16. Jared

SIXTEEN

"No. Absolutely not."

It's not lost on me that those were Logan's exact words a moment ago when I told him I was offering myself up to Alonzo. But that's not the same thing. I'm a trained professional. He's a civilian who shouldn't have been anywhere near this, to begin with.

He's got this incredibly stubborn expression on his face. One I've never seen before, and it simultaneously turns me on and scares me. Under any other circumstance, feisty Logan would be exciting and exhilarating. But we're talking about taking our lives into our own hands—excitement and exhilaration should be the last things we're aiming for.

"Just try and stop me," he says defiantly.

I could. It wouldn't be difficult. Victoria can easily restrain him and I could ask her to use handcuffs if necessary. Anything to keep Logan out of danger, to protect him—even from himself.

But I have a distinct feeling that if I do, I'll be sabotaging any chance we have at a future together. Logan will forgive a lot of things, but I don't know if he'll forgive that.

"Whoa, let's slow down." Victoria is understandably alarmed as she takes a few steps forward, positioning herself on the other side of the bed, opposite Logan. "Are you sure you understand what we're talking about?"

Logan's eyes project his every emotion, first fear, then annoyance, then determination. "Yes, I do. You're going to truss Jared up like some turkey and wait for the lunatic to swoop in and nab him up."

Victoria seems thrown by the whole turkey thing for a second, but she recovers quickly. "Exactly, which means it'll be a very dangerous op."

Logan gives her a single, firm nod. "I know."

"And you're saying… what precisely?"

"If you're using Jared as bait, then you can use me as bait too. Two for the price of one. Alonzo won't be able to resist."

Victoria opens her mouth, then shuts it again, and tilts her head like she's actually considering his argument. What the fuck? She's supposed to be discouraging this. She's supposed to be on my side.

"That's not the way it works," I argue. "This isn't some Black Friday shopping deal. This is life or death."

But Logan looks at me and raises a questioning eyebrow. "Isn't it, though?"

Victoria's lips twitch with laughter and I glower at her.

"I think he's got you there, Jared."

"You can't seriously be okay with this!" I shout at her. The thought of putting Logan in danger again chills me to the bone. Logan should be far, far away from here, in a safe house somewhere with a full protection detail. The op will be risky enough, and I'm nowhere near one hundred percent capacity. I'm in no condition to defend myself at the moment, how the hell am I supposed to protect someone else?

A sudden knock on the door has all three of us spinning in that direction. But when it opens, it's only a hospital staff member carrying in a tray of food. "Mr. Sable?"

"Yeah, that's me," I grumble.

"Enjoy your breakfast." He sets the tray down on the table, then lets himself out.

I wait until the door closes behind him before arguing again. "This is my job, Logan. You're just a civilian."

That was the absolute wrong thing to say. Logan's eyes flash as he grows even more incensed. "Well, this civilian ran through gunfire and didn't freak the fuck out. This civilian drove the getaway car in a crazy as fuck car chase. This civilian saved your ass from bleeding out.

"Besides—" He turns to Victoria. "You said there will be other agents watching. You'll be ready to move in the second you lay eyes on the dickwad."

Victoria cocks her head with a squint. "He has a point…"

"You've got to be kidding me."

I can't believe what's happening here, that we're actually considering sending Logan back into the line of fire. We never do that with civilians—never. Don't they understand how dangerous this is? It doesn't matter how much backup we have, or how careful we are, any amount of danger is too much.

What if Alonzo gets his hands on Logan again? What if Logan isn't as lucky as last time and ends up with more than a few cuts and bruises? What if he dies? What if I lose him?

Breathe.

"You shouldn't have been in those situations to begin with." I cross my arms and scowl. I sound harsh, but I can't help it. The throbbing in my skull intensifies and I feel sick thinking about what could happen to Logan out there.

"But I was, and I handled myself. I can handle this too." Logan crosses his arms, mimicking my pose.

"You shouldn't have to," I growl.

"But I want to," he growls back.

We're at a standoff, glaring at each other, neither one willing to back down. There's fire blazing in Logan's gaze, fierce and refusing to be cowed. Despite my very reasonable objections, admiration and pride well up in me at his bravery and courage. Most people would run in the opposite direction, but Logan isn't most people. He doesn't let fear rule him. He won't let himself be intimidated. He does what he believes is right, no matter how terrifying and dangerous it may be.

"Let's run this past Isaac," Victoria finally says, breaking through the tense silence. "He's the one making the final call anyway." She spins on her heels and pulls out her phone as she stalks from the room.

I close my eyes and drop my head back on the pillow, forcing myself to take slow, deep breaths. My hands drift up to my temples as I try to breathe through the impending migraine.

"Jared?" Logan's voice is soft now, all traces of anger and fight gone. He places his hand gently on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Just a headache," I mumble.

"Fuck, I'm sorry." The bed dips as he takes a seat. "I didn't mean to upset you."

I drop my hands and gaze into his eyes, dark green and filled with concern.

"It's really dangerous, Logan," I say, willing him to understand. "I'll never forgive myself if you got hurt. Or if—" I can't say it out loud. I can't put that possibility into the world in case speaking it makes it come true.

My eyes sting and I choke back a sob.

Logan sniffles as a couple tears escape his lashes. He shifts, turning so he can lie down next to me. We curl into each other on the narrow bed, getting as close as my injured leg and cracked ribs will allow. Sharing the same pillow, our faces are just inches apart, making his face a little blurry. But it's beautiful just the same. Innocent and sweet, yet so much strength and resilience.

"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you. It would be my fault for not sending you away to someplace safe."

Logan presses his fingers to my lips to silence me. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself either. I just found you again, I don't want to lose you."

I purse my lips, kissing his fingers. I want to promise him that he won't ever lose me. But we both know that's not a promise I can make.

Logan draws his fingers away and replaces them with his lips. There's almost no heat to our kiss. It's not about being turned on or getting off. It's about two souls finding each other despite all the chaos of our world. It's about the two of us tangling together until it's impossible to separate one from the other. Until there is no me or him. Only us. One soul. One heart.

We kiss until Victoria returns. And this time, when she fires off a snarky comment about us getting a room, Logan doesn't jump or shy away. Instead, he sits up and shoots her the sassiest look I've ever seen.

"We have a room. You barge in, you'll get an eyeful." He lifts one shoulder and drops it so nonchalantly that Victoria rolls her eyes.

"I've got Isaac on the line." She taps the screen of her phone and holds it out toward us. "Tell them what you told me."

"Jared?" Isaac's voice comes through a little tinny.

I push myself up higher on the bed. "Yeah, we're here, with Logan."

"So here's the thing. It might be more enticing to Adams if you two stay together. He knows Logan is important to you, so it makes sense that you keep him close."

I knew Isaac would say that, and I rub my temples to fight back the migraine. Breathe.

"Adams will go after Logan regardless. He's a loose end that Adams won't leave hanging."

Logan shrinks back at Isaac's comment, leaning into me for comfort. I lean into him too so we're holding each other up.

"I still don't like it," I say.

"The situation is far from ideal," Victoria agrees. "But if there was a foolproof way to keep everyone safe, we would've enacted it already."

The room falls silent, save for the beeping of the machines I'm hooked up to and the busy chatter of the operations center on Isaac's end of the line. They're all waiting for me to say something, to give in and concede my point. It's inevitable, I know, but I can't bring myself to condone it out loud.

"Jared?" Logan prompts softly, his hand sliding into mine.

I swallow around the emotion rising in my throat. "The Marshals are providing extra support?"

"Yes, they've already assigned units for our use."

"I want real-time satellite surveillance."

"I'll put in a request for satellite time now." Isaac's microphone is muffled as he speaks to someone in ops.

"And you need to learn how to shoot a gun." This I say to Logan.

He blanches and his hand tightens in mine. But he doesn't object. "If you think it's necessary," he says with a jerky nod.

"I'll take him to the range," Victoria offers.

My stomach is all twisted up and there's a slight tremor in my limbs. But it seems I've run out of arguments and votes. All I can do now is make sure we take every precaution to keep Logan safe.

I take a breath. "What's our timeline?"

"As soon as possible," Isaac says. "We'll sort out the details and get back in touch."

The line goes dead and Victoria pockets the phone. "If you want to hit up the range, now is probably the best time," she says to Logan.

He looks at me, clearly worried about leaving me on my own.

"Go, I'll be fine," I say, even though I don't let go of his hand.

"Are you sure?"

"I'll wait outside," Victoria says softly before slipping out.

I slide down the bed, suddenly utterly exhausted. "I should rest."

"You don't want breakfast?" He waves at the tray of food that's probably gone cold by now.

I make a face and shake my head. This whole situation has done a number on my appetite and the prospect of cold hospital food doesn't help.

"Maybe later."

Logan helps me get settled in the bed, but I grab his hand before he can leave. "Stay with me," I beg, not caring how pathetic I sound. I don't know what tomorrow will hold. I don't know how much time I'll have left with him. I don't want to waste even one moment, one second, without him by my side. "At least until I'm asleep?"

Logan nods. "Of course." He sits on the bed, hand tucked into mine. His thumb draws back and forth, caressing my hand. "Thanks for letting me do this," he says softly.

I want to respond, but my tongue is heavy and difficult to move.

"I won't let you down, I promise."