Chapter 27

27

R ory hasn't been on a plane since she was an infant. So everything right now for her is both new and the most exciting thing ever. I can only hope that trend continues all week. Estlin and I keep our distance in the airport. She is the dutiful nanny, and I'm the dad, and that's how we've been in public for the last few weeks. In private, she's mine. Sleeping in my bed and with me every chance we get.

I have to keep reminding myself to have patience. To allow this thing between us to grow naturally. It's been less than a month. A lot can happen between two people who will tear them apart, and me acting hastily is dangerous, especially where Rory is concerned.

Estlin and I have both been burned by people we loved and trusted.

That should make me more cautious, only it doesn't. It makes me want to grab her with both hands and never let go. She doesn't care about my money. She doesn't care about my name or my family's name. She adores and cares for my daughter as if she were her own. Her people are my people .

But then there's the flip side of that coin.

Estlin is young. She very likely doesn't want to be permanently tied down to a man who works long, strenuous hours and has a kid. She's just starting her career and exploring her talent. Something she should feel free to dive into and chase. Her brother will sever my balls from my body, and while I could almost handle that, the thought of losing him—someone I've been close with my entire life—when I don't think his sister is ready to be any sort of permanent fixture in my life is foolhardy.

So here we are in the airport with an excited Rory and Estlin, who hardly looks at me, while I can't help but stare at her. It's her birthday on Thursday, and I bought her things. Things I couldn't help but buy her, so we'll see how it goes when we get there. My grandmother offered me the family jet, and I declined, but now I'm sort of wishing I hadn't. I could have been able to touch and stare freely at Estlin.

"Daddy, can I get candy for the airplane?"

I snap my gaze away from my nanny and down to my daughter. "How about some pretzels?"

You'd think I just asked her if she wanted to be mummified alive. " Pretzels ?"

"They're going to give you breakfast on the plane," I coax, only that's not selling her either.

"Rory, can I tell you how not fun it is to throw up on an airplane?" Estlin tosses at her. "And with your stomach and the fact that you haven't been on a plane in a while, I might not test those waters just yet, kiddo."

Rory pouts. "But they have the sweet and sour gummy snakes I like. I saw them in the store we just passed."

"Rory, my girl, it's all about the peanut butter M&Ms," Estlin counters.

"Okay." Rory shrugs. When it comes to candy, she's an equal-opportunity eater .

I sigh, feeling myself relenting. I have a bad feeling this will be my baseline all week. "Fine. Go. But three of each Rory, and if you throw up on the plane…" I trail off. I have no real threat that follows that up. She could throw up on the plane, and there isn't much I can do about it. Everyone around us will have to deal.

Yeah, maybe I should have taken the jet. Eighty percent of my family does, but it's not really who I am.

Estlin throws me a look that tells me she's already onto me, and then she takes Rory to the store to buy who knows what. I'm almost better off not knowing. My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I slip it out as I take a seat at the gate.

I answer, "Why are you calling me again? I already spoke to you this morning. Don't tell me you're still?—"

"Ah! Yes, I'm still freaking out! It's my first day back after the baby and I'm a mess, Owen!" Katy screams into the phone so loudly about a half dozen people nearby hear her. "You're my person, and anytime I freak out at Bennett, he just tells me he's got the baby and not to worry."

I slip in my AirPods and shove my phone back in my pocket. "Aw, Kit-Kat, I'm sorry. You're right. You can call to freak out on me as much as you want. I remember that first day. It sucks."

"Totally sucks! And Bennett is all, we're fine, we're good, we don't need you. Doesn't he get what he's saying?"

I snicker. "No. He doesn't. He's trying to set your mind at ease so you can do your other job without being upset or worrying."

"I miss my girl and my guy."

"I know. But think about the surgeries. All those trauma patients who need you."

She sighs. "I'm scared, Owen. It's been three and a half months since I've done this. What if I fuck it all up, or worse, kill someone?"

"Not gonna happen," I tell her firmly, watching Rory and Estlin as they walk through the store, looking at all the bullshit they have in there. "I took four months off after Rory was born, and I was still a resident. You're a fellow. You'll be fine. I promise. You are an incredible surgeon."

She sucks in an audible breath. "Okay. Yeah. I totally am. I can do this."

"Yes," I agree. "Take it one shift at a time. You'll see Willow when you get home this evening, and she'll be all smiles for you. A little separation is good for her and for you. Healthy even."

"Thank you. I needed to hear that. What time does your flight take off?"

"We board in about ten minutes. My girls are shopping for sugar."

"Aw. How cute. You're calling them your girls. Remember, you are not allowed to go out and buy a ring unless I'm with you."

I make a show of rolling my eyes to no one but myself. "I'm not proposing."

"Yet."

I fall forward, my elbows digging into my thighs as Estlin and Rory hold hands, laughing and chatting, likely about all the extra candy Estlin bought her that I'm not supposed to know about.

"Probably not ever," I admit. "She's twenty-two."

"She turns twenty-three in three days. Did you get her a gift?"

My hand rubs against my mouth. "I did. She's going to think I'm crazy."

"For her? Yes. That's the point."

"Katy!"

"Do you love her?"

I sigh, wiping my forehead. "You already know I do. But loving her doesn't change our reality. "

"Just like how I want to be home with my baby and my guy, but instead I'm here."

"Exactly. But you get to go home to them, and they're all yours. She's not mine. Not really. You're the only one who knows about us, and we lie to everyone else. I want to make her fall as in love with me as I am with her, but I'm not sure that's what's best for her."

Katy is silent for a beat. "You can't say shit like that to me, Owen. I'm still nursing. I'm postpartum. Therefore, I'm fucking hormonal." She sniffles. "And if she's not as in love with you as you are with her, then she's nuts. But I think she is. I think you're worried about the wrong things. Yes, she's young, but so what?"

"So I'm a lot."

Katy laughs. "You are that, my friend."

"You know what I meant."

"I do. But have faith. Don't make decisions for her that she needs to make for herself."

Have faith. Not my strong suit. "They're returning, so I can't talk about it. Just go be with your patients and know that Willow will be fine. She has me as her godfather, after all."

"Ha. Yes. Bye."

She hangs up on me, only to immediately text me. I pull my phone back out from my pocket.

Katy: Congrats.

*Confetti pops like splatter paint across my screen*

Katy: On finally taking a vacation and falling in love.

I roll my eyes. I can't stop it.

Me: Happy birthday.

*Balloons float up the screen*

Me: On going back to work.

Me: Happy New Year.

*Fireworks explode all over the screen*

Me: On being a badass surgeon who is the best out there. And I love you hate you for saying everything else. I'll call you from Florida.

Katy: Love you. *Kiss-wink emoji*

Estlin stands before me. "Are you ready? They're starting to call our flight."

"There's the castle, there's the castle!" Rory is screaming at the top of her lungs and jumping up and down as we walk through the front of the Magic Kingdom. She's been off the walls since we landed and has screamed the same thing about five times now, including as she ran through our three-bedroom suite like her ass was on fire.

I haven't told her we're having dinner in there tonight with the princesses and that I set up a special dessert thing where we can watch the fireworks. As much as I wish we were sailing and not hot and sweaty surrounded by fifty thousand people, Rory is the happiest I think I've ever seen her.

I reach out and take Estlin's hand, holding it—really holding it—for the first time as we walk. She glances down at our joined hands and then nervously back up at me.

I lean into her so only she can hear. "Rory won't notice or think anything of it. She's six, and I'm also holding her hand."

"But…"

"No one here knows us, baby. Let's enjoy it. "

I spent too much of the plane ride down thinking about it. How can anything real develop out of a lie? How will we know what this actually is until we test it? Maybe I'm rushing this. Maybe I don't know how to slow down. But I need to know sooner rather than later because it'll only get that much harder and more painful to end it.

So I put myself on the line and say, "I want you here as my girlfriend as much as you are Rory's nanny. If not more."

"Is that what I am?" she teases with a sly smirk. "Your girlfriend?"

"No. You're a hell of a lot more than that to me."

That catches her off guard, and she stumbles over one of the cobblestones in the center of Main Street. After that, the subject of us drops, but my hand doesn't. We go on rides, and Rory does exceptionally well with her cast. Estlin had painted her a magical fairyland on most of it, and the rest is covered in signatures from her classmates.

It's pretty cool-looking, and on every ride we go on, she's sure to show the attendant and tell them she has a broken arm. Rory makes us go on Small World back-to-back, and we get stuck in Mexico the second time. That song will never leave my head. We go on Mine Train and the Under the Sea Journey with Ariel and Friends. We meet Minnie and Daisy and fly on Dumbo. Rory refused to go on the Haunted Mansion—too scary—or into the Hall of Presidents—too boring.

She eats a pretzel shaped like Mickey and talks me into buying her a princess Minnie. After that, I take her over to the castle and surprise her with the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. She races in, and then she and Estlin spend a solid ten minutes picking out which princess she wants to be. She settles on Aurora with Cinderella's hair, and Estlin and I find a quiet place to sit outside as we wait for them to makeover my little princess into her fairytale dream.

Estlin leans her head against me, watching the families pass, children laughing and screaming and even some crying. Parents smile, are happy, frustrated, and exhausted as they reach their breaking points.

"I'm glad you came with us," I whisper into her, wrapping my arms around her and dragging her back into my chest.

"Me too," she says lazily, her head tucked in against my shoulder. I'm hit with the craziest vision. Being here and holding Estlin like this, only she's pregnant with our kid, my ring on her finger, and my last name as hers. It's so unexpected that it knocks the wind from me, and I momentarily grow dizzy.

I met her three months ago in that bar, and at the time, this right here was the farthest thing from my mind. But now it's all I can think about.

"Are you okay?" she asks softly, her fingers grazing over my hand that rests on her lower belly as I hold her.

"Just tired," I tell her. "It's been a long day."

"It has. And we have a week of this." She laughs.

"Estlin…" I start and then stop. What am I going to say? Why am I even doing this?

She twists and stares up at me with those ocean eyes of hers and her cheeks that rosy shade of red that drives me wild. She leans in and kisses me. Softly. A kiss that's not driven by lust but by something else. Almost a longing. A need for this closeness and this stolen vacation where everyone thinks she's here to be the nanny so I can get a break and relax a bit too.

She pulls back and gives me a smile that robs me of my ability to breathe. Just as the thoughts in my head feel like they're about to explode out of my mouth, an attendant comes out the door, looking for us. My princess is ready.

Rory is a vision in pink as she twirls through the castle's anteroom while we wait for our turn with Cinderella. There is magic, exhaustion, and hunger rippling through the air. Upstairs, you can faintly hear the clinking of glasses, and thank God they serve alcohol here.

Our turn is called, and Cinderella is all grace and poise, despite the thousandth child she's seen. She holds Rory's hand and smiles kindly at her as our picture is taken. Estlin tries to bow out, but I won't let her. I bring her in—and there you have it—our first not-quite-a-family picture.

We eat dinner, and the princesses fawn and oooh over my girl, who is in seventh heaven. I won't lie and say I don't get misty-eyed because I do. My little girl is becoming such a big girl, and I hate myself for not taking more moments like these before. One day, I'll be begging for her time. I have the money, and I have the time off I can take. I can do it, and I plan to from now on.

After dinner, an escort leads us over to a special pavilion off the castle where an exclusive dessert service is with a perfect vantage point for the fireworks. There's an assortment of special sweets and cordials, and I pick up a chocolate concoction and hand it to my queen.

She smirks but takes it in her hand as Rory piles up a plate with one of everything.

"My girl, remember your stomach."

Rory throws me a withering glare but then stares balefully at her plate and sighs. I can only hope she's starting to learn her limits. She offers me something from her plate, and then Estlin. Both of us take one thing but Rory proceeds to devour the rest, her body still buzzing despite the late hour and long day. I suppose we should never underestimate the power of adrenaline.

The outside lights grow dark, and through the sound system they have out here for us, a narrator comes on and starts explaining the magic of Disney and its characters, and Rory is enraptured. I reach around for Estlin's hand, taking the small, fragile thing in mine, suddenly finding myself wondering what her ring size is. And just where the fuck is that madness coming from?

Am I trying to die a slow, painful death?

Forgoing her ring size and whether or not she'd say yes if I dropped down to one knee here and now, I pull her sweet body into mine, my chin on her shoulder, my mouth by her ear.

Nearby, the castle lights up in green and purple lights that glow and flash all around us. There's literal magic in the air. And as the first crack of fireworks explodes over our heads and Estlin and Rory ooh and aah at them, I lean deeper into Estlin, holding her closer, no longer able to ignore nor deny just how badly I want this to be my forever.