Chapter 12

12

I 'm angry. Burning with a vitriol and animosity so acute and profound, there's no calming myself down and getting it back under control. I thought helping Tinsley would be my karmic restitution. Only now I realize Tinsley was my karma. The bad kind. The punishment side.

For ten perfect days, she was mine.

All of her. Every incredible thought, sound, touch, and inch. Even before I had her.

It was stargazing and talking while wrapped around each other. It was island-hopping while keeping a low profile. It was quiet and working stuff out. It was her playing music and singing to me. It was sleeping with her, and sleeping beside her, and not being able to get enough of her. Not even for a second.

But now those ten days are over, and I have to go back to my life while pretending she didn't flip it upside down and irrevocably change it.

Part of me wonders if I hadn't always been such a selfish, spoiled prick if there would have been another way this could go. That maybe karma would have been in my favor instead of against me. I found everything I could ever want in her, and I have no choice but to let her go.

So yeah, I'm angry, and I have no one to be angry with but myself.

Tinsley is quiet as I sail us back into the marina. I'm quiet too. She's standing in front of me, her hands on the wheel alongside mine and neither of us can think of anything to say. I don't want to be here, and I don't want to do this. I want to turn the boat back around and sail us away, back into our hidden abyss, free of reality.

I step in closer to her, my chest to her back, and everything hurts.

It's ironic. I've been with a lot of women and the only one to ever make me feel is the one I can never have.

My lips find the crook of her neck where it meets her shoulder—it's come to be one of my favorite places to kiss her—and she starts to tremble. If she cries, I'll fall apart. I'm barely hanging on as it is.

"How are you feeling about going home?"

She makes a noise in the back of her throat. "Depends on from which angle you're asking me."

"You came here to escape and get a break so you didn't have a breakdown."

"Right." She sighs and reaches behind her head to wrap her hands around the back of mine to hold me in place. "From that standpoint, I feel good. I wrote some songs that are just for me, that feel like they're mine and not the label's. I found my clarity and made some decisions about my life and how I want to run it. I feel good about that, Stone. Like I've finally got this and I'm strong enough to take it on." She sighs and holds me tighter. "I couldn't have done any of that without you. You pushed me when I needed it and brought out the strong, guileless woman I always knew was lying dormant in there." She takes a breath. "What about you? Do you finally believe that you're no longer a selfish asshole and that you can be the doctor and man you want to be?"

My lips curl up into a reluctant smile at the way she says that. At how she always believed I was this guy, even when I didn't. Her faith in me pushed forth my own. "Yes, I feel ready. I know the path I'm now meant to take and the man I will be. But more importantly, I know the man I will never be again."

"I think you're the bravest person I know. Change like that isn't for the faint of heart."

"Back at you, babe. I think you're the strongest, most amazing woman I've ever met."

Maybe I shouldn't have said that, but I don't care. It won't change anything, and I wanted her to know because she is all of that. I'm not sure I'd be standing here feeling this way about what's ahead of me if it weren't for her. If she didn't make me believe it for myself.

We fall silent again, slowly pushing through the water, our bodies connected, tethered, and intertwined.

"I'm trying to come up with a reason to start a fight," she says, her voice shaky.

"A fight?" I parrot, my voice not a whole lot better.

"Yeah. You know." Her fingers drag up the back of my hair. "If we fight and part being mad at each other, then maybe I won't feel like this."

"Like what?"

"Don't make me say it."

Fuck .

"If you don't say it, I won't, but I don't think I can fight with you." I kiss her neck and take a deep inhale of her skin. "It's not how I want us to end."

"It wasn't supposed to be like this."

She's right. It wasn't. Not even close, but here we are. I stopped pretending this wasn't more when I took her to the Queen's Bath. When we spent our nights rocking on the boat talking and staring up at the stars and then wrapped around each other as we slept.

Unequivocally, it's been the best ten days of my life.

"I thought we just agreed not to say it," I murmur.

She sighs and I'm trembling as I wrap my arm around her waist and steer with my other hand. I could pull into this marina blind for the number of times I've done it. Good thing too because she's all I'm focused on.

"It'll be weird when we run into each other," she murmurs after a quiet beat.

"Then maybe we shouldn't do that for a while."

She nods against me. "Probably not. Thank you for letting me stay and come with you."

My eyes pinch shut for a second before I reopen them and blow out a silent breath. "Thank you for sneaking onto my boat." I pause. Swallow. "I think…" I think I might have fallen in love with you . "I think you're incredible, and I…" Don't want to let you go. "Wish you everything wonderful and special because you deserve it all."

"Same with you, Stone."

We leave it at that, and I cut the engine and steer Benthesicyme into the dock. I release Tinsley and do what I have to do, tying the boat up nice and tight so she doesn't drift. My crew will come and clean her up in about an hour and take care of shutting and locking everything back down.

I don't know if I can ever come back to this boat.

At least not for a very long time.

It'll be haunted by Tinsley's ghost and impregnated with our memories.

When I return, I find Tinsley staring out toward the water, her duffel bag in her hand. I cross the deck, catch her face in my hands, and kiss her. My tongue sweeps into her mouth and I memorize the way it feels, the way she tastes, the sounds she makes, and the scent of her skin. I memorize everything because, in a few moments, that's all I'll have left.

My memories.

Her phone rings and it snaps us apart. She does a slow blink and then fishes through her purse. Her face pinches up in regret, and she slides her finger across the screen.

"Hi, Mom."

I can hear Fallon's sharp voice through the speaker with how loud she's talking.

"I'm fine. I swear. I'm sorry I've been MIA, and I'm sorry I haven't called." She pauses and listens. "Yes, I know you and Dad have been worried about me, but I'm good and about to head back home." Her watery eyes meet and cling to mine. "I'll tell you about it when I get there." Another pause. "That's why I didn't tell you where I was going, and I appreciate you not having Lenox track me down." She laughs, and I mentally cringe. I hadn't thought about them having Lenox, who is Vander's father, track her down. If he had, he'd know she was with me, and likely Vander would too. "Okay. I love you too. Bye." She slips her phone back into her purse and sighs only for it to ring again. She groans and pulls it out, grimaces, hits decline, and then puts it back in her purse but it's too late. I already saw it was Forest calling her.

Reality nails me in the gut like a missile-guided sucker punch.

"When did you turn it back on?"

She skirts my eyes for a moment. "When you were tying up the boat."

"How many missed calls and messages did you have?"

She smirks and then giggles lightly. "Oh, about ten thousand."

"How many from him?" I shake my head after the bitter words slip out. I don't want to know, and I don't want to be jealous or resentful of my brother more than I already am right now.

My parents have been calling too, but unlike her, I never turned my phone off. I've talked to both of them a couple of times this week, along with the guys.

I reach out and take her hand, holding it between us as I play with her fingers. "How are you getting home?" We haven't talked about this. Not a single word. We were living in the moment, but now the moment is over.

"I have that rental car. I'm going to drive up to where my plane dropped me and do the reverse."

I shake my head. "You're not driving through Florida and into Georgia by yourself."

Her lips purse and her eyes narrow in annoyance. "Actually, I am. I did it once already and I can do it again."

"Tinsley—"

"Don't Tinsley me, Stone. This is how it's going to be. If anyone finds out I've been in Miami or anywhere close, they could easily put two and two together and extrapolate that I was with you."

"Fine." Because that's hard to argue, but I'll follow her in my car and then rearrange my flight from there. "So, this is it then." It's not a question. It's a definitive statement and I pull her back to me so I can kiss her one last time. Her tears track against my cheeks, and I wipe them away with my thumbs. Just as I did during the storm. "Don't cry, my Little Rose. I can't handle your tears. It feels sad now, but by next week, you'll be back to taking over the world, and I'll be back to taking care of sick kids, and little by little, what this was will fade."

It's a lie. At least for me, it is. She'll never fade for me.

She reinvented me.

Her hands hold my face, and she gives me one last kiss before she races off the boat. No goodbye. No take care. That's it. She's gone .

For a moment, I stand here. I don't turn to watch her because I might fucking chase after her if I do. How did this happen? How did I become this guy when I've never been this guy before?

Karma. You fucking bitch.

You'll owe me big time when I've earned your favor and not your fury.

There will likely be times when Tinsley and I run into each other in the future. It's inevitable with how our families are aligned. But I vow here and now to avoid her as much as I can, and maybe, if I'm lucky, we'll both find other people and be happy.

I want that for her. I want her to be happy. Settled. Even if it can't be with me.

I give Tinsley a full three minutes, and I head off the boat. I see her taillights pulling out of the parking lot, and where we are, it won't be difficult to find her and follow her. And after I've made sure she gets on her plane and is safely flying home, that'll be that.

It has to be.