Chapter 17

17

M y feet pound in a steady rhythm of left, right, left right as I run and fucking run faster, trying to chase away the images from last night that refuse to leave my brain away. When I left the party, I had no intention of seeking her out, and when I somehow found myself at her parents' warehouse, I told myself I'd watch her and Loomis go inside, and that would be that. I wasn't planning on knocking, let alone confronting her.

But he didn't go inside.

And he kissed her cheek goodnight as if they were only friends.

In that moment, I didn't care about anything else. It had been two years, and I was desperate to touch her. Infatuated by her beauty and presence. And hateful because hating her makes life tolerable. You'd think I'd be better at this by now, but I'm not. She's always there. Eradicating her is like trying to get cockroaches out of a New York City apartment. Impossible. But that doesn't mean you want to live with them either.

I run faster. Harder. The music blasting so loud through my AirPods I'm likely giving myself permanent hearing damage, but so be it.

Anything not to think for a little while.

That is until my phone pings with a text and I slow down to a walk.

Tinsley: You gave me a freaking hickey!

I laugh, using the hem of my shirt to wipe my sweaty face and neck. For a beat, I debate not responding. Tinsley is my one weakness. I've done everything I could to be a better person and man, and the first brush with her and the temptation she poses, I crumble.

Glancing around, I shift over to the edge of the sidewalk on the corner, angling my body toward the alley. I give another look, make sure no one is paying attention to me, lift my shirt, and snap a picture of my right lower quadrant, capturing the dip between my hip and abs.

The picture shows up on my screen, displaying the large reddish-purple welt, and I tap the blue up arrow to send it to her.

It goes through and I start walking again, nearly home that is only another two blocks away. An unstoppable smile threatens my lips as I wait for her reaction. Luckily, I don't have to wait long. I didn't expect to.

Tinsley: OMG! Wow, that's one hell of a hickey. At least yours isn't visible unless you lift your shirt.

Me: Yours is only visible if you wear something that shows your shoulders.

Tinsley: So you knew you left your mark? Bastard!

Me: Only after I knew you left one on me.

Tinsley: It's not my fault your V thing is sexy.

I stumble over nothing. Shit. This woman is going to be the death of me.

Me: it's not my fault the dip between your shoulders and neck is insanely sexy. I take it you haven't seen your tits yet ?

My smile grows to epic proportions, and I practically skip as I head into my building, saying good morning to my doorman who looks at me funny. Yeah, I'm not a big smiler during my daily comings and goings.

Tinsley: I cannot believe you! Three hickeys!

Me: That's only because I couldn't give your pussy one.

Though I did try. And the belt marks on her ass... no welts or broken skin, it was just a little red, but fuck, I'm getting hard just thinking about them.

Tinsley: You're unbelievable!

Me: Funny, that's exactly what you said last night, only you were moaning it.

Tinsley: I'm not amused.

Me: No one has to see them unless you show them off, which you better fucking not.

Those are my tits. My spot where the curve of her neck meets the top of her shoulder.

Tinsley: Your brother already saw the one on my shoulder as did Loomis.

Oh. My gut sinks like she just filled it with lead. I punch in the code for my floor and the elevator whisks me up sixteen stories.

Me: Did you tell Forest who gave it to you?

Tinsley: No! Of course not. He assumed it was from Loomis, but Loomis knows.

It's a relief, but I still feel like shit. I hate that my brother saw a hickey on her shoulder that I put there. The elevator doors open, and I step out into the hallway, looking left instead of immediately heading right, and debate my next move as I linger in between the two apartments on this floor.

Me: You don't have to worry. I won't give you anymore since my mouth won't be on your skin again.

Then again, I didn't shower when I got home at three because I could still smell her on me and that's where I wanted to keep her. Knowing I wouldn't have it again.

Tinsley: Sucks to be you.

She has no idea.

Me: Sucks to be you. You like my mouth .

Tinsley: I like a lot of things that I shouldn't have but still crave. Like carbs.

I laugh. This fucking girl.

Me: I got you to eat carbs.

Tinsley: You get me to do a lot of things that aren't good for me. But I don't regret them.

Me: Me neither.

I pause.

Me: Bye, my little Rose.

Tinsley: Bye, Stone.

My chest squeezes to the point of sucking the air from my lungs and I no longer hesitate. I go left and pound on his door. And then pound again when he doesn't immediately answer.

"The fuck, Stone?!" Mason growls from inside before his door swings open, revealing all six-foot-six of him in only his boxer briefs with his wild reddish-brown hair all over the place.

"How did you know it was me?"

He steps back to let me in, rubbing at the sleep crusting his eyes. "Because no one else who is awake at this hour would dare bang on my door when it's the Sunday of my bye week."

"At this hour? It's almost ten."

"Your point?"

"I fucked Tinsley Monroe."

His eyes widen and his jaw goes slack. Without warning he reaches out and pinches my arm.

"Ow!" I smack his hand away. "The fuck did you do that for?" I rub at my smarting skin.

"Nope. I'm not dreaming."

"You're supposed to pinch yourself to determine that. "

"Only dumbasses do that. It hurts to get pinched."

I roll my eyes and head straight for his kitchen to make myself coffee. Mase doesn't drink caffeine or eat junk during the season, but he keeps his pantry well-stocked for me. It's what best friends and neighbors do for each other. It's why I have his green sludge powder shit at my place.

I pour the beans into the machine and switch it on, and he joins me, taking a seat at the island after having put on a pair of sweatpants. The grinder clicks off and the coffee starts to brew, but now I'm onto omelets, cutting up veggies and ham and pulling out the goat cheese we both like in them but would never order in public.

I also don one of his aprons. It has an arrow pointing up toward my face and says, " I'll feed all you fuckers, just try me ."

Mason watches me do all this, and I keep my head down and back to him as I work. It felt good to finally tell someone. Tinsley said Loomis knew, and I felt that meant I got a freebie too. Since Vander and Owen don't live here, Mason is who I have. A guy who goes through women the same way he plays—fast, hard, and unapologetic. I was the same way until Tinsley ruined all other women for me.

Owen is a dad and older than me by several years, and he's generally who I talk to about real shit because he's both of those things. He was the ideal option, but I won't bother his Sunday with his woman and his daughter. Vander doesn't have time or trust for women, so he wouldn't have been much help.

The moment the veggies start to sizzle in the pan is the moment he's done waiting me out. "She's the girl, right? The one from two years ago?"

I nod and roll my head over my shoulder to meet his eyes. "Yeah. She is."

"Thought so. I didn't see you fucking her unless she was the girl."

The girl . Yeah, she's the girl, all right. I sigh .

"Seems a bit like instalove."

"What the fuck is that?"

He shrugs. "You know, where you fall instantly and shit."

I stare at him, utterly perplexed. "That's a thing? How do you even know what that is?"

He looks away, and I know something is up with him. "Katy told me about it. She read it in some book. So is that what this is?"

"No, it wasn't instant, though I suppose it was fast. Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was brewing for a while, and I pretended it wasn't because she belonged to Forest. I honestly don't know anymore." My brows crinkle. "How are we having this conversation?"

"Men talk about this stuff."

I move the veggies around in the pan. "Do we though?"

"We do now, motherfucker, so spill it. Are you instalove with Tinsley?"

I turn back to the pan before I burn shit, and add the scrambled eggs, watching them pop and sizzle with the veggies. "No. I'm eternitylove with Tinsley, and I don't even care how ridiculous that sounds since you whipped out instalove first. Are you going to tell me your instalove story?"

"What makes you think I have one?" He's hedging. He can't even meet my gaze.

"Because you do."

He points at me. "This is about you, not me."

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

He runs his finger along the counter. "I met someone who is with someone else, but I like her. A lot. Now tell me about you and Tinsley."

Fine. I launch into the whole story because I need to tell someone and he's asking. When I'm done, I sit down beside him, take a sip of my coffee, and dig into my omelet. Mason is frozen. He hasn't even touched his green slime smoothie I made him as an apology for waking him up early on his bye week.

Finally, he blinks and sits back on his stool, nods to himself, and then gulps down half of his smoothie. Vomit. The thing is like sludge and tastes like it too.

"This explains the ink on your back." He uses his glass to gesture toward my left shoulder.

I forgot he was with me when I got it up in Lenox's shop in Maine. It's of Benthesicyme but has a twisting of purple roses up the mast. At the time, he just assumed it was because Benthesicyme saved me and or fixed me or whatever you want to call my metamorphosis from asshole to human.

"Dude, all this time it's been Tinsley Monroe you've been in love with. Fuck, brother. That's some rough shit." He digs into his omelet and leaves me stranded with that. "Between you and Forest…" He shakes his head as he chews. "He's never quite been one of us, though, has he?"

"Does that make what I did any better? He's still my brother."

"I get it. Sorta. I mean, Tins is amazing. I've just never thought of her like that. Considering how my family and hers are, to me, she's more like a sister or cousin. Kind of like how Katy is to us. But, I mean, hell…" He looks at me. "What are you going to do?"

"There's nothing for me to do." I continue shoveling eggs into my mouth. "It was one more time. One last night. Now it's back to me pretending she doesn't exist."

"Except that hasn't worked for you. So maybe it's time you try something else?"

"Like what?" I ask him plainly, a bit serious, even as the words roll off my tongue dripping in sarcasm. "You just told me you're into a woman you can't be with. This is no different. You're an older brother. If you were in love with one of Quinn's or Crew's exes…" I leave that hanging between us .

"I know. But still." He's bothered by this. Seriously bothered. Mason likes the people in his life to be happy. But there is no fix for this. "I'm glad you finally told me. It's bothered me how you refused to try to find her, but now I understand why." He pauses and turns to me. "She worth it?"

I keep my eyes trained on my eggs. "It doesn't much matter. She's not mine, and she never will be."

He's quiet, frowning and Mason doesn't do frowns. He's a fucking puppy who frolics in the sunshine. This morning is the most serious I've seen him in a while.

"She's not Forest's either."

I shake my head. "She'll always be his first."

He doesn't like that answer, but he doesn't argue with me either. "She's in Boston for the next few months shooting that film. And clearly it wasn't one-sided if you spent the night with her last night."

I shrug. "If I don't run into her again, it won't happen again. And even if I do run into her, it won't happen again. Whatever Tinsley and I had is over. So maybe you're right, maybe it's time I get myself back out there and try to meet someone new."