Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Larison

Give my daughter some credit, she had some of the worst timing in the whole world. Once I had taken care of the tablet with the frozen screen, she asked me for dinner, and I had to deal with that instead of what I wanted to be doing, which was running after Jo.

She’d looked at me like she was going to throw up or pass out or both. While she’d admitted she was worried about getting too close to me, she hadn’t clarified what that meant, but it wasn’t hard to figure out.

I’d been so shocked that I hadn’t had time to tell her that she wasn’t the only one. That I’d been feeling that way about her too and hadn’t known what to do about it.

I’d told myself that I’d keep all those feelings locked up and hidden away, but I hadn’t been doing a good job of it. Maybe she’d noticed? And when had she started feeling that way about me? It was probably recent, right?

And why was her first thought that I’d fire her? Did she really think I’d do something so low? I knew how much this job meant to her. Sophie had told me how upset she was over her financial aid and I understood. Scraping to get by was not easy and I’d hoped this job would get her through the final year of school. We needed people like Jo in the world to use their talents and skills to foster literacy in the next generation. It was so damn important. I’d never stand in the way of that. Not unless I had to fire her for hurting my child or something like that.

Juniper loved Jo. Adored her. Was probably going to be traumatized when the summer was over. I’d never take her away from Juniper without a good reason.

This wasn’t a good reason.

Before any decisions were made, Jo and I needed to talk. Really talk. Get everything out on the table.

I sent a message to Sophie begging her for some help.

Tomorrow, Jo and I were going to figure this out.

That night I couldn’t sleep. I kept running everything through my mind, over and over, trying to remember her exact words. Her exact expressions. She’d been so distraught about potentially losing her job. How much stress had she been under about this?

If she had, I hated that. If I didn’t have Juniper, I would have gone immediately to her place and pulled her into a hug and forced her to tell me more, but I did have Juniper, who was mainly the reason I knew Jo at all.

What was I going to say to her? How were we going to handle this?

For me, that initial attraction to Jo had grown into something bigger and brighter and much more terrifying. I’d gone from thinking she was a beautiful woman to knowing she was one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen. And beyond her looks, her very essence, her spirit, her soul were beautiful. Anyone could see it.

She spent so much time working and thinking and caring for others and that made me want to do things for her. Ridiculous things like making her dinner for a change. With candlelight and romantic music. I wanted to take her out to Sapph and buy her drinks and make her dance with me. I wanted to find out if she was ticklish and what noises she’d make if I kissed her neck.

I wanted to spoil her and pet her and make her know how valuable she was. To treat her the way she treated me.

Those were not the kind of thoughts you should have about your nanny, and I wished this wasn’t the case, but there was nothing we could do about how things were now.

But maybe she only had a small crush. An attraction that was more casual than the way I felt about her. That was a possibility that I’d have to deal with.

I wouldn’t know anything until we talked.

I’d barely gotten to sleep when my daughter bounced into my room to announce that it was morning. Saturday morning and I didn’t get to sleep in, but I was actually okay with that. How early was too early to go talk to Jo?

I’d told Sophie to come over so she could watch Juniper after breakfast, but could I beg her to come earlier? She would, but I didn’t want to ask when she was already doing me a favor.

“Mama, I miss my Jo Jo,” Juniper said as we snuggled in bed and I felt like my skin was buzzing with energy even though I was still exhausted. Coffee was definitely on the menu this morning.

“I know, baby. I miss her too. But how would you feel about Auntie Sophie coming to hang out with you? I bet if you ask really nice, she’ll take you to the park.” Sophie loved running around with Juniper.

“Auntie Sophie!” Juniper’s eyes lit up. “I loveeeee Auntie Sophie.”

“She loves you too.”

Juniper’s stomach growled and I laughed. “Let’s get some breakfast into you so you have enough energy to play with Sophie.”

It was hard to concentrate on making breakfast when I was running through so many possible scenarios in my head, including one where Jo admits that actually she has a (benign) brain tumor and everything she said last night was a result of that and she doesn’t actually feel any kind of way about me and also she’s quitting.

Juniper bounced around me, excited about Sophie coming over. My stomach was empty but unsettled so I choked down as much as I could so I wouldn’t be starving when I went to talk to Jo.

Sophie arrived with hugs and presents. No matter how many times I told her not to keep buying my daughter presents every time she saw her, Sophie always ignored me.

“That’s what aunties are for,” she’d say, grinning at me.

Once I’d cleaned up from breakfast, Sophie said she was taking Juniper to the park. I tried not to hover while they got ready and left.

Are you home? We need to talk. I sent the message with shaking fingers.

No matter what was said, things between me and Jo were going to be different going forward and I didn’t know if I was prepared for that. Things had been so good, and I didn’t want them to change.

Jo didn’t respond for a long time as I leaned against the kitchen counter and chewed on one of my fingernails.

I don’t know if that’s a good idea.

It didn’t matter if it was good or not, it had to happen. Her words couldn’t be unsaid.

We’ve got to figure things out. I promise that I don’t want you to stop being Juni’s nanny. No matter what happens.

I didn’t know how many times I’d have to say it before she’d understand it. I’d say it every day if I had to.

Please let me come over so we can talk. Sophie took Juni to the park.

I waited again for a response and made a decision. Even if she said that we shouldn’t talk, I was going to show up at her place anyway. We had to figure this out.

Nothing. No response. I got nothing for ten minutes (I watched them tick by on the clock on my phone) and finally grabbed my keys and my bag and decided to do something really impulsive for the second time in my life.