

I was the product of a broken home.

A broken girl,

with a broken smile,

drowning,

drowning,

drowning …

“Hey.” His soft voice pulled me from my thoughts. “Where’d you wander off to in here?” Jasper gently tapped my forehead.

I gazed up at him, all my racing thoughts silenced by those golden-brown eyes. “Somewhere where the sun never rises,” I whispered, hoping those words would be enough. I couldn’t give him an answer. I wasn’t ready to let that dam burst just yet.

His gaze softened as he lent his forehead against mine. “Then I’ll be your sunshine, Wellsy. That way you’ll never lose sight of the light again.”

You already are, Jasper Ridge, the words fell onto the tip of my tongue, creating a bitter taste in my throat as I swallowed them back down.

He was drunk, Poppy.

That was all you were to him.

Just another drunken thought.

Forgotten by morning.

I held out my hand towards him, lips pulling upwards into a small smile, blocking out all the noise as he interlaced his fingers with mine. As I went to turn around, Jasper spun me back around, locking his strong arms around me as I crashed into his chest. In one smooth motion, those same hands were looped under my thighs and cupping my weight as he pulled my body up so I rested against his chest. I wrapped my legs around his waist, breathing in the scent of him. Lavender mixed with a salty ocean breeze.

He guided us both out of the bathroom and down the hall towards my room. As he stepped inside, he lowered me gently onto the bed, looking at me with these big brown eyes that caused my breath to falter.

“Where are your clothes?” he rasped, unable to tear his gaze from mine.

I nodded over to where my small closet lay. Jasper walked over without a word and opened it. I could hear his rasping breath radiate throughout my bedroom. As he returned, he handed me a pair of matching cotton pink pjs. My cheeks heated as I took them from him, placing them down gently next to me on the bed. I didn’t think any of my clothes would fit him, except maybe…

“You kept this?” Jasper rasped in disbelief, his expression pained as he held up my red marvel hoodie that was starting to fall apart at the seams.

I stood up, swaying a little on my feet as I tried to regain my balance. Stars painted my vision, but I waited them out until they disappeared, blurring into the background. Jasper had given me that hoodie when we were kids.

“How could I not?” I whispered quietly. His eyes softened, those big dark pupils wholly dilated as he smiled ever so gently at me. Golden brown curls stuck to his forehead, small droplets dripping down the side of his jaw. Only a small white towel hung around his waist as I took in his drenched form. He looked beautiful under the haze of darkness coating my bedroom, the only visible light coming from the moon outside, so silver and ethereal.

Gently taking the hoodie from his hands, Jasper dipped his head down slightly so I could tug the red fabric over his head. When he lent back up, his lips brushed the corner of my cheek ever so slightly, the mere touch lighting every inch of my body on fire. Those golden-brown eyes were glassy and reddish, and locked onto mine with the force of an entire universe. Neither of us dared breathe as he pulled the hoodie down over his bare chest. The loose crimson fabric plastered to every muscle, highlighting every inch of him, leaving nothing hidden. He grinned, almost shyly as he caught me staring. Everything around me seemed to blur, except for Jasper who remained the only thing in focus.

The center of my world.

My sunlight.

Time passed almost in a blur; my heart felt so full I thought it might explode. We lay sprawled across my bed, a tangled mess of bed sheets and cotton and limbs as the end credits to Avengers: Infinity War echoed to a halt in the background. I was tucked between Jasper’s arm and his chest, caged in completely yet I felt entirely safe .

This was where I was meant to be.

I dozily grazed my fingers over his chest, completely and utterly lost in the essence of him. Jasper gently captured my wrist, tugging it against him so it rested just above his heart. His lips softly grazed my skin as he lazily stroked my palm. All his movements seized when I turned my wrist around. I froze entirely beneath him, my eyes following his to where I knew my secrets lay. Almost instinctively, I squeezed my eyes shut, my free hand covering them, unable to even look at myself out of pure disgust .

“Hey,” he whispered softly. “Don’t hide those big, sad green eyes from me. You know they’re my favorite thing to look at.”

“I wish you were sober right now, Jasper Ridge,” I said defeatedly, blinking back tears as I peaked at him through the small gaps between my fingers.

“Doesn’t change the way I feel about you, my little surfer girl with the big green eyes.”

“You don’t mean any of this, Jasper. Everything you feel for me is fake —”

“Does this feel fake to you?” He growled, grasping my thighs and pulling my body so I lay atop of him, straddling his waist. In one smooth motion, Jasper tugged my hands over his chest and placed them directly above his thundering heart.

“N-no…” I squeaked, unable to process any words at all when he looked at me like he wanted to devour me whole. My cheeks warmed and I…I didn’t mind it.

“I am weak for you, Wellsy. Completely and utterly done for. My heart beats for you . Only you, like it’s trying to fucking escape from my chest.”

For a moment, Jasper and I stayed like that, a mess of limbs and bed sheets, locked around each other almost as if we were afraid the other would simply float away. All the tension of the day drained away as he held me, gaze locked onto mine and that cute smile playing on his lips. Simply inhaling and exhaling with Jasper Ridge was enough to make my heart beat a mile a minute and for my cheeks to turn a bright shade of pink.

“In another life, Jasper Ridge, I reckon I could have saved myself enough to love you.”

“Why not in this life?” He whispered, glancing at me with these big brown eyes that were nothing if not utterly devastated. Jasper Ridge looked at me as if I had just broken his heart into a million pieces. I looked away, unable to stand the heavy weight of his gaze any longer. Each of those pieces pierced straight through my worn out, deflated heart.

“Because I am unfixable in this one,” I whispered back, letting the words I’d kept down, buried inside of me for so long, out into the big, wide world.

“You think you’re unfixable,” he stated, repeating my words back to himself, trying to grasp what I was truly saying. His finger dipped under my chin, turning my head back around to face him. A small frown appeared on his forehead, brows drawn.

“Why, Poppy?” he croaked out, voice thick and heavy as his words weighed down on me.

“No one has ever tried to,” I said simply. No one has ever tried to love me, Jasper Ridge. “All anyone has ever done is break me a little more each day. I lost all hope of being whole again years ago, Jasper. I don’t think I even deserve to be anymore…” I whispered those last few words without truly thinking about them. I knew from the very start that I was unlovable. Every day since then had just proven my point.

But for once, I wished someone could’ve proven me wrong…

“You do,” he gripped my cheeks, forcing me to face the longing and desperation shining there. There was nothing uncertain in the way that he glanced at me. Jasper Ridge truly believed what he was saying with his entire heart. “Let them break you, Poppy. You know why?”

“No,” I sniffled, shaking my head gently. “Why, Jasper?”

“Because I’ll be here waiting to pick up the pieces. You don’t have to do it all on your own anymore, Wellsy. You got me,” he winked, grinning widely at me that had my own lips tilting upwards into a smile. “I got your back, surfer girl. For infinity.”

Tears started rolling down my cheeks before I could stop them. With those words, Jasper Ridge melted every single nail holding the broken pieces of my heart together. Before I could wipe them away, his thumb was already grazing over my cheek in lazy circles, collecting all the tiny droplets one by one.

“You’re beautiful,” he breathed, eyes lingering on my lips before meeting mine.

“Even when I’m like this? ”

“ Especially when you’re like this, Wellsy.”

“Broken and all?”

“Broken and all,” he confirmed.

I smiled at him, unable to help myself. “Hi, Jasper.”

He grinned right back at me, tucking a strand of hair that had fallen loose behind my ear. “Hi, Poppy.”

I want to believe you, Jasper Ridge.

Ever so desperately.

“I wish you were sober, Jasper,” I sighed softly, letting my head fall against the palms of his hands.

“I know you do, Wellsy.”

“I wish I could kiss you right now…and I wish that it would mean something.”

“I know,” he rasped. “But don’t worry, Wellsy, all of my kisses belong to you. We have all the time in the world.”

Jasper tried and failed to smile because no matter how hard we tried to forget it, we both knew we were running out of time.

“I wish we were real, Spiderman.”

“I do too, Gwen Stacy.”

“Because, no matter what we do, none of this is real ,” I shook my head. His eyes captured mine across the small distance between us with such intensity it almost winded me. “You have to know that, right?”

We were under contract. There was nothing stopping him from leaving after it expired. Absolutely nothing at all.

“Shhh,” he soothed, pressing a gentle kiss to my scars, one by one. “If this is all some cruel fantasy of mine…please let me live in this dream a little while longer. I don’t ever want to wake up if it means losing you.”

“Okay,” I whispered back, holding my breath as his hot lips pressed against the skin at my wrist in a gentle kiss. “Okay.”

A few beats passed between us, and I didn’t dare move, fearing that I’d ruin this small moment between us. As he showered my scars in love and affection, I realized that this was the most I’d seen him relax ever since I found him on the beach fighting off a panic attack.

“Someone’s hurting you, Wellsy,” he breathed, tucking my palm back against his heart as he succumbed to a yawn that stretched his jaw so those big veins on the side of his neck peaked. Pulling me down next to him, Jasper tucked me into his side, hands scooping around my body, cradling me to him.

He turned over my small wrist in his, eyes locked onto the layers upon layers of scars that resided there like a battlefield. “Who is hurting you? You can trust me, Poppy. I’ll help you . I’ll protect you . That should be my character title in the movie of us: Jasper Ridge, Poppy Wells number one protector, for infinity. My character would always find you, Wellsy,” he murmured sleepily. “No force on this earth could keep me from crawling my way back to you.”

Me, I thought. I was hurting me , Jasper.

“No one is hurting me, silly,” I soothed, the lie leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.

“I’ll fix it, I promise,” his drooping eyes locked onto mine; the impenetrable force that was Jasper Ridge. “I’ll keep you safe.”

“Not even you can save me from this,” I whispered, pressing a feather-light kiss to his hair.

“From what?”

Inhaling a sharp breath, I pressed my lips close to his ear, voice trembling as I whispered, “ From me. ”

Several beats passed without a single word from his lips, and that desire to scratch the back of my neck to relieve this overwhelming pulse of anxiety grew. As I looked across to the boy who had become my anchor, I realized why.

He had fallen asleep .

I sighed, running my fingers through his curls. He looked so at peace, like he belonged here, in my bed, in my heart .

I pressed another gentle kiss to the side of his cheek.

Sweet dreams, Spiderman.